RULES BEFORE MARRYING SOMEBODYS SON
I’ve been with my fiancé for about 6 years and we're talking marriage.
I have a good relationship with his mother, We talk and get along well when we go to her house, but the challenge here is that in some of our conversations she has stated she wants me to call her mummy, call her husband, daddy( though he died about a year ago) , and the other kids aunts or uncles, they're a typical Yoruba family.
I've been looking at ways to try and spend more time with her, but I'm someone who's very uncomfortable with calling someone who's isn't my birth mom, mummy and the rest of the titles too. I don't know how to navigate this. I'm also Yoruba....
What kind of rules and regulations are these sef?I heard that Yoruba people especially dont joke with all these titles and greetings.....You are also Yoruba so should know more about this... If you know you cannot do it, please dont marry her son and later start misbehaving......This is not even too much to ask haba!...When my Mother in law was alive i call her MAMA, same thing her kids call her,i call my father in law till today PAPA..Its not a big deal and something you should be proud and happy to do......
Your mother in-law is typically your Mom. What have you been calling her before ehn genZ? Hian
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
She’s not her mother in law yet
DeleteShe's not her mother in-law yet you say? Someone who can't call the mum of the man she claims to love mummy is thesame person that will suddenly change in marriage to start calling her mum?
DeletePoster, the marriage is not for you. Leave it for another person who will take his family as her's.
I tire.
DeletePoster, she is also your mum, so no big deal in calling her mummy. I call my mother in-law mummy too.
Na wa oh Slim
DeleteIf she calls him mummy before marriage and before she’s asked, same family might say she’s too forward. Its good as she let them ask abeg
Please what do you intend to call her? I am sorry to say it but you sound disrespectful. Even kids born abroad call their seniors uncle or aunty.
DeleteMy generation go bulk up because these kids we are raising... May God help us.
@Poster, she has accepted you and this little things she asked for shouldn't be a problem.
Delete19:13
DeleteShe can call her
Mrs. "Her marital name".
Or
Mama "Husband's name".
Lol
Those of us who say we cannot change our maiden surname after marriage are telling her to call her prospective mother-in-law (or her mother-in-law) mummy.
Double standards and hypocrisy.
Please spare the lecture on difficulty related to name change etc.
#Yinmu
I don't see anything wrong
ReplyDeleteIf this's the only challenge you have you need to try harder because it's not difficult to refer an elderly person as a mother or father
ReplyDeleteThe Most Complex B
It’s difficult for some
DeleteIt’s difficult for me
We didn’t grow up calling anyone but our parents by those titles
Then your parents are to be blamed. They made you see them as the only set of people that could be called dad or mum.
DeleteIt is an African thing. But in marriage, your mother in law is your mum, just as your biological mum. By marriage (by law), she is also your mother.
For emphasis, this is the weakest argument I have ever heard in my life in terms of struggle in marriage. When you are already complaining about respect, how will you then cope with big issues in marriage? Because there tons of issue you will battle with and that will need you to adjust your beliefs and plans.
22:37 all Nigerian cultures are not the same
DeleteKnow this and know peace
I also call my mother in law, mummy, and honestly, it makes me uncomfortable but she asks for that in the sweetest way possible and with no ill intentions so I do it because it doesn’t hurt me in anyway. You may just get used to it eventually.
ReplyDeleteI’d rather that than be married into a family that refer to wives as strangers
I wish I had a mil that told me to do this. My own na ekwensu.
ReplyDeleteOh dear
DeleteAbi o, at least it shows that they love and accept her
DeleteAbi o, at least it shows that they love and accept her
DeleteThis should not be an issue to be sincere except you''re "just me and my husband " kind of person.
ReplyDeleteMarrying him means you're adding his family to yours, so calling her mummy is not bad, she's your mother-in-law, are you not planning to be part of the family? you should be happy she's seeing you as her daughter already, stop being uptight
Felicity
Poster to me I will say that what matters most is your future plans with your husband to be.
ReplyDeleteYou call her 'mother'-in law, is it not the same as calling her mummy?? Abi what does that mother in the 'in law's stands for??
This shouldn't bother you much, definitely when you get married you won't be living with them. So far your husband loves you, use your head to follow her family members.
See this girl!
ReplyDeleteWhat's there? When you can even call a random person "mummy"
When I go to the market or even church, I address the elderly as mummy.
To be honest, it's nothing and no big deal. This is quite surprising coming from a Yoruba lady Abi you no get home training?
Sing that Mummy! Mummy !mummy. She is your mother in law to be so why can't you address her as mummy?
You no serious at all!
Don’t know why some people don’t get that not all Nigerians calls others mummy
DeleteCall*
DeleteNot everybody calls people who are not their mother’s mummy. It doesn’t mean they respect the person less. That’s how my brother’s wife family said we do not respect because I called her ma. I was so confused because no be me marry your daughter
DeleteGod bless you! Even in other cultures around the world including some oyinbo (mediterranean) cultures around the world, this is the norm. Some people like to form posh or sophisticated by force. If that's mama's only criteria, whats the big deal?
DeleteTry and compromise. This is not a big deal
ReplyDeleteThis one is a question to seek advice on?
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, Are these the only thing she has asked of you? Or are there other conditions she has given you? Do you love your fiance and his mom?
ReplyDeleteIf she has accepted you wholeheartedly and she loves you just like her own....this should not be a big deal unless you are tired of the whole relationship and you want out....
That is how she wants to be addressed so what's the issue?
All the best
What is the big deal in calling them Mummy or Daddy?
ReplyDeleteThis is not even about tribe
If it's too much for you, tell them
She's an Elder Woman
ReplyDeleteYou suppose call her Mummy
That shouldn't be a Problem
If you see her in The morning kneel down and greet her no so we too dey do am our mama or not ..
Is just a Sign that you were bought up very well..
And for your Husband to be siblings you call them Aunty or brother
Rather give them a Special Name if you dnt wanna call them Aunty and brother..
Take it Easy welldone ooo..
Hello iya Boys
Calling someone mummy or daddy comes easy for some people, poster there is no big deal if that is the only issue, start practicing with time you will get use to it.
ReplyDeletePoster,no problem anywhere. You and your would be husband is going to be two in one. Calling your mother in-law mum is not supposed to be an issue. I have been calling my mother in-law mum over 20 years,I also stored her number as mum as well.
ReplyDeleteI call her mama but she's told me several times to call her mummy instead. My father in-law during his lifetime was comfortable being called Papa, but same here asked me to call him daddy 😑
ReplyDeletePOSTER
Poster i’d say, call her whatever her son calls her. If ur hubby to be calls her mummy, follow suit, if he calls her mama, so long as she answers him, u too call her mama, she’d eventually adjust. Good luck
DeleteDon’t mind some of these folks
DeleteI get your point
But I think you should call her mummy
She probably feels you’re trying to put her at arms length
I also don’t call anybody else mummy the way I call my mum. I use a different tone to it and my mum knows the difference 😀
My mum too try for me. I just have a hard time calling her same as someone. Else
perhaps she doesnt like mama because it makes her feel old. theres honestly nothing wrong with calling her mummy. afterall she know say no be she born you. try to adjust, its a non-issue. As for calling younger ones aunty, you can either do it sarcastically sometimes, or tell your fiance youre not into it. He should find a jovial way to stop his mum from forcing you to it.
DeleteI think once you start calling her mummy, you'll get used to it...that's how I address my mil,she didn't ask for it,it's just to show I see her as a motherly figure..since she has told you to address her that way,just do it and try not to make a big deal out of it.
DeleteYou sound like someone who likes to make issues where there are none
ReplyDeletePlease don't marry into that family, i am very sure you are one of those women that get married into a family and cause division
What is there about calling your future hubby 's mum, mummy?? Kmt
Please shift there are real issues abeg, this one no follow
This coming from a Yoruba girl is strange. They should be begging you to do what is culturally right? Are you sure you are actually ready for marriage?
ReplyDeleteI don’t know why you people like to disregard people’s feelings in some areas. She’s not a bad person or a trouble maker for not being comfortable with it.
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteEka, shey you're calling your MIL mummy and heavens didn't fall
DeleteNow we are advising her to also do the same, you want to start sowing seeds in her mind.
Well done ooo. Well done
18:29, did u not see my advice to her? It’s just annoying that anyone would want to paint her as a trouble maker or a bad wife cos she doesn’t find it comfortable. Abeg, respect urself if u can’t understand simple comment
DeleteI agree with you Eka. I don’t understand people. Some are even asking if she wants to call her by the first name. People should chill abeg.
DeleteRead the comments. Nobody called her a bad person. You're the one inventing that one.
DeleteLike I said, stop sowing seeds of discord in her mind.
22:33 May God give you wisdom
Delete22:33, it’s obvious ur brain is paining you!
DeleteThere is nothing wrong with her request
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with her request
ReplyDeletePoster what do you want to call her before?
ReplyDeleteWait are they women who don't call their mother in law mummy , I'm confused. Mother in law means that by law she is your mom , or are you same age with her?
I call all my neighbors who are old enough to be my mum or grandmother mummy
That's what you're supposed to be calling her na, no big deal
ReplyDeleteWhy are you in a relationship with.a guy for 6yrs. If it’s me I won’t marry you . You’re not a serious person you don’t like yourself.
ReplyDeleteThey are about to marry na
DeleteThe man likes her, but he sees the source of this chronicle in her.
DeleteMen can delay like that over her type.
Poster,
What would you want your husband to call your Dad and Uncles?
Mr. .... or Papa .......?
This funny nearly phony arrangement called marriage.
23:31 some of you just say terrible things
Delete23:31, my husband uses ‘sir’ to address my dad, not papa and not daddy so I honestly don’t know why u are making it seem like it’s unusual
DeleteThis is normal.Or are you expecting to call her by her name
ReplyDeleteSo what would you rather call her? Mrs lagbaja? Or mummy bayo? How does it sound to you? Oh ok you want to call her by her name?
ReplyDeletePOSTER’s REAL ISSUE IS CALLING HIS SIBLINGS AUNTY AND UNCLE….
ReplyDeleteThis one, I actually won’t do.
DeleteMy thought exactly
DeleteBut if they are all are seniors, what would she call them as per we Yorubas like this kind respect? As for me sha, as far as they are far older, there's no big deal except for my age grade and younger ones, na your name. And yeah, that's how we roll here
Abegi,
DeleteHer chronicle is clear. She even provided a further explanation in the comments section that she is only comfortable with Mama, not Mummy.
Tbvh, I don't see anything wrong with it. I used to call my ex husband's mum Mommy. Infact her name is saved on my phone as mummy. Then anyone that was older than him aunty or uncle. They never even called me by my name. Everyone called me Lolo. So it was mutual respect
ReplyDeleteNne, please call her by her first name in CAPITAL LETTERS! If calling her mom is an issue for you, then I refuse to believe this is the only issue you have in your relationship. It shows your inability to accept , adapt and compromise. Wait. What have you been calling her till now? She must be a sweetheart to try teach you something that should come to you naturally. And to think you are even Yoruba yourself?
ReplyDeleteI am trying to imagine myself calling my husband’s elder sisters by their names. Women with children in the university? Wetin I chop belle full like that? His youngest sister, we call each other SIS.
Like, should anyone be talked to about a topic like this or you just lack some basic social skills?
You people are so funny and weird. That you call people mummy does not mean anybody who does not do it lacks home training. Some people just can’t understand calling anybody that’s not their real mum mummy. That’s ok too. Some people call their in laws mummy and still disrespect them. It’s so unfair and disingenuous that you guys are making her out to seem disrespectful and lacking home training.
ReplyDeleteThe woman too should get to know the poster and understand nau. Yoruba people like forcing their culture down people”s throats and never leave allowance for the fact that not everyone does things the same way
We didn’t want to say it but Yoruba people and forcing their ways na 5 and 6
DeleteSee them online questioning why someone didn’t kneel to greet
Nigeria is not all Yoruba pls
One is even dragging me up there for having the same thought process.
DeleteI don't think there is a big deal here with calling his mother mummy, after all she is older than you and can give birth to you. If she gave birth to a man you want ro respect and answer his name for the rest of your life, I don't see any big deal to call hwr mummy.
ReplyDeleteThose his siblings that his mother said you should call uncle and aunty, are they older than you or they are younger. If I was to be you and I see that this single act will win hwr heart over and avoid issues just call them uncle, aunty. This will not change who you are at all.
My brothers wives do call all of us or respond to our call as aunty so so, ma. Thou no one asked for it but both of the do same thing, I also respond to them as ma or wiffy, mummy so so, aunty so so as the spirit leads. One is older than myself while the other one is younger. They call my mum mama, I don't see anything here as big deal except the way you are taking it.
You are yoruba and should understand yoruba love respect to the last bus stop. Have you discussed this with your man, if yes what is his response to this?
What would you have called her?
ReplyDeleteEUM Cali