ADOPTION WAHALA
My blog family, matured minds—I need your advice. Speak to me as you would to yourself, your sister, or your aunt.
I got married, but sadly, the marriage ended due to infertility. My husband remarried, and I was subjected to both emotional and physical violence, eventually being forced out.
My blog family, matured minds—I need your advice. Speak to me as you would to yourself, your sister, or your aunt.
I got married, but sadly, the marriage ended due to infertility. My husband remarried, and I was subjected to both emotional and physical violence, eventually being forced out.
I poured myself into my career and supporting my siblings and their children. One day, a friend brought up adoption, and I discussed it with my favorite brother. He strongly opposed it, citing all the negative stories about adopted children. I listened to him and let go of the idea.
Then, life took another turn. My maid left, and I asked my brother if his daughter could stay with me permanently. She had always come to visit, especially during holidays, but this time I wanted her to stay longer. He refused, saying his wife didn’t want the girl far from home. This was particularly hurtful, considering I’ve been paying for their children’s school fees and house rent.
Whenever I felt down about being childless, my brother would always encourage me, insisting that his children were mine.
This whole situation started to feel unsettling, so I hired a new maid. Six months later, I adopted a sweet baby girl.
But things got even more complicated after the adoption. My brother, along with my older brother, started insisting that my child shouldn’t bear our father’s name. They argued that I had no reason to adopt, as their children were already considered mine. They even arranged a meeting with our kindred, demanding that I either return the child or remove our family name from her. When I ignored and insisted having my baby and giving her any surname I want. They left the issue.
These are the same people I have sacrificed so much for. I’m over 60 and a professor in my field, and my baby is now 6 years old.
A few days ago, my brother and I were on a video call, and I let my baby say hello to him. After some pleasantries, I don’t know what my brother asked her, but my baby said, “I look like my mummy.” My brother immediately replied, “No, you don’t look like your mummy.” My baby, in a quiet voice, repeated, “I look like my mummy,” and her whole demeanor changed. I had to take the phone from her.
How should I handle all of this?
Then, life took another turn. My maid left, and I asked my brother if his daughter could stay with me permanently. She had always come to visit, especially during holidays, but this time I wanted her to stay longer. He refused, saying his wife didn’t want the girl far from home. This was particularly hurtful, considering I’ve been paying for their children’s school fees and house rent.
Whenever I felt down about being childless, my brother would always encourage me, insisting that his children were mine.
This whole situation started to feel unsettling, so I hired a new maid. Six months later, I adopted a sweet baby girl.
But things got even more complicated after the adoption. My brother, along with my older brother, started insisting that my child shouldn’t bear our father’s name. They argued that I had no reason to adopt, as their children were already considered mine. They even arranged a meeting with our kindred, demanding that I either return the child or remove our family name from her. When I ignored and insisted having my baby and giving her any surname I want. They left the issue.
These are the same people I have sacrificed so much for. I’m over 60 and a professor in my field, and my baby is now 6 years old.
A few days ago, my brother and I were on a video call, and I let my baby say hello to him. After some pleasantries, I don’t know what my brother asked her, but my baby said, “I look like my mummy.” My brother immediately replied, “No, you don’t look like your mummy.” My baby, in a quiet voice, repeated, “I look like my mummy,” and her whole demeanor changed. I had to take the phone from her.
How should I handle all of this?
I guess your family do not want you to have a child or anyone that will cut from what you give them financially...They want all of what you have...It was so petty of him to reply your daughter and say she did not look like her mum.....Please keep your daughter away from them and know that your brother is only in contact with you just to monitor you........Stop the video calls and censor what you tell them all from henceforth that they dont set up you and your daughter.....
Good advice from Stella.... Stella seems to be in a smooth mood today because many of her advice dey get k-leg lately 🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteI think they want to inherit all you have without any issue. Open account for that girl and be saving hugely for her future.
DeleteWhy do you want your siblings who don’t have good mind for you in your life so much
ReplyDeleteWhat is the obsession about them for
Please stay on your own
They can kill you or harm your child
This pettiness from he is deep
Why tell a child you don’t look like your mom
Come madam don’t go and do carelessness and lose your life or lose this child
I’m so pissed
Protect your mental health and that if your child
Come first why do you even need their permission to adopt?
As how?
For what?
Are they giving you shishi to train her
Madam write your will oh
I’m so pissed because I will be adopting soon and by God I will defend my child with my blood
My brothers or siblings have no say so
I don't get it Poster,Ma....You seem to have everything going well with you, ma....Why do you need the approval and validation from your brothers on your own life issues....You were wise to adopt a baby girl....Please can you focus on giving her all your best and leave your siblings alone, ma....This hell bent relationship you want to foster won''t work...Please stop forcing it.......
DeleteThey are living their lives; even though you did well for them...That's humans for you....They are only concerned about what they can get from you....Your ideologies and theirs are parallel lines, please leave them alone....if they don't want the relationship with your daughter, leave them alone and don't allow them ridicule your baby girl...
Focus on creating a great future for her, if possible adopt another sibling for her so she can have someone to bond with....
All the best Ma
Stella your first line is so apt and you nailed it! They are just selfish people @ Poster create healthy boundaries oh....They really don't care about you....
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteWhy do you want your siblings who don’t have good mind for you in your life so much
ReplyDeleteWhat is the obsession about them for
Please stay on your own
They can kill you or harm your child
This pettiness from he is deep
Why tell a child you don’t look like your mom
Come madam don’t go and do carelessness and lose your life or lose this child
I’m so pissed
Protect your mental health and that if your child
Come first why do you even need their permission to adopt?
As how?
For what?
Are they giving you shishi to train her
Madam write your will oh
I’m so pissed because I will be adopting soon and by God I will defend my child with my blood
My brothers or siblings have no say so
Poster they are greedy and wicked and can even kpai you or your daughter just to have all you laboured for. Pls if it is possible, relocate with your daughter and settle her well outside this country.
ReplyDeleteThey claim that their kids are your kids yet they cannot allow one to live with you permanently. Pls be very wise and don't let them know about your future plans. Also protect yourself and your daughter from them.
Ndi "our children are yours" yet they don't want them to stay permanently, which may even be the best for that lucky child.
DeleteOne day, they will tell that girl that she was adopted and not a member of the family. Pls protect her from them
ReplyDeleteUsers!!! The whole bunch of them
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry poster but you have to keep them at arm's length, be very careful cuz the way they are going? They can kill you to claim your properties and kick your daughter out.
I am scared for you, May God help you
My sister, pls stay away from anyone that isn’t for your happiness and wellbeing and that includes siblings, parents etc. how can someone you call your brother be so against your happiness abi what am I reading, abi this man is even doing all these so there’s no one to inherit you if something happens to you, abi them wan even pkai you sef cos I don’t understand what’s happening. You have to be extremely careful at this point o.
ReplyDeleteChai Poster you have wicked and selfish siblings. If i were you, Id cut them off. Your baby girl isnt safe around them.
ReplyDeleteThey want you to be giving them and training their children while you are left with nothing and noone at old age.
Thank God you adopted. Your .brothers are more interested in your pocket. If anything happens to you, that girl will not be taken care of. So, focus on having a trust account for your daughter. Also, speak with a lawyer and draft a will to protect your daughter's financial future from your parasitic brothers as she still has a long way to go. Other ladies should learn from this. "My child is not our child'.
ReplyDeleteThere is no too much talk in the evening, pls set up a trust fund to take care of your daughter, if you have the means, fly her out with you. Ndi madu
DeletePoster, your siblings are envious of you and also do not want anything that will reduce or take your focus from them financially. Better stay far from them and also write your will.
ReplyDeleteThese your brothers are evil. They have no good intentions for you. They want you to train their children but don't care about your happiness. Pls keep your daughter away from them. Also prepare a will and have a trustee for your daughter now that she is young.
ReplyDeleteThose brothers of yours are after inheriting your properties and don't mean any good for you that is why they are against you adopting.
Please follow this advice and appoint trustee and an executor of your will that is very trustworthy. Do not appoint your brothers or anyone who knows them.
DeletePoster consider this advice.
DeleteThis clearly shows they are interested in your financial support.
ReplyDeleteKeep them away from you and your daughter.
This is so sad to read, honestly.
CUT THEM OFF!! All they want is your money. God forbids should something terribly happens to you tomorrow, you won't find them.
ReplyDeleteAnd please take the burden off your sweet daughter and change her surname. I use to have a teacher with a female name as surname. It doesn't matter. Change her name so they don't fustrate her in your absence.
CUT THEM OFF
DeleteTHEY ARE SHOWING HATRED OF YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER
THEIR ONLY INTEREST IN YOU IS THE FINANCIAL SUPPORT,THEY DESPISE YOU AND YOU DAUGHTER
THEY ARE ENVIOUS PARASITIC USERS
THANK GOD THEY SHOWED THEIR TRUE NATURE,ONLY GOD KNOWS HOW DEEP THEIR HATRED IS ,YOU AND YOUR CHILD ARE NOT SAFE AROUND THEM
I'm sorry, but your siblings are greedy and don't have your best interests at heart, they're only after their selfish interest...
ReplyDeleteHe couldn't allow his daughter stay with you even though you're more of her parent than he and his wife and also don't want you to get yours.. how does that make any sense..
Even your kindred sef are silly for entertaining that nonsense issue to be discussed..
Omo, you just clear him, clear all of them, tell them your mind, no need holding back, if you can't do it on call, write it on chat and send,. Cos e be like say them dey look you like mumu as you dey keep them quiet since.. and give that useless man the warning of his life that the next time he tries such to your daughter again you're cutting he and his family off..
Give your daughter your surname if you want too..
Nonsense
Dante, you provoke o.
DeletePoints well made.
But it is better for Poster:
To be "sly" and cautious with them than to be combative.
To AVOID AND EVADE than to be confrontational.
Experience shows that it is best not to be confrontational with wicked people unless you are ready to out-match their wickedness
As the saying goes, discretion is the better part of valour.
True. It is a situation requires more of wisdom and stealth than confrontation. If she handles it the way Dante suggested, they will realise their intentions have leaked and cover up more.
DeleteWell, I trust this poster in her handling this with a lot of maturity.
Dante's advice is good but you need to be very very tactful. Start complaining of financial hardship. Tell your brothers they are not paying your salary. Since you are 60, you can tell them your uni or college wants to retire you. Ask if they will support you. Then cut them off.
DeleteAs I read this, I,m filled with outrage.First, they discouraged you from adopting then they refused to acknowledged their own child as yours"his wife didn't want the girl far from home". WHAT A FLIMSY EXCUSE!.And now they are trying to poisoned your child, s mind against you.These siblings are truly evil minded. My advice to you is to keep them at arm length, don't cut them off completely but maintained a safe distance.They don't genuinely care for you or your child ,all they are after is your wealth. Protect your self and your child by staying far away from them.
ReplyDeleteStay away from people who doesn't want u happy
ReplyDeletePlease forgive him since he already opposed the idea. Most people see adoption as a taboo. Just seperate your daughter from them since you have your own now and train her to any level you want so she can inherit all you have when you are gone
ReplyDeleteYour brothers are enemies of your happiness. They are greedy.
Deletestay very far from them, you don't have a family. They only want you because of what they feel they can always get from you. With this kind of family you will suffer at old age if you don't have a child you can call your own.
As it stands now, they will fight you through your daughter by poisoning her mind towards you or lead her into things that will ruin her life so that in the end they will say 'i told you, there is nothing good about adopted kids, or they may fight you through other means if you stop assisting them the way you used to.
This is what you will do to stop them from depending on you financially. Don't be too direct in telling them that you can't be assisting them like you used to. From now on, pretend as if you have challenges that is taking your money. Don't offer dress the your daughter anytime you know that they will be coming around so that they can see the impact of the financial challenges in your appearance. If you used to visit the village with your car, just pack it and use public transport any time you want to go and visit them. Do this for one year, then in the next year you can withdraw totally from them, change your location and your phone contact. Those people need to see your child when the child must have been mature enough to stand for her self. Adopted children don't need people who have high tendency of poisoning their minds.
There is nothing wrong with adopted kids except you over pamper them. If you want her to turn out responsible for you, start sending her on little little home errands don't mind if she does it well or not. She should sweep even if she's just 3 years old, direct her to carry the broom and sweep, I know she won't do it well but she should sweep with you or your maid. Ask her to clean the furniture, clean the table after eating, take the plates to the kitchen, she should wash plates with the maid , she's a kid, yes I know. Order her in love. Any one she does, clap for her and give her a kiss to show that you are happy that she's doing well. Kids like to be complimented whenever they are working. A 3 year old can do little little house chores regardless. I know they won't do it well but let them register it in their mind so that when they are due they will never shy away from it. This will help reduce burden for you before you clock 70 years and by then you won't be needing any maid again.
Assuming you have a good family that can assist without ulterior motives, I would have advised you to adopt one more girl, but looking after kids is very stressful for a single mother of your age.
A woman here who retired as a big boss in electricity distribution company was given false hopes by her brother that his kids would be her's , now they are already tired of going on errands for her. She does things they they should have done for her even when they are around.
This woman was the one that renovated their family house, her saving grace is that she went to buy land and built her own house somewhere; she also built houses for tenants and those children can't come and claim anything. She didn't adopt a child, her family keeps assuring her that they would take care of her, with all that they've been doing do her her eyes still hasn't opened.
OmG , how come my comment is under someone's own
DeleteThe mistake you made was not adopting earlier. You could have even adopted 2 kids and they would be in their teens by now.
ReplyDeleteCall me all sorts of crazy but your siblings were benefitting heavily from your childless ness. Their kids are definitely not your kids. They’re your nieces and nephews and will never love or care for you the way a child you raised, adopted or biological, will love you.
Since they like your money more than they like you as a person, call a virtual meeting and warn them not to try that nonsense they did again. Let them know that if they cannot treat your daughter the way you treat theirs then there’s no point in you all being family.
You also should start making plans to protect her interest because it’s going to be your daughter against the world in the next 15 - 25 years. Draft a will, set up a trust that doesn’t have any of your siblings as a trustee or signatory. Also carry your daughter along as she gets older and limit your siblings knowledge of your properties. Your daughter should also be your next of kin on every single form.
It’s a very painful situation you’ve found yourself but it’s okay. It’s not your fault you blindly trusted your siblings. Greed is a very powerful thing.
I’ve been looking for this comment. Set up a will, trust today for your daughter today today. Start setting her up to be awesome in the future.
DeleteMake sure your brothers are not the trustees.
U don't need anybody permission before u adopt, u don't need to even inform them about it,
ReplyDeletesince u are not in the same location, u would have just tell them u got pregnant and have her on your own..
Just know this is how they will stigmatize her for the rest of her live..
Stay away from them and protect her for them, this is how u handle them..
Madam please stay away from such siblings. That is how my own brother who I trusted with my money to buy a land went behind me to sell my land. Now my other siblings for asking i forgive the heartless fool. Meanwhile, another brother wouldn't work and I am expected to pay his children's fees.
ReplyDeleteI am done with these ones. Good thing is we leave in different continents. I cannot be close to such relatives because they don't mind killing you to get what they want.
Block those covetous parasites, who needs enemies with such "family"
DeleteSome siblings are evil. That’s how my brother in law sacrificed his youthful life to train his siblings. Now that he needs their help, all of them are minding their business. Leaving this man to suffer, he couldn’t even train his own children
ReplyDeletePlease get a lawyer to write your will and leave your assets to your daughter. Your siblings are the weapon fashioned against you. They see your daughter as the barrier against them grabbing all your money and assets if anything happens to you. They are greedy and users. You can even adopt one more child so your daughter has company.
ReplyDeletePoster, please cut of from them.
ReplyDeleteI am in your shoes. In my 50s with no child of mine. Family never cared. They were only after milking me . Never asked about my singleness and childlessness. The constant demand for financial aid was unbearable.
I was going through depression despite my affluence.
I adopted without their knowledge and sent out of the country. The child is doing very well now and has started work over there.. No regret at all. No contact with anyone except me. They don't know anything about this arrangement.
They think I am childless. They mock me but request for help every time. I don't even give impression of any adoption.When they call for assistance I will turn and ask them who will I call at my old age?
My dear stay away from them . That child is your only responsibility This is 2025. To your tent O Israel. Don't spend your money on ingrates.
This one that you sent your child out of the country, how will you really bond as mother and daughter? I hope you bonded well with her before taking her far away from home? These children... Well, i pray she doesn't find other companies more interesting than home.
DeleteYour family are greedy and selfish, all they care about is their gain
ReplyDeleteKeep your daughter far away from them
Ma sale all your properties (except the place you live) put the proceed in a trust fund for your child ,make sure no one knows about it apart from your lawyer and daughter (when she comes of age).
ReplyDeleteThe reason they don't want her to bear your surname is for property dragging in future.
Gradually withdraw from them, like someone suggested if possible relocate abroad with your daughter
Don't be surprised they are responsible for you not having a child of your own.
Go to yesterday's Spontaneous post and read that write up on" the cobra effect"
Why are you paying their house rent and school fees what is your brother and his wife doing for a leaving.
You are making them lazy .
Let's mind the help we render to people please
For a living*
DeleteThat house rent and school fees surprised me. Like what else were they doing, just feeding and giving birth to more kids while you don’t have any. You better limit this kind of help, it is too much. Let them take care of their family, even if you pay school fees, it should only be for 1. Pretend not to have and save for yourself and others who truly need it, not that your ungrateful brothers.
DeleteIn this life, not everyone can pay good for good so when we do good we shouldn’t expect anything in return should in case you are paid evil for your good. Protect your heart. Outsiders, siblings and even one’s children can one day forget all you’ve done for them and hurt you. Don’t let it get to you. We are nothing but fragile imperfect beings. Protect yourself/your heart always. Don’t love your neighbors/others more than you love yourself. God bless!
ReplyDeletePls ma, protect your daughter. Pls let her bear your name and forget about family name. Remember you are her only family.
ReplyDeleteEverything is not all about blood.
You took the right decision.
Your siblings are evil abd don't want your happiness, what of people who give birth in their father's house without getting married. The children bear her father's name since she is not married, keep your child away from them and make sure you secure her future cos if anything happens to you tomorrow your siblings will allow her suffer.
ReplyDeleteKepe her away from your family, adpot more if you can to make it two or you. Stop telling them anything about her.
My aunt doesn't have biological children so she adopted two girls who are both studying abroad now. She has put everything in place in case anything happens to her so her kids don't lose out. That's what you should do. Secure your daughter's future ,write a will now, make sure your documents are secured because if anything happens tomorrow your brothers would send that girl parking and take all your property
ReplyDeletePoster biko adopt another baby girl, make it two
ReplyDeleteMadam, you are not only very wise, you are also outstandingly strong. I believe you are not asking us a question because you are handling things perfectly already.
ReplyDeleteJust make sure you secure yours and your child’s future by every means possible. Don’t forget tomorrow is not promised and you can’t possibly rely on these brothers to protect your child. Buy her every education and welfare security you can access. Talk to your investment bankers. Write your Will and pay for your own funeral now. You are a Professor so I believe you have a healthy mind to grasp what I am saying.
In a nutshell, keep your relationship with your family but be absolutely independent of them in every way possible.
Very selfish brothers!!
ReplyDeleteThey have their children who another is training but still don't fancy her happiness.
They do not care about your feelings at all.
What do they mean their children are yours?
A woman who is 60years that would need people to surround her and show her love but inconsiderate humans are antagonising her decisions.
Poster please don't mind them at all. Limit how you talk with them because they're only keeping in touch because of what they're benefitting.
Please do not allow your child to be in communication with them as it sounds like they may even tell her before you're ready that you're not her biological mom.
If possible adopt another child; there is no human who doesn't deserve happiness and companionship from children.
May God bless and sustain you.
Not everyone is lucky to have good family members, most just want to use and get from you when you refuse they turn against you.
ReplyDeleteHateful, envious and destructive kangs, cains
DeletePoster, you have to forgive for what I to say,cos I will be so blunt to the extent that it may hurt you small but I will tell you the whole truth.
ReplyDeleteYour siblings want to inherit every thing you have laboured for,they also don't have anylove for you cos they are so selfish.They are only after what you can do for them and not what they can do for you.
Please stop communicating with them as you used to do.
Henceforth,they don't deserve to know everything that happen in your life.You can assist them once in a while but don't try to build a relationship between them and yourdaughter.You have every right to give her your surname.
Finally,you have to be very careful with your brothers,the way I see this is deeper,I can go on and on.You are still alive and healthy but they are indirectly planning on how to iberit whatever you have,their reason for not supporting you on adoption.
Take care and may God continue to bless and protect you and your daughter in Jesus name.
Chiloving
🤔 Yet some still quote incomplete proverbs like “blood is thicker than water” when the full proverb refers to soldiers on the warfront. “The blood on the battlefield is thicker than the water at birth”. Did I not read a post here today where a pastor died in the same building (another apartment) for over a year he shared with his estranged elder brother who was arrested? The brother lived with his wife in a different apartment in the same compound & his brother died & was left alone for over a year!
ReplyDeletePoster, leave their surrounding, don’t confront them but stop confiding in them or doing lovey dovey phone calls. They were happy to take your money, over years thinking their kids will get free inheritance. They were probably sad when you went ahead with the adoption. My siblings are selfish like yours, maybe even diabolical. You don’t know the extent they can go, raising a child is a marathon not a sprint. She is just 6 years old. Take her away from them, make new friends in your new location and create an extended network for her.
Set up a trust preferably with an expatriate (I know why I suggested that) as trustee. Also draft a Will specifying who becomes her guardian if anything happens, God forbid. Then come out from among them & separate yourself. God called Abram OUT of his father’s house. His lack of total compliance made him take Lot, his nephew. Read how Lot selected the plains/better looking land that turned out to be the Sodom & Gomorrah God destroyed.
It won’t be easy, they will accuse you of being proud, standoffish etc. They may even resort to jazz. Hold on to God, raise your daughter well and teach her to hold on to God and build networks of good people. Finally be vigilant, prayerful and don’t leave too much digital footprint. I have aliases on SM because my relatives sleep searching to figure out my life and how I’m doing for constant billing. I had no problem with them billing me for decades, I practically lived for them. Then age started coming, no building in Nigeria, while I sent other people’s kids to private schools etc. I tried to reduce it but the fight started on all fronts. God says in Proverbs that “Evil will not depart from the home of whoever repays evil for evil”. I have no pics on Whatapp or anything as I know they got used to living life based on my money which would leave me impoverished in old age. Be firm. I honestly wish I knew you but I’m abroad, haven’t been to Nigeria except twice since I left many decades ago. I am actually scared of my own relatives. They are that wicked. May God satisfy you with long life as he promised in Psalm 91 & exodus 22.
Amen for poster .
DeleteIt is well o.
DeleteStella wrote exactly as I thought. They never wanted you to adopt because they were focused on your money and not your happiness in life. Please take yourself to a lawyer to ensure that your daughter will not be left out in the cold should God take you home sooner than expected. Prayer for long life and good health to see your daughter into adulthood. I tell you that without a shadow of a doubt your family would not care for your child. Grown azz man speaking unkindly to a 6 year old because he doesn’t want an innocent child to carry a name he himself knows not how it even came about. You need to set up a living trust and also a will.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as your daughter gets to about ten years old she should know who the lawyer is and their telephone number. I do not know if you have friends who are like family to you, but nurture those relationships well, because your family of origin is focused on the families they have created and that is their only priority, not you nor your child. Put you and your child first! My dear, pray and use empowering words over your child everyday. Your child is in a family where negative words are being spoken and the expectation is to see them fulfill those preconceived notions, so speak empowerment and purpose into that child. Your prayers will be the strongest of all.
Cut them off and prepare your will and make security a priority round the girl otherwise if any thing happens to you they will treat the girl badly and please let them know that you have willed all your property as you wanted ,evil people
ReplyDeletePlease pray for long life and good health. Living long enough to see your girl grown-up and independent, should be your primary focus.
ReplyDeleteAlso, start putting things in order, legally. Set up trusts. Appoint a guardian or 2. Put measures in place for your child to get lump sums periodically - at age 18, 25, 30 and so forth.
Bare in mind, that you live in a country where bribery and corruption is the order of the day. If snakes can swallow money and no one bats an eyelid to such a ridiculous story, then know that your family can pay for documents to go missing, or be altered, or for people to change their tune.
Be several steps ahead, so that your daughter isnt short-changed in your absence. Double and triple secure all the measures you put in place!
Sell off any property of yours they know, and buy another in your child’s name without their knowledge because of tomorrow. Any investment should be done without their knowing. Your family don’t have your best interest at heart , very selfish of them. Get a very trusted family or relative that can genuinely fight for you through thick and thin for your child. Hide important details from them. Whatever decision you make henceforth, know that they don’t love you but what they can get from you. May God’s wisdom direct you and if possible adopt another sibling. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteMadam pls bring us update o. Bcos the amount of advise everyone has given you deserve update. GOD BLESS everyone who has taken the time to tell her the truth. Na wa for some families sha.
ReplyDeletePoster I will advise you to get a trusted lawyer and will everything you want your daughter to inherit from you after your demise in her name.Your families are after your money.Their children ain't your children.They are saying so because of their financial gains and your property.you are old enough to make your own decision without your family.
ReplyDeleteYou know your siblings better
ReplyDeleteSo you know if they were just worried about you losing more by adopting a devil and they tried to put obstacles in the way to prevent the adoption being complete
We’ve heard stories
My cousin that my parents raised is a complete devil to them so adoption is not always successful
Judge by how they’ve treated
Nigerians hail one another for saying things at they are but when said it truly can hurt
The child may not look like you and your brother thinks he’s just stating fact but see how it made you feel
If it’s my brother I won’t be offended because I know he means no harm
My friend said his own baby was ugly. He was laughing carrying her and saying it so imagine what he can say to someone else
You decide how you feel
You were single for a while with no child. Are you sure you can remember them providing company and love during those times
The wife refused to release her kid to you. I wouldn’t release mine either. I don’t think you should be upset about that oh hmm
Are you sure you cant* remember them providing company and love during those times
DeleteSo, when does she get to win in their eyes? They are not giving out their children, which is their right, so why try to stop her from adopting her own? And after she secured her own joy, still coming to put a wedge of separation between the mother and child by planting seeds. Sorry, no 6 yr old needs any adult honesty about their looks. A conversation that we all know the brother brought up because no child starts talking about looking like their mother out of the blue, with a relative that they have never spoken to before. How dare he sow seeds in that child’s head to make them feel like an outsider. Talk about school, holidays, friends and church, no, he goes right into talking about her being different. That is not a good person.
DeleteBirth children do abominable things to their birth parents every single day, we have all heard those stories. So let us not ever act like birthing and raising one’s own children will always be successful.
Your brother means no harm by telling your adopted child that she doesn't look like you? See how you said it as if you are not aware that the child came from a totally different blood line but compassionate and sensible people tend to tell them that they look like the parents that adopted them so that they won't feel bad and start looking for what they are not supposed to look for. Why should your brother even ask such a question if he's not evil? Is that even a question to ask an adopted child who is from a totally different blood line? Must you remind her that she has not trace of her blood in the family?
DeleteWaist a minute, what type of adoption did you state as example in this your story? Do you mean that your parents adopted a relatives biological child? If yes, then that's not and cannot be likened to the one in this chronicle. If your relatives child doesn't look like his parents and they tell him outrightly then it's not really bad, but telling that to someone from a different blood line is totally wrong.
I just read your comment to the end now. So you mean you won't release your child for someone who has been paying her school fees and rent? You won't release your child for your friend or family who has been there for you?😂😂😂🤣😩😩
DeleteAnd you will still have the guts to tell the person not to adopt?
Church agasala nu.
@slim, no I won't release my child to anyone. I won't ask anyone to do that either. Do you know whether the child told her mother she didn't want to go. REmember the child probably has other siblings. So she will leave all the play at home and go stay with her aunty forever. naah mehn
DeleteI haven't read all the comment above me, so I wouldn't know if a comment about what I want to advise has been dropped.
ReplyDeletePoster, in all you do, please don't forget to write a will or open a trust fund for your child. God forbid you kick the bucket today, I'm so sure your baby will be kicked out of your home, it's obvious your siblings do not have your interest at heart, they are selfish set of people. Kindly protect yourself and your child from them.
Your Siblings Are Selfish oo
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm
None of them wants to give out their kids out the fact you are the One paying School fees oooo,
Dnt mind them ooo do what makes you happy and give them long rope
Abeg protect your loving daughter from them , cos Your Wicked and heatless siblings are Dangerous
May God Almighty Be with you and your Princess 🙏🙏
Hello iya Boys
Is the child a car that you can just give her out
DeletePls let’s be realistic
Anon 20:09 if they can collect the school fees and upkeep from her for years why can she not take care of them? Why can the child they take money to care for not keep her company? No offense but anytime I read advice on Stella’s blog, I can always count on a lesson or two despite being older than the average/common demographic of the blog readers.
DeleteIn our parents generation children of relatives lived with us (children of the earlier college educated Nigerians who made it back then), ate with us and graduated university, their parents gladly released them and many were cousins or distant relatives. Not to talk of direct Aunt to the child who actually takes care of their kids like hers. Poster please sift the wheat from the chaff of all the advice, create a Will, a living Trust, and a trust fund and make a non relative with integrity her guardian in those documents with a second person/attorney to oversee landmarks in her life so that she is never abused by anyone.
One of the most painful thing to deal with in the world is to discover that the way you think and feel about someone is not how they think and feel about you. I watched my mother put her family needs above even her children’s own. Always answering every call, only for her to finally see that they had their own feelings about her. I will tell anyone put your needs first, and secure your happiness in this life. Leave folks to themselves, do the best you can if asked but do not go out of your way for anyone.
ReplyDeleteSee, these siblings would prefer to see the bv without a family of her own, telling her bullshyt that their children are her own. Not even sisters, but brothers. How can a child born from a woman unrelated to you by blood be like your own. Mtsscchhwww. Had this woman wasted years that she could have been enjoying motherhood, while they strung her along with their stories so they can secure her labour for THEIR children. Then being a stumbling block again when she pushed through in determination to secure her happiness. Spend your money on your child! Give her everything you dreamed of giving a child when you were younger. You are an educator, so connect her to your world. Take her on your travels with you if you do the global conference circuit. Give her a childhood like no other. I am not saying to cut off the nieces and nephews completely, but drop it down significantly, as it should be. You have your own household to provide for and your azz knows ain’t nobody coming to give your daughter anything.
Poster pls the best way you can really stay away from them is to leave this country or relocate to another state and also let your child stay away from them. Warn her that she should stay away as long as your brothers and others who oppose her adoption are still alive. They are evil and van go t at length to deal with you and your daughter
ReplyDeletelol even fathers that proposed abortion still end up loving the kid
DeleteJust cause I said don’t adopt doesn’t mean I’ll harm the child
02:17 yes, just because you opposed doesn't mean you will harm the child but if you read this chronicle well you would sense that there is deep rooted hatred and unrest in her siblings life since the poster took the step of adoption. Which adult tells and adopted child that she doesn't look like her adopted parents? They even went to the extent of inviting villagers to stop her from it.
DeleteThat love you are talking about will be possible if the siblings were living together with the child not when they stay far away from each other.
Thanks to everyone who dropped a comment for this poster. Poster also add one more child, so your girl will have a sibling to call hers. Do it now, it is not yet late. God protect you and your child.
ReplyDeleteAunty Stella hit the nail on the head. What a selfish family
ReplyDeleteI got so excited last night, and it led me to tears. A big thank you to everyone who took the time to offer me advice. I feel refreshed and truly alive.
ReplyDeletePls, adopt another one and ensure you protect their future. Their plan was to inherit all what you have. Please and please, secure your children's future very well. Use an experienced barrister and law firm to write your will. Your siblings hate your daughter already and they will go to any length to throw her out once you're no more. Be strong and stand firm
DeletePlease Ma, how were you able to adopt?
ReplyDeleteI would live to adopt a girl child.
Evil, greedy family! Inukwa my children are yours???
ReplyDelete