I am the poster of TUESDAY CHRONICLE and I think everyone is misunderstanding my situation. I am confused about who to date not marry. Right now these two men are both seeking a relationship with me.
From their perspective here is what they say I bring to the table.
The rich guy describes himself as naturally reserved and says I am the only woman who brings out his fun side. He finds me very intelligent and values the insights I give him for his company. He also says I am the only woman who has ever engaged him in meaningful work conversations that stimulate him intellectually.
The other guy says I offer him emotional support, bring peace and calm to his chaotic mind, and provide meaningful strategies to help him navigate his daily struggles.
The problem is all my life I have lacked two things in every relationship I have ever been in. First a man who provides financial support. I crave that not because I am materialistic but because I want to know what it feels like to have a man who can hold me down when I am struggling just as I would do for him. In 30 years I have never had this. Second I have never been in a relationship where I feel emotionally seen; loved and needed and I have yearned for that too.
I prayed endlessly for these two things. I craved them with my body and soul. But now my prayer has been answered in a funny way. The two qualities I wanted most came not in one person but in two. It feels like God is telling me to choose which one matters more.
I live in Port Harcourt and just when I was planning to relocate to Lagos I met these two men. The rich guy lives here in PH while the other guy lives in Lagos where I originally intended to move ,,,
The other guy says I offer him emotional support, bring peace and calm to his chaotic mind, and provide meaningful strategies to help him navigate his daily struggles.
The problem is all my life I have lacked two things in every relationship I have ever been in. First a man who provides financial support. I crave that not because I am materialistic but because I want to know what it feels like to have a man who can hold me down when I am struggling just as I would do for him. In 30 years I have never had this. Second I have never been in a relationship where I feel emotionally seen; loved and needed and I have yearned for that too.
I prayed endlessly for these two things. I craved them with my body and soul. But now my prayer has been answered in a funny way. The two qualities I wanted most came not in one person but in two. It feels like God is telling me to choose which one matters more.
I live in Port Harcourt and just when I was planning to relocate to Lagos I met these two men. The rich guy lives here in PH while the other guy lives in Lagos where I originally intended to move ,,,
I have physically met both me one in Lagos and the other in ph. I fear that if I leave PH for Lagos I will lose the guy here and if I stay back in PH I will lose the one in Lagos.
I am still in the talking stage with both of them so I am not cheating but they both mean a lot to me. I really don’t know what to do. I have prayed and prayed but God doesn’t seem to have my time yet so I have no answers.
I am still in the talking stage with both of them so I am not cheating but they both mean a lot to me. I really don’t know what to do. I have prayed and prayed but God doesn’t seem to have my time yet so I have no answers.
Please help a girl out I am in a mess.
That Lagos guy has your time cos hes broke, wait for when he has money first (not all behave like this though))........
So why are you even bothered since it is just talking stage=You might not end up marrying any of them or none might wanna marry you..
Ask them what kind of relationship they are looking for...U get longer throat i swear.....choose one already abeg!!...lol
If you ask me eh, choose the PH guy abi u come life come suffer?lol
Are you in the comments section?
ReplyDeleteI have some questions to ask you which will determine my answer. But if you aren't, I will just go straight to the point and let you know that; none of them is the one for you. So move on and be at peace.
Not to condemn your comment, I would love to know why you believe that non of them is for her? Sorry, don't misunderstand my question please.
DeleteHow did u arrive at this conclusion?
DeleteGo for the 1st option. There lies your ans. You need material and emotional support. Guy 1 would give you,while guy 2 would give you emotional blackmail.
DeleteYes I am here please ask
DeleteYes, slim shady I was even hoping you would be here.
Delete16:47 Alright thank God.
Poster, I am happy you are here and I have some questions to ask you first and I also have some things to share with you from personal experience.
Slim shady and Eka, I answered her from a spiritual angle.
Slim Shady, she said she has prayed, and God is SILENT. When we pray, God gives three answers:
DeleteYes, which means go ahead;
No, which means not the right one;
Silence, which means no comment, read between the line.
Depending on the situation on the ground, that is what that will determine if God will tell you, "No!" or give you the silent response.
If the person you are praying about is harmful to you or their presence will bring calamity into your life, God will tell you, "No!" But if they are not necessarily bad people but just not the right fit for you, He will keep silent and hope you get the message.
It is just like when your child asks you, "Mommy, can I take that chocolate in the jar?" And you refuse to respond. Your child keeps asking, and he knows you can hear him, but still, you give no response. The child knows you can hear and he already understood what your silence means, even though you didn't say "No" verbally. Why? Because silence is also a response. I mean a non-verbal response. Most of the time, a non-verbal response is the usual response God gives a mature Christian because he knows their spiritual mind is naturally enlightened to get the point of the non-verbal message without him spelling it out for them, in black and white.
"I have prayed and prayed, but God doesn’t seem to have my time yet, so I have no answers.
DeletePoster, this statement of yours up there is why I responded to you the way I did in my first comment. I hope you know that when God is silent, He is still talking, and His voice is loud and very clear.
Try to read my second reply to Slim Shady.
I was indifferent about your story yesterday because naturally, I try to avoid chronicles that raise a dilemma such as yours because people typically respond with logic, and logic is the last thing you need when it comes to choosing a lifetime partner—that is, if you are spiritually grounded.
But seeing that you said you have prayed, then I believe you are someone who always seeks God before making serious decisions in life, and for you to even pray at this early stage of pre-dating and not wait until a marriage proposal is around the corner is truly commendable considering that most would just go ahead and pick anyone at this early stage.
I don't know how strong your walk with God is and your level of faith, but these are my questions:
Do you have a personal relationship with God before now?
Do you always pray and get revelations in dreams?
Have you ever dreamt, and it happened in real life, countless times over the years?
Or did you just suddenly start praying because you want God to tell you who it is?
17:24 thanks for the response. Many people will not understand what you explained here. You aired what was in my mind. When I saw your question I knew you would have an answer like this that's why I asked you to explain more.
DeleteSlim Shaddy ,just dey bobo yourself. LMAO, afi ' I knew' 'I knew'.🤣🤣🏃♀️🤣
Delete9:28 you just cracked me up with this your comment 😀. I no blame you .
Deletelol at Stella
ReplyDeleteYou have mentioned what you mean and symbolise to them. But you have failed to mention what each of them mean to you. Who are they and what do they bring out in you
ReplyDeleteI must say. Take your time. Don’t be in a hurry. Move to Lagos first and focus on yourself and keep building yourself. You are not under any obligation to accept any now so chill. Don’t pray with fear too. Be relaxed knowing that your Heavenly Father loves you and wants the best for you
Focus on what you are going to Lagos to do. And watch how things will work in your favour
Zendaya
Poster, the answer you are looking for lies with you and no other person. You are only looking for people to help you validate your choice. You have prayed and God remains silent according to what you wrote. Were you praying with an answer in your mind? Were you praying for God to validate your choice?
DeleteQuestions: You were planning to relocate before all of these happened, right? What happens to your reason of relocation? We are not talking about marriage now, so why would you suddenly change your plans because of a friendship that is still starting? The PH guy that is richer, can’t he afford transport to come and visit you in Lagos? Must you date someone in the same State as you? The guy that is not doing well financially, is this stage his final bus stop? Does he sound like someone who is not comfortable about his present condition and working towards making it better?
In life generosity is different from financially stable. I understand people prefers to cry in a jet than in a Keke but you as a person, what is your preference? Some people are rich by luck, and some are rich because they are blessed. When a lucky person’s abundance is removed, they tend to find it difficult to bounce back (not always). Empower yourself where you will not be afraid of taking risks. My mentality is different. I love to be pampered but I will not give it up to be on the receiving side. I am a woman, married for 25 years. I was once a housewife. My husband was not all that rich at the beginning, but he was not lazy. Today, I can spoil him without it hurting my purse while he can do it as well. If you ask me to choose his money or my money, I will choose mine! I added this so that you can pursue your dream. Relocate. Nearer to the struggling guy will give you time to see his potential and our guy who can afford transport can visit and vice versa. You know who you want, go for it with your eyes wide open, and if it works, clap for yourself but if it backfires, accept the mistake and rise. Living and risks are family.
Just keep an open mind with the both men. Don't discharge any of them yet. Even when you relocate to Lagos, keep talking with the one in PH except he doesn't want a distance relationship and with the Lagos man, keep it platonic till you are finally convinced of whom to settle with.
ReplyDeleteAll the best dearie
LDR's are shit and don't work. Poster stick with the rich one in your location
DeleteShooter o o o😂 you don't disappoint
DeleteI somewhat agree with Stella, money isn’t everything, but it is a form of security. It can sustain love and keep a relationship going, but it loses its value when emotional connection is lacking. Worse still, financial comfort becomes meaningless in the presence of physical or verbal abuse.
ReplyDeleteConsider these key questions:
Are you prepared to take on partial or full financial responsibilities in marriage without resentment if your needs aren’t met?
Can you handle being with a man who provides everything you want but is rarely physically present?
Which option brings you the most peace and fulfillment?
Ultimately, every decision comes with its own rewards and consequences. Choose wisely, as you’ll have to live with the outcomes of your choice.
Anon 15:43 what are you talking about? Did you read the chronicles? Go and heal from your trauma because it seems someone cheated on you. Free your mind and move on.
ReplyDeleteChose port Harcourt.The emotion will grow with time.
ReplyDeleteHusband is scarce o.. pick one and move since the both of them have your heart.
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it, what do you do for a living? I'm asking because you could meet the seemingly broke guy in the middle.
I'm not a fan of going for rich dude because they come with lots of baggage and always want unrealistic expectations from women.
This comment is why so may of you marry pure maggot filled shit.
DeleteAwon plix epp hide my ID. Mtshewww.
Poster don't stay in ph or take a life changing decision because of a man you are not married to. It doesn't end well.
ReplyDeleteThe lagos guy is looking for a mum/rehabilitation center, you are not one so don't play that role.
The ph man has sweet mouth and he might not be it either but I prefer him to Mr. Lagos.
My suggestion, keep your arms open for other suitors because it looks like you have not found one yet. For the current 2, move and see if Mr. Ph will chase you as a man should chase a woman and if he will still care even in long distance. If he's still consistent after you move, give him a chance and have a heart to heart with him about his emotional availability.
For now, let go of Mr. Lagos, let him find peace on his own before trying a relationship.
We can't choose for you, just choose wisely
ReplyDeleteI didn’t comment when you posted the chronicle but reading your detailed explanation now I think you should go for the PH Guy because he seems to be the one that appreciates you more and values your good qualities more. Men usually value a Woman with your qualities and he won’t want to lose you. I think your relationship will work out. Stay put in PH and don’t lose that Man! I am not even saying this because he is rich!
ReplyDeleteLol, @ value qualities. Don't let anybody deceive you by listing your qualities, telling you that that's what attracted them to you. Nobody in this life hates good qualities. Even the one that didn't state it out also loves the good qualities. A randy and wicked man will still tell you that he values the good qualities. Just know that it's not about who is more outspoken about your qualities. It's about actions. All those, "I love you because you are decent, you don't make friends anyhow, you are God-fearing, you are gentle, you are hardworking, you are intelligent etc" all na wash. They can still ruin your life even after claiming to love and value those qualities. Action speaks louder than voice.
DeleteI think you don’t have enough information to decide
ReplyDeleteDon’t rush yourself. Just keep talking. You will get the information you need
Use this time to ask them more questions. Go back to your checklist and ask them about those things
Also free yourself for a while. What will happen if you don’t decide asap? Nothing
Poster, I think you should go ahead and move to Lagos since you had wanted to, then see if that PH guy will still be interested as you're far from him. As for the guy in Lagos, he might make it later, you never know.
ReplyDeleteWhile in Lagos, they may show their true color but don't stop praying for God's direction.
Distance makes the heart fonder and covers/overlooks a lot. You should keep that in mind with regards to the Lagos fella.
ReplyDeleteI get the intellectually stimulating aspect from the 'rich dude' cos it kinda resonates with me. I find a lot of Nigerian girls generic and U stimulating and may make him treasure you.
Anyway, you sound like the proverbial monkey... Kindly hold a branch or risk losing both
Exactly what aunty Stella said. Broke guys don't show their true characters majority of the time
ReplyDeleteLol, Stella you be case, "you have longer throat" I will advise you pray about it .
ReplyDeleteI will stay with Mr PH if I were you, firstly because he values your intelligence and to him, you bring something to the table, apart from money, secondly he's financially stable and will take care of you.
ReplyDeleteMr Lagos is just looking for someone to hold down emotionally, majority of broke guys are loyal until they start making it, that's when they will know you're not their spec, you can't have it all unless you want to mould your own man by yourself, so choose one but Mr Lagos is probably after you because his desirable isn't available.
Same way they told many people that they value their intelligence and all that but still ended up breaking their hearts or turn out to be a torn in their flesh or even ruin their lives both emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Intelligence can be what attracts a person to you but it can never keep them to you. Beauty can also attract a person to you but can never be the reason the person stayed till the end. Money can attract a person to you but the person can still take to his or her heels tomorrow because they discovered some traits that they can't keep up with for the rest of their life.
DeletePoster, know your values. Juxtapose between your values and the person's own. Can you compromise? If you must compromise, does your reason for compromising really worth it? Are you sure that you won't regret ever compromising your values in a long run? Are you compromising for the sake of love or just for materialistic gain? You also need to spend more time physically to know if their sense of reasoning and attitude towards certain things aligns with yours because that is one of the most things that can cause disaster in a relationship apart from infidelity . Your intelligence and all those qualities will not save the relationship when it starts because he won't consider all those things when he starts acting silly. For now you can't do much about spending time physically so manage the ones you do on phone until the relationship is well defined
In all, the best advice from me is that you listen to what the spirit of God tells you. If you keep praying and He's still silent, it means non of them is for you. Keep praying, you may get a clearer message by their actions.
I'm not saying date the rich guy but don't date the poor guy. He sounds unstable
ReplyDeleteSometimes, when we pray and do not get directions then we must fast and most importantly,pray at night.God can speak to a man using different medium, through prophecy, dreams, radio/t.v programs,even through blogs.pls pray for the spirit of discernment.
ReplyDeleteThe devil is not resting.He's eager to destroy as many souls as possible.its a warfare,it's a spiritual battle going on,that's why he brought in confusion inorder to misled you.
Yes, you want a rich guy,is that God's plan for my life?Who gives riches? isn't it same God? What if after a successful marriage with this same rich guy,God suddenly collects his riches and make him poor, would you divorce him?
if you do not allow the holy spirit make this decision for you,I pray you do not end with the wrong spouse.
At this point do not be in a haste to make a decision,go to God in prayers and be patient he will definitely speak to you.
Is the p h guy dark and tall from omoku,drive 2 nice cars ?
ReplyDeleteStay in pH and start with him after all the Lagos guy knows you are in pH but if you move to Lagos that pH will wait for you
ReplyDeleteChoose the pH guy, e get why.
ReplyDeleteYou are not a serious fellow at all by saying you have prayed and prayed and that God seemed not to have your time. Let’s assume for a second that it is true He doesn’t have your time (which is not conceded), so it is ordinary mortal beings that don’t know what will happen in the next minute that can help you out of your predicament abi? Go read Jeremiah 17 about curse being upon he who puts his trust in the arm of the flesh. If I were you, I will keep waiting on God till He speaks and directs my path. I hope you will not a mistake which you will regret for life.
ReplyDeleteThis👆🏾 is not what the Bible says about godly counsel, seeking counsel is NOT the same as trusting in the arm of flesh.
DeleteProverbs 11:14: states, "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in the abundance of counselors there is safety."
Proverbs 15:22: says, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but in a multitude of counselors they succeed."
Proverbs 24:6: notes, "For by wise guidance you can wage your war (daily struggles), and in the abundance of counselors there is victory."
Having committed this situation to God, he will establish your thoughts. In my nearly 60 years on this earth, I find that my fellow African Christians claim to “hear God” and use the phrase more lightly than many western born again Christians the same way we look for signs & miracles more than them. The spirit of man is the candle of God, he doesn’t always speak through dreams, visions etc.
Faith is knowing that my eventual decision will work out for good since I committed my way into God, sought godly counsel, not necessarily signs if he does not always give any. The enemy can counterfeit signs but he can’t fake the still small quiet voice of the Holy Spirit. Commit your way into God, prayerfully choose the one you prefer & drop the other.
10'33 flesh and blood did not teach you all what you narrated here. This is wisdom of God you just shared.
DeleteYou say date not marriage that's is what you want for now? and this are grown men that want relationship have you made your stance know to them in your talking stage ?
ReplyDeleteThose saying you should date the PH guy because he is rich and will TAKE CARE OF YOU, poster I hope you know that being rich is different from being generous?
ReplyDeleteHope you know that some rich men 's wives are POOR?
Don't look at material things, look in depth.
Like someone said up there, the Lagos man sounds unstable.
It may actually be that non of them is for you. Don't follow those saying husbands are scarce, it is better to remain single than to rush into a marriage that will turn into a nightmare.