Hmmmmm....
STRANGE NEIGHBOURS
Something happened to me yesterday that’s been on my mind ever since. I’m a single woman over 40, living alone in a compound with six flats. It’s an owner-occupier setup. I rarely have visitors, just my sisters and their kids once in a while. Sometimes, I can go three months without anyone stopping by.
All my neighbors are married couples living with their spouses, and I’m probably older than most of the married women here. I mind my business strictly. The only time I’ve ever entered any of their flats was to congratulate them after childbirth. Everyone here has had one or two kids since I moved in. I will send a congratulatory message in our compound WhatsApp group, stop by to greet the new mom, see the baby, give small cash, and leave.
Sometimes, when my sister opens a new bale of Grade A Okrika clothes and I see nice outfits for kids, I buy and give them to the moms as a kind gesture. Apart from that, our interaction is limited to simple greetings.
Everyone in the compound owns a car except me. And I’ve noticed something, none of them ever offers me a lift even when they see me clearly in a hurry. They had rather take an alternate route or slow down immediately they see me rushing out till I enter a bike.
What triggered this post happened yesterday. I was rushing to catch the staff bus, and as I reached the gate, one of my neighbors was about to drive out. I was certain he was headed in the same direction since we all use the same junction before branching off. I was practically running, and there was no bike in sight, it’s often hard to find bikes around here unless they just dropped someone off. He slowed down when he saw me, as he was getting closer to where I was, he suddenly took another route. I got a bike and I saw him later coming out from that same alternate route, which still leads to the same junction I was headed for.
This isn’t the first time. Two other neighbors have done the exact same thing to me but this one got my attention more , I saw this man at the gate driving out with the security guy holding the gate for him, I was walking so fast and running at the same time, we are going to the same junction of less than 3 minutes drive, you slowed down because of me, took another route when you got closer to me and still came out at that same junction. I can afford a car, but it’s not my priority right now. This thing pain me Maybe because I missed my bus or maybe because of the few people hanging around the street that saw me rushing and the guy driving slowing behind me.
Am I overreacting?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????. If you can afford a car then buy one and stop running up and down in the morning after buses and blaming innocent people for you..
Becos you are nice to them does not mean you expect that they must be nice to you...being nice to them is on you!!!
Giving you a lift might start conversations that are not wanted so the best way is to avoid any ish with their wives.....nobody send you message..please buy your own car and keep it moving!
See avoid problems and see finish. Just buy your own car. As I am, 2024 taught me that not everyone should have access to you or your life. Some people are witches or wizards in human form. You should be thanking God that they are not in your life. Avoid see finish and buy a car if you can. What if you start following one of your neighbors and his wife accuses you of sleeping with him. If they don’t invite you, please I beg you don’t go. Stay in your lane and God will reward you for the kindness you have shown to them and their wives.
ReplyDeleteWomen do not know the problem they cause for men until it gets to their male siblings, relatives, or sons.
DeleteThe same thing is done here when they generalise on men.
This case is simple matter.
As all men are wayward in the eyes of women, some men have learnt to accuse themselves and hide to avoid being accused by their wives. After all the Bible says the wise man sees the danger ahead and hides himself, but the foolish walks on and he is swallowed up.
The men have being doing the right thing by not giving Poster a lift.
The man complained of also did the right thing.
Those (especially women) who saw the incident would have been the ones to report to his wife if he had stopped to offer the expected ride.
A chronicle from the man's wife here would have elicited the usual men are ...; horseband; they pre-planned it, snoop his phones well, well; etc.
Madam Poster should buy a car or live her life as is - generous and free - saving her money for a better ROI venture.
Or she may even choose to face front fully, if her conscience allows.
You guessed right. I am a male.
In my case I hide from my neighbors cos i don't want to enter their car , I no want see finish abeg.
DeletePoster please stop buying Cloth for their children, if they suffer headache they will accuse you o
Poster please don't be offended stop expecting then to give you lift, they know what they are avoiding. I know a parent in a school where I work, he like /o give lift and he must collect number and start telling you he like you and this has caused problems in their marriage. Please leave them alone and enter your bike with respect
DeleteAnons 18.08 is absolutely correct with his comment. Madam those men are avoiding their wives trouble. Please buy your own car.
DeleteThe Most Complex B
And don't stop the kindness because, any form of kindness you put into this world ALWAYS finds it's way back.
DeletePoster, my people said " how are you, how are.you, dey lead to "I love you"
DeleteSo avoid it and face front.
Stop being nice to people who do not give an F about you. Please, for the love of God, stop. Don't buy gifts for their kids and congratulate them on their wins via Whatsapp.
ReplyDeleteYou are a people-pleaser and it hurts you when your kind gestures aren't reciprocated. Aunty, nobody' send you. Face front!
Na this type mean neighbours I dey like sef. I go treat them as if them no dey exist.
Poster you see this good girl attitude of buying cloth to gift them……stop it
DeleteIs it until someone saying you bewitched their children.
Stop am if you no see who to give reach remand home or motherless babies home
Shebi you want the women to say you are dating their men Abi
You no go stay put one place
Eh madam…if want buy car if you no want leave am
If they even suggest to lift you tell them to leave am
Which kain one corner dance be this one
No do oh
Dey your Dey my sister
Stella has given you the best answer .May be all their wives have instructed them that you might snatcher their husbands so the best is buy yours and don't give them lift also QE D
ReplyDeletePoster im sending you warm hugs from here. You will be fine. Pray to God and ask him to give you peace. Please don’t buy a car just because of this incident. You really don’t need it if you have a staff bus. You can even buy a Keke if you have strength for hassling with the drivers. The Keke drops you at the junction and goes on to continue their trips for the day. Though I prefer landed properties. The money for cars these days can buy a small flat. Please invest for your retirement. I repeat, please invest for your retirement. Buy dollars in December when it’s cheap and put in your account as savings if you don’t want to buy a house or anything now.
DeletePlease, Wake up early, walk majestically to the busy stop. If they offer a ride, politely decline. Only say congratulations on the group WhatsApp and keep it moving.
You will be fine I promise.
Dear Poster, Your feelings are valid especially as you look all out for their kids and all. They can't even reciprocate a kind gesture by even asking where you are headed; at least offer a lift that you can decline or accept....I know that feeling...
ReplyDeleteMaybe the way you mind your business; your neighbours don't know how to warm up to you plus you are single; the wives may have told their husbands not to be at the same space with you as it might spark up an affair (please this is my assumption & may be their fears)
You can be cordial and respectful while maintaining your boundaries with your neighbours.. I suggest you purchase your car so you limit your expectations...
Humans are naturally selfish; however I tell people never go all out for people at your detriment...Do it because this is what you want to do without expecting any return favours because you have to give room for disappointments when dealing with humans but don't let it deter you from doing good anyways...
All the best
Well said
DeleteBuy yourself a car please 🥺
ReplyDeleteit's painful. i want to think that writing this is to gain closure. but in reality when you do good for people, you do it and not get the reward exactly how you want them.
ReplyDeletei understand your point of view because ego pain me if i dey your shoe.
forgive and move on
Poster, your neighbour are not nice people but you don't have to feel bad about it, it's on them. Try to wake up earlier so you can catch up with your staff bus.
ReplyDeletePoster don't be offended please. Giving lifts can cause trouble with their spouses.
ReplyDeletei remember a story my pastor told me to relate with this chronicle
ReplyDeletehe said he forgot his charger at home and called one of the teenager to lend his charger. And the the young man told him that his charger can't be shared because it will get damage by any one that use it
he said he felt bad that the young man could tell him such
so poster, there are cases you just have to forgive and move on
He is actually right. If u use an iphone u’d know this. Some iphone chargers, once another person uses it on their fone, it won’t charge urs again. At home even me n my son do not share chargers, and both gadgets r even mine, i just gave my son to be using it.
DeleteI don't see anything wrong with what the teenager said. A lot of people don't share their chargers for the same reason. Or should he have made an exception because he's a pastor?
DeleteI can never share my charger with anybody.
DeleteI was thinking you were going to type, he stopped to give you a lift but you refused. I was so going to applaud you for that. Don't you think what they are doing saves you from wahala?
ReplyDeleteTo be sincere, you going as far as buying okrika grade A for their children is a no no. Next time, congratulate them and give them the little money you give them then face front. You seem to want friendship from this people but even if they become your friends, there's a high chance it won't work.
My Dear Be Grateful They Are Avoiding To Give You Lift...
ReplyDeleteYou Never Know If Their Wife's Has Told Their Husband's Not To Give You Lift..
Some times Things Happen For A Reason..
Seems You Can Afford A Car Buy Yours..
Or Rather Take A Cap Or Wake Up Early And Follow Staff Bus..
May The Lord Grant You ,Your Heart Desires 🙏..
Hello iya Boys
Lady please face your front, remove eyes from another person's property and manage the one you have. That running late that you are always experiencing will still be experienced if nobody had a car in your compound and you know it , so ,always assume that nobody has a car around . But why are you blaming them for not wanting to give you a lift as if you haven't heard of stories like this that ended up so badly? If they look away you have to do thesame.
ReplyDeleteThere are things you have to necessarily read meanings to them. What you assumed might just be very different from what they think. Just be nice to everyone and rest
ReplyDeleteThank you. She probably is getting too sensitive and overthinking things. These people probably don’t even know.
DeleteKeep being nice, upgrade your lifestyle.
You sef face front .if they born again don't go. May God grant your hearts desires
ReplyDeleteEven if you’re offered a ride later, don’t take it
ReplyDeleteThese people seem like men. They don’t want to answer questions from their wives
The beautiful thing about masturrbation is that there's no heartache drama from mad men involved just you . I love it. I came like mad . This my clit if e come this life again see me e go run like mad .😂😂
ReplyDeleteNo problem here sis, don't let it bother you o
ReplyDeleteMaybe their missus don give them warning, true o
Some married women look at single neighbors/colleagues as if they will snatch their husband. My dear just face front!!!
You're not wrong for feeling hurt - what you’re experiencing is quiet grief. It’s the aching realisation that you’ve been showing up for people who never truly saw you. And no, it’s not about needing a lift - it’s about being treated like you don’t matter. You’ve been kind, thoughtful, and present, yet their response has been distant. That stings, and rightfully so.
ReplyDeleteUnderstand this: you’ve been pouring kindness into a cracked vessel, hoping it would hold. But to them, your presence isn’t neighbourly - it’s a quiet threat. Their avoidance isn’t accidental; it’s a deliberate act of self-preservation, cleverly disguised as indifference. You’re not the problem. But your limitless generosity, without boundaries, has made you a convenient option - not a valued one.
If buying the car brings you peace, then do it - not for mobility, and certainly not as a clapback. Withdraw - not out of spite, but as an emotional survival plan. You deserve to be surrounded by better energy. Keep your kindness, but next time, offer it to those who see you - not those who treat your presence like background noise in their curated lives.
Protect your dignity like fine china; stop offering it where paper plates suffice. They’ve shown you their lane - now drive in yours with tinted grace and unapologetic clarity. Keep doing good, but next time, water where roots grow - not where fear and judgement have built fences.
Ebony oge, are you AI? You write impeccably.
DeleteI think missing the bus is what triggered your feelings. Sometimes single ppl of a certain age, especially those never married are seen as flawed or freaks of some sort, especially if they are a woman. Nobody wants to be associated with the weird person. I am not writing these words to hurt you but to inform you of the realities of some mindsets. Maybe a car is not a priority because you are saving for a home of your own first, that is good thinking.
ReplyDeleteIf you are prone to lateness and missing your time maybe it’s best to prearrange a ride to pick you up each morning. If that is too costly, then see how you can set up your life better to be more on time. Perhaps setting out the clothes you will wear the day ahead, doing your hair in braids so you don’t have to fuss to do your hair each morning, ironing all your work clothes on the weekend, packing your lunch the night before, boiling your water and keeping it in a thermos to make your tea in the morning, having fruits and a quick breakfast instead of cooking something from scratch. There are ways to make changes that will have long term impact in time efficiency.
In my spirit I feel like the incident was a blessing in disguise. Yes, it hurts in the moment but there is nothing better than not having your name in any mixup with those ppl. Continue to remain focused and work on your goals. Stay prayerful and active in creating the life you desire.
"Sometimes single ppl of a certain age, especially those never married are seen as flawed or freaks of some sort, especially if they are a woman."
DeleteVery True to until "especially if they are a woman". This story appears as of men avoiding wives' trouble. Especially as there is no mention that the men give rides to the married women in the compound.
Because everyone else has a car, so there would be no need for the married wives to get a ride from anyone else.
DeleteI bet dry don't even wear those clothes for their babies. All those wives gossip about you as well.
ReplyDeleteThey won't pick you cos their wives friends living in the area have electric eyes and mobile phones
ReplyDeleteYour own better sef, shebi na lift dem no give you. As I join the WhatsApp page for my apartment block ehn! Na dia Penis pix dem dey send to me almost every day say I dey miss. Once I go pack my clothes and one of dem tuck $300 under my clothes. My dear ....even if dem offer you lift, just say tnx a lot but this is the only exercise I get to do.
ReplyDeleteGood lord!
DeleteUseless men everywhere. Mtscheeeeeeeeewwwww!
DeleteSee wetin women dey marry. Bingos.
DeleteRemove eye from person husband.
ReplyDeleteYeah, you are overreacting. Beg Baba God to bless you so as to get your own car. The neighbors unfortunately owe you nothing Irrespective of how "nice" you may be to their families.
ReplyDeleteShe isnt overreacting abeg. Spmetimes you people act like human beings are robots without hearts
DeleteShe’s not overreacting she observed correctly
DeleteShe not overreacting. Her observation is very correct
DeleteDear poster, are you angry at your neighbours because of they do not reciprocate your kindness or you are angry because of your single status? Do know that most Nigerians do not respect people’s choices and quite hard for middle age to older single women. Your neighbours don’t owe you and do not put so much expectation on them. If you could afford a car, why not get it, you mentioned it’s not a priority, but your neighbours refusal to give you a lift is causing you so much distress. I hope you reconsider your decision and make yourself happy. You are responsible for your happiness. If you are no longer happy there, you can also choose to get somewhere close to your workplace.
ReplyDeleteMay b somehow, they know u can afford a car, but have refused to buy one. Yet u want them to be lifting u upandan, wt their fuel in this econmy, free of charge, they may feel taken advantage of. Respect urself pls. BTW, if it was my husband lifting a single female neighbor all the time, we would have issues, call me whatever pls, i would not like it as his wife so i’m assuming their wives feel the same and they jointly warned them.
ReplyDeleteI’m 100% with Stella on this. Before I even saw her comment, my first thought was—go buy a car. And not just any car. A bomb-ass one.
ReplyDeletePoster I wonder how you bother so much about those that don't have you in mind. That you do things for them shouldn't be a reason for such expectations not like you are close to any of them..
ReplyDeleteBesides from stories flying everywhere now, you mentioned that they are married ,I think they are playing safe to avoid stories that lead to cheating,
Since you have the money to buy car,why not do it and save yourself from stress.
Those men truly are trying to avoid quarrels with their wives.pls mind your business and leave them alone.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't even accept the offer if given to me if I were you, you want to cause trouble for yourself, average Nigerian married women are insecure, and it's not their fault, they might be thinking there's something going on between their husbands and you, even me, if I see my husband always given a woman free ride, I will also think the same, leave them alone.
ReplyDeleteListen to what anon 17:03 said and see if you can make use of it, that's what I also do, if I'm going somewhere that has to do with time, I make sure I prepare myself from the previous day, if it's morning, I don't start food from scratch, I will cook at night and just reheat the previous food, so that I can leave home early for where I'm going, arrange my clothes and iron it before the time, arrange everything I know I will need where I'm going.
Sorry dear, if my husband lives in that compound, he will be giving you lift everyday, this one will be texting you privately if you are ready in the morning and find out when you close to come pick you, he will also be sending you his pictures and how his day is going
ReplyDeleteIf you must be a mature single woman, please be, or at least, appear to be a rich, comfortable single. Beautify your home, drive a cute car, dress IMPECCABLY! This will definitely minimise disrespect, not just from your neighbours, from family, friends, colleagues and just the society.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a mature single woman, my neighbours acted like it was a privilege to help me if I ever needed their. They were particularly nice and respectful to me. I had family members who would have eagerly disrespected at any opportunity they got, but none ever dared. There is a level of respect and love that money can buy sometimes.
Your neighbours are not your problem. You and your sense of priorities are. So what are you saving the money for if not first and foremost to package yourself?
Have friends, go out, have a beautiful collection for nice clothes, smell nice, have boyfriendssssss, have sex (very important for a lady of your status), be happy, enjoy life, be nice, be generous, trust God, be optimistic.
I have been there, I have done that.
Poster, please face front.
ReplyDeleteAll that energy you are expending trying to be s good neighbour, buyings things etc is ingratiating and people pleasing.
If e hungry to spend money, go to motherless babies home.
You can be cordial and greet people and leave it like that.
In all my 10 years in a particular place. I only entered one flat and na force dem force me.
I sabi greet die but it must be at the gate on the way out or on the way in.
I also wait and observe when someone is driving out so that we don't jam at the gate. Never accepted a lift from anybody.
I no wahala want abeg.
When you buy car make sure the car no be their mate o
ReplyDeleteI wouldn’t even enter their husbands cars even if they offered me a ride and wouldn’t feel bad that they didn’t. However, I would feel really bad if the wives had cars, drove past me alone and didn’t offer me a ride.
ReplyDeleteWith the level of moral decadence in the country now, a lot of women want to be careful with unmarried females around them no matter how good
I feel if you really wanted the ride, you should have just asked rather than jumping into conclusions. Please can you drop me at the junction is not bad at all
ReplyDeleteYou can afford a car but it’s not your priority but you get mad when someone doesn’t carry you in their own car.
ReplyDeleteThe men are just avoiding unnecessary issues. They are married you are single, from car lift to small talks to catching feelings.
Yes their wives must have warned them about you and men dem just want peace.
Respect yourself, avoid see finish and buy your own car or make arrangements for a paid ride that can be picking you up in the mornings.
You live alone by yourself and you are always running late. It’s somehow. Manage your time better, wake up earlier. Don’t press phone to avoid distractions, do what you have to do faster and target leaving 15mins earlier than you normally do.
pS. I have a sis that suffers from serious chronic sinusitis and fragrances usually triggers it. She had to switch careers to be able to work from home because she couldn’t continue working in office with so many people wearing different colognes everywhere. When I visit her I don’t use perfume at all till I leave.
She never offers anyone a lift in her car because one scent from anyone can ruin her entire day.
Someone like you now will be having headache that she hates you because she didn’t stop to offer you lift after you bought biscuit for her kids.
People are dealing with different issues in their lives. It’s not always about you hun.
Oh dear
ReplyDeleteThat's how some married people are, they always stay away from single ladies to avoid stories, they are safeguarding their homes
BUY your own car since you can avoid it, stop buying their kids gifts and stop entering their homes, it's a flat not a face me I face you compound.
Dear poster, it's better to use your legs before someone accuse you of seducing her husband,just mind your business.
ReplyDeletePoster that means you will never survive abroad. In the Uk, USA and most western countries, you may not even know who your neighbours are let alone have a chat. Some you may not see eyeballs to eyeballs for 20 years or more. Some will deliberately avoid you.
ReplyDeleteEven some of your colleagues at work, they might speak to you today and ignore you the next day.
Learn self-sufficiency, it is highly important in life. Again stop expecting anything from anyone, no matter how helpful you might have been to them in the past, concentrate on yourself. it will save you a lot of headaches.
It is our culture to look after our neighbours but times have changed and people are becoming more individualistic and selfish hence the attitude you see in our society today.
You have a good heart, keep being yourself but “do not cast your pearls before swine”.
ReplyDeleteThe men in that compound do not want to associate with you or they are using their aloofness/evasiveness towards you as cover; or they are simps.
Anyways, simps are are marital hotcakes.
So if there was flash rain that morning when the Poster was already on her way, the man would have gone on because of the fear of what his wife would say in the evening of that day?
The comments by female Bvs reinforce the commonly held belief that men are a prize and marriage is the ultimate for the woman despite all the usual downgrading of it by them.
LOL