CHOKED BY PAIN
Last week Sunday, after the close of Church service, i approached a female leader in our church who was fond of always coming very late to church to ask her why she hasn't kept to her promise of turning a new leaf and coming to church early in the new year, and her response was '' come back and ask me this question when you have up to 3 kids'', then she grabbed her kids and left the church.
Immediately. my heart shattered into pieces and i stood there speechless for a few minutes as i watched her leaving.
Other people were there, and what helped me move away from the spot was that the people that heard pretended not to and moved about their normal businesses, I picked my bag and left the church immediately, leaving my husband behind without explanation.
I plan not to go to church for like a month because of the shock from her response and the pain from ttcing for almost a decade now.
I don't know where I went wrong with my question? My heart is so heavy that the weight of pain is choking me....
I don't know where I went wrong with my question? My heart is so heavy that the weight of pain is choking me....
.
Beautiful response from the lady to you!!!
Madam nah you go find trouble and you need to apologise to her and tell her how her words hurt you..She is not your friend so does not know whether you are trying to get pregnant or not...
You went to question her to the hearing of everyone, putting her in a bad spot.
If she comes late to church with her three kids, it is obvious that she is under stress, and with kids you can never be right on time...
If i am the Lady, i wont come back to that Church.
May God grant you your hearts desire and make you a mum.
Haba . You caused this on yourself na poster , sorry that what she said made you feel bad . May God answer your prayers and bless you with fruit of the womb (Amen)
ReplyDeleteMamannukusdkblogceleb
I'm so sorry ma for the pains from her words,it's not your fault at all,God will visit you soonest,her response only reminded God of your condition.
ReplyDeleteStella,it's possible the poster is also a leader and in charge of making sure workers are punctual in church,we have such system in my church to,workers especially leaders are not supposed to be late to church and people are assigned to make sure of that and to query them if possible.
You had NO right asking her that question.
ReplyDeleteAbi oooo
DeleteCandylicious
Maybe you where loud why Approaching her ..
Hello iya Boys
Maybe she said it in a joking/caring way. I doubt she was trying to be insulting.
DeletePoster, don't let this discourage you, keeping pressing forward in your prayers, faith and confidence in God's words.🫂
Chai, Stella, did you say if you were the lady you wouldn't go back to the Church just because a fellow woman asked you why you didn't keep to your promise of coming to Church early? Na wa o.
ReplyDeletePoster, you didn't do anything wrong. Do not say anything to that woman again. Just greet her whenever you see her. Don't ask her any question and don't act like you were pained.
Let it go.
People have struggles. She too can become so pained that her co church members judged her without sensitivity to her obvious plight and decide too not to go to that church again. Aside from 3 kids wahala, she might have other issues she is dealing with and someone thought it’s the right time to put her an a scale in front of everyone? You live in a glass house, please stop throwing stones.
DeletePoster, I don't think you did anything wrong. On Sundays, no one hounds us about coming to church early. I bet she won't go late to work, neither will the children go late to school all the time. Her response was probably out of stress or perhaps, she felt you were being judgemental.
DeleteIn all you do, don't let her chase you away from church, who knows your blessing might be around the corner .
ReplyDeleteWe can't truly judge this matter cause we cannot ascertain how you passed your message, her response is harsh
Felicity
Poster it serves you right. You are a busy body. Who made you the time keeper of church. Its self righteous people like you that stop other people from coming to worship. Just mind your business. Im sure you poke your nose in other peoples business in church. Stop forming victim for a situation you created.
ReplyDeleteServes you right! Next time learn to mind your business. The other day my dad’s wife told me to go and get married. I replied her to go and get pregnant. Tit for tat… if you go low with me I’m going to hell
ReplyDelete😭😭😭 you are terrible o. Where do you people buy these sharp tongues?
DeleteDid she mean to bring you down or was she just asking a random question
DeleteIf you know she’s struggling with having kids, of what use is what you said. It made you feel better but what end?
20:00, who asks such silly question if not to mock her for being unmarried?
DeletePls the anon responded accordingly. Tit for tat 😎
Poster na you find trouble,who send you message?? What was your approach that made her answered you in such manner??
ReplyDeleteYou never can tell,she may be going through stress or something.
The response was very apt!
ReplyDeleteI love how she replied you, imagine going to question her. As per what abi who?
ReplyDeleteI am really sorry about your travail,you and your husband are going to be joyful parents of wonderful children. Your approach was wrong. Raising kids is not easy.
ReplyDeleteI know it's painful but her response is the truth
ReplyDeleteI have 4kids and i go to church late no matter how early i wake up on sunday, them don call me late comer for church tire but i no send, i laugh it off, i went for a committee meeting in church yesterday evening and my pastor's wife said she will make me sunday school teacher so i can be coming early😂😂😂
When i was single i go to to church very early, i was never late, so poster you won't understand till you walk in her shoes
Poster please forgive her, for your sake, she may not even mean it like that, hopefully she apologizes to you when next you meet or you go and apologize to her
Do your kids go to school late?
DeleteAnons what he does with her kids dosnt concerns you so don't ask her that question again biko
DeleteGlory come and beat us
DeleteWhat are you doing with 4 kids?
DeleteEven with good intentions,you have overstep your boundary please forgive her but please mind your word as you are passing through one thing or the other so also others are .Please mind your business leave everything to God .My prayer is that GOD THAT HEARD HER REPROACH WILL shut her mouth with your testimony in Jesus name .
ReplyDeleteHmmmm! We react to things differently, perhaps the way you told her might have been embarrassing to her and that was why she gave that reply and some don't even mean it, just stating the obvious even though it sounded somehow.
ReplyDeleteIn my former church we went for cleaning and we were discussing about women not having time for themselves and I said if a woman is willing to go back to school, she can, with a supportive husband and a woman replied me that, it's not possible with all the responsibility on women that I am thinking of going for msc because I am divorced, I have only one child and my mum also assist in taking care of my child...I felt somehow but I didn't let it get to me.
May God grant your heart desires soonest and next time just look away or call the persons attention when alone.🤗🤗🤗
Poster!
ReplyDeleteThe Lord will hear your prayer soon and you will carry your own children. Don't cry inugo?
But I want you to know that her response was not in any way meant to mock your condition.
You are Just being uneccessary paranoid.
Calm down and learn how to mind your business.
Asking someone that is not your subordinate or a child, nor your close friend about her time of arrival to church or any event is rude.
I'm really so sorry and may God visit you soon. Please, don't dwell too much on that negative energy she released out, I know you are hurt. Keep the hope alive, keep going to church, serve him in the best way you know how to and see how God turns the story around.
ReplyDeleteThat's how one sister called me one midnight like that ooo, I didn't pick. She later sent a message that she called to wake me up for midnight prayer. I was furious and nearly replied her 'go and get a job'.
ReplyDeleteI came back from work tired.How can I do vigil and still go to work the following day and won't sleep at work?
Sometimes we put things into consideration before giving advice.
People do it
DeleteJust say don’t wake me up and move on
I’m sure she didn’t mean to insult you with the fact that you don’t have kids. She passed her message the wrong way but she probably meant you will understand why she comes late when you have 3 kids.
ReplyDeleteNo vex
My view too. Poster don’t take it to heart. When God finally blesses you with your triplets soon. You will understand her statement.
DeleteNah she meant to insult her and she knows
DeletePoster do like Hannah. Take her mockery to God in prayer and pray God give you your own Samuel
Eka joy you are too much, I think that's what she meant. No vex again God will bless you with twins soon.
DeleteDear Poster, First off, sorry about how that came across to you....I think your approach was direct and quite confrontational....Do you hold any position at all in church? If no, you were supposed to have a normal, informal conversation with her....Trust me when your approach is friendly and genuine, you will get the answers to the questions not asked or supposed to ask.....
ReplyDeleteSometimes we fail to read the room or exercise some emotional maturity; we all attaining that high emotional management level....It is quite understandable that you feel slighted by what she said.....Her response is also rude and she should have said in a polite way.....
Don't worry about whether they heard you or not....Please don't stop going to church, I am sure she was also embarrased by her response.....Keep your head up, the God that answered Hannah in the temple will surprise you in ways you can ever imagine.....
Just keep a calm and cheerful mood; if she apologizes or not next Sunday, please accept wholeheartedly and forgive her...
All the best & congratulations! your baby is here
How do you know Posters wasn’t informal and playful
DeleteLike I don't understand how they're making all these assumptions about poster
DeleteI'm sorry for what u are going through but u see this particular hurt,u caused it for yourself..
ReplyDeleteLeave people alone,u don't know what she's also going through and it's could be overwhelming sometimes..
Don't stop going to church, it's won't change anything,next met her and apologize for how u spoke to her and listen to what she have to say..
May God answer Ur prayers 🙏
If you have never walked in the shoe of another, don’t be quick to judge or be asking questions. Having 3 kids to take care of ostensibly without assistance is no joke, and that reasonably explains why the lady always gets to church late. Then, the way and manner you went about questioning her apparently in the presence of others left much to be desired. After all, church is a voluntary organization, there’s no compulsion. You owe her an apology, and she also owes you one as her response was too harsh particularly since it’s obvious she knows your current state. Bible says forgive one another. Forgive her and the good Lord will visit you as he did to Hannah.
ReplyDeleteDid anyone force her to have kids more than she can cope with? Why do people give birth as if the world is empty? And she's not done yet o she go still carry belle again !!!
DeleteSis, may God show you His mercy and bless you with kids in His appointed time.
ReplyDeleteSince you have chosen to share your chronicle here, for people to give you their opinion/advice then you really did bring what happened upon yourself.
Why is it your business that the woman is coming late? Have you ever tried to show her empathy and support? Surely, you must have known she has children?
Maybe God allowed that to happen and for her to speak that way because you had been unfairly judging her being late to church in your heart.
Her comments shouldnt prevent you from going to church....
You have two choices - remain offended but if you do so, you're allowing bitterness and unforgiveness to take route.
Or the best choice the one I pray for you, that God gives you grace to rise above the offence caused, to forgive the woman but also to carry grace and be the bigger person by also apologising to the woman.
Maybe God also wants to give you some insight into how challenging life can be with children. Have you ever babysat children for a number of days? If not, and you have nieces or nephews or the friends of others that you can stay with or that can stay with you, please try and obtain some of that exposure and experience. It's great training for when you become a mum and it'll also make you more empathic to those who are currently raising children.
It is well with you, may the Lord give you cause to laugh like Sarah with your own baby soon in Jesus name
You suddenly realised other people were there after she gave you a befitting response ba? Try and be minding your business, e get why.
ReplyDeleteShe may actually not be referring to the fact that you are TTC, just stating how difficult keeping to time is for someone with kids.
Pele poster, may God bless you with your heart desires.
Dear Poster, honestly, that lady did not insult you. If you know what it means to co-ordinant a kid, not to talk of 3 kids on a normal day....you will trully understand that her response was not to insult you at all, but for you to actually understand what some women go through taking care of Kids in the morning..ko easy rara. The lady must have been overwhelmed on that day, and you coming to her asking her why she was late must have been too much for her to handle. So, please don't feel she insulted you.
ReplyDeleteyou don't want to go to church again cos she told you wait till you have three kids before you both can discuss, you should know that you are not in the church cos of anyone. You went to church cos of your maker and not anyone. You should have spoken to her in private but because you did that openly she decided to respond to you that way.
ReplyDeleteShe felt embarrassed with your question, she knows she can get back to you with your present challenge which she did. You should shake it off and rather take it to prayers than to hold anything against her. You should go back to God and let him know how you feel, use your service to him as a point of contact to your fruitfulness.
The next time you see her just speak to her InPrivate and let her know her words hurt you very much. Let her know you have forgiven her for it but should should be nice with those words next time. Apologize to her for speaking to her in that manner, just let it go and allow God heal your heart, you should be more committed to the things of God now that before, don't worry soon all those who mock you will come to celebrate with you.
I remembered some years back one woman insulted myself and my friend that we are not yet mothers so we shouldn't correct her children. My friend was responding back to that woman but i told her to free the woman and focus on what brought us to church. Since then i mind my business with correcting someone's child that is not related to me. Some women are devil, do not think everyone coming to church listen to the word of God. Some are there just to mislead one.
I agree with Stella, mind your business and stay in your lane next time. She handled you very well. You don’t know the circumstances surrounding her and her family. What she does and doesn’t do is non of your business as long as she is not hurting anyone. She is grown!!
ReplyDeleteWetin consine you with person wey dey come late to church? You see where your shoboleyoke and gbeborun don lead you? This is life in general, don’t judge people if you don’t know their story. I have two kids and it’s not easy. Please leave people alone to live their life.
ReplyDeleteI have learnt how not to be focused on my pain and I NEVER allow anyone make me focus on my pain.
ReplyDeleteI don't sit and pine away, I don't swim in self-pity or externally inflicted pain. I dust it off, and move on.
While you wait to conceive, have you considered the other pathways to parenthood, like adoption, surrogacy, use of donor gametes?
If you haven't, you should. Don't give up on motherhood, until you have explored all these other pathways.
I hope you nurse your heart back to health. All the best!!!!!!!
You should have called her aside politely, though her response was harsh, this reminds me of what happened at Shiloh 2024. I took my three kids to wee during the sermon twice( sermon lasted for 5hours from 5am-11) and one of the crowd control unit guy stopped me, and prevented me from entering the auditorium, he said it is irresponsible for my kids to go and wee twice, I just told him, when you become a father you will understand how kids are, I just walked pass him and entered the auditorium nonsense!
ReplyDeleteHe is a bachelor so I don't blame him! I don't expect him to understand.
Though having 3 kids is not an excuse really because I get to church by 8am for Sunday school with my three kids. The woman may be going through alot, she would have said you will soon become a mother , so you will understand.
Must you speak him to like that? Ndi bad mouth
DeleteSome of you need to learn how to mind your business. Same way you don’t know why she keeps coming late is same way she doesn’t know you’ve been ttcing. Learn to mind your business ma!
ReplyDeleteShe said “when” you have 3 kids. If she was foul mouthed she would have said “if “ you have. Meaning she hopes you become a mother soon so you understand her plight.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry but your question warranted that exact answer. There wasn’t a better way to address you. What was your expected response? These church goers, I wish you people can some times take a pause and ask yourself real questions about the things that matter. She obviously had her struggles and you hit a nerve while wearing your own feelings on your sleeves.
Don’t worry. She will calm down and apologise but that should mark your end as a goal keeper of heaven. Just know that people have struggles and make room for them in your judgement.
Poster May The Lord grant You Your Heart Desires and Bless You With Multiple Babies..
ReplyDeleteMe self I be late Comer for Church
Before I will wake up, bath my son that boy he carry me run around the Sitting room , My Daughter will just enter bathroom go bath herself..
No body has even ask me why I come to church late
Them kukuma know say mama Chi nah Late Comer.
Please do not take it too Personal
Mayben she wasn't in a Good mood when you Approach her..
Pele Dear Your Womb is Blessed 🙏🙏
Hello iya Boys
I have two picky eaters that make me always end up going to church late. I will wake up early cook, dress myself n them up. Then spend almost an hr or more trying to get them to eat. If they don’t feed well they will be so cranky in church so I’ll rather stay home with them than not feed them well before going.
ReplyDeleteImagine going through this stress in the morning and one tuza queen will come to confront me about coming to church late and in front of people too.
The lady was even nice.
She only meant you will understand better through your own experience and stop judging.
I’m sure when God finally blesses you with your babies soon you will understand her statement better.
Only if people will understand this. I am also a picky eater from childhood till date and I know how this causes delay in my productivity.
DeleteYou could have callee her aside and phrased your question differently and also asked if she was struggling and needed support! You humiliated her publicly with your question and when the gesture was returned, you feel hurt!! Call her and apologise for putting her in the support and staying at home and missing out on fellowship is not the solution. Grown ups, suck up to their mistakes, learn from the experience and move on.
ReplyDeleteU r worried people around heard her response to u but u didn’t worry or consider that people were around when u went to admonish her about her late coming. U made her look irresponsible too. That’s the problem with all u ttc women, once anything joins u wt anyone, no matter the reaction u get, u pin it down to ur ttc condition. U have to understand that it is not written on ur face, ppl hardly even remember u r ttc only u knows ur prblm. So like ppl told u, learn to mind ur business, except u r the appointed time keeper of the church, u have no right to question anybody on the tym they show up in church. N pls, learn to handle ppl as individuals, do not see everything thru ur ttc tinted glasses. As u r ttc, she also has one thing or the other that she is battling with, no be life again?? Even me wey dey type this, i get some things that r bugging me, but will i go around n think ppl r using my situation against me? No!! I have other things to worry about.
ReplyDeleteMay God come thru for u n ur husband. Amin
Im surprised that everyone in this comment section understands that the woman with kids meant no harm. But the same people jumped on Teebillz head when he said the same to Toke.
ReplyDeleteBunch of hypocrites.
God bless you anony
DeleteA lesson for you.
ReplyDeletePoster you need to come out of that mood and don't let ur situation define you, u know she has three kids and it won't be easy for her to cope with coming early and you went to compare urself to her, u need to apologize and also tell her that her response hurt you, take the blame, fault urself if she apologizes fine and good.
ReplyDeleteBut don't ever think of stopping church bcoz of one person haaaaaaah
Bikooooh and u are allowing this TTC to rule you dear, live above it, stop looking for pity and don't expect people to pity you, if not sorrow will sink you before you get ur miracle but Godforbid.
How did she compare
DeletePastors wives that have kids don’t they come ealry
People keep using kids as excuse for incompetence
Who sent her to give birth to 3kids when she knows it is going to make her disorganized and have pepper body ? Somebody just ask you an harmless question and you went ahead to pure out your frustrations on her. Everybody is going through something in Nigeria of today do not transfer your aggression on somebody else. All these women that their husbands leave them to do all the work in the house na so them dey get bitter and frustrated at anything and everything.
ReplyDeletePoster just ignore her jare just know that God is about to answer your prayers beyond your expectations.
Are you holding any position in church? are you a leader in any group?
ReplyDeleteIf yes sorry about her respond.
But if NO mind your business next time.
I don’t agree with most of the comments
ReplyDeleteI go to church and I’ve gone all my life. I live far from my current church and often go late.
I’ve never ever picked any offense at anyone asking why I came late or why I’ve not come in a while
At best it’s an opening to gist. A normal response is simply don’t mind me oh. It’s these children
What she did is completely abnormal and like someone that was waiting for a reason to say what she said
Poster if the people in this church mostly behave like this, you need another church.
Otherwise keep going but have no dealings with this human that clearly has little to no brain
And I’m sorry about what happened
You didn’t misunderstand her. Even if she didn’t mean to call you out about kids she surely has very terrible EQ and you should still avoid her
Y r u using ur self as a yardstick for hw ppl are supposed to react to situations? The post isn’t about u, so u saying that is hw u will react doesnt count.
Delete19:36 that’s your way
DeleteLeaving the point to attack rubbish
Who doesn’t reference how they feel to judge another’s reaction
Shift
Nobody cares about you feel though. It’s not about you at all
DeleteI have never gone to church early with my two children, let alone three.
ReplyDeleteNobody will ever comprehend a situation they have not encountered.
The woman saying you will understand when you have 3kids does not mean she is cursing you.
Watch it, I think this TTC condition of yours is turning you into a bitter soul. Look inward, sis.
Do your children always go to school late
DeleteShe responded nicely. I'd have used more and worse cruel words if you come at me with such stupid question
ReplyDeleteNo be you again.
DeleteYvonne, exactly! No surprises here. Mtchewwww
DeleteYou should have simply responded 'Amen, from your mouth to God's ears we'll have this conversation again when the lord has blessed me with my 3 kids'
ReplyDeleteNa palaver you go find na palaver you go get oooo. You see this our tongues we need to bridle it. Slow to talk and swift in listening! My dear go and learn how to bridle your tongue! Since this year I have not gone to church when I think of how long it takes to dress my kids and myself I just stay home and connect via zoom. Leave people to DO what's best for them! Sorry Ndo.
ReplyDeleteSee this your tongue fold am well well put am for back of your throat. Don't offer unsolicited advice. Who are you to ask why she came late???? Madam drink water and mind your business ooo e get why. By the way sorry oo bridle your tongue 👅
ReplyDeleteMadam said she wanted to be coming early
DeleteWhat is wrong with asking her how far
This is why associating with some of you is hard
ReplyDeleteOrdinary conversation you’re telling someone the story of her life
Poster,myay God bless you and make you carry double for what you have been through in Jesus name.
ReplyDeletePeople should learn empathy cos that what caused this.
You made the mistake of talking to her in the midst of others.It is not easy for mothers with young children. Her response would have been different if you moved closer to her and spoke to her with love.
By this time next year is your turn.
Madam next try to drink water and keep cup ok just mind your business jeje,but I just sensed that she has provoked GOD to bless you is better sef just watch out what will happen just believe with your whole heart to carry your baby ok
ReplyDeleteCongratulations in advance 😘
Poster, please take this as a prophecy that you will have three kids if you desire it.
ReplyDeleteEUM Cali
Sorry but you deserved every bit of that. Inukwa challenging a mother of 3 young children. Next time you ll mind your effing business.
ReplyDeleteShe wasn't referring to your ttc. She just gave you back gbasgbos She
My yesterday's comment missing in various posts.
ReplyDeleteIf the mother of 3 kids had a job, would she be late to her office cause she has 3 kids? Can she tell that to her boss in the office if she was asked why she came late?She’s a leader in her church that’s why the woman reprimanded her for latecoming, Poster don’t let the woman’s words get to you, tell it to God in Prayers. .
ReplyDeleteMaybe I am the only one with a different opinion but that response was totally wrong.
ReplyDeletePoster, don't stop going to church because of this. Take it up to God as a challenge. You will be a mother of your own children soonest.
In all of this, my concern is your TTC for almost 10 years. What have you been doing about it? Have you and your husband gone for various fertility tests and treatments? What about other options like IVF, adoption, surrogacy, etc?
ReplyDeleteI'm deeply concerned about your condition. May God grant your heart desires soon and bless your home with babies. Pls don't just sit and pray, take actions, save towards the above mentioned.
Eyah, anonymous I feel bad for her TTC condition too. Poster may God come through for you.
DeleteI can't even imagine what you go through everyday. Almost 10 years fa. God you are faithful, pls answer this woman's prayers.
Dear Poster, I hope you read this.
ReplyDeleteMany people have said you should have minded your business, and that you deserve the insult from the lady. Please dont listen to them.
We are Christians, and we are supposed to be accountable to one another in the house of the Lord. You did nothing wrong by asking a sister why she always comes late to church. The lady knew your struggles and decided to hit you where it would hurt the most. There is no justification for what she did to you.
I pray for you from the bottom of my heart. This year will not pass you by. You were insulted in church, so God has seen your tears and will definitely comfort you.
As for the lady, find a leader in church to report the matter to. Please forgive those who have also called you names here. If only they knew the pains of TTCing, they would have given better advice.
Dont cry anymore nne. Your miracle has come.
Amen
Delete