STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
STEALING CHILD
My daughter is 12 and lives with my mother. She just started this habit of stealing.. She'll leave school during break to the eatery close to her school and can buy a whole pizza and eat.
She was such a sweet girl growing up and I don't know why this change. She lies a lot too. Someone told me (a neighbour whose child attend the same school as her) she went out of the school recently and I told her thank you.
I told my husband and he said he'll beat her, he'll flog her and that he'll go to my parents house to wait for her after school and flog all her body with cane.
I told him someone does not tell you something about a child and you'll take action that we should ask our daughter first to get her to open up. I'm so sick and tired of this new habit.
Pls my fellow mothers help me with what I can do. My mother said I should come carry her back to my house or to go to her school and investigate and if possible report her. I don't want anything that will bring down her self esteem.
Hmmmmm Why is your child not staying with you in the first place?The first thing you should do is to go and pack her things and take her home cos this is just the beginning and it wont get better...Dont let her add sleeping around to the list at this age.......
Find out why she is stealing money to buy food..Stealing and lying go hand in hand, if you can find out why she is doing these things, it would be nice but you dont live with your daughter and share a close bond with her so getting her to tell you anything will be a waste of time, that is why she needs to go home?
Her Father wants to go and use caneto flog her?Just tell him that he will make things work...
Stella just saved me from plenty typing....Why is your daughter not living with both of you? Why is she staying with your mother?
ReplyDeleteSo after flogging her, then what next? Leave with your mum? That does not solve the problem...
Find out why she is doing such? Hear from your mom too? Then take her to live with you and your husband...there is only some things your mom can do especially in age and strength plus you know how grandmothers are towards their grand children...
All the best...
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ReplyDeleteWhy is your daughter at such age not living with you people? The first blame should be apportioned to you and your husband. Your daughter if not handle very well now will grow into following young boys in few years time and will be exposed to more criminal lifestyle, drugs and prostitution. All these goes together.
ReplyDeleteYour husband shouldn't use force or punishment on her. Bring her closer and have a chat with her. Let her go to school from your house. Closely monitor her and search her bag as well. Let the school authority keep an eye on her. Report to them about it. The school isn't all about learning but also in character formaton.
Why I won't support punishing a child is that, whenever you starve or punish a child, you harden the heart of that child the more of whatever they were doing wrong before that punishment.
Above all, if you people are Christians, put her in a department she fits into and also be taking her to church for prayers. There's no character God can't change from a lost soul. The story of St. Augustine is always a reminder that our soul is restless until it rest in God.
© TEEJAY
Why is your daughter not staying with you? Seems you’re not married to her biological father.
ReplyDeleteEven if the daughter belongs to another man, it still doesn't stop the mother from taking her along to live with them. Though tradition differs but if I'm a woman with a child that tender and a man wants to marry me, that should be the first thing to talk about. He should be willing to take both my child and I into the marriage if he truly loves me. You can't love me and don't want my little child.
DeleteIn my place, a single mom when given into marriage, the prospective husband will be told he's taking both mother and child before bride price is being received. The choice will be his to make. The only problem sometimes is that, most women his their lovechild from their husband to be. If a man truly loves a woman, he wouldn't find it hard to accept her child.
© TEEJAY
You’re very correct 100%, but some women single mother don’t mind to sacrifice their kid(s) to get married again to a fresh man and move on in life. I have seen it happened, reason why I asked her that question, if she’s hasn’t throw her child away because of marriage.
DeleteTeejay, it could be that she's protecting her daughter from sexual molestation by her husband. You know we hear stories of such from time to time.
DeleteSlim Shady, it is MADNESS for a woman to be married to, or remain married to a man that is capable of sexually assaulting her daughter or any young girl for that matter!!!
DeleteMay be the daughter belongs to another man because if it belongs to both of you why is she not staying with you?better to be doing that in your presence than to be in grandma house who has no power to help her navigate this their teen madness
ReplyDeleteShe's not living with her because of her almighty marriage na. The husband obviously objected to her living with them but he can carry cane to go and flog her . She's obviously not happy that she's not living with you .this is her way of getting your attention. May thunder strike the hand of that man if he beats her . As for you the mother more shege from her is coming.
ReplyDeleteDon't say that please
DeleteWhere did she tell you the child is not her husband's, some people send their children to live with their parents to assist the parents instead of hiring help
Hmmmm. Girls raised by grandmas … hmmm. Grand mas are tired and they can’t discipline or raise anything. Madam go and pick your daughter. If you like don’t show her love, when she’s grown she will look for that love outside and might find it in rubbish places
DeleteChilax a bit.Let your critics be constructive, you re too harsh.
DeleteJust follow your Mammi Stella's advice, she meant your husband flogging her will make things worst.
ReplyDeleteBut dear Mrs you made a big mistake oo, your daughter suppose to be your best friend and she is, why did you give your best friend distance like this is not fair nah, please try and find out what happened there is a cause for it .
Give her a cordial and Best relationship that will bring her very close to you so that she will open up and tell you everything always. Best relationship ever..
Poster you need to get closer to her. She may be doing it because she needs your attention or she is not well feed. Please take her with you because her self esteem is affected already. Drink garri with her if it comes that, mother's love cannot be replaced.
ReplyDeleteWhen you find out the truth please flog her for this one time and talk to her as well . It will reset her brain. If it happens again, you scold her but not with a whip. Scold her in a way that she will think that you were going to raise your hands on her.Then the next day, Sit her down her and give her heart to heart advice. Tell her how disappointed, heartbroken and shameful you and hubby feel knowing that your daughter is doing such a thing. You have to flog her the first time.The bible didn't make mistake when it said, "spare the rod and spoil the child".
ReplyDeletePerhaps the stress of being separated from her parents has manifested in this form of acting out. Children are living beings with emotions and consciousness. Imagine seeing peers being dropped off and picked up from school by their parents daily and she is with her grandmother, as though she is an orphan when she is not.
ReplyDeleteNone of you have any sound idea of what parenting is and that too could be adding to the stress, knowing that ppl around her are not even good. Listen to all of you thoughts; husband wants to flog her with cane like a wild beast, you acting clueless with not one iota of critical thinking, and your mother suggesting that you just come and pick her away like a sack of spoiled potatoes. The misfortune of this child is being born in the family that she has been born into. Let me guess, she was giving some problems before that is why she was carted off to grandma? I know there is a segment of the population who is not interested in rearing their children and prefer to shift them off to grandmas.
Before I say more, which you may not be able to take. She is 12 years old now, the window for having any real effect on her is shrinking. You and your husband need parenting classes. I know neither of you will go, because your pride will not make you and the certainty you both will feel that nothing is wrong with you and the family will make you think your daughter is just a ‘bad seed’, but she is your seed so if she is doing bad things what does that say about you all? Go get help for yourselves and bring your child back into the household she should be living in, under the protection and guidance of her parents. Your husband needs help with his thoughts of violence. He didn’t even think to speak with her as a father should, see where his mind is at, all is thoughts is to beat without abandon. And you really do not want to bring her back home, there you are talking of the days of old, how she was so good. Your child is unwanted and she knows it!
She's unwanted and she knows it .very wicked mother and stepshit father.
Deletegreat comment. no be everybody suppose born pikin. why do you people know you can't train/mold another person and yet selfishly decide to birth one? then worse of all, give her out to your mother??
DeleteHe knows how to flog her but apparently will not allow her to live with you in order to bring her up properly. If truly he is so concerned he should allow her to start living with you. This girl is on a free fall already and unless you take action now to halt it, it might be too late.
ReplyDeleteIs your husband her father or you used our child as per what is yours is his? If yes, why is she not staying with you people?
ReplyDeleteSomething definitely happened or she befriended a thief in her community or school. You need to find out. Try winning her trust so she can open up to you. Take her on a girls only date. Mummy and daughter and ask her questions like a friend not a mother. It works always.
Your daughter needs your attention more than ever now. Do not beat her. Go and have a midnight conversation with her and pray for her.
ReplyDeleteThe decision to not have her live with you guys is not fair at all. This is her formative years, she needs a declined mind and hands.
ReplyDeleteGet her back and work on her please. Not by beating.
Beating will not work. I'm sure grandma has talked like no tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteFirst, find out, how and when this habit started.
2ndly, find out the friends she hangs out with.
Thirdly, sit her down and tell her the consequences of stealing. Ask her if that's what she wants.
You must instil values in her life, there is still time, hope is not lost. She can have a turn around if she has a clear picture of how far this behavior will take her.
Pray, pray and pray. There is nothing prayer can't do.
And pls there are family patterns. Is there anyone in the family who does that??
ReplyDeleteCould be diabolic. Pls find out. My mum once worked with and an adult who would steal ridiculous things you can't imagine. She talked with him when she found out, and he told her something comes over him and he can't control himself. He told her this with tears in his eyes. She prayed for him.
So that angle should not be ruled out.
Poster, what you should do first is to bring your daughter to live with you and your husband. Then get close to her. Beating will definitely not solve the issue.
ReplyDeleteThis might be her way of crying for help. She might be facing some issues or abuse where she is staying with grandma and she might be afraid of telling you. She probably believes if she does something terrible or frustrates the grandmother, she will be sent back to you. I'm speaking from experience as one of my older cousins living with me and other grandchildren used to force me to perform oral sex on him. Being stubborn and very rude was the only way I knew how to express what I was going through. Till my granny told my parents she couldn't manage my tantrums again. I never saw him again as not long after my parents moved me back to Abuja, we relocated out of Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteIt seems this your daughter is not for yiyr husband, the reason she is not in the same house with you. You need yo bring her close to you and find out why she is stealing money to buy a whole pizza. How your mother is feeding her well? I hope you didn't forget her with your mother.
ReplyDeleteTell your husband to hold on with the flogging till you are able to invest what truly happened.
To raise kids is not easy at all. I feel you should take her back to live with you, the. Gradually make her your friend and let her open up to you.. there must be a route cause of the matter. All the best
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is not the problem - your absence is (parental). And she isn’t just stealing; she’s reaching out in the only way she knows how. She’s 12 and testing limits, caught between childhood and adolescence, craving love, security, and belonging. Right now, she feels abandoned and that’s why she’s filling emotional gaps with stolen indulgences. The issue isn’t just theft; it’s displacement. At that age group, children become more aware and need proper parenting - they crave belonging, not exile. There's a functional role a father and mother play in the life of a child; only a few manage to play these core roles single-handedly at a great cost or sacrifice.
ReplyDeleteThe pizza isn’t about hunger - it’s about control, about filling an emotional void. Beating her will only push her further into secrecy - pain won’t fix what neglect broke. Bring her home. Hold her close. Because you cannot parent from a distance and expect discipline to stick. Ask questions, not with suspicion, but with genuine care. Let her feel seen, heard, and valued. If she’s acting out, it means she still hopes for your attention. Don’t make her beg for it in destructive ways. She needs guidance, not punishment. If you don’t embrace her now, the world will - and it won’t be kind. As you may not like where she will find her safe space, why not create one for now as her parent.