GREEN LIGHT NOT WANTED
My brother recently confided in me that in his department workplace, there's a black babe he works with that is interested in him and she has given him all the possible green light you can think of and him on the other hand is uninterested but has remained cautiously friendly with her...
According to him, office relationships are outside his boundary because he doesn’t want issues due to the work place rules, but still I guess that’s not working because it has become toxic for him and he's always complaining how she's all over him and almost choking him at work daily.
He said he has also tried to avoid her without success. He's willing to make drastic changes that she will notice like avoiding her totally but he's afraid that might make things worse because they're more ladies in his workplace and just few guys and the ladies are all friends. He also said he can’t become too forward and tell her he's not interested but he has tried not to entertain any of her advances and invitations outside office hours despite her desperation.
He just wants to get away from her and maintain a professional work relationship with her which he has told her before, even when he uploads his girlfriend's pictures which she sees and likes, yet she's remained stubborn.
Please help, he needs new suggestions now, and also going forward. He just wants to go work and go home, no strings with no one, and no problems. He needs healthy suggestions without causing more issues for himself.
You said ''Black girl'' so I am guessing that your brother lives outside of Nigeria....So if he is ignoring all her green lights where is the problem?You cannot do anything about the situation until she gets tired and leave him alone.....She has every right to give greenlight cos hes not married and shes trying her luck....let him keep ignoring her if he doesnt want but also stop making a mountain out of molehill......Will he faint if she comes out directly to toast him?E no want, e no want so make e stop to complain abeg!....
Shout out to the lady for going after what she likes...LMAO!
If she give him green light
ReplyDeleteHe should give her Red light😄😄
Your brother should always pretend to be on a call with his girlfriend or call her more . Whenever she notices her around him . She will rest .
Mamannukusdkblogceleb
Some are not moved like that oh....She will become very obsessive and might even stalk him....Some people are moving mad
Delete**Very Obsessed
DeleteYour brother should tell her to calm down and stop being desperate. She should focus on God.
DeleteShe sees the pictures he uploads on WhatsApp I suppose, he should delete her as a contact and change his viewing privileges to "contacts only," from now henceforth, only his contacts should see his last seen, pictures and status. Unfriend her on all social media without blocking her but remain polite and friendly in person. She'll get the memo.
DeleteThis is one of the reasons why I advise women to chew iron than to give any man green light
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Let him be careful with all these desperate babes. He may try to cut her off and she may come up with one allegation that can affect his job. Let him set boundary immediately and avoid any kind of relationship conversation with her.
ReplyDeleteWhatever he has with her should end in the office her in the office.
He should not collect anything and eat from them o. The race is fierce, he should be careful.
DeleteDear Poster, Your story is similar to one posted here last week or so.....What she is doing is also harassment; the truth is your brother has to be clear and let her know that he is not interested....He should record the conversation when he is making his stance clear just in-case someone wants to be moving mad later.....He can block her from viewing his status and other social media platforms...
ReplyDeleteHe should also document every scenario and actions......Send all of them to you and keep his in a safe folder....This is already an obsession and cyber-stalking; this is not funny anymore ....Let it not become like the Baby Reindeer movie....
He should continue with the professional demeanor and restrict all conversations to work-related while still communicating with everyone equally and fairly....
I wish him all the best....
If she keep going on, then you might have to report to HR while tendering your evidence.....
Waohh,that baby reindeer film was really serious!!
DeleteI support this .I think he also enjoys the attention if not why can't he be firm with her or disgrace her in front of colleagues?
DeleteThat baby reindeer is one crazy series. Can people be really that obsessive? Gosh!
DeleteShooter Gyal, people can be more than this obsessive. It's a scary experience for their victims (men and women). A life changing experience and one that can have a terrible effect on the victim if care is not taken. It happens more often in the West for obvious reasons and occurs in such a way that other people may not believe when you narrate your ordeal.
DeleteIf I didn't experience it first hand, I would never have believed a human is capable of such level of obsession and causing mental harm to a total stranger. A few years ago, I had an Oyinbo neighbor who was about 5-7 years younger than me. She just got divorced at the time and has a teenage daughter. We were not friends or Coworker and never talked or met face to face until our path crossed once and we exchanged less than 20 words. It was the lowest, hardest, most painful, and saddest 2 years of my life. This woman will jump out when ever I exit the building and be driving around the street when I went for a walk. So many things happened that I can write here. Each time I tried to avoid her, it gets worse. It got to a point where I asked God to take my life because I don't understand why anyone would have such an unhealthy interest in another person and get to the point of trespassing, doing something that puts her life in danger just to get my attention. She would come knocking on my door at 2:00 am etc. Her daughter later joined in this madness too. I must have called the police more than 30 times. When the cops showed up, they couldn't do anything because it was not considered a crime and I was always told it's a civil matter. It's so bad that she coughed when I cough. She would find every opportunity to make her presence known to me, offer me things and ask if she and her daughter can talk me. The day a few of our neighbors called a meeting to address the issue and understands what she wanted from me. Instead of sitting down and going over the reasons for this behavior she started acting strange: first she suddenly came to where I sat, ran her hand over my right shoulder and said she was trying to catch a spider. Later she started crying and said she wanted her daughter to talk to me. We were not able to resolve the issue that day. It got worse after the meeting. She will come banging on my wall. I got a security camera and started thinking about how to protect myself physically. It was later, I learned from one of her "not so close friends" who used to help pick up her medications that she has schizophrenia and was suicidal. Others explained that she used to make threats that she will take her own life and police were always bombarding and barricading the street when she starts her episode. But, that stopped when she shifted her attention to me. I was advised by the cops to move because it will only get worse.
The mistake I made was handling the situation in a friendly and courteous manner. People with such mental illness may appear good on the outside and have everything going well for them, physically. But, mentally are monsters and does not understand a simple leave me a lone. If you are firm, they graduate to tormenting you and even harming you and your loved ones. You will not understand how obsessed and messed up some people are or can because it doesn't show on the face. These nuts can be a neighbor, a colleague, a partner etc. It takes prayers, assertiveness and other solid measures to get them behind you. You don't want to know how often this happens here in Canada, how many life has been ruined and wasted due to obsessive, nut heads. May God continue to protect us.
Let him do what a lady would do to a guy when she's not interested and the guy is persistent QED
ReplyDeleteStella you are wrong. Her actions constitutes sexual harassment and improper conduct.
ReplyDeleteIf the roles were reversed and it was a man doing this to a female, we will all yell.
Tell your brother to raise her inappropriate behaviour formally with HR before she does to him. He should also make sure he provides some evidence to his claims. Good luck.
BV Sylvia
Yes o. In the Abroad, na who first report dey win case o
DeleteTell your brother to report the matter to HR. It's considered harassment in the work place. What the lady is doing is totally wrong. If the table was turned, the woman for don go report since. Men should learn to speak up too.
ReplyDeleteStella na wa
ReplyDeleteI don’t agree with what you said but it’s fine
It’s abroad…..that lady can mess that man up
It’s not an African setting where people let things slide
A lady that ignores the act of this man putting up his girlfriend is a ticking bomb
Poster let your brother get recording and videos.
He had to report her,to his manager,her friends and to herself
Whatever he can do to be in the clear let him do it
Chose Stella's advice or any of these two options.
ReplyDeleteHe should pretend to have a girlfriend he loves so much.
Like , pretending to be on a love call with an imaginary girl all the time. He should get a photo of either a friend that's outside the office or a cousin who looks more physically actractive than her and use as screen saver but he shouldn't ever allow her take a screenshot of the photo of the girl that's in his screen saver before she will enter white garment church to go and do work on the photo one day. He should only permit her to view but not to handle the phone alone so it he can monitor her activities in the phone. Not only screen saver, he should have few other pictures of the imaginary girlfriend in his gallery.
Second option, he should liase with a colleague to pretend that dey are dating. Tell the colleague to always call you a pet name as if you are dating anytime the girl comes around. They should talk about his mother(your mum) always calling the fake office girlfriend to talk about certain important issues at home and how your mum loves the fake office girlfriend so much and confides in her than his sistters . As you plan with the colleague please involve two other colleagues as witness so they'll know that it's not that serious before they will accuse you of dating her and gossip about you unnecessarily.
With any of these two she will be very weak and disappointed and avoid him.
She knows her has a gf
DeleteYour brother should create boundaries and should also stop all friendly gesture or any other encourage or indulge her like discussion jokes etc.
ReplyDeleteIf she continue with her wahala,he should report to the HR with evidence.Abroad no be Naija.
Chiloving
Let him to continue to ignore her. She will soon get tired. And if not,he should begin to document her shenanigans against future reference.
ReplyDeleteHe should tell her, he feels harassed in a very soft and gentle way. She will take steps back.
ReplyDeleteStart the gist of wedding plans with your girlfriend and how you can't wait to be finally married to your woman.
ReplyDeleteChoke her with gist of your babe and plans for marriage
Life is not difficult.
She is obsessed already. This one will not hear ooo even if he flaunts a babe as his girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteThis behavior from the girl is not friendly.
She will soon get angry at his rejection if she hasn't already.
Document her moves. Syop talking or laughing with her.. If she comes around walk away.
Don't engage her in any form of friendly conversations, don't accept things from her.
If they are not working in the samw department all the better.
As much as he can help it, they shouldn't be in thebsamw space, just this two of them.
I dnt like it when a lady throw's herself to a guy who is not even interested in you and also find you not Attractive..
ReplyDeleteAbeg your Brother should sit her down and tell her to stop whatever she's doing to him..
She dey Harass the guy o
Which kind nonsense be this ...
Hello iya Boys
This is seriously serious, your brother should create boundaries and makes sure he records everything that transpire between two of them, because of future purposes.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what most women go through from age 18 or even younger up to when they marry and even beyond. At first it is flattering and later on outright annoying. Now imagine how horrible and scary it can be in a country where people behave anyhow and some men wouldn't accept no. You are chased, pursued, harassed, abused and sadly some are even raped. They don't understand that you can't give every chyker attention. Women have had to lie, pretend, wear wedding bands just to wade off unwanted attention.
ReplyDeleteThen there are some that are not ok mentally. Your brother should firmly tell her off and take it to God in prayer. Not everyone is normal. I basically have had to take a case like this to God in prayer.
As long as she hasn't come out to say anything, all these things are just guess work. He should keep being professional until she gets the memo
ReplyDeleteLet him fast and pray, what if she has mental problem?
ReplyDeleteThis girl may cost him his job. Tell him to report her and run!
ReplyDeleteYour brother should not play games with her because she may be playing more heinous games without him knowing and he may find himself in a hole or a circle.
ReplyDeleteHe should put his ignore button on default. I am advising him as someone who’s lived and worked with British people, this is one of their strategies and it always works.
Ignore! Ignore! Ignore! Treat her more professionally and respectfully declining any invitation she offers directly or indirectly. Be firm and courteous at all time.
If possible do not even make an eye contact with her and always keep your face inexpensive.
Anony 20.01, woooow, the band thing is likely to work here. God bless you for this suggestion
ReplyDelete