MONITORING SPIRIT
Good day everyone.please is it proper for a wife to go through her husband's messages checking to see his bank alerts? basically monitoring his finances? note that the husband doesn't bother her with how she spends her money.
According to her, the husband had N2m a certain period and he lent N1m to his brother, this angered the woman and she started monitoring his account.
I feel it is wrong, what do you all think?
Why should your wife be monitoring your account? for what? Please remove your account from your phone and dont let her know what you have again....women like this can do and undo because of money.... it is very wrong, and since she is against you helping anyone, do not discuss your finances with her....
Naaa, I don't support that. But what was her reason for doing so? What if she went through his account, cos she asked for house money, he said he didn't have, but was able to give his bro N1m when he asked. Just saying oooo.
ReplyDeleteYou never disappoint
DeleteBut she can lend to her brother. If a woman starts this sharperly put her In her place. Remove her from the house for 3 months her brain go reset. Wicked things
ReplyDeleteWhy are you so angry?
DeleteRemove her because of what? Hope you're not a man cos how many times will you be removing your wife from house?
DeleteRemove her ke? That's extreme!
DeleteOloshi
DeleteThe house belongs to both of you. You must be living in stone age.😳😳😳
Delete@Blogbrity,
DeleteUnfortunately, that is not the law in all lands.
Marriage property rights depends on laws, hard laws, not sentiments.
The laws applicable in some lands even depend on the type of marriage in issue.
That is why some families and churches insist on some types of marriage.
Monitoring account unto what? What kind of jobless useless wife is that?
ReplyDeleteVery jobless indeed!
DeletePoster, you didn't tell us if it's a joint account. Or if she contributes to your account.
ReplyDeleteOr if you split bills at home. Or if she pays a major part of the house bills. Then her actions may be justified .
Obviously not a joint account, cos she would also recieve alerts.
DeleteI don’t know if it’s proper or not. I have no clue about the dynamics of your marriage. What I do know is that it’s not the norm; however, it is possible that your wife may feel she has to monitor your finances so the family doesn’t fall into a financial disaster. Since this only began after a certain incident, it is possible that past behaviour and choices have diminished financial trust between you both. Shutting down her access to your account is one thing, the more important thing is building back trust in your marriage. Building back the respect and honour she once had for you should be your focus. All the best!
ReplyDeleteHope the woman is doing something too so the family doesn’t fall into financial disaster. Monkey dey work baboon dey chop and monitor. As I am now even my husband can’t try that with me. Imagine monitoring and controlling the money I suffered to earn. Do your part, I do mine, the family progress.
DeleteWise comment 15:27
DeleteThank you Anon.dont mind the kids up there. He obviously took some financial decisions in the past that threatened the smooth running of the home, his wife wants to prevent such that's why she is monitoring his finances. As the head of the home, he is expected to make wise financial decisions that will increase the living conditions in the home.
DeleteThank you Anon.dont mind the kids up there. He obviously took some financial decisions in the past that threatened the smooth running of the home, his wife wants to prevent such that's why she is monitoring his finances. As the head of the home, he is expected to make wise financial decisions that will increase the living conditions in the home.
DeleteWomen and money are twins, they will never be satisfied what what you give them, especially when they now know your finances.
ReplyDeleteSo because the man lent his brother money now ,he did wrong but if it the woman brother that the man lent the money to will she be offended or because the man has married now he shouldn't help people again ?better tell her to keep her lane or be ready to suffer heart attack.
ReplyDeleteYes, let her monitor it.
ReplyDeleteIt is 'our' money not your money.
Iya Nimi has Spoken 🤣
DeleteHello iya Boys
Thank you for not being hypocrital.
DeleteYou alone told the truth as majority of Nigerian women think, believe, and see it.
You, however, forgot to add that "her money is her money" as most Nigerian women selfishly declare and enforce in marital financial matters even to the detriment of their children(s) welfare.
very wrong for the woman to monitor her husband's phone. Is like that woman don't want to last long on earth plus she want to kill herself on top money that is not her own. She should get busy with making her own money and allow the man spend his money the way he want to spend it.
ReplyDeleteBoth man and woman should not check each other's bank alert except they ask you to check. Allow people to spend the money they all worked for. Why do you think you have the right to tell your husband or wife how to spend money they worked so hard to make. You are free to help your family members if only you are taking care of your family and meeting their needs. Not that you help your family and forget about your home.
Couple should balance things. Most times, the one that spends more in the marriage don’t have enough to give to anyone be it parents or siblings. But you see the ones that spends little or doesn’t spend at all, always have enough to dash out.
Delete16:28 you are right
DeleteExcited you are not married, you won't understand that a man is supposed to spend wisely so he doesn't go broke and become a laughing stock in the home. That is why you are saying what you are saying. Get married first and then let your man spend his money as he wish.
DeleteDear Poster your chronicle does not give the full details of what happened...While I don't support snopping, there is no smoke without fire....Did she tell you if her husband is not financially responsible at home...Her actions are not right anyway ...
ReplyDeleteAll the best
I personally think she is not too bad. Although getting angry is going too far. Shes getting angry cos you allowed her to be doing anyhow.
ReplyDeleteHaving discussions about you guys finances would have saved this.
I don’t agree with the mentality of not asking one’s wife what they do with their money. That is irresponsible .
I am an advocate for :
1 . Planning projects as a family.
2. Every one with an amount of money they contribute towards the project monthly.
3 . If her income is low, then let her use it to handle her personal needs plus or minus some groceries.
4. Agree how much you will contribute towards the project too.
The rest of the money left after contribution is for you to spend as you like.
Thank you
DeleteSome are up there saying each partner should spend as they like. Ignorance is bliss. Let them marry first
Open up to her that you don't like how she monitors your finances since you don't monitor hers. Ask her to stop because you don't like it
ReplyDeleteIf she continues, put a password on your phone so that she no longer has access.
If she doesn’t monitor him, who will? Especially since he isn’t transparent or accountable to her. It’s her money too. Or is it that you still don’t understand what it is to be MARRIED?
ReplyDeleteWait! Like my husband should monitor my account? Hmmmmm.
DeleteWhat's not proper is the lack of openness between you both concerning financial runnings. You are a married couple, yet you are oblivious to how she spends her money, and she also does not have an idea about how your finances are disbursed. I feel there ought to be some form of transparency, even if it's not to the last cent.
ReplyDeleteWell, considering you said you don't bother her at all concerning her earnings, which indicates she likely does with her money whatever she deems fit, then it's imperative she extends such courtesy to you. It's hypocritical of her at this point to try to alter the dynamics of how things have been done over time simply because it suddenly doesn't sit well with her.
You do not need to remove your account from your phone because of her when you can simply tell her to respectfully desist. Be assertive and let her know you do not appreciate such behavior.
If the money you gave to your siblings did not in any way negatively affect your home financially and it wasn't at the expense of your immediate family's well-being, and you know her grievance is solely because she feels entitled to all of your money simply because she is your wife, then allow her to keep seeing the alerts for the money you sent to your family until she finally eats humble pie and understands and also accepts that to an extent, your siblings are also part of your financial responsibility if there's any room to assist and you have the money to spare.
Marriage is basically two people becoming one. As such, I will advice you to take your wife along on ALL your decisions (financial or otherwise)! Whilst you may feel you do not need to ask for her permission, please involve her in everything! Especially if you have kids.
ReplyDeleteIt is very stressful to be monitoring a man, infact if you want to leave long don't take on the job of monitoring your husband, you no go fit. If you channel that energy to make money, you will be shocked how much will come into your account.
ReplyDeleteYou're angry coz my blood brother lent me money? His money! Money that I'd pay back in a month! If I don't pay back my debts, hed stop lending me, butbsince i pay back before due date, he keeps lending me. Shame on you.
ReplyDeleteAre you the borrower? If yes ,abeg ignore. Let it not bring problems,maybe the man is a cheerful giver outside.
DeleteGo and hustle for your own money. Stop borrowing.
DeleteI know they won't support cos it's their gender smh
ReplyDeleteYou are a liar
DeleteGo and hustle for your own money. Stop borrowing
DeleteWomen are like that. Someone gifted me 50k. I gave my tithe and gave out 5k. Remaining 40k. This woman quarrel me because of this. The same woman they give her family members from her own money oo and I don't complain
ReplyDeleteI have stop discussing money matters with my wife to avoid issues. So poster,do the same
Most women do this. Especially the insecure once. Pick her phone one day and go to work with it and she will stop checking your phone
ReplyDeleteOnes
DeletePoster what's your own business. You are neither the wife nor husband
ReplyDeleteMay it is her approach that is wrong.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't see anything bad in a husband or wife knowing how the partner spends money especially when both of you are working hard and contributing to the family affairs.
Some people can use money intended for family upkeep and do father/mother Christmas.
I guess when partners are open and communicate well, there should not be room for monitoring.
Na insecurity and low self esteem dey cause am sometimes. My wife did that sometime ago, went through my account and tried to monitor where I went to or who I was with through my account. I understand that good men are hard to find these days and women are trying to protect their men from falling into the hands of other women but come on, that shit is toxic..
ReplyDeleteThis is totally unacceptable
ReplyDeletePoster,you and your spouse really needs to go,for couples retreat. It will be refreshing. 😍
ReplyDeleteOga your story is not complete sir. Make una dey write story well... everybody is judging the poor lady now until the real story is detailed properly. If you are married, there should be no such thing as my own and your own when it comes to money. Work together and carry the family along. It will pay you the man in the long run. Have access to hers too. If she has an issue with you accessing hers, then we all go back to the drawing board.
ReplyDelete"If you are married, there should be no such thing as my own and your own when it comes to money."
DeleteSad, but true. The quoted above is not a generally held opinion.
If you are Nigerian, married, and a woman, you are unique and among the few, very few minority of women who hold your belief and practice it.
If you are a top earner, earning as much as or more than your husband, you are an MVP; sorry, MVW - Most Valuable Wife - the Proverbs 31 wife.
Why?
The typical Nigerian wife does not share your views or do not believe in it, and most do not practice it. Majority of a Nigerian wife's financial contribution are tokens magnified for children or exaggerated for their paternal families or in-laws. Funnily, the tokens are praised because a Nigerian wife is not expected to contribute at all financially in her marriage.
The typical Nigerian woman believes that her money is hers only while the husband's is jointly owned. Hence you saw comments about him possibly jeopardising family finances. His wife's money, which he says he does not ask about is not a part of family finances. See?
This funny, very nearly phony arrangement called marriage.
Maybe you don't know how to manage funds and it's making her scared. She's worried about her security..
ReplyDelete