OVERBEARING MOTHER IN LAW
I have been married for eight years, and hubby and I have a good relationship except when its about his mother...
Recently, we have started clashing over her. She’s been overbearing, and lately, it feels like she’s trying to control our lives. We live in the same town, just miles apart so sometimes she’ll drop by unannounced, criticize our parenting style and so on.
Last week as usual, she dropped in when our daughter was on her ipad and began to question why an 8-year-old should own one and how bad screens are for kids sight etc.
Last week as usual, she dropped in when our daughter was on her ipad and began to question why an 8-year-old should own one and how bad screens are for kids sight etc.
When served food, she suggests/questions why I don't substitute some seasoning or other food items etc so her son can enjoy it more.
I’ve tried to set boundaries, but my hubby will say it’s just how she is and that I should let it go.
I’ve tried to set boundaries, but my hubby will say it’s just how she is and that I should let it go.
I don’t want to cause more issues but her criticisms and interference whenever she's around is making me resent her – and him too.
How can I address this without adding more fire?
How can I address this without adding more fire?
I will advice you to just bear whatever she says and do your thing...She cant stop you, all she can do is complain or question you....Its not so serious so dont expect your hubby to be warning his mum cause of petty stuff that she does....Please tolerate her for lovesake...
Our parents need to understand the way they raised kids back then is different from how people raise kids these days. About your food, are you sure your hubby didn't complain to her about it?
ReplyDeleteThank God she doesn't live with u so just ignore and laugh over whatever she said..and move from it
DeleteVery simple solution. Call up her own mother in law to pay her surprise visits 😁.
DeleteIf it were your mum what will you do?better give yourself sense and take Stella advice before even your husband see your intolerance;even children using ipad and internet as a whole is bad for eyesight,but be careful in your words
ReplyDeleteIf it were her mum, I bet she will have the guts to tell her to back-off, but she do that with her MIL, but the stakes are higher!
DeleteIf she doesn’t live with you, just do you, say yes ma when she suggests something but still do what you think is right. If it’s not something damaging or extreme, I don’t expect ur husband to interfere so as not to worsen ur relationship with her.
ReplyDeleteTry Dey endure o, until she commot.
Some of these women don’t sha want to let go. You have run ur home the way you deemed fit, it’s another woman’s turn to run hers!
Hi Eka, I have one that lives with me now. She was like this and worse before she moved in with me. My husband never said anything or defended me. Now she’s living with us. Do I still say yes ma and do what I need to? She even wants to mother my children for me and claims my children are her daughter’s (never married or has child (ren).
Delete21:47, ur own case is different oh as no one can endure permanently. Maybe just keep doing ur thing the way you want to if you believe you are wrong and then if she takes it south, you have to insist that ur husband talks to his mum.
DeleteThank you
DeletePoster you have to over look some certain things so far she doesn't live with you ,she visits and go.
ReplyDeleteMost of her complaints I think goes with age. During her time she didn't know what iPad is, while she thought you are spoiling your child.
Don't let it ruin good relationship you have with your husband.
Overlook and ignore her
Dear Poster, I can understand your frustrations... I believe your husband is in that position to place those boundaries...Of course, it might not happen in your presence but it is his job to do so in a respectful manner to her....
ReplyDeleteLet him know that he can't just wish it away and tell you to let it go....He should man up and do right by you no matter what....
In the meantime, I will advice that you ignore her complaints...It is not easy but just pretend like you didn't hear her....Please try to manage your facial emotions and be cheerful....Allow some of her words fly over your head or you can invite her son to answer some of her questions and keep doing what you know is right.....Once she knows she is no longer getting to you or your reactions, I believe she will get the message....
All the best....
Whatever you do, do not confront her
ReplyDeleteIf you have issues with her you can speak to her son about it, he will know how to tell his mum without offending her or escalating the matter
Just bear with her please, what if she is your mum? Some old people are like that, so just bear now that she is still around.
You can limit the time your daughter spends on the screen, it affects the eyes
Goodluck
Patience lady , patience. Shebi she go talk finish come enter her car comot?.
ReplyDeleteYour husband dey with you, he doesn’t share her views .
Let it go, cos if it was your own mum, you would advise him to ignore her . Abi you want him to start insulting or correcting his own mom over what ? Motherly advice?. Relax my dear. Patience patience patience. Forgive that man while you’re at it, buy him better gift this valentine. Cheers
Great advice
DeletePlease just over look , when she says those things smile and say yes ma or explain to her
ReplyDeleteTreat her like your mom cos she is also your mom by law
Just bear with her, with time it will mean nothing to you.
ReplyDeleteIf you complain too much he should send you packing. What if she was your mom? I'm sure you'll accept the criticism with love. What's an 8 yr old really doing on the ipad? Gadget parents
ReplyDeleteThank you anonymous,some daughter in-laws don't wan their mother in-law to cough,what has she said that's bad? My gender make una remember this table of mother inlaws na turn by turn.
DeleteThank you o, this is my mum behavior. When she comes around she tries to correct one thing or another. She always want her presence to be felt. When she says annoying things to me, I just shake my head and she starts laughing. Mother in-laws are human beings too, I don’t understand the way we get annoyed easily with them. Something you would overlook when done by your own parents, you will fight mother in-law for it why. Her son is alive, she still has some roles over him. We should learn how to tolerate and respect them, this is someone that groomed your husband up to adulthood. They didn’t what we can’t do for our husbands.
DeleteI also went through a chronicle here, were the daughter in-law was complaining about the mother in-law not helping out during omugwo. It was as if she was talking about my mum. My mum don’t do anything apart from bathing the baby and carrying baby from morning to night, I still leave the baby for her at night to get enough sleep. I love it because it allows me do chores how I want it. My Mum in-law is the opposite of my mum, she can do all the chores for you, keep the house sparkling neat, but can’t carry baby for long. She for like carrying baby. I love the way she helps out too. Our mothers are all different, we should learn to relate with our mother in-law. We fix eyes on them, forgetting our own parents are not better. Tomorrow you will be a mother in-law too.
Na your husband I blame. He is the one that needs to stand up to his mom before she breaks his home. I am a man and I will never allow this sort of overbearing attitude from my mom. Parents also need to stop taking undue advantage of their sacrifices for their children to boss over their life
ReplyDeleteHaaa. Oga easy o.
DeleteEasier said than done. You think it’s easy to come at your mum because of your wife. Pray you get married to a woman that doesn’t take life serious otherwise you will fuel the enemity between them if you continue correcting and standing up for your wife.
DeleteYou can talk to your mom, assuming she’s a reasonable person, in a way that she will understand. Would a mom be happy if a mother inlaw is also antagonizing her daughter at her husbands house?let’s call a spade a spade. What you can’t take, don’t dish it out to others.
DeleteYou don't love your mom. See your big mouth
DeleteIf na your own mom, won't you tolerate..
ReplyDeleteTake the good advice and discard the oversabi ones..
I'm with her in that iPad criticism
Such a POVVO mentality! Tambout I am with her in the iPad criticism, of course you will since you can’t afford one yourself or for anyone.
DeleteiPad that enhances learning for kids is what you and the old woman are shouting about?
Anon 1548 na dem .gadget parents. Na una dey buy ps5 to 100 for una kids na there una parenting begins and end whilst scrolling and trolling all over social media platforms . Make una continue.
DeleteAnon, Dante is right in this one. If that child was on some educational programme in that iPad the MIL for no talk. It’s probably fake or cocomelon. It’s not good. if you born spoil your kids in the name of Richies you hear?. This is exactly why poor people raise the worst kids, shouting povvo as if you aren’t one
DeleteMadam or Oga Povvo, our drama queen is right in this instance biko
DeletePlease take Stella’s advice.
ReplyDeletePls just exercise patient. Is not that serious. Just reply her with love.
ReplyDeleteNext time she complains about seasoning just jokingly tell her that mama, that you will come over , so that she can teach you more about her cooking styles. And watch how it will be all fun.
Pls relax my dear. 🤗🤗
Please tolerate her; in fact, become extra nice whenever she is around. As long as she is not cooking the foods for hubby and can't force you on the seasoning to use. Anything she says, just okay it. Understand that hubby might not take it easy with you if you become too confrontational about her on it.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I will tell you, don't blame your husband. He is as frustrated and as you are, and for peace sake there is nothing he can do. This old people get very annoying when they age and it is almost impossible to call them to other with them escalating the it, you just have to endure.
ReplyDeleteI made this mistake trying to correct my mum when she has been very annoying and disturbing everyone. I thought, since I am the first son and our father who does this correction is no longer alive, I am the one to do it. Omoh I tried, but my mum is still fighting me up till this moment, she escalated it with lies to our village people who cares to hear, that I don't respect her bla bla bla and it has strained our relationship. If I had known better, I would have encouraged everyone to just endure and ignore her as much.
Too much screen time is bad for children.
ReplyDeleteMama is right. Seasoning is also bad for your health. Use natural spices instead.
Learn to take advice. It’s wisdom.
You need to change or you will be changed soon.
I pray God grant u wisdom to cope with her
DeleteHe's used to his Mom being that way. Join the team or you'll be seen as the enemy. She doesn't live with you. Tolerate when she's around and go back to your ways when she's not. Wisdom my sister. Use wisdom before you cause damage in your peaceful home cos of something as petty as that.
ReplyDeleteRhapsody
💯. Hope she will hear. And unalive that resentment you have in your brain abeg
DeleteHonestly not everything people say or do should count !! Learn to ignore and still do what you want
ReplyDeletePoster...listen to her, use your judgement to take the advice that is needed and ignore others... run your home, ...
DeleteAbi ooo
DeletePoster just ignore her jaree
If she's talking be saying Yes Ma, Yes Ma
Shabi if she leave to her house you can do whatever you like..
It is well..
Hello iya Boys
The way we women want to have a say and direct our children is the same way mother in-laws does theirs, forgetting the kids have grown. Don’t worry you will remind your self of this her behavior when you become a mother in-law like her.
ReplyDeletePoster, examine yourself internally and make the neccessay adjustments.
ReplyDeleteMy personal method is just carry my purse and have somewhere to go when “trouble” shows up .
ReplyDeleteIt could be let me go get this particular maggi that will make the perfect soup or I need to go photocopy an important document
Let her eat the house for a bit
If you want to know the truth from a fellow young woman, here it is,
ReplyDelete1. Too much screen time is bad for developing brains. Mama is not wrong .
2. All you have listed here isn’t too much tbh. My mum does it, my aunty does it, even my Nigerian nanny helper does it. You can take one or two advice from mama, the rest you nod your head and when she leaves you do what you want.
Maybe her tone is not good, but thank God you’re not living with her, she just comes and goes. If she complains about spices you say, “hei, but your son says he likes this one I used, next time I will try the one you suggested.” Talk will finish.
Did she say. Mama said too much screen time or that mama said why does the child own an iPad
DeleteThose are two different things pls
Mama is wrong
We had friends whose parents said no tv
We watched tv in moderation and all graduated school and doing well by Gods Grace
Parenting styles are different so people should learn to live and let live
18:30 read the chronicle again. She said screen is not good and she's right.
DeleteIf she complains about iPad , say “oh mama, daughter only uses this iPad 2 hours in the day to unwind after she has done her schoolwork and chores.
ReplyDeleteIt is normal for resentment to build, but like your husband says, take it as that’s how she is. If she has good sides, use it in your mind to make up for her bad sides.
I have friends who are overbearing, I just use their good sides to cover up.
Also, don’t expect your husband to quarrel with his mother over these petty stuff. It is his mother whom he has known all his life,don’t make him choose between you both as you may come out the loser. As far as you have written, your husband agrees that her attitude isn’t the best, and her side talk isn’t actually spoiling anything in the home. Just overlook her.
Poster, anytime she comes, pack your kids and go out even if it's for a walk. Let her be in the house and reprimand her son and the furnitures.
ReplyDeleteThat said, too much screen time is not good for kids. Look within yourself also and find out if there are things you should actually change.
I'm happy that she doesn't live with you. For the time she's around, please just tolerate her excesses. No one is perfect
ReplyDeleteYou have to give room for her offences before it comes. Just ignore her ans you will be fine. Do your things ams keep.moving.
ReplyDeletePoster , Stella us right. Turn all the criticisms to a joke and make her to understand the modern way of things she criticizes. Show her more love.
ReplyDeleteBut her criticisms are not that bad now? Ah ah? Phones screen is bad for a child's eyes is what is annoying you like this? If she says it's bad and you know that it's not scientifically bad, why not explain to her what read and know about phones screen and kids sight so she will understand that you have a better point ?
ReplyDeleteSome una go become mother in law and father in law very soonest
ReplyDelete