Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmm....

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

ADVICE ON NEXT MOVE NEEDED

Good afternoon, Stella,
It is such a blessing to see you getting stronger each day. May God continue to grant you the grace and strength you need to recover well. THANK YOU

I’m writing to share my story, one that is heavy on my heart and filled with mixed emotions - sadness, worry, and, surprisingly, excitement. I don’t mind if his cousins piece this together in the end. 

I trust your platform for its offer of anonymity, and I’m hoping for genuine advice, even if it comes with being upbraided. This will be a long read, even if I try to make it brief.

This journey began years ago, thanks to one of your “Single and Mingle” posts. I met someone - a newbie tech guy, a truly good man who matches my ideal in every way: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Mature, intelligent, kind-hearted, and grounded. However, by the time I responded to his message, he had already moved on and chosen to date someone. 

We remained friends, a very good one by all means and over the years, my admiration for him has only deepened.

I’ve fallen for his character, intelligence, wit and even his flaws. I’ve also observed his red flags, but none are deal-breakers for me. He’s a single father - a devoted, responsible dad who peacefully co-parents with his son’s mother, a woman I’ve met by chance. Their relationship is so harmonious it’s hard to believe they’re not siblings.

I won’t lie - I love him. I’ve confessed my feelings more than once, not to manipulate or pressure him, but to unburden my heart. Despite this, our friendship hasn’t been affected in any way. Instead, his honesty and discipline have only made me respect him more. He’s the kind of man who inspires you to grow. He brings your strengths into your consciousness while helping you manage your weaknesses. 

He once told me, “I don’t have money to give you, but if you stay around me for six months and your life doesn’t change positively, walk away.” And he’s been true to his word - he has impacted my life in ways I can’t quantify. It has been nothing but a good omen, and I am determined to hold on to it regardless of whatever.

Despite my love for him, he’s never crossed the boundaries of our friendship, even when I subtly baited him on a few occasions. Recently, I even suggested he be my sperm donor so I could have a child, knowing I’m financially capable of raising two or three children independently. He refused, reminding me that he has a girlfriend in Enugu, whom he plans to marry once he's able to guide her through financial stability. He wants a partner who is self-sufficient, business or career-oriented and motivated in the pursuit of her dreams, someone who is a worthy helpmate and a good support system. And whom they can share social and domestic responsibilities. He is very handy, domesticated and well-brought up.

However, things have taken a turn. A few weeks ago, he confided in me, as we do regularly, that his girlfriend had ended their relationship. He admitted it was his fault - she wanted to know when he would officially meet her family, and his honest response, “I don’t know; we are not financially equipped to start a family yet.” didn’t sit well with her. She started withdrawing, and despite his efforts to mend things, she ultimately broke things off. So he's been off SM for days now just to navigate the final phase of his heartbreak, according to him.

As much as this news saddened me, it also stirred hope. For the first time, I see a chance to be more than just his friend. But I’m torn. He’s still healing, and while I want to support him, I also want to express my desire to be with him. He’s in his forties. And like this ex, I’m also in my late thirties - and in him, I believe I have found what completes me. I love him, and he has admitted many times that he likes everything about me but is not open to starting another relationship by his side while he has a good one. Now that it has ended nko?

I was the first he has told, not even his cousins who live with him nor his immediate sibling and close ally who lives abroad. Oh that, he has a large extended family staying with him. For this, he hardly stays at his place; he said he can't chase them because he has benefited directly and indirectly from them or their older siblings in the past when he, too, needed one or two help and favours.

This man has been a pillar in my life. Two years ago, he helped me reconnect with my maternal roots in Imo State after decades of estrangement following my mother’s death. He’s also the first man who’s ever done things for me without expecting anything in return.
So here’s my dilemma: Should I give him the time he needs to heal? Should I be upfront about wanting to build a life with him and see where he stands? Or should I nurture a relationship during his healing process and let things evolve naturally? I don’t want to mix up the sequence wrongly.

I love him, Stella, and I feel ready to take it. I’m also scared of losing the beautiful friendship we’ve built. I need clarity and direction.
Thank you for listening,
A Friend in Need

Why wait? If he has broken up with her, then tell him how you feel and what you want.....I hope that you are not the only one feeling like this and wanting a relationship?You both are miles apart?Do you live in the same city? If Yes, then invite him over and have a talk....Go for it abeg and dont listen to anyone who tells you to wait for him to heal..... Keep us updated!!!