DEAD MARRIAGE
Has anyone been in a loveless marriage before ? He's an amazing father to the kids but not so good a husband.
I think we've fallen out of feelings for each other after 9years and 2 kids. Communication and s#x is like a 10/100 now .
This has been on for a few months. How do people cope? I dont want to start up a conversation on this with him cos I always do but it's so glaring now this guy dosent love me and I think i have started to resent him.....
After 9 years you just realised that he does not love you? So you wanna go back to the streets? Is there any form of Violence in the Marriage? Why dont you have the conversation with him? Did his love for you change? Why dont you discuss with him and find out what happened to his feelings? Do you still love him?Is there no way to repair what you had? Look for a quiet time and bring up the issue...begin to do the things he likes and watch him also do yours...
And guess what.....stop being mean with words!!!
Having a conversation with him will help you and give you more clarity than having a conversation with us
ReplyDeleteBut don’t be confrontational. Tell him what you have noticed and how it makes you feel. This may help though. Cheers!
Zendaya
Didn't you read where she said that she didn't want to have a conversation with him on it again because he always do.
DeleteRead to comprehend dear
DeletePlease lets realise that for long dtanding marital issues, ‘have a conversation’ doesnt work. The person must have had million of conversstions over tge years which all fell on deaf ears. The person must have even been labelled a nag.
DeleteI dislike when people bring up issues like this and are told to talk to their spouse as if they have been keeping quiet since.
Having a conversation with him will help you and give you more clarity than having a conversation with us
ReplyDeleteBut don’t be confrontational. Tell him what you have noticed and how it makes you feel. This may help though. Cheers!
Zendaya
It's a conversation that needs to be had. Both of you need to ask yourselves if your marriage is important to u or not. If you let this lovelessness fester, it will gradually graduate to cheating (if it hasn't already) and depression.
ReplyDeleteBoth of you need to sit up and start working on ways to bring excitement back into ur marriage and the love may just come back.
How do u cope being in the same space with someone you are not communicating with?
How is she mean with words ? @stella . Or you just recently heard the word "mean" for the first time and decided to use it?.
ReplyDeleteWhat is so special and unique about the word 'mean' ? Say something else anno 15:11
DeleteStella is that one that always sound means why she thought that the lady was mean. Stella sounds like a strict person.
DeleteDear Poster, Please read Stella's advice again and again!! There lies your answers....
ReplyDeleteIf you want it to work, just give it another shot....See if you can organize a mini date night in your home ; cook his favourite meals and make it romantic...And then talk things over and really communicate with him....Remembers those things you did when you dated; those fun times and all....Genuinely care for him and flush out any negative thoughts....
I believe God will revive your marriage...
All the best
And she bears the burden of reviving the marriage because she is married to herself, unqualified dead weight failed “leaders” and non husband men sit and behave like they are doing you a favour marrying the wife
DeletePlease have a conversation with him.
ReplyDeletePray for your home as well.
I trust that God will restore your marriage.
People fall out of love and most times it’s from a lot of hurt. You guys may need to talk about it because from the look of things, you’ve hurt each other in those 9 years. Same thing happened between me and my wife.its been 11 years but the love went dead at some point last year but we talked about it, opened our hearts and spoke about the pain, anger and resentment we were each harboring and slowly, we’ve been picking up the pieces. Nothing will change without having a very candid conversation.
ReplyDeleteThank you. This is happening in my marriage too. My marriage will be 10 years in some few months, but we feel so much resentments towards each other, which you have correctly said is from a place of hurt. We have had the discussion but we keep arguing whenever either party brings it up. I am done with the marriage mentally.
DeleteTruly, it is getting to a point where I am considering cheating. At this point, If given the opportunity, I know I will fall on a dick. lol
We have had several conversations but it has led to nowhere.
We
DeleteWe, you saw yourselves as a team and both worked on it
We
DeleteWe, you saw yourselves as a team and both worked on it
Thank God women are now speaking out. The other day, it was the one who married her husband to shame her ex, and now wants to go back.
ReplyDeleteMen put yourselves first ooo. Your wife fit decide not to love you again after 10 years for no reason.
Please, share the link or date of that chronicle
DeleteI honestly pray the spirit of understanding descends on you
DeleteYou don’t need to encourage people many of whom are already desperately selfish and destructively self centered sociopaths to choose themselves. Leadership failure at all levels from inferior kangs is why the world is in chaos today
DeleteYou don’t need to encourage people many of whom are already desperately selfish and destructively self centered sociopaths to choose themselves. Leadership failure at all levels from inferior kangs is why the world is in chaos today
DeleteGod please, you know what I am avoiding
ReplyDeleteIf you want to take a walk and find your happiness, by all means. Health and Happiness are paramount. Let him know that you are reacting to what he started putting out. If he reiterates that it's something you did in the past that led him to pull away, then you both decide if you want to work on yourselves to salvage the union. If not, please walk away before resentment will lead to hatred and evil thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMarriage that involves children come with a lot of responsibilities that most times couples forget each other while giving children the whole attention.
ReplyDeleteHave you found out why he is acting that way??
Keep reminding him how he used to be but don't put pressure on him.
Madam,
ReplyDeletePlease take some time and ask God what to do.
Really ask God to open your eyes, touch your heart and touch the heart if your husband BEFORE you have that conversation with him.
Spend some time and pray Colossians 1:9-10 for 2 weeks before you meet him
Then also follow the established family on IG, their posts can help you.
Listen to their podcasts too.
I pray God has mercy on you
Amen
Failed lazy men cannot seek GOD in prayers, lead positive change, they sit like passengers and the woman has to do his job at family altar and seek divine intervention
DeleteFailed lazy men cannot seek GOD in prayers, lead positive change, they sit like passengers and the woman has to do his job at family altar and seek divine intervention
DeleteWas he always like this?
ReplyDeleteDid he change?
What caused the change?
If you cannot have a conversation with a husband of 9 years, it's either you made a mistake from the onset or you are not a good wife.
People can change for the worst, drop their masks etc
DeleteDon't know how these men are great father but not good husband
ReplyDeleteIkegwuru Nne, may God fix it her since conversation can't work anymore I don't even know what to say again
DeleteThe same way you can be a good mummy but not a good wife.
DeleteParents can pour their love on their children, be patient with them but be very very impatient with their spouses.
A cheating woman can still be a good mummy
So yes it’s possible
Men who don’t like women are many but are only interested in her to sleep with, be womb , nanny, housekeeper to carry children
DeleteI pity your life ,you have seen somebody deceiving you outside abi na now you know you don't love him again after 9yrs ,better pray to God and discuss with him ;no good person outside .
ReplyDeleteStop projecting men’s way of straying on women
DeleteStop projecting men’s way of straying on women
DeleteI am confused where did she say was mean with words Stella? are you importing your own facts into her story ?
ReplyDeleteAlso how did everyone miss the part she said she has been having conversations with him on the matter but it looks like it is not yielding any results?
People still in marriage can unconsciously act condescending to those struggling
DeleteMadam you just have to do this conversation over and over again. There's no time for this. just keep at it
ReplyDeleteThis marriage sounds like it requires professional intervention.
ReplyDeleteJust ask him if he wants a divorce
ReplyDeleteThe stats show men typically don’t file for divorce. The act up till the woman leaves and files
Ask him if that’s what’s going on
Op, your marriage is quite young, your kids too. I’ll advise that you look into the marriage and try and diagnose the issue. Where things went wrong. Second, speak to your husband again. Tell how you’re feeling and your worries. And ask him if he feels the same and what his concerns are. You guys can then work from there. If he refuses to talk to you and address the issues you’ve raised, then there’s a problem. Because however he feels, he should be concerned about you and how you feel in the marriage.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest counseling after this point but I don’t advise it. You may want to figure out your way forward.
I don tire for all this chronicles
ReplyDeleteI really really wish someone with experience of thus situation will leave a comment. All this ‘have a conversation with him’ even after poster said she has had conversations, is almost making my blood boil. You can tell they have no idea what they are on about and just want to talk.
ReplyDeletePele oh, no advise, yet settling down to criticise others advice
DeleteI get your point, some people flare when you initiate conversations to discuss the permanent state of unhappiness, men can be very emotionally immature in response, quarrel, silence, malice or call you nag can be the results
DeleteI get your point, some people flare when you initiate conversations to discuss the permanent state of unhappiness, men can be very emotionally immature in response, quarrel, silence, malice or call you nag can be the results
DeleteYou need to talk about it with him Poster. If he refused to listen get someone he respect to meditate, do your best to improve on your relationship with him. If you do every thing you can and it didn't work then have your peace, everyone deserves peace.
ReplyDeleteAfter the discussions .lf no improvement.Check your self and decide what next.
ReplyDeleteI will advise you have that conversation to know exactly,what's up. It takes two to tango and mostly women determines the tone and mood of the marriage especially when no violence or laziness is involved. Just ego and huge ego.
ReplyDeleteEmotionally stunted or unavailable men are total thrash
DeleteEmotionally stunted or unavailable men are total thrash
DeleteNnenne, the both of you need to speak to a couples therapist.
ReplyDeleteNot a priest or pastor o but a therapist.
If that's not available, then try separation. Life is not a rehearsal and you deserve to enjoy every moment.
Stella more often than not gives back advice. Gosh
Bad advice . I definitely wrote that Stella gives bad advice more often than not.
DeleteYou both need to see a marriage counselor. You and your husband need to first be on the same page. He might think everything is okay while you are feeling this way. He may also have some negative feelings towards you but can’t express it.. so the marriage counseling will bring out all the issues. After that you both can decide way forward, if you decide to be together then you both have to be intentional about making each other happy.( dinner dates, gifts, hanging out, playing games,etc)
ReplyDeleteTry and fix your marriage since your husband is a good father to your children, you both can revive the love between you both if only both of you are ready to give love another chance. You need to have that conversation with your man, he is your husband and not your bf, calm down and speak with him, find out what went wrong I your marriage and you both should fix it
ReplyDeleteI don't think you guyz have much of a problem. Just therapy to rekindle the relationship
ReplyDeleteIt's always very easy for women to claim they are being neglected or not loved in a marriage, but most of the times when you dig deep into the root cause, you find the same woman being at the center. Men are easy creatures and getting the best from them as a woman should be easy if you know your craft, especially when there is love in the relationship at some point. I will be 22 years in marriage this year, and I almost does not feel anything again for my wife, even to stay in the same space with her is a problem. This didn't just start, it's been going on for years and the more I point her in the direction of what I like or don't like or how I want things within my space to be (mostly in subtle, non-agggressive ways), the more she continues to repeat same thing, supposedly with a mindset of "accept me the way I am". So now I am just waiting for my lat son to get into the University, so that I can live my life the way I envisoned it (I have no plan of getting into another relationship). So when women are complaining, they need to first do that honest self check.
ReplyDeleteThere’s something called the ten year itch
ReplyDeleteGoogle it and see if you meet the factors