STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DIFFICULT FRACTURED SITUATION
My dad is not a perfect dad but he is not a bad father to us, but he has been a terrible husband to our mother. We are six siblings in total. Despite the challenges, he managed to send five of us to university, but only under strict conditions.
After completing secondary school, each of us had to spend years at home before gaining admission to the university. His reason was simple: he couldn't afford to support more than two children in university at the same time. So, we had to wait until one of the two already in school reached their final year before the next person could go, no matter how long it took.
He is a businessman. Years ago, he left us in the East and moved to Lagos to live alone due to ongoing issues with our mother. Despite the distance, he ensured we were fed, as our mother was a housewife with no source of income.
All the daughters are married now, though they are still struggling. Two of my brothers are married but doing low-paying jobs, which means we still occasionally turn to our dad for financial support. Sadly, our mother passed away two years ago from health complications, which I believe were partly due to everything she endured in her marriage.
Last month, my dad called a family meeting. He admitted he was tired of living alone and expressed fear of dying alone, with no one around to even know if he passed away. He said there were things he could no longer do for himself now that he is almost 70 years old. He wants to remarry so someone can take care of him and handle wifely duties.
His suggestion infuriated all of us. How could he even consider getting married at his age? The idea of him mistreating our mother to death and then wanting to bring another woman into his life was appalling. This has caused serious tension within the family. Our eldest brother is particularly furious about it.
The thought of our dad bringing in a new wife to further complicate an already fractured family feels unacceptable.
We even suggested he hire a young boy to stay with him and help around the house. But he refused, insisting it wouldn’t work because he spends most of his day at his shop, from 6 am to 8 pm, due to his buying and selling business.
He is a businessman. Years ago, he left us in the East and moved to Lagos to live alone due to ongoing issues with our mother. Despite the distance, he ensured we were fed, as our mother was a housewife with no source of income.
All the daughters are married now, though they are still struggling. Two of my brothers are married but doing low-paying jobs, which means we still occasionally turn to our dad for financial support. Sadly, our mother passed away two years ago from health complications, which I believe were partly due to everything she endured in her marriage.
Last month, my dad called a family meeting. He admitted he was tired of living alone and expressed fear of dying alone, with no one around to even know if he passed away. He said there were things he could no longer do for himself now that he is almost 70 years old. He wants to remarry so someone can take care of him and handle wifely duties.
His suggestion infuriated all of us. How could he even consider getting married at his age? The idea of him mistreating our mother to death and then wanting to bring another woman into his life was appalling. This has caused serious tension within the family. Our eldest brother is particularly furious about it.
The thought of our dad bringing in a new wife to further complicate an already fractured family feels unacceptable.
We even suggested he hire a young boy to stay with him and help around the house. But he refused, insisting it wouldn’t work because he spends most of his day at his shop, from 6 am to 8 pm, due to his buying and selling business.
My family is left grappling with how to handle this issue.
Whatever happened between your parents is over and none of your business...He may have been a bad husband ALLEGEDLY but he was a good father to you..
He has a right to move on, he does not want a help, he wants a woman and calling the family meeting to discuss it with you people means he respects you all despite that none of you are doing well financially....Please you all should free the old man to move on!!
Allow him marry, you are not kids.
ReplyDeleteThis is my issue with you chlidren, first of all, he moved to Lagos and was separated from your mom for years, she decided to be jobless and stay at home without taking care of herself or finding a way to move on, she decided to stay! Your father was a good dad to you all, sent you to university and still CARE for ADULTS till date, without any of you sending him a dime! He is a human being, what happened between your mum and him, is none of your business and your mother chose to stay in that situation even when the man left her! Allow him to live as he please, him having a wife will not in anyway disturb or end your adults lives. LEAVE HIM ALONE you SELFISH CHILDREN!
DeleteHe needs a caregiver not a wife. Same thing we did for my father inlaw.
DeleteWhat you mean he needs a caregiver and not a wife? Many senior citizens still have interest in sexual activity and intimacy. Their bodies may not be as agile and vigorous as it was when they were in their 20s but they go according to their capacity. Intimacy is not just for the young. Let him marry and have his own wife to get freaky with if that is what he desires. Tf you mean he needs a caregiver, the man is still actively working and carrying his children financial, he obviously is not someone sitting in a chair feeble and waiting for his porridge. Please!
DeleteBaba said wife duties.... can a househelp climb bed for mid night?
ReplyDeleteThe children should just look away, i know it's not easy .
Sorry about the loss of your mom too
Goodluck
Kikikikikiki… Poster this is exactly why he wants to remarry. Since he’s the one paying his bills you all have no say. It’s sad your mum died in a loveless marriage, they both should have moved on since
DeleteFan Emmanuel
Dear Poster, May your mother's soul rest in peace!..... Stella thank you for echoing my thoughts..You don't know the true story of what transpired between your dad and mom....Be grateful he was a good dad to you and you can learn from the situation by being a better spouse to your husband or wife.....
ReplyDeleteYou should even applaud him that he left when the marriage wasn't working but still did his responsibilities....Do you blame your dad; you are not working in his shoes.....The truth you won't fully understand until you get married yourself because it is easy to judge when you stand on the bylines....
What your father is asking for is not an out-of-the-world thing....He needs companionship at the end of the day and he keeps carrying you all along....You should be happy for him; I know you are not happy someone is gonna take your late mother's place but the truth is that is life....
Please you and your siblings should not be a stumbling block to your father's happiness.... Leave him be while you all should be a good support to him while he is here on earth with you....
All the best and Congratulations to your dad!!
*** Don't blame your dad; you are not walking in his shoes
DeleteSame old same old
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing you can do about it poster, focus on your life
He doesn’t need any of your permission to remarry. You said he isn’t even up to 70 yet?
DeleteUnfortunately, your poor mom passed unhappy. Face your life. The man isn’t even dependent on any of you financially. He is the one still supporting some of you and you guys think you can withhold happiness from him?
So sorry about your mum Poster 🤗
DeleteBut your dad is not too old to remarry pls. He is even fair to let you all know about it. My friend's father-in-law married in the village without telling his children. Paid bride price & all...na when dem visit he tell dem say 'this is my new wife o' 🤭 He's a widower like your dad. Pls allow him, he needs a companion 🙏
Adunni
Eyaah poster I feel your anger.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion I think the main issue here is if he's planning on having more kids with his new wife at his age and who's going to care for them especially when he departs since you guys aren't financially there. Again, hope madam new wife won't come in and add peper to an already fragile situation.
I think his mind is already made up, he only informed you guys out of respect so please respect his decision. He might have even found someone by now.
Approach the situation with wisdom please, no need for kitikiti katakata, just let him enjoy the rest of his years in peace.
Women don suffer
ReplyDeleteNo be lie o...
DeleteAdunni
Poster let him marry, he might even have a change of mind on his own if the woman show him shege. At this point you can't change his mind
ReplyDeleteWicked and entitled children. Until that ma dies then all of you will know what hit you. Maybe you want him to train you all and still train your children hence the refusal for him to remarry. You are lucky he sort your consent. He is still doing business that means he is not getting married with you people's money and the new wife will not be a iability to you all. Imagine an almost 70 years old man staying alone and it does not worry any of you. What will a boy do for him.
ReplyDeleteFor him to be alone means non of you or your children is staying with him
That man needs a woman and not a boy. Your mum is dead. May her soul rest in peace. Allow that man to get married and do it fast.
Very wicked and entitled children. The poor man trained them all and still sending money to grown men who cannot go and hustle.
DeleteWicked children that left this old man to live alone.
Whatever happened BTW him and your mother is none of your business.
Your mother should have done something with her life instead of remaining a house wife.
You people are just jealous that the new wife will be getting the money that is supposed to be sent to you.
Your brother is angry because he is already eyeing inheritance and now that there is a new wife, it will go to her.
Wicked children - as far as your father provided for you, you must respect and accept his decision.
I hate rubbish from ungrateful people.
Dear Poster may God comfort your family and grant your late mum rest.
ReplyDeleteRegarding your Father's decision: please i will suggest you guys should let him do what he has in mind since he has done what a Father ought to have done for his Children.
The focus should be on your siblings doing well, and not disturbing the old man's peace.
DOZZYBEST.
I think the greater fear here is actually financial. You stated that none of you are doing well financially, so my assumption is that the inheritance you were all looking forward to will be lessened with a wife in the mix. However, if your father wants a woman around the house there is nothing unnatural or selfish in his wishes. Aged ppl really shouldn't be living alone, and better he has his own wife than become a nuisance out there harassing ppl. It's his life, his choice, and his money that he laboured for. He educated you all so he gave you a ticket to go make it life. Instead of getting angry just allow him to live his life and be at peace. If he has done evil as a husband then he will face God or the new wife will be his karma.
ReplyDeleteThe same family meeting you all attended, why not you and your siblings come together in your own meeting to devise a plan to get your economic lives better? If you have good spouses you can involve them too. It is never good to look to what parents have, it is always best to seek your own prosperity. Nigeria is still full of opportunities, if it was not, where would all the outsiders be who troop in with nothing and leave as millionaires. Focus on developing your lives and there is strength in unity.
God will bless your brain.. it’s more about inheritance than anything else. Your mother is late and you still want the old man to die alone?if you don’t want him to marry Oya get him a house help and pay for it or get one of you to go and live with him. Such nonsense entitled children. The man raised you all and now that he wants to enjoy his last days on his terms you still don’t want him to because you think his new wife will inherit all his properties.
DeleteVery well written?👏👏👏👏 I like you already.
DeletePlease the man needs comfort and you should thank God for him that he came out straight;loneliness is not good doesn't makes people lasy2
ReplyDeleteOP Leave him the heck alone unless you are prepared to go and sleep with him .
ReplyDeleteI assume he is marrying an adult . Who will treat his fkup if he does anything. Not everyone is a footmat, you know
Let him be and face your life.
I think he was terrible, what does he mean only one child in school at a time. Then he should have spaced his children by 4 years. Nonsense
Just make sure to kick the woman out with the speed of lightning when he dies to avoid her claiming his house. Like in an hr. Don't say you weren't warned.
ReplyDeleteAre you a human being? They should chase her away with the speed of lightening..
DeleteChase her away so she does not inherit his house. What happens to his own hands. Can't he build a house?. please stop it.
DeleteLMAO, Nawaoo! This ya adivas no follow ataiall.
DeleteWomen have really suffered like Yvonne said up there 👆 Imagine what you're saying 😡
DeleteAdunni
Women have really suffered like Yvonne said up there 👆 Imagine what you're saying 😡
DeleteAdunni
What the father needs is companionship and some small small touches here and there, he is not a bad person for asking that of his children. Allow him to enjoy the rest of his life because na God Dey judge laslas. May your mom rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteBut if it is because of his properties God will bless and prosper you people just leave the man to marry and have peace for the remainder of his life .For calling family meeting is enough regard for you people;
ReplyDeleteBut if it is because of his properties God will bless and prosper you people just leave the man to marry and have peace for the remainder of his life .For calling family meeting is enough regard for you people;
ReplyDeleteHello Poster. Your Father is A Good Man. He lived alone after he Separated from Your Mother and It was after Death has Separated them he decided to want to Re-Marry again ( Great Igbo Man)
ReplyDeleteYou All Should Please Support him ooooh.
May Mummy's Soul Rest in Peace
Their dad doesn’t deserve these children. They are the worst kind of selfish
DeleteI tire o
DeleteExtremely selfish children - I am already pitying the man. Thank God they are even far from him because children will maltreat him at his old age.
DeleteI pray God gives baba a new understanding kind - hearted man because he tried honestly.
Poster ,Let your father be.
ReplyDeleteYou people should help him get a woman of about 50 years that has never been married but has potential. You will see someone like that in your community.
If your dad should fall sick, who amongst you will accommodate and take care of him?
He knows what he he needs and you should assist him to enjoy his old age since he didn't have a comfortable marriage in young age. He could have remarried while your mum was alive but he has proved that he is a responsible man .
Why I can try to understand where he is coming from, I want to say that even if he will marry, he should not go for a young woman who will want to give birth to her own children and then leave responsibility for you his children, because even if he leaves above 100 which is a good thing,his energy level will not be the same ,so he can't be hustling to provide for those children and guess who the children will be looking up to, you and your siblings
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that you peopke dont want him to marry because of the financial responsibilities he is shouldering for you.
ReplyDeleteYou all are stressing the man to provide money still at age 70 and the little lubricant he will use to oil his life with a new wife, you want to take that away from him. You people are very selfish.
The most you can do is pray he gets someone that will be at peace with you people when he dies. Tell your oldest brother to go and hustle and remove eye from your father’s business, a 70 year old man has tried in raising children.
Honestly,he's a good man. Still shouldering responsibility at 70, he deserves some happiness too
DeletePoster, let him remarry as he wish. You all are grown adults now. She may need the marriage for companionship if staying alone isn't good for him. What he said that he want is a woman's love not houseboy. Someone to talk to ,laugh and gist with.
ReplyDeleteIs he going to marry her with your money
ReplyDeleteIf not then it’s his business
70years is still very young! I have an elderly couple as friends, they got married at i think 75 and 68. The man was a widower and the woman had never been married. They are now 80 and 73 and they still both drive and do all activities of daily living by themselves.
ReplyDeleteIt is only in Nigeria that one is expected to start acting decrepit and disabled once they hit age 60. My mother in law is 70 or thereabout nd she still looks fresh and young. If not that she is a typical igbo woman i would have said they should find her someone because its not easy for one to be without a companion in old age.
Stop being selfish and allow that man marry a wife. He has done his part for you and your siblings
Pls say the truth. 70 is not young by all standards and ramifications. What is the life expectancy in this country again? Even if he dies today, his obituary won’t read ‘gone too soon’. Tho i totally agree with all of ur points except the fact that 70 is young.
Delete@17.17
DeleteMaybe for you, 70 is old, but for me and what i have seen, 70 is young. So maybe face your own truth? The average life expectancy in a failing state like nigeria is no measure of young or old age.
How old are all the nigerian politicians ruling you? How old is the present president? How old was the last one? How old is Trump or Biden? So what you are saying is that these men should never think of women because they are too ‘old’?
You should only pray to have some money and comfort, if you do, you will see that there is still a lot of life to be lived at 70. At least 10 more good years. My FIL died at 80 after raising 8 children and it was gone too soon. He was still agile. My grandpa died at 83, he would still go hunt bushmeat for me when i come to the village. Where i am, they still struggle to save the lives of 82 year olds at the hospital.
If this poster and siblings will allow their father to enjoy his little money and have a companion plus someone to put eye in his health, God willing he could have 10 more years to live.
And that’s point exactly, if you are expecting someone to have barely just 10yrs to live, that person is not ‘very young’ like you put it.
DeleteHow on earth is 70 young? Y'all just like to deceive yourselves
DeleteYou are you still young?
DeletePoster your dad is an adult. Allow him to remarry.
ReplyDeleteAllow him, but just make sure it's not for the purpose of recreation so it doesn't change the family dynamics which should be your only worry.
ReplyDeleteEhyaa, I can understand your fear, but please allow him marry, for the sake of his peace.
ReplyDeleteYour father has been alone for too long, we don't really know what transpired between him and his wife so we can't judge him, you people have no right to be angry with his decision, atleast he's not asking you people for financial support, allow the man please don't be selfish
ReplyDeleteThis poster doesn't know his father has already found a wife and the marriage date is set the reason they are being told. Dear Poster may you and your siblings have financial blessings soon so you would not be bothered by his actions. I understand your pain, for your father, he's probably looking for his next victim. It is well.
ReplyDeleteWOW
ReplyDeleteAnd my colleague is begging his father in his early 80s to re-marry a woman above child bearing age for companionship and also to avoid prostrate. Non of them is doing financially well to take care of him. He is a farmer with lots of farm lands and fruits too.
So the new wife will be taking care of him and the farm.
Poster, please listen to Stella.
Allow him please.if you happen to Be in his shoe won't you marry, at least for companionship?talk more of a 70year old. Let him marry his marry abeg, he is not marrying her you guys. May your mum, s soul rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteEntitlement really has nothing to do with wealth. Y'all should go and chill and allow the man marry and find whatever peace he can in his elderly years.
ReplyDeleteP.S.. You have no idea what may have prompted a man to act like Proverbs advised...except he chose Lagos. Free him. He has done his best by y'all. Stop being self entitled
May be you guys should tell him to share his property among you guys before remarrying if that is your fear.
ReplyDeleteShare his property while still alive, are the children's hands broken to go look for their own money?
DeleteHmmm! Is this a not a thing of shame? That six grown adults of around 30-40years should ask their father to give them the proceeds from his small shop before he is even thinking of dying?
DeleteThis man doesnt own a conglomerate, he still has to work at age 70 so he can take care of himself and his selfish adult children, you people still want him to share his property so that he can survive on eating sand and gravel?
Lord have mercy.
I am sorry about how you feel. Your father may not have been a perfect husband and father, but he definitely ISN'T a Father from the Pit of Hell. He didn't do excellently, but he tried. He made sure none of you went hungry, and made an effort to see all of you through school . He could have done better, but this is where you all are at now.
ReplyDeleteYou and your siblings are angry with him; he didn't make your mother happy, so you all feel he doesn't deserve to be happy. Let the anger and vengeful feelings go.
Think about it too, your mother could have also made an effort to reclaim her happiness, she could have tried to get a job/ do business and move on with her life. Your father hurt her deeply, but she could have found the WILL to make her own life and that of her children better. (I am sorry, If I have misjudged the situation or your mum). Naomi in the Bible made an effort to find happiness after all the losses she suffered.
Anyway, back to the issue at hand. IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS IF YOUR DAD CHOOSES TO REMARRY. He has a right to pursue happiness to the degree his resources, health and his God permit him. He doesn't need you and your siblings'permission to remarry. You people are not the ones to tell a grown, capable man with his resources how to live his life
He is free to remarry if he chooses to. He has even tried, not remarrying in your mum's lifetime.
Did your dad treat your mum fairly? I don't know, but may be NOT. Does he deserve to be happy? If the decision was ours to make, we would probably say No. But we are not his God, so if His God has blessed him with health and money to remarry, why should we stand in his way?
On the other hand, despite the bitterness you and your siblings harbour towards him, do you want him to die and die alone? Would you consider it as justice for your mum? Please let him go ahead and marry, just encourage him to marry a godly woman so that the fragile peace at home is not further shattered.
May God heal your hearts, Amen!!!!
Happy Sabbath!!!!
Greedy and selfish children, you lot just want him to keep supporting you lot financially..let the old man marry if he wants!
ReplyDeleteWhatever happened between your parents is your business. I mean who's left grappling with the trauma from their dysfunctional and toxic union? You and your siblings. So, it is your business.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you guyz feel trust me. You feel like he doesn't deserve happiness because of what he put your mum through. But no need to stress yourselves. Allow him remarry. He needs that companionship that none of you can fill..it is well
ReplyDeleteSo among the children, non of you wants to venture into your dad's line of business? You want to keep maintaining steez when your dad is using the not so looking good business to make money? Is the business too low for your standards? You guys have not really suffered. If you have suffered enough, nobody will tell you to go and learn your dad's trade. Be there waiting for salary earning jobs while people with private businesses keep being independent you hear?
ReplyDeleteSelfish children, you all have your partners and someone to satisfy you in za oda room. Why do you people feel that your dad doesn't have the right to have someone to satisfy him in za oda room?
ReplyDeleteSomeone that trained you all in school and still send you guys money while you people are adults. That man has over do well and is time for him to relax a little. Your dad doesn't have so many years to stay on this earth, he was never born yo carry children wahala on his head till he die. At this age you all should be making little contributions to your dad not wanting him to continue feeding you all even in your husband's house. What are you husband's doing that your dad is still responsible for your upkeep till date? Your brothers should stand up and take up the challenge.
What about children that had no father or mother, how about children that their father's never paid their school fees 🤔 🙄 😕 you people are having entitlement mentality. When your dad was treating your mum badly, which one of you source for help to settle both of them. Which of you did prayer on their behalf to sort out their differences? Your dad moved on long time ago but your mum decided to remain there even when she knew it was over.
Sorry over what happened to your mum but you all should take your eyes off from your dad and allow him do what makes him happy. Your dad is still active in bed and no of you can fill that space for him.you all should go hustle and leave the poor man joor.