UNCOMFORTABLE LIE
I got married immediately after my secondery school. I was very young. Today my eldest daughter is a lawyer at 22.
I have an elder sister who is single. We have been praying for her to get a life partner. Lastly she relocated to another state because according to her she has to stay far from people that know that her younger sister is already married with 6 children. That i am spoiing shows for her.
Fast forward to last week she called that she met someone and he is talking marriage and she is bringing him to my base.
I have an elder sister who is single. We have been praying for her to get a life partner. Lastly she relocated to another state because according to her she has to stay far from people that know that her younger sister is already married with 6 children. That i am spoiing shows for her.
Fast forward to last week she called that she met someone and he is talking marriage and she is bringing him to my base.
Our parents are late.
I am so happy for her but the problem here is she wants me to lie that i am her elder sister! That she doesnt want her giuy to see her as an old woman with a younger sister that has grown up children. That seeing my grown up kids already makes her an old woman.
I am so happy for her but the problem here is she wants me to lie that i am her elder sister! That she doesnt want her giuy to see her as an old woman with a younger sister that has grown up children. That seeing my grown up kids already makes her an old woman.
The truth is that i am 42 and she is older than me with 4yrs. I dont want to lie but she is telling me i am wicked and against her marrying.
She had already told him i am her elder sister. I am not just comfortable with this arrangement.
WHAT!!!!!!...Please do not agree to that cos that lie wont hold at all...Imagine that at 46 she wants to start off a relationship that wants to lead to Marriage with lies...Next thing she will want you to say that you adopted your kids....She has to keep telling one lie after another to cover the lies....This is messed up, DONT AGREE!!!!
Just tell her no lovingly and if she can listen tell her it’s not ok to start marriage with lies. That means she also lied about her age
ReplyDeletePls don’t get involved
Zendaya
This kind of Lady is so desperate and has been the greatest undoing of herself.
ReplyDeleteWhy start a new relationship on lies and deception that must surely boomerang?
I think you should allow them come, and when they are close you will disappear and claim something came up
Never allow yourself to be used.
DOZZYBEST.
Desperation will put folks into mindsets and places they never dreamed of. She wants to be settled by any means possible and unfortunately is going about it the wrong way. The words she spoke to her sister tells that she has been carrying an ache in her soul about being unmarried, those kinds of words are coming from a heart full of pain. I only hope that the marriage works out well for her and she can find peace.
DeleteDear Poster, I agree with Stella...Please don't be a part of a lie....Haba!! At 46, why does she want to play this card or does she think the man will not know? Shebi she said she wants to stay far from you, so why are you the person to now lie on her behalf.....
ReplyDeleteOnce you start something with lies as the foundation, expect it to crumble like a stack of dominoes....Let her know you won't be a party to it and going forward, decide how your relationship will be going forward infact let her stay far from you....I don't enjoy vindictive and manipulative people...Do not bow to the pressure!!
All the best....
You don’t have to tell him anything
ReplyDeleteAll she has say is meet my sister
Simple
DeleteThank you! He doesn’t need to know that you have 6 children too. Is he coming to do a census?
DeleteDon’t verbalise anything. Just be nice to him by entertaining him well. He’s not coming to check your birth certificate nau.
Leave her to keep lying to him..when it backfires, she will bear it alone but don’t be the one to make him know she lied.
I think the elder sister might even be the one to introduce the poster as her younger sister just to appear as someone younger. She just needs the poster to nod her head and play along.
DeletePoster, please don't agree to it. Na she know wetin dey make her lie.
Do not agree abeg. Getting married at the age is not a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteAt her age,she still doesn't know how wrong it is to start a relationship based on lies. Anyway since she's so desperate, you guys don't need to declare to the guy who is older or younger, just be calling eachother my sister my sister, incase yawa gas latter you can pull nedu wife stunt and tell him he was the one that assumed .I wish her all the best in this her journey of lies , no relationship based on lies and deceit can last not even marriage
ReplyDeleteI don’t like anyone asking me to lie on their behalf. Must you meet him now. Do you have male siblings? If you have brothers then they could meet him or other family members like an elder aunt and uncle since parents are late. Perhaps it is better to meet him after everything has settled or on the wedding day. There is no rule that states you must meet him now. Tell her to let him meet everyone else and you show up on the wedding day.
ReplyDeleteGood advice.
DeletePoster,
Look for an older Uncle or Male cousin to be the family face on the marriage matters. That is the tradition in most of South South Nigeria unless your tribe has a different rule. There are ways of not telling the truth without lying. If he must come to your home, arrange to be suddenly absent. Let your husband and younger children be the hosts.
It is not easy for your Sister as the female Bvs are are presenting it.
If the prospective man is older than her, there will not be much problem after if she is well behaved in the marriage.
By the way I am a man.
Boy this is so messed up! Maybe he can start by telling her how that you married very early so she doesn't come off as too old since it's a concern. Which implies she has to subtly revert to the truth.
ReplyDeleteIf I were her, I’d just marry him without coming home at all
ReplyDeletePoster, once you tell this lie for your sister, you will continue with it. Don't accept please.
ReplyDeleteWicked people see una big mouth. What's wrong in giving her sister a chance at marriage. If you're the elder sister what will happen? Will your world end if you agree ? What are sisters for if you don't have each other's back ? Wicked pretenders. Me I will cut you off go look for another elder sister . From secondary you've started borning like rat .
ReplyDeleteSomeone got married early, had kids early, and you compare her to a rat. Jeeeez. The fact you see this as a minor thing says a lot about you. May God heal your bitter heart.
DeleteCandy who’s the rat?
DeleteYou need healing, I wonder what you look like.
DeleteDon't lie just tell her she has options of not coming to your place with the guy ; because either you lie or not , nothing is hiding for ever and if the guy knows tomorrow you become an accomplish in the deceit ,pls tell her not to come to your place
ReplyDeleteDon't lie just tell her she has options of not coming to your place with the guy ; because either you lie or not , nothing is hiding for ever and if the guy knows tomorrow you become an accomplish in the deceit ,pls tell her not to come to your place
ReplyDeleteIt's appalling the number of people saying she should lie for her sister. Once she tells that lie, she will continue to lie. What's the point really if she has to lie? It means the guy may not accept her. Why not be yourself???
ReplyDeleteEntering a relationship with a lie it's all shades of wrong. If only we accept that marriage is not an end itself then our attitude towards marriage will be different.
The day the man discovers she lied about something, everything will fall apart. He will never be able to trust her.
Imagine some people saying the sister is wicked for not accepting to lie.
Has it come to this???
Pray talk to your Sister, what if something happens in future to uncover the lie , what will she do?
It is not her fault that she married early and has adult children. Life is not like that.
We should learn to be grateful for every stage we are at in life.
I gladly do the favour to my sister. Poster please is no big deal unless you don't really love your sister
ReplyDeleteSis I don't know but nothing wrong with agreeing to this. Ha, life is not that hard nah. let have our sisters back
ReplyDeleteShe should kindly tell him that her younger sister got married immediately after secondary school while she decided to graduate before marrying that revelation alone will help him understand why things are the way they are.
ReplyDeleteIf you love your sister, play along. The man will get to know later.
ReplyDeleteProve her wrong that you are spoiling show for her because she may be right afterall.
If you do it and the guy finds out later, he will look at you all as a family of liars and that’s a terrible look.
ReplyDeleteI agree with others that say he must not meet you now, and even if you briefly meet, he must not meet your kids.
Anyway, I hope she didn’t tell the man that she’s 30-something, so the man will not be expecting her to get immediately.
🤔 I am not supporting anyone to marry by deceit but just stunned at the hypocrisy and double standards of my fellow women who don’t mind celebrating their 25th birthday for 10 consecutive years but seem horrified at the prospect of the poster covering up to help her sister. It’s the hypocrisy of my Deeper life sibling who condemns the wearing of jewelry and does not think I’m a born again but owns five houses from the loot of Nigerian goverment funds with her pittance salary. It’s the hypocrisy of an OS praying over a Lambo obtained through high end Escort work with “Christian” online in-laws scolding those who, like Mr Patrick Doyle dare to call attention to the erosion of societal values. I first read that “we all sin differently” on Nigerian SM, at least that is how we have justified the looting of the public treasury, the adulteration of everything from life saving meds to juice to wine to baby food!
ReplyDeleteI never did capture in one sentence the inherent nature of humans like our own MAGA voters, who are mostly filled with hatred of God’s creation on the basis of color but condemn abortion by a child victim of rape or invest. Legalism just like the Pharisees. Hatred or racism is no big deal, their own sins are not really that sinful, yours is. Little wonder that a very religious society where everything including the names of individuals is a prayer, is so rotten in corruption that $trillions have been looted over decades while everyone prays and pretends that it is all “grace”. The word “grace” has been the cover for horrendous sins against fellow citizens as corrupt politicians, cronies, contractors, yahoo fraudsters, fake medication peddlers, escorts, fake baby food makers, etc all shout it while flaunting their ill-gotten money. Abraham had to lie that Sarah was his sister twice. Technically they were half siblings but God expected him to tell the truth in faith not lie in fear.
Poster, I don’t want you to lie to help your sister but if you have ever lied to help yourself or if you ever padded contract or embellished your resume, or you would have lied if it was you, then you are a hypocrite as you know she did not create the messed up societal norms that glorify marriage at all costs, and fueled her age-related insecurity and the man’s possible aversion to marrying her if somehow he realized her actual age.
As someone suggested, why not be silent on the order of your birth and just refer to each other as sisters to at least help your sister and nit seem selfish? Or have a male relative receive him instead of you.✌🏾
God bless you for this comment.
DeleteBrutally frank.
DeleteThe Hypocrisy shocked you?
You saw the warrior prayer man with clenched fists and face beside the lambo too?
That is how we roll here on SDK log and in Naija land.
The grace of God is ever sufficient for us.
Who does not know how to plead the grace naim lose.
Hehehehehe.
I feel so bad for her. It's clearly desperation. Even if you lie now, the guy would find out eventually and then hate her, so what's the essence of it all?
ReplyDeleteYou Better Don't Start what You Can't Finish ooo..
ReplyDeleteWhy Will She Lie At First..
She Never Ready For Marriage ooo
Hello iya Boys
In this case, the issue of older or younger sister has not arisen at all. Bringing him and saying this is one of my siblings or sisters is enough. Some lies are not necessary.
ReplyDeleteWe all need to leave the detail to the devil, and give the specifics. Whenever she brings the man, all she will need to say is "Meet my sister, I love her and my other siblings so much, we are one big family. We lost our parents few years ago".
That's ok. No brother in law will be asking right there, are you older or younger?
If it will help help her.pls do it . Nobody has to know about it.
ReplyDeleteOh! Chimoo 🙄🧐 poster may God fix you and your sister situation Amen!
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry poster but I think you talk too much
ReplyDeleteEven the way you wrote this chronicle which was just a question about one thing you added all the things you have that your sister doesn’t
I think she’s just saying lay low. It’s her time. It’s not your place to be highlighting yourself when she’s trying to shine
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteStella, forgive me, this is coming very late. I have orders to be picked up by 9:30 am, so I had to get it ready last night after getting home from work. I still have to leave home again for work early this morning - city life is not easy.
Your sister’s fear is understandable - society pressures women into marriage like it's a race, and age is treated like an expiry date. But her insecurity isn’t and shouldn't be your burden to bear - you will not wear her shoes in the potential marriage she's believing. Starting a marriage with deception is like building a house of cards; truth has a way of showing up uninvited - lies unravel, and when they do, so does trust - so don't be a part of it. The hypocrisy argument as raised by the 'anonymous 17:53' is very valid - yes, some people lie on CVs or résumés, alter birth dates, fake lifestyles and pad experience. But just because the world is full of deception doesn’t mean you should contribute to it. Just like because there is forgiveness and redemption, then we should continue living a life of sinfulness. What does maturity teach us?
Maturity teaches us that peace is more valuable than being right, self-respect is better than seeking validation, and true strength lies in accepting reality without deception. So, if she truly believes this man wouldn’t accept her at 46, then she’s setting herself up for a relationship where she must keep up the act indefinitely. But history has shown that a lie is never older than truth - it dies before truth. Instead of rewriting her age, she should reframe her story: “I focused on my career before marriage.” Confidence sells better than lies.
The fundamental moral code to living is to live with integrity - be honest, kind, and accountable, even when no one is watching. Whatever troubles the peace of your conscience is not worth it. You can never find rest with yourself, even where your public displays say otherwise - that's just you putting up appearances. You’re not wicked for refusing to lie; you’re setting a boundary. If you’ve ever lied for personal gain, reflect on that, but don’t let that guilt strong-arm you into this. A marriage that demands a fake foundation isn’t worth the effort. Stand firm. Your sister needs self-acceptance, not a fabricated youth.
Poster I do not encourage telling lies especially with age cos someday the truth will come out, have you try to discuss this with your sister to point out the consequences of lies in marriage. She should be bold enough to tell her man the truth about her age, if he truly love her he will stand by here and maybe keep her age away from his family.
ReplyDeleteShe should not start up anything on lies cos it will never last long. She should remember when she is pregnant her real age will be revealed so that proper medical attention can be given to her based on her age.
Lastly, if you have spoken to her and she still refuse to listen. Please just play along, when they arrive do not say anything about how many children you have or who is older. You can ask some of your children especially the older ones to go hang out somewhere whole they visit and let him meet with the younger kids or they can stay indoor while they are around. The reason I am saying this is cos your sister now see you as a banana peel who is blocking her marriage. Please stay off her lane so that she will not harm you that you refused to assist her.
You will never understand the shoe she is wearing for years. The reason she is acting funny till you try that shoe. Just make sure you have no word to say, allow her do the talking and I know the man will not ask you so many questions. Pretend you are not a talking type while she paint the picture herself. So that tomorrow when the chips are down she will never blame you.