Hmmmm....
WRONG OR RIGHT MENTALITY?
Please, I want to ask a question and I need an honest answer. I use to be EXTREMELY generous to everybody but now I am moving closer to being stingy.
There was nothing I couldn't give my siblings, cousins and friends but I think I have changed. I realized nobody was there for me not even my siblings or friends when I needed help and things got challenging for me many years ago.
Everybody was busy sorting out their lives and I was shocked about how nobody cared. They all put themselves first, enjoying without no concern for me. Not even one kobo did I get, So now the thing is, when they ask me for something, even though I have it in excess, my mentality is," let me keep it for myself instead, incase I need something to fall back on in the future".
One person needed money for his child's tuition at some point and knew if I didn't give the child would be sent home yet I looked away. I had the money and could even pay for more than 10 children but I was thinking there was no point to help because God forbid i need help tomorrow, none of them would help me so it is better i keep the money for myself for future purpose. Is my mentality wrong?
Hmmmmm....you feel bad not helping and that is why you are sending in this Chronicle.........Your mentality is somewhat wrong......Its not righ that nobody could help you when you needed it but dont give help hoping to get it back, just do what you have to do and if God wont continue blessing you.......
You dont have to help all of the, just do what you can and please do not stop helping them in any little way you can but dont do it to incovenience your finances
The reason why God kept blessing you is because he placed a burden on you to help those around you.
ReplyDeleteAlways secure some for yourself and know when to give out.
Thanks and remain blessed.
DOZZYBEST.
Help when you can, but remember to ALWAYS PUT YOURSELF FIRST.
ReplyDeleteCANDY
Don’t help them
ReplyDeleteGo help others
Help charities if you want but never go back to those that disappointed you
Learn the lesson and move ON
Dear Poster, You sound very disappointed but your emotions are very valid....I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes because family is e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g to me....That being said...
ReplyDeleteYou need to deeply understand the concept of giving....Your giving should be cheerful, and must come from a genuine place to help without hoping that one day they run all around for you....You have to always put yourself first in anything and give what you know won't hurt your feelings at the end of the day......
See yourself as the neighbourhood borehole everyone comes to 'fetch' water from you meanwhile you don't have a reservoir tank to save water in the days of 'drought'...Those who fetch water would never remember when you were supplying come rain come shine instead they will spite you for not providing water when it was needed the most....That is human beings for you and you must learn to give allowances for disappointment....
Look out for yourself always...If you don't have, tell them you don't have calmly...Trust me they will survive and seek other means to get that money....Don't do things to the detriment of your own comfort, happiness and peace; it will backfire hard with regrets...Don't act like Voltron or their 'saviour'....
Ask God to give you the grace to forgive them and work on building your finances...However when your intuition impresses on your heart to give or offer help, please don't despise it; let it come genuinely from your heart without grudges...
All the best....
💯 correct
DeleteLove your neighbours as yourself.
ReplyDeleteDo you understand?Help but love yourself.
Don't be a sacrificial lamb for anybody.
Don't let the world change you,just be more cautious and maybe give half of the needed amount if need be.
ReplyDeleteAny kindness you put out in the world, always finds it's way back.
ReplyDeleteIt's very wrong mentality. Always help without seeking validation. It's only God that can truly reward our good deeds.
ReplyDeleteThere's goodness deep down somewhere don't let the ugliness of the world taint it.
ReplyDeleteIt is everyone’s responsibility to put themselves first and sort out their life. Homo sapiens as a specie do not tend to put the needs of anyone before their own.
ReplyDeleteI think you gave your own power away and your generosity is wrapped up in your selfview. It is okay to be generous if you do it without expectations and can forget about the deeds you have done without keeping a scorecard.
I am not sure what you needed that they did not come through for you. Maybe you were sick or lost your romance. Since your resources are yours to decide if you will share, your decision to temper your generosity is fine. There is nothing wrong with any of us tightening up when we are too loose. However, you are doing it as a form of punishment. How about teaching them to fish so that they can break the bonds of dependency on you. Is there something you could teach them about money, so that they can earn enough and no longer has to come to you or anyone else? This way you can keep your own and they can learn self reliance.
Also focus on regaining your personal power and open up yourself to the possibility of meeting new friends and finding your people, people who value you and will be there for you in good times and bad. It is okay to change friend groups. If you don’t already, create your own family, marry and make your own children. But remember even with doing all that there is no guarantee the outcome will be perfect. The greatest wild card with humans is their unpredictability. Just enjoy the journey and pray/hope for the best.
Poster, for you to send in this chronicle, it means you are feeling bad for not helping with the school fees. Help if you have the means. Most times our blessings comes from people we don't even know.
ReplyDeleteYour feeling is justified. They let you down when you needed them to be there for you.
ReplyDeleteGod allowed it to happen so that you could learn some vital life lessons. However, thank God that you are no longer in a bad place. What if you were still there? Thank God for lifting you once again, try as much as possible to let go. For the sake of God, not because they really deserve it.
Help as much as you can, but don't hope to get anything in return.
May God continue to bless you in Jesus name, Amen.
Just today, I took my mind round so many events with family members and friends and realized that if things turn upside down tomorrow which I don't pray for, nobody will come to my rescue financially. The only reason I am being shown love is because they can get something from me.
ReplyDeletewhenever I travel to the village, I always gift my uncle and his wife money. I traveled to the village December last year and decided not to give money just to check something. My uncle and his wife who usually calls me almost everyday to romance me stopped calling. I am his elder sister's daughter. As small as biscuit, I have never gotten from him since my birth.
Dear poster, make sure you are over full before considering anybody.
GBAM!!!!!!
DeleteYou better take care of yourself FIRST!!!!!
Those leperechous parasites, mouths open like graves are NEVER satisfied.
Always taking taking taking.
One crumb of dust can never fall from their hands.
All they care about is what they can get from you.
Grown ass man that has never bought 10 naira biscuit for his niece.
Smelling greedy beggars. Dem boku everywhere...TUEH!!!
The best way to give and secure your self financially,is to have a certain percentage to save for your self Incase you want to invest or any eventualities and set aside some to give out.
ReplyDeleteBy this, you are helping your self
Don't allow yourself to be overshadowed by guilt trip. Give when you have understood that you do not need to expect from anyone after giving.
ReplyDeleteYour MOTIVE is revenge and that is wrong. It's understandable how you feel. Nevertheless, do not let circumstances/situations/persons change you from what you are. A little more caution and be a little more circumspect but don't become what you attract.
ReplyDeleteBiblical principle is to Love your neighbour as yourself. Keep that in mind
See ehn, the way I carry people on my head, I just know only a few will reciprocate but I still keep doing what I can and hope to never need them in return.
ReplyDeleteBut I honestly do not blame you for feeling the way you do because I’ve felt that way also when I started posting contents on Facebook and saw how unbothered about really helping the way I would have helped the people in my corner are but I just count it as one of those things.
Don’t let them change u from being who u are. My dad told me some were just created to be helpful and some to do the barest minimum. I think you are one of the former because for u to send this chronicle, it bothers you when u don’t help.
It's a good sign that you feel this way which means you still empathy towards others which is a good virtue.
ReplyDeleteGod has blessed you so you can look at others that are still expecting, however, don't forget to take care of your future while taking care of others as you certainly can't help everyone.
Do what you can and expect nothing in return. Only God can reward your good deeds through other ways. If you have this mindset, you won't feel disappointed when people show you their other side.
Stella is right, do what you can do and leave the rest. I'm sorry about the way your siblings treated you.
ReplyDeleteWhen you are giving, please don't expect anything in return, because you will be greatly disappointed, God who sees you kind heart will keep blessing you. Also don't give what you can afford and inconvenience yourself unnecessary.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, that's a wrong mentality. When you give, do so without expecting anything or to be repaid, that is true giving, then you will see how God will keep coming through for you in even challenging situations. Be good and kind genuinely and don't pay evil for evil.
ReplyDeleteGood
ReplyDeleteIf you are a Christian you will see that the bible say don't be wary in well doing that we will reap it if we don't faint;faint is what you are having because of things done to you but of you can overcome it surely better things ahead but the choice is yours ;
ReplyDeletePoster, your feeling us valid. It shows you're a good person. Pls give if it's in ur power to do so, and yes always look out for yourself.
ReplyDeleteThe Bible says givers never lacks, But sometimes it's the opposite.
ReplyDeleteWhenever you can, help them, but be wise about it.
I will that you give with wisdom. My mum gave to people that it got to a point that the people she was giving mocked her when things were rough
ReplyDeleteRead your Bible. The Egyptians saved 25% of their earnings knowing that there will 7 years of drought when Joseph was prime minister
Save for your self and also give
My dear, help and you shall find help in places you know not. It is not necessarily compulsory that the ones you help will be where you'll find yours. God does his wonders in unimaginable places but please do not help with grudges, that's the bottom line.
ReplyDeleteThere are numerous ways God blesses us.when we give,we receive (Luke 6:38), your gift will return to you in full, pressed down shaken together to make room for more.
ReplyDeleteThe universe have a way of returning it back to you.it could be in form of giving you peace everywhere you go, making you meet the right partner, e t.c, Whatever your heart desires could be granted to you as a result of your charity and kindness towards others Remember, God searches the heart.
Poster,do not be tired of helping others, your reward is sure.
Poster, I advise you build your wealth by investing whatever money you have and only give out of the interest/ yield. Never give out of your principal (seed) but a certain percentage out of the yield . When that percentage is exhausted, just look away everyone will be fine.
ReplyDeleteI find it disheartening with people saying you shouldn’t expect from people when you give. Everyone needs something, not necessarily money and everyone created by God has something to give ….time, attention, listening ears, a shoulder to cry on, intercession etc.
Our Heavenly Father gave His beloved Son to us ( for God so love the world that He gave ……), meanwhile He doesn’t expect us to give our sons back to Him but our love, worship, praise, service, substance etc.
Whosoever doesn’t give just doesn’t love you, simple…not necessarily money though.
Protect your future pls, invest your seed, give out of your proceed and let your principal continue to work for you.
Continue helping but be careful.And know that is not people you help that will help you.
ReplyDeleteYou never can tell why God is blessing you. It could be because of your kind heart. Please go back to your old self
ReplyDeleteGod is blessing you more but do your best and leave the rest
ReplyDeleteHello Poster,
ReplyDeleteI want to believe that your shift isn't stinginess; more like self-preservation dressed in the bruises of betrayal. You bled for people who wouldn't offer a bandage - such wound hardly heals completely. That's why now, you're guarding your well - not out of wickedness but wisdom. Reactional proactiveness comes with its consequencies, one of which is the carefree bitterness that has is slowly poisoning humane protectors into emotionless hoarder.
True giving isn’t transactional - it’s like planting trees you may never sit under. You don’t need to become them to protect yourself. Give from your overflow if it feels right, without losing sleep or self - not from your lifeline. It’s okay to be cautious now, but don’t lose that beautiful part of you that once gave freely. That’s your gold - just don’t scatter it carelessly again. Save with intention, not fear. Embrace loving with boundaries, not bitterness.
And let your discernment - not your past wounds - guide you right. Your conscience seeks forgiveness, which isn’t for them; it’s for how you can reclaim your power. Please, keep your heart soft but your boundaries sharp. Generosity should never bankrupt your peace. Give smart, save smarter, and above all - never let other people’s selfishness become your new compass.
So painful. I understand how you must feel
ReplyDeleteThe line between giving & manipulation is very blurry. I always see the phrase “give without expecting”. The truth is that everyone expects kindness and generosity shown towards them when they have no problem displaying such. It is perfectly normal to expect what you dish out.
ReplyDeleteTherein lies the farce behind the false religion of 99% of Nigerians who manipulate the vulnerable in their circle to attempt to meet the financially intense needs of their failed society. Poster your feelings are similar to mine. Except that I cut them off in pain so I can heal since the most productive years of my life was spent financially “serving” others and meeting their needs. Money I could have used in preparing for my future. They were mostly older, wiser & financially abusive and exploitative and were investing in their future with my hard earned money while selling me empty quotes & vacuous sentiments.
In my over 50 years on earth, my own siblings except one (who maybe spent little on me a couple of times) have NEVER given me a cup of $2 Garri but took $0000s. Money that if I used it to buy shares 20 years ago, would have made me a $multimillionaire. You can’t buy time back, takers don’t get the time value of your money they keep taking yet won’t fight their useless government officials, converting their generous family members to government as those ones now provide food stamps, Medicare etc endlessly. This perpetuates the cycle of poverty & slows down generational wealth building.
Poster you have a low sense of worth because we were all raised to tie our worth to what we can do as “pretend government” to relieve the burdens of corrupt government & society. Know this, the money looted from the masses including your extended family should have provided free schools so your money will be free to invest. Not pay school fees for folks who effusively pray for triplets when they can’t even afford one child!
Same with every demand of family & friends you have ever met. It’s a failure of society. If Nigerians qualify how much they have spent subsidizing corruption they will be more angry with their government.
You need to find your value & high outside the immediate “thank you” rain that gives that temporary feeling of worth and perpetuates the financially abusive “Givers and takers cycle”. Folks like me who tend to give recklessly deep down need to deal with our feelings of worthlessness that makes us so vulnerable.
Remember you will become older and less productive. Save/invest enough to pay yourself a certain amount every month bearing in mind they will not be there for you in old age and you may be poor if you continue as you used to. Then give from what you have after calculating your needs in the evening if your life. It does not have to be to the same abusive family members. I give random strangers online, and folks who are not my family. I have paid for college exams, set random folks up & blocked them afterwards to prevent any further “thank you” or requests, etc. The world is our village, we can do good to anyone that needs it. Especially when those we call family are exploitative & abusive. If you must give or pay school fees, make it an annualized grant with proper record keeping. Many think a particular musician is into audio giving because he gives about N300m annually to orphans but I believe it. He is writing it off taxes. The painful part of the recklessly need around us is that we cannot even get it written off our taxable income making it a double whammy. Double levy. That musician is American and can at least write off that portion while filing his taxes. That is why giving to the poor in family or not must be formalized, recorded. It also helps with those who years later deny receiving anything.