There is this lady a colleague who confides in me . She came to me for advice and I said let me share it here to get BV's opinion.
According to her, she has been in a two year relationship with this guy. His work takes him offshore.Whenever he is around,they spend time together and check up on each other.
Months later, he proposed marriage with a ring and she accepted it.
He had visited her mum with a few of his family members for a casual introduction.
Here is the issue, the guy suddenly changed. He just stopped calling and when she called, he always used work as an excuse.
At a point she stopped calling him. There was no argument, misunderstanding, or what she can say is the cause.
This has been going on since last year ,even this year they have not spoken.
My colleague is worried and confused. She asked whether she should call him and tell him to come and collect his ring and call it off??
'Why do you wanna call it off without finding closure? Returning the ring is not the issue..Doesnt he have a house? why not go there to see if another lady is there and pregnant?Dont call him cos he might not pick....
So, its either he met someone else or someone that knows you badmouthed you to him and he fell for it......Whichever way, dont marry him and dont try to make up...After you find closure, walk away.......Give him which ring? Go and sell it and give the money to charity...hissss
All these chronicle here... wish we could be hearing from both parties involved before giving them advises slf.....
ReplyDeletePoster before a man decided to give you a ring, I believe he was intentional about you.
Go and check yourself too and if you wan sell the ring 💍 abeg I get aboki for you
If i was you, i will let him be and move on. Sometimes, you don't need closure, people who can't seem to move on seek for closure because in their inner spirit, they hope they can justify themselves and get the relationship back when hearing from the other party, sometimes, it is good to let people go and have it in their conscience. If in your heart of heart, you know you didn't offend him, just let him be. Keep the ring or sale it, a ring is a promise as well as a gift.
DeleteI agree with SDK except giving the proceed to charity. 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteAll these off shore, on shore stuff, how does it work?
ReplyDeleteAre you sure the guy get work? Maybe he has changed his mind or maybe he heard something about you.
Go to his house for findings.
That will settle it after that sell off the ring
Dear Poster, Does your friend not know the addresses or contact of people who came with him for her introduction? What happened to them? Like his friends or some thing ? Abi did he hire 'family members' to come for her introduction?...
ReplyDeleteSince he has placed a brick wall between her and him....In the case, I won't advice her to get any closure - this sometimes is overrated because his actions speaks louder than anything he will ever say or unsay plus it's another year with no communication from him...
My advice is let her return the engagement ring to his family members so she is totally free from him...No time to shalaye, no need reaching out to him or family members once she has done whatever with the ring....If she can't get any family member, then she can do whatever with the ring....
It's time to count her losses, end the disrespect & move on so she can find the love she truly deserves....God loves her and have saved her from embarrassment....
Who knows the guy may be married and has different women in different states of the country...
All the best to her....
Call him to find out whats going on. Ask him if he's going through stuff or if you offended him.
ReplyDeleteLet him know how you feel about the whole thing....no communication and all that. Tell him you love and miss him and that you'd like to know what's going on.
Let him know that you are ready to squash whatever issues arose that made him stay away.
For now, do not mention the engagement.
If after you do this he has nothing sensible to say and he's not willing to make changes, please let him be.
Please, do not go to his house.
There's a problem somewhere. Someone must have badmouth her to the guy.
ReplyDeleteIf he changed after visiting her family...then that is where the issue lies!
ReplyDeleteIs her family house depilated? Is her family struggling, financially? Maybe after seeing the state of her home, he believes he will be used as a cash cow! If he takes care of his family's expenses...adding her family's own may be too much for him to shoulder.
Ghosting is cowardice! At least be man enough to end things, maturely!
Poster, try find closure. He might be going through difficult times. What kind of ‘offshore ‘ work does he do. Anyway contact his family, the truth will come to light. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteHe is a mariner, sea.
DeleteDear Poster
ReplyDeleteLet him be, he has obviously moved on and no longer interested in you
Better to move on too honorably. The man that is meant for you won't keep you guessing
Did he sleep with only AFTER the ring
ReplyDeleteIs it an expensive ring
Cause maybe he did ring for s**
Thus is what he did .those people are not his real people too. This kain man ehhn nato swear for am naked for midnight. He won't know which ant is biting him so that next time he won't try it.
DeleteWho knows wether he infested her with a disease and disappeared. A man knowing your family doesn't stop him from carrying out an evil agenda if he actually has an evil agenda.
ReplyDeleteIn another angle, why not visit him and hear from him one on one? I would have advised you to visit his family home but no, his family might be covering up for him. Are you even sure that the people he introduced as his family are truly his family? I have someone here that can go to the extent of arranging both male and females, including elderlies just to prove to a girl that he is ready to stay committed to her . They will all try to convince the girl in his behalf.
Treat him just exactly as he is treating you..
ReplyDeleteWhatever hands anyone brings to you,return it just same way;with a touch of "Jara".
If deep down she didn't do anything to him and you can beat your chest to say you don't have an ugly past that would make him go all mute all of a sudden,then no need to give him closure by asking what you did wrong.
If he isn't mature enough to communicate even if you did something wrong,then he isn't ready to get married.
No woman or man needs a child in an adults body,whom you would have to cajole with biscuits before they can speak up,Marriage isn't child's play and constant communication is just one of the keys.
@MARTINS
Sad love tales litter every generation.
ReplyDeleteMove on.
ReplyDeleteThis has happened to me in the past, only that it was the mother that was responsible.
I gave the ring to one of his sibling to give it to him. You can toss it in trash if there's no middle person.
The best decision I ever made in life.
I'm sorry he broke your heart.
Yes, you return the ring or trash it, not selling it to "give to charity",. We know say that charity na whining.. na hungry babeove be that
DeleteSometimes Una no dey tell unaself truth because you no won dey accountable.
ReplyDeleteSearch yourself and be honest if you didn't do stuff or exhibit mindset that will make any sensible man that wants to marry you to run..
Like one babe I wanted to take seriously with marriage in view, telling me she is going to a house party 😂.. no be my own wife them go give doggy for truth and dare, I just match brake sharply, tho, that was after she was MIA for 24 hours only to come back and tell me she was having mood swings and telling me I worry too much, say make I know say na so woman be.. in other words, I should brazen myself for more disappearing acts 😂..
A whole bad boy like me wey know say she go collect super Deek.. I just took myself out without talking plenty
Hahahhaahahahah party with little touch of lande association of Nigeria
DeleteStella thanks for posting. I have introduced her to the blog. She read all the comments.I also told her to move on and withdraw her feelings.
ReplyDeleteHer family members have asked her several times about the guy, she is ashamed to tell them what happened. This is not the first but the third time she felt disappointed in a relationship .
She doesn't concentrate at work anymore as she keeps talking about him.
Honestly heartbreak can shatter someone.
chai i feel for her
DeleteEven if she has done something wrong or he found out something about her, he is a coward not to ask her at least. Ghosting people isn’t cool especially someone you have led on to the point of proposal and introduction. Tell her she dodged a bullet and she should move on. As per the ring, no stress. She should keep it or sell it later if it is gold when she is in a better headspace. Let her brace up and do her best to forget about him. You her friends should know your role now and help her heal. Take her out, let her party and get her grove back. If she has a someone in her friend zone that she likes a little, she should rebound immediately.
DeleteDom trash the ring please
DeleteIf no one to give you can sell it and use the money or sell it and give money out
You don’t have to trash it to prove a point
She had better move on from this situationship,it's obvious he's no longer interested in her, even if she did something wrong, this is no way to handle it...I think she should be glad she didn't marry someone with this kind of attitude, this one will show her shege in the marriage..If I were your friend, I'd return his ring and let my family know what happened..a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage..do not marry this man even if he comes back!,free yourself so that the right man can locate you.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteYour friend shouldn’t be downcast - this sort of thing happens, though not too often. I think what truly troubles her isn’t just the disappearance but the unresolved emotions tied to it. Her priority now should be self-respect through healing and forgiveness, not chasing after someone who walked away. Ghosting isn’t silence - it’s a statement. A man who vanishes for over a year, not even a word from his family, isn’t just busy with work; he’s done. Or could something have happened, and they chose not to inform her?
Honestly, she deserves better. Someone who truly values her wouldn’t disappear without a word. I know it hurts, and I’m not downplaying that. She gave her heart, her time, and her trust, only to be left with questions that may never be answered. But closure, in this case, isn’t something she’ll get from him - it’s something she must give herself for her own sanity.
If reaching out feels necessary, she should do it once for peace of mind, but never to beg for clarity from someone whose absence has already spoken. Whether she returns the ring, sells it, or keeps it, the decision should be hers alone, free of guilt. The real heartbreak isn’t his absence - it’s believing she needs his validation to move on. Love doesn’t leave you guessing. Choosing to ignore him isn’t losing love; it’s reclaiming herself.
This is so painful..she needs closure..
ReplyDelete