SHOCKER REVELATION
SDK I just recently found out my bestie of over 8 years is HIV positive.
I won't lie I am beginning to see her differently. How do I pretend like all is well when she hid this vital information from me for over two years?
Please note she comes to my house and stay sometimes for months. She wears my clothes sometimes too, even though I don't like it coz I hate sharing personal stuff. Like we are so so close and more like sisters. I kinda feel betrayed.
I can't imagine she went through the shock of finding out she is positive alone. No one was there to console her and tell her all will be well. Her family are not aware.
Infact I mistakenly stumbled on her drugs while she was away on a short trip and had to confront her about it
Now I feel the dynamics of our relationship has changed and I don't know how to go about it. How do I hide the fact that I feel pity for her? I feel as though I am unconsciously stigmatizing her in my head. God I am drained.
Now I feel the dynamics of our relationship has changed and I don't know how to go about it. How do I hide the fact that I feel pity for her? I feel as though I am unconsciously stigmatizing her in my head. God I am drained.
You are not a good friend at all.....
You said her family and friends are not aware? is she supposed to announce her status with a microphone so that everyone will react like you are doing now and put a tag on her and ruin her life?
Instead of making it light for her you are carrying it on your coconut head that she didnt tell you......It is a personal thing and i am sure that despite it being two years that she is still processing the shock and adjusting to it.....
Ok now that you know and feel you are placing a tag on her, please end the friendship cos i am wondering how you will avoiding her when she comes to stay with you and tries to use your things..
I am very sure that when she is gone, you will throw away everything that she used.
Plwase do not tell anyone about her new status unless she does by herself.
hisss!
You're beginning to see her differently, and you wonder why she kept her status to herself. 🙄
ReplyDeleteExactly beautiful Candy. The stigmatism is real and palpable. 😔😔😔
DeleteExactly..she has no obligation to share her medical history with you.
DeleteShe doesn’t owe you private medical info
ReplyDeleteNever knew my relative had it and was never mad at her for not sharing
I’m only still mad that she didn’t seek medical treatment
Please encourage the person to seek medical intervention.
Delete15:08, sorry about your family member.
Delete16:40, the person is being referred to in the past tense meaning that he or she is gone.
Since your friend comes to stay in your house and for months, she was wrong for not telling you.
ReplyDeleteTruth is, if she didn't want to disclose, then she should avoid sleep overs. That's because, since you are not aware, you might use sharp objects with her, and you will be infected.
It could be needle, pin, scissors, razor etc.
There's no how you live with someone that you won't share stuff. So if she loves you truly, she ought to tell you or stop sleeping over. That was very selfish and self centered to be honest
It also shows lack of trust in your 8 years friendship and right now, I can't even say if her intent were right.
Meanwhile, go check yourself please. Carry out the test and repeat after 3 months.
And, in my opinion , d best way to protect people you live with from being infected, is to either stay away, or tell them, so they won't be careless.
This your comments irks of stigmatisation. She should stay away really? goooosh.
DeleteThank you for this comment. The fact that she sleeps over and shares your things obliges her to inform you of her status .
DeleteShe's scared of being stigmatised..
DeleteWhich will definitely happen now,but she would have been careful with her personal things though..
Golden like button!
DeleteShe is not entitled to know about her HIV status, it's a medical information and the onus is on the patient to share it or not. However , if poster is a lesbian partner to her friend, then her friend has to tell her. One does not contract HIV by mere touching of skin. I do not advise anyone to share intimate items, like pants,razors, shaving sticks even if both are negative. There are other things to share that boosts ones sense for friendship and having a community. We should stop stigmatized people based on their health challenges, we do not tell people to avoid friends with high blood pressure, and yet though not contractable like viral infections, it also kills maybe quicker then HIV.
DeleteBottom line is no one is entitled to another health information except they both do things that puts the other at risk. Nothing selfish in here
Very selfish of her, to keep her status to herself. Really? Oh boy! 🤦♀️. She kept her status "hidden" to avoid that stigma.
DeleteThank you for this.
Delete@HF Bedding, this is exactly what I want to say. Stella is sometimes not objective!! If she’s sleeping over and they’re sharing things, it is just morally justified to let the owner of the house know. This one that Stella is talking, what if the girl had secretly infected her friend and the lady didn’t even know yet? It’s pertinent she disclose her status to someone that is supposed to be her best friend since she goes there and stay for days. The stigmatization that people suffered in the past is almost non-existent cos the stat is scary around the world now, not only in Nigeria.
DeleteBut the friend wasn't sharing sharp objects with her and I believe that knowing her status, she would avoid anything that has to do with sharing of sharp objects. I have never heard that one can contact the disease through sleeping on thesame bed and sharing of clothes, cutleries and eating in thesame place. How many people will she announce her status with to do that they would avoid sharing same clothes, beds and cutlery with? because going by your judgement, she does not need to share anything with anybody in this world.
DeleteYou don't get HIV by being close to people. You get the virus only by sharing fresh bodily fluids. There're more deadly diseases out there. Poster, you're not kind. I won't want a friend like you.
DeleteThank you @ 20:28. So many people here need education on how this works. Even some husband and wife still manage not to infect one another. Being close, sleeping over and sharing things doesn’t put you in harms way unless share fresh body fluids especially fresh blood. HIV isn’t even active in saliva or sweat or urine.
DeletePoor girl.
Stella saved me the stress of typing....
ReplyDeleteHIV isn't contagious by mere touch or hug but blood transfer. So why are you this paranoid? You should even feel pity for her.
© TEEJAY
She is this paranoid becos the lady sometimes comes over to stay with her for months, they share personal space.
DeleteAnon 17:33, you're very myopic. You do not comment on subject matters you know nothing about. Please interest yourself with some education.
DeleteIn this day and age, someone thinks sharing of personal space will heighten the risk of contacting HIv? Which school you lot go to sef?? A very close friend of mine, has it and stays over at mine, we share meals together alot...hug and laugh together...but we know not to share razors, jewelleries, as a matter of fact HIV or not never share your blades or jewellery with anyone, no matter how close, it is unhygienic!
DeleteBut if someone is using and sharing private space with you, you should be aware of such status.
ReplyDeleteThat means, those people with HIV who share same space with people who are free from the disease during a church camp program should announce to the church that they are HIV positive so that the church wouldn't allow them share same space ? Is it not thesame bathroom that they all use in their church camp program?
DeleteOr people with HIV who uses McDonald's toilets should announce to every other people.
DeleteI repeat, una too pretentious. Na una type gather try stone the prostitute for Bible before Jesus intervened and asked who neva sin to cast the first stone.
ReplyDeleteLeave accusations for the accuser of the Brethren - Satan
You have no power to Judge as a Christian. No be you go tell God the standard of decency. Always looking at the surface whilst inside is grimy
If VJ lied using the Holy Spirits name, it is between her and the Spirit.
I'm of the opinion she should have informed you, the fact that you both might have shared sharp stuff one way or the other... anyways please get tested to be sure about your status. But then please forgive her also for not informing you, she surely will have her reasons, some folks like to keep medical infos private.
ReplyDeleteIf poster tests and it's positive, it might not even be the friend that contacted her with the disease but she would want to put the blame on the friend
DeleteYou see the reason why she refused to tell you . Is Because.
ReplyDeletemany people still misunderstand HIV. Some may judge, fear, or treat you differently once they know.
Once you tell someone, you lose control over that information. They could tell others, leading to gossip or even public shaming.
Some people react badly — fear, anger, pity — and that can hurt you emotionally.
Some Friendships, romantic relationships, even family ties can change negatively after disclosure.
Even though there are laws protecting people with HIV, being open about it can sometimes lead to discrimination at work or in your career.
I guess she's just scared of being stigmatized by you and her family, notwithstanding, I hope you are careful now with the sharp objects, she uses in your house thou, And if she is religious with her medications, then you are safe.
ReplyDeleteJust let her do the talking herself ok, it her personal story to tell.
I’ve known my SIL is HIV positive for years now. I didn’t understand why she behaved in a certain way until I found out her status. I told her I knew and gave her the biggest hug before she could say anything. I’ve never seen anyone cry that much. I’m still the only one that knows because she’s sure her own family will judge and stigmatize her.
ReplyDeletePeople with the virus are more secretive because they don’t want people to push them away. As long as she hasn’t done anything to expose you to it then why are you making it about you? Now is the time to extend love and care to her.
She has done something to expose her by not informing her and also sharing personal space with her for long sometimes. You just said ur SIL behaves somehow smtyms, m assuming it is her way of protecting u guys by not being careless with stuff, this op didnt mention that the friend behaved in a more careful way than a normal person wud, hence the risk of contracting.
DeletePoster, you won't get HIV, amen. Let your friend. Breathe. It's not the end of life for her.
DeleteWhat kind of lifestyle did she live for her to contract the virus? I'm not saying all HIV patients are wayward or careless. One can even be infected by their cheating spouses after waiting until marriage. One can even be infected by a used and not sterilized needles at the hospital. All I'm saying is one should be very very careful. Now that you know, go and check yourself too to be sure she didn't mistakenly infect you while staying at your place. As for her not saying anything is because of the stigma. I must tell you the truth, if she was my friend I would look at her with compassion but I wouldn't get close to her again. The heart of men is desperately wicked. I won't let my good heart make me die young.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of lifestyle? A friend you choose to look at with compassion and not get close to is not a friend rather someone you have pitied and stigmatized.
DeleteA lot of people have stayed away from friends with HIV and still died early from cancer and other terminal illness though
Let’s be honest. If someone you share everything with, even your deepest personal stories didn’t feel safe enough to share something this sensitive with you, and you had to find out yourself after years, it’s only natural to feel disappointed.
ReplyDeleteGiven that they even had sleepovers, it clearly shows they are very close. That explains why the poster feels hurt.
But dear Poster, It’s okay to feel disappointed. You’re human but please, do not react harshly. Maybe your friend already guessed how you might react, which could be why she kept it from you. At this point, anything you say or do out of anger could easily be misinterpreted as "stigmatization."
Remember, some people prefer to go through deeply personal battles, like living with HIV, alone. I honestly understand how you feel, but if I were in her shoes, I might have chosen not to tell you too. Not out of distrust, but out of fear, shame, or even trying to protect you from worry.
When she returns, show her love, encourage her, and offer her your support. Then, when the time feels right, gently let her know you were hurt that she didn’t trust you enough to share it earlier. The way you say this matters a lot.
Let your words come from a place of love, not accusation. Let her feel safe.
Ndo (sorry).
This 👌
DeleteNice!
DeleteDon't let this your so-called bestie commit suicide. You need to be a shoulder to help not stigmatize
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThe Most Complex B
Mtcheewwe x100. Are you God that you should know everything or you are a man she's about to get intimate with?
ReplyDeleteWait! or you girls are involved? Cos I don't understand.
Your mindset is shallow. Tueh!!!
ReplyDeleteVeryyy shallow.
DeleteWhy people avoid sharing that information is because of stigma that comes with it......... Moreover HIV is not deadly as you think it is, there's more deadly ailments out there now.
ReplyDeleteJust encourage her to continue with her medication, she will be glad you did.
Poster there is nothing to be scared of as long as you don't exchange body fluids including blood and saliva.
ReplyDeletePls end the friendship if you know you will change towards her. She is troubled already as it is.
You See The Reason She Never Told You..
ReplyDeleteNow You Know See The Way You Are behaving..
Hello iya Boys
She's probably still trying to process the shock, please instead of seeing her differently try and show her all the love you can now and try to reassure her that all will be well and you will always be there for her
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy sharing such info
ReplyDeleteTry get tested to be 100% sure of your health status
Poster, what you are feeling is normal, don't beat yourself up. Yes, i understand the need to keep it from you, that's her choice and nobody should castigate you for feeling the way you are feeling.
ReplyDeleteHow many of you can actually pretend like it's nothing?
And then she comes over to your place, use your personal stuff and all.
My dear, you have every right to feel the way you feel right now.
How could you expect her to share her medical results?its rare to find people sharing especially if they aren't very close to you or they can't really trust such individuals.They do avoid sharing because some ignorant ones might make their situations even worse for them.
ReplyDeleteYou can't get HIV by sharing clothes or having close contact with affected individuals.you can only get infected if you have s**ual intercourse or share sharp objects.
I know you are already feeling uncomfortable around your friend.Pls avoid her and let her be instead of making matters worse for her.
I feel for her now. Pls poster don't tell anyone else about it. Keep her secret safe with you and be her support system.
ReplyDeleteAs for not telling, she was probably scared that it may affect your friendship.
Since she did not do anything that endangered your own health, pls forgive her.
This just goes to show that despite all the education hiv is still a stigmatized illness and ppl with it are most times ostracized. The fact you mention that she wore your clothes says everything.
ReplyDeleteYou have to be honest with yourself if you want to be friends with someone who is hiv+. Will you want her to hold your babies, will you eat what she cooks, use the same shower and toilet like her with complete peace of mind, see her as the sister you claim that she is? You have to sit with yourself and decide who you truly are and if you have the capacity to live in agape love.
Bad friend! Tufiakwa!
ReplyDeleteUnless you guys are lesbians and are sleeping together ,you have cause to worry yourself about. Leave your friend alone.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very terrible person, so she need to tell you about it like you both are sleeping with each other ir are planning if getting married. I hope you will not use your big mouth to tell people about her current status. You think is easy to announce about terrible news? Is only good news that is very easy to share with people cos of their reactions.
ReplyDeleteYou should have face front when you find out than confronting her and also acting up, you will never treat hwr well.and she will have to avoid tou from now henceforth. You both cannot be friends again cos you spoiled everything. Please apologise to her and speak some words to her to encourage her and never you share this information with anyone of your friends or her family members. Do you think is easy for her for thr two past years. Shift joor.
I found out some years back that a close friend of mine she is HIV positive. She comes to my house and spend like two nights cos of her work. She has a bra ch she handles and is very close to my house. So whenever she want to visit the branch she comes around and spend two nights maximum.
One day she went out and somehow I saw something I side her bag and check the container, I noticed they try and cleaned the name on the container. So I sent the picture of the container and some part of the name I could see to a doctor friend who told me that complete name and what the drug was to. I sent it to another friend that she is a nurse practicing in UK and she confirmed same thing.
I didn't confront her till date, she didn't know I saw thr drugs and out friendship didn't break cos I don't want her yo feel terrible around me. I later moved yo another location where my house was far from that her branch. Since then we only talk on phone and hang out once in a while.
How do you chance upon someone's bag, see their pill containers and start taking pictures and sending to different people to enquire what it actually is? That's so low. Now that you found out of what importance is the info to you? You can't confront her, you moved some place else, now you have the information and yoh are sharing it on a blog, ...you all would be fine
Delete'Somehow I saw something inside her bag...'
DeleteBut you did not see it when she was around.
It was when she was not around that 'somehow' you found a pill container or pack buried inside her bag.
Those of you that like ransacking people's things looking for only God knows what, I pray you find it and it blinds you completely.
Poor her. I hope you dont tell anyone else.
ReplyDeleteThe posters reaction is one of the exact reasons people with HIV don't tell others. I have been positive for over 30 years. I have 4 children the first is circa 30 years old. Only my father knows the status of i and my husband. Even the children don't know. I am careful about revealing or leaving pointers around me. In the house we all use the same things. I visit and spend nights at other peoples houses , share the same cutlery and crockery etc. All my children are not positive ( i know because i have had them all tested especially when seeking admission at various levels of their academic lives) and i have spent my life being conscious of sharing objects, blood contact and all the other things we are told not to do. Luckily, i am a very personal person when it comes to my personal stuff and rarely share. When conversations around HIV come up with people i consider enlightened, i see their mindsets and the falsehood behind the supposed enlightenment. We are all woke until the HIV carrier is someone we know/close to us or a part of our circle. In the early days, when visiting the HIV clinics so many stories abounded as we each shared our HIV stories and experiences) and i will say one. This lady told her father( the person she felt was closest to her and a very enlightened man that she had tested positive). Things changed after that day. She noticed that she didn't get invites to the house anymore, visits to her dad were as if she was forcing herself on him and whenever she came they always served her with a particular set of utensils and crockery and even maneuvered her to sit in a specific seat! To remedy the situation, her husband came one day with a "report" showed his FIL and was "paraing" that the hospital gave a wrong diagnosis and he would sue. The relief on the Fathers face was evident and painful to see. She immediately noticed a change in the way she was now being treated. The last i heard was that she no longer relates with her Father and gives her family distance. Its not easy disclosing such and i believe this informed the friends decision. Most HIV positive people are very self aware ,conscious of how they relate with others and go to great lengths to protect not only themselves but others. You should come to the HIV clinics and see the number of people that turn up . You will be amazed. Everyone looking good and "normal" . As they say... e no dey show for face. As long as you are taking your medication religiously , you are fine and you can get to a stage where a test would not detect your status. I could go on and on but the story is long....how did i get HIV? via unscreened blood transfusion at a foremost federal government hospital. Last words, pls dont push your friend away. Show her empathy and dont change anything in the way you both relate. Be open with her about your fears. You will be amazed that ( if you observe closely) she like me has been careful around you.
ReplyDeleteNo words Ma'am, just hugs.🤗🤗🤗
DeleteYou don't feel bad that she didn't tell you, you're judging her a f want to keep your distance from her. You no be am
ReplyDelete