Hmmmm.......
Hi Stella
I have been trusting God for a spouse. I am a 30 years old working class lady.
I met a guy online. His name is Dapo, he is 32 and a Christian. But I am concerned about his line of profession. He is a gospel artist (singer) he sings at churches, birthday etc .
He is kind. Though not that I don't like gospel singers, he is a graduate of business administration, but I am feeling will singing feed a family?
He wants to date me with marriage in view. With the exception of top gospel artists like Tope Alabi and Mercy Chinwo I don't know if gospel artists make that much because I want some one that by the end of the month we can both join hands together financially because I am a salary earner, I am a civil servant and I am not earning that much. He said he has been making money off his singing talent since he graduated and I know finance is a big deal in marriage.
I feel singing should be his side hustle and not the major hustle because I don't want a marriage where I will shoulder 80 percent of the financial responsibility but I can be a help mate.
He get booked for shows because he sings well but what if there are no shows?
I am feeling a 9-5 job will be the best for him so that he will go in the morning and come home in the night. He travels around Nigeria for gospel shows.
Should I tell him to dump his singing career and look for job or is my mentality wrong?
Hmmmmmm....So is he a mumu that you will tell him to dump Gospel singing for a proper Job? Doesnt he have a mind of his own?
Hmmmmmm....So is he a mumu that you will tell him to dump Gospel singing for a proper Job? Doesnt he have a mind of his own?
All i can say is that love alone cannot make a marriage work......Both parties need to have roles financially to make head way in the marriage, if you meet a man that offers to shoulder the responsibility 100 percent and he can then you are lucky but going into marriage with a manage manage situation makes that marriage dead on arrival...I am sorry but this is the true state of things..Poverty kills love!!!
Choose wisely.
Leave him and his career. If you cannot cope with it ,then move on.
ReplyDeleteThey make money. Ask him how much he charges per act. That will help you make your decision.
DeleteExactly @15:05.
DeleteYou know this is guy didn’t tick major boxes you set so why trouble yourself? Meaning, you should marry your class. If what you earn can’t cater for a family then you are not ready for marriage. It’s not only a man that needs financial maturity before marriage. You are just 30, set the next 2yrs to improve on your finances and you will naturally attract people of similar socioeconomic status. Ask yourself, would you marry your colleague who earns what you earn?
So he doesn't have any business he runs aside singing?..
ReplyDeleteThat a red flag because shows don't come everyday..
Maybe you should have a talk with him to know his plans..
You are right 👍
DeleteMost of them stay waiting to become Tope Alabi and Mercy Chinwo them, which may or may not happen. they don’t hustle so bear that in mind
ReplyDeleteThere poster, some gospel artists do make it o. I know of a few that have made it. Is he an up coming artists? Well to urgement his cash inflow, he can get a side biz too.
ReplyDeleteSince u met him online,have you checked him out to rule out any red flags?
Dear poster…
Deleteaugment
There poster, some gospel artists do make it o. I know of a few that have made it. Is he an up coming artists? Well to urgement his cash inflow, he can get a side biz too.
ReplyDeleteSince u met him online,have you checked him out to rule out any red flags?
What i think you should do is you should both sit down and discuss about finances, get to know how much he makes on a monthly basis and see of its something that can sustain a family. Also try and talk to him to see how he can release his own songs i believe he can become like the the likes of Nathaniel bassey.
ReplyDeleteE didnt dey if e dey she wont come here asking if money can sustain the family, that's if he is seeing change she wont even ask this question
DeletePoster this question will better be answered by your church counselling team. Doesn't your church have something like that? They will know better how much people like Dapo earns and be able to advise you better. They might even contact his pastor without both of you knowing and use the info they got to advise you without really disclosing to you how they came about the conclusion. If you belong to a church and close to the leaders, this is the time to seek their counsel. Here we can give you our general view.
ReplyDeleteDapo is clearly following his calling or better yet, his gifting path.
ReplyDeleteIf he were making substantial money from it, it would be evident, and there likely wouldn't be any need for this discussion.
Your concerns about his financial stability before marriage are completely valid. However, it's also important to recognize that you might not be the one meant for him.
When someone is deeply passionate about a path like this especially if it brings them genuine joy and fulfillment it can be very hard to convince them to take a 9-to-5 job just to meet traditional expectations of financial stability.
It might help to have an open, heart-to-heart conversation with him. Share your concerns honestly, and listen carefully to his perspective too. That way, you can both understand if your visions for the future truly align.
Dear Poster, You can't tell him to dump singing....From your discussions with him, that is his passion and what he loves do....Your discussions with him to open up his mind is how to place some structures; explore other parts for sustainability...
ReplyDeleteDon't even share with him as a suggestion as he will spite you for it when he moves unto something that does not give him fulfillment.....Instead telling him to look for another skill or business that can fetch him income when he does not have frequent singing jigs....
Even you, poster needs another stream of income because everyone needs a backup as well....
All the best....
New Vocabulary: Quote by Stella (28/04/2025) - "Poverty kills love."
ReplyDeleteWell said.
I am currently in this situation. The marriage is getting to 15 years. I have been shouldering 90-95% of the financial responsibilities. When I speak out, he will say he supports in prayers, as if I don’t pray. Awon I’m an entrepreneur and i can’t work a 9-5. Na dem. Now it’s even worse cos he doesn’t bring much money but is accumulating debt up and down. I say all this not to be pitied, but to let you know that these situations do occur.
ReplyDeletePoster, your experience may be different. Just know that you need to consider the good and bad as well and have a serious conversation around finances. How will the bills be paid? Do we want a joint account? Who is responsible for what bill? How many children can we financially and emotionally cater to? If he insists on music, during slow months where there are no gigs, how will the income be supplemented? Like Stella said, love is never enough. Please have these conversations and prayerfully make your decision.
Poster listen to her.
DeleteShe is talking from experience
You knew about it while dating and went ahead to marry him.You would have agreed initially when he didn't force you to marry him.
Deletemy last relationship was with someone like this, i thought hard about how our finances would be, couldn't afford to bear the brunt of holding down the home finances alone, i had to walk away from the relationship after our introduction... but then we all have different path, have you prayed about this man, what is God saying, what is your heart saying, think through it well, no woman i repeat, no woman should bear the financial brunt of the home alone, yes you can support as long as the man is not lazy but please don't carry the financial weight alone because with time, you will build resentment towards him and the marriage... discuss finances with him now, his plans and goals and then carefully and prayerfully make your choice, don't settle if you know you cant deal with this... PS: i am in my 30s too and i left my last, better done well than settle and regret... BV GOA
DeleteI swear I can't bear the financial whatever alone abeg,but why are these men everywhere this time, expecting woman to carry the burden alone where as we are helper, God forbid bad thing Hmmm 🤔
DeleteDear poster, I think he can diversify and have multiple streams of income from the proceeds he gets as a gospel singer. For instance, he can invest in lucrative businesses while still pursuing his career as a gospel artist.
ReplyDeleteYou sound as though you do not want him to major on the career alone. Truly, your concerns are valid. The state of our present economy requires one to have multiple streams of income to live a decent lifestyle at least. But don't discourage jim to abandon his God given talent.
Dear poster.
ReplyDeleteI understand you care about him, but I can’t help but feel a bit concerned. Honestly, it’s tempting to see him as lazy man, not because I know him personally, but because relying solely on gospel music as a source of income feels risky, especially in this Nigeria and unsuitable economy.
I believe it’s wise for him to consider starting a side business while continuing with his singing. That way, he secures a more stable future. You can gently suggest this to him. If he refuses, at least you’ll know where you stand and can make decisions with a clear mind.
At the end of the day, he’s an adult, and you can’t force anyone to make choices. But remember, when kids come into the picture, responsibilities grow, and things might get tough, especially if the music gigs slow down.
Please think carefully and prepare yourself for the journey ahead.
I truly wish you good luck.
How many 9 - 5ivers (or even 6ixers) make it to the D.G. level (in civil service) or CEO level (in corporate world) - the blown level?
ReplyDeleteNearly all chronicles on the marriage worthiness of a man on this blog is zeroed down to the Naira figure and the numbers of zeros behind it in the prospective man's name.
As Paiz said the other day, wealth is Unisex. But he forgot to add that marriage is a poverty alleviation arrangement in this side of the world.
Are there no civil service bachelors (9-to-3 or 4 workers) in Poster's christian and social network. Why is she troubling herself over a man outside her world view?
When told to look for a man of values and of value, we say no. Only value is sought. And only money value is of value in our eyes.
What is this funny very nearly phony arrangement called marriage sef?
Don't go and work hard continue wallowing in poverty, a woman bothered about finance is a problem to people like you. I hardly see a man who understands how finance works, a rich man or a well to man complain like this it always be the poor ones like you body dey pepper ones you hear finance. She stated her finance, fears and current finance capacity and seek advise but here you are being bitter because you are poor. Is it not the advise she gets that will help decide if she will settle for him or her fellow 9-5 colleagues. Poor man
DeleteIt must’nt be a 9-5 job/ salary. He could start a business so he’ll have time for his passion/ calling
ReplyDeleteDon't go ahead without means of feeding pls ,,poverty kills love ask him. To start a business or get a job and please don't go into marriage with so call gospel music offering it doesn't always turn out good .Church are even debating whether to pay or not pay gospel musicicians.
ReplyDeletePoster your fears are valid. Only singing at gigs is not enough except he's in the big league, which he's not. You can tell him your suggestions and if he's cool fine,if not you bounce.
ReplyDeleteThe woman meant for him won’t ask all these questions
ReplyDeleteBecause God and her life choice and values bring her to a point where these wura have answers
Have you met him in person or online love? How long have you know this person that he's talking about marriage and you believe him? Some women and desperation for marriage
ReplyDeleteBefore e put mouth near microphone I don jump fence fiaaa!
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂
DeleteHahahhahaahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaahahahhaahahahahaahahhaahahahahahahahahahaha He is in same category of those footballers here in Nigeria still waiting for a club to sign them and take them outside country.
DeleteTalent is good but not all talent will pay bills. Some will pay much later in life, some will pay early in life and majority never pay in life because almost all of us are gifted in one way or the other.
If you like him and you are willing to take it to the next level tell him to get a hustle then singing can be side until it becomes major hustle. A 9-5 still need a hustle and a business still need another source of income how much more someone that is hoping on just his gift. Sister if he is not ready to do any of these fly fence or get ready to suffer.
In This Present Situation We Dey So...
ReplyDeletePlease Have A Conversation With Him To Add.Another Hustle To His Singing Hautle o...
May God Give Your Grace....
Hello iya Boys
Hustle
DeleteIt’s not for you to tell someone to abandon their calling to marry you. A serious person knows what they need for a marriage so without another income already on the table, it’s a major red flag.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you right now that men with no proper income become a severe liability and get worse in marriage. I can even go further to say that they also use this behaviour to scam other women while they are married as they will do anything ( apart from legitimate work/business) to make money.
Please as women, let’s be honest with other women and not be scared about men calling us names. They are just worried that the number of women to abuse will reduce shikena!
POVERTY KILLS LOVE!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely true.
Absolutely absolute truth oo🙄🙄
DeletePoverty kpai love for real😳😳
Your concerns are valid and wise; never apologise for wanting stability - please, don't let guilt cloud your foresight. Why him though, when you can call it off and look for someone else who fits into your logic of marriageable partner?
ReplyDeleteThe times we are in are not the days of old. Marriage demands more than love songs and romantic lullabies, it needs consistent provision from both parties in their respective capacities. Dapo’s singing is beautiful, but beauty doesn’t cover rent or feed children or pay school fees, or buy electricity units, and medications. Without financial realism, marriage becomes like a teargased eye.
Depending solely on gigs is like building a bridge on quicksand; today it stands, tomorrow it sinks - leaving the table empty and the heart heavy. You’re not wrong to desire a partner whose hustle is as steady as sunrise. But you can’t ask him to abandon his passion, that's like trying to make a fish climb a tree - it'll only frustrate both of you and breed silent resentment. What you should ask yourself is if you’re willing to build a life on uncertain tides. A partner’s dreams are important, but so are your realities.
Seek alignment now, not regret later - that’s why you need to discuss finances openly but deliberately and project into the future: if no shows come for six months, how will you both survive? If your values and visions clash now, they will collide even harder in marriage. It’s better to confront hard truths than to stitch a torn cloth with hope. Clarify expectations boldly, and unapologetically, or you'll unknowingly sign up for emotional and financial starvation - that my dear is not marriage.
You don't need to come out plain to tell him to quit his dream or passion and take a job of 9 to 5pm. Remember he is a man just discuss with him and point out the need to have another source of incomes than just the gospel singing.
ReplyDeleteIf God want to bless a man he does that in his own way, he can bless a man with the little he is doing to the top and you the woman earning millions will have nothing to compare with what the man is earning. Be sure he is real, hardworking, have the fear of God, is what God want for you, you both are in the same page and above all he is not lazy.
Some persons got married to their men while they have nothing but God blessed them and took them to a better place while others remain where they have been since they got married. You need to settle this with your maker to be sure there is future and the young man is not lazy with sweet talk.
That's his passion. If you tell him to leave his passion, he will resent you. Let him start a business, while you work. So he can be free to travel at anytime to ministry. That way there will be a balance
ReplyDelete