ADVICE NEEDED
Hi Stella. Please help me post.I'm working in healthcare and I know what my eyes have seen. Spouses cheating and bringing home incurable diseases and the other party suffers. It's very sad. So I vowed it can never be me.
My husband suddenly stopped touching me and started acting irritated anytime I try to initiate. I tried to talk to him about it and he had so many excuses so I kuku stayed on my own. I don't think my hygiene is the problem because I bathe and brush twice daily. Shave all the shave-able areas. Try to smell good.
So I was genuinely confused. In those months, my husband was behaving funny. Though I never caught him because I didn't snoop. After about 6-7 months he just came back and started trying to initiate s#x.
I told him that we should go and do STD screening since we've both abstained for long and we should use condom till whenever we get tested. He just laughed one sarcastic laugh and turned and slept. The next day I asked him why he did that and he said he considers it an insult for me to even suggest we should use a condom and insinuate blood test.
Brethren that's the last time he tried to touch me. It's been over a year and a half and we're just living as roommates. Did I do anything wrong by my suggestion? Is it wrong for married people to do std screening?
I dont know what he was doing in the times you said he acted funny, you know him better so if he was cheating, you know better....Not only insult, so you should lie down and open legs and chop disease? let it be insult if it will save your life....Why doesnt he wanna go for test if there is no gbenshing trust between both of you? Please you didnt do anything,let him continue ignoring you but anytime he decides to come abck to gbneshing you, ask for a CD or that both of you do tests....
Did you enquire from him to know his reason(s) from initiating/abstaining from sex for those period?
ReplyDeleteThis is because, some men have some moments when sex is the least of their problems.
I will suggest you involve a highly respected person he so much respects to talk to him.
God fix it.
DOZZYBEST.
DeletePoster, stand on business.
Your husband is not doing you a FAVOUR staying married to you.
It’s very obvious he’s cheating on you. Very very obvious.
Once they start cheating, they get irritated with the wife at home.
Nne stand on business and also pray for him so you don’t get resentful.
He would come around or not and then you would be clear on what you want
Best wishes
But she said she asked several times, sister stand on your mandate!!
DeleteBetter alive than dead, or treating one incurable disease, how can he go on a 6 month plus break and feel it's just okay to come back like nothing happened.
They both appear not interested in the marriage for now or anymore, but are in it for their separate selves.
DeletePoster,
Was the Xs part of your marriage satisfactory to you both before his 6 months’ break?
Okay, you were always clean for it.
But is that all there is? You being clean and smelling fresh?
Was there any un-narrated feedback?
What did he tell you during his 6 months abstinence? You did not tell or hint at any. You dismissed all he told you as funny or phony in your chronicle. Is it because you wanted Xs or a confession of adultery/STI which were not given?
You did not tell about his age!
Do you know that men of certain ages have “women-o-pause” too? It could be seasonal at first then end in full stop.
Yes, there may have been STI during those 6 months or another woman outside since then. There may have been none but just apathy for the marriage.
Leave Xs matters. Focus on getting your marriage on track. However, if you like the current situation, it is good as it frees your mind from Xs related health worries.
Na so I told my sister inlaw (big aunty) not to allow her husband touch her o. The man dey carry women no be small.
DeleteMy dear insist on condom, forget his emotional blackmail. He's guilty
Aunty, no spread leg until he accepts to do the tests. A word is enough for the wise.
ReplyDeleteJust use a condom and make sure you wear it for him don't do doggy he can slip it off. I use condom with my husband too. No need for std test just condom.
ReplyDeleteTold my own to use condom he refused
ReplyDeleteStayed one year without touching me other matters came up I divorced him
Congratulations…clap for yourself
DeleteWhat do you mean by telling her to clap for herself, so her reasons here are not valid or what, if she is down with HIV would you still be clapping, Go google Herpes and come back and tell me you would still be clapping, this life is just one, what you want and percieve as right, is not what another want, and perceives as right, all you judgemental humans, especially here in Africa. Suffering and smiling - Clap for yourself kor, please advise the poster or you politely move away. Dont discredit her, you dont know her story as she didnt share that with us. Lets be kind
DeleteNext person go come now, you go open am for am without condom. You never tell us why una divorced
DeleteYou did well! Other matters do not even need to come up before you excuse any man or woman that acts like this from your life. It's not even about intimacy but the shocking level of blatant disrespect and arrogance. There are people for whom having a peaceful home is not part of their agenda but who love to bring nothing but stress to their partner; such kinds of people should be discarded.
DeletePoster, so why are you still in that, erm, in that... hmmm (for a lack of a better word) situation? I don't understand. Why is someone such a human still in your space? So, if he comes back (which I pray he never does) and he agrees to use protection, would you let that happen? I don't like to cast slur on people's spouses, but what sort of chronicle is this? I don't understand. I don't know what got under my skin, the chronicle, the advice, or the man in your home.
Please buy female condom jeje....Clear conscience fears no accusations
ReplyDeleteYour health matters
So female condom prevents stds? And I thought you were smart o based on your comments here .hmmm
DeleteAnon 15 35. School us, coz if male condom can prevent stds , why can't females?
DeleteYou are very slow...no need to respond you appropriately
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteFemale condom is hard to install oh, it's generally uncomfortable, increases her risk of getting a UTI.
DeleteIt's best the man wears a condom really, or just goes for the test, or provides a very credible explanation for his earlier abstinence.
He did not initiate sex for 6–7 months, and when you did, he rebuffed you. Then, he suddenly comes back wanting to continue from where he left off but gets pissed when you request that you both get tested. Your husband acts like he's doing you a favor by being married to you. It also seems like he has something to hide.
ReplyDeletePoster what does your intuition tell you. You have every reason to be suspicious.
He's trying to make you feel guilty.. don't agree
ReplyDeleteExactly, he want her to feel guilty
DeleteHe came back to initiate sex after 6months. He was treating something.
ReplyDeleteYou are on track
ReplyDeleteA. Time to snoop
ReplyDeleteB. Buy yourself one small toy if you are overcome
C. Don’t initiate any conversation around your sex lives
D. Be watchful
E. Be prayerful and ask for the truth to be revealed
F. It is ok to leave a sexless marriage.
Condom or nothing else ,where you people they get these men with no integrity to marry?abi na dash dey dash una or na offerings they use you people do for them?
ReplyDeleteYou are living with your enemy but you just don’t want to admit it.
ReplyDeleteThat man doesn’t love you.
This looks like a huge problem, if you still love him and you want to save your marriage, now is the time to look for a lasting solution
ReplyDeleteThis is just complex. Why do humans like complicating this already chaotic life
ReplyDeleteWhen you are married to a friend and a spouse who love and respects you, marriage will be fun.Although, challenges may come but the presence of God in such homes will keep it standing firm.
ReplyDeleteIt's very obvious he doesn't love you because if he does, he wouldn't want to hurt you in any way.Get someone to speak to him, someone whom he respects, then you all have that conversation right now!
Poster please stand your ground on the sex issue. A mutual friend gave his wife hiv and did not tell her or treat himself. They are both deceased. I also heard another one and his separated wife are sharing it in one state like that. E no dey show for face o. Allegedly
ReplyDeleteNa so my papa carry am give me mother and step mum…They all doed early 2000s ..very rough death..I know what I saw as a child…Though that era and now isn’t the same …there are now advanced medications one can use to remain healthy and stay alive..However,HIV is no joke,taking pills daily is not easy…not knowing you’re positive can lead to AIDS which has no cure..Use a condom with him /go std screening first before anything..
DeleteMy mum ran mad before dying..AIDS is an agonizingly slow death…U don’t want to experience it.
Continue to insist. 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteTo everyone that have commented when was the last you did your own check ?? I do my every here i just did for 2025 two weeks now waiting for my results.
ReplyDeleteSure you have ever had test dome?
DeleteHIV is same day
Others is three days
So which is waiting fr result for over two weeks
I don't think you did anything wrong. You guyz just lack communication
ReplyDeletePoster, please and please, stand your ground on using condoms for now untill you have gone for HIV and other STDs texts. The HIV text should be done in 2 batches - 3 months and 6monrhs; because of the window period - whereby the person might have contacted it but it will not be detected yet. Don't fall for the emotional black nail, please. It's better to be healthy and alive, than "married" but living with diseases.
ReplyDeletefor your peace of mind Just separate due to irreconcilable differences.
ReplyDeleteIt is as simple as that.
This is why cheating is my deal breaker. I have young kids to take care of. Some of These men are useless senseless and selfish. You better protect yourself. I separated from mine as soon as he started cheating plus the hell he put me through. I ended up with a yeast infection I’ve been treating off and on. Imagine if I had stayed longer. These selfish men don’t care about who they infect especially their wives. It’s all about their d!ck pleasure and lustful flesh at that moment in time. Protect yourself! You have kids to raise if you have any. That should be your priority right now and serving God. Remember marriage ends here on earth. There’s no marriage in heaven. Know this and know peace.
ReplyDeleteI guess you would have made more moves to find out why he stopped touching you in the first month and not allow it to get to seven or more months. When you noticed that he was no longer touching you like he usually do especially when you didn't put to birth. You should have handled it and even involve family members who he respect alot than wait for more damages.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I can stay more than one week without speaking or sorting out an issue that I don't not like or understand with my husband. Once we have issue one night both of us will not sleep until we resolve it, that way things don't get out of hands.
You should try to snoop if you have the heart to do so, remember when you snoop you may see things that your heart and eyes will bleed on. You should insist you both get tested since you both have been away for a long time from za oda room. Reduce the you judge your home with what you see or hear from thr healthcare system every day, this will help you also to stop over thinking things.
While others are are applauding u, I kind of have a different take on things. Both of you seem to be in a loveless marriage from the fact that you both have endured a year plus without having sex and that is excluding the 6 months he rebuffed you! Pheww! I suggest both parties do a retrospection as to what the actual issues are in your marriage and if you still want to remain with each other cos as it is you guys are only cohabiting and not married.
ReplyDeleteThe path to divorce starts with poor communication and prolonged absent sexual connection. Aunty, you both have initiated the separation stage, it's only a matter of time before the actual physical separation occurs. This lack of sex/restrainted communication reveals the health (or lack) of your union. Judging your relationship by what is happening in the society is an unhealthy way of viewing things (genrallisation/catastrophising). If someone who used to make requests for sex suddenly stopped for half the year I would be curious to know if it's health related (low testosterone, work stress or a mistress). Demanding for CD communicates a position of "I don't care, you can't come and infect me" --you have judged and condemned him without a trial(unless he has been unfaithful in the past with evidence). I assume you are now concerned after one year and it seems that your approach has not yeilded fruit or maybe it has..A WISE WOMAN BUILDS HER HOUSE (IT SHOWS IN THE (IN)ACTIONS WE TAKE WHEN THERE'S A CONCERN) PCX
ReplyDeleteAkuko
Delete