Hmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SAD SITUATION
I met my wife through my older sister, she is a police officer while my sister has a shop opposite her former station.
Our marriage happened quickly, but it didn’t turn out as expected. She’s a completely different person than my sister had believed her to be. We argue constantly, often over the smallest things, and she shows me no respect, not only for me but also for my family.
She can send people to arrest me or fight with me anywhere and anytime. We’ve separated four times and reconciled for the sake of our children.
I began a building project in our village, but couldn’t complete it due to financial constraints. Late last year, my older brother, who lives in the village, called to tell me that my wife had visited him and asked for advice on where to build a house for her children. She never discussed this with me before hand. She earns more than I do and spends her money as she pleases.
I began a building project in our village, but couldn’t complete it due to financial constraints. Late last year, my older brother, who lives in the village, called to tell me that my wife had visited him and asked for advice on where to build a house for her children. She never discussed this with me before hand. She earns more than I do and spends her money as she pleases.
My brother directed her to my ongoing project, but she insisted that she didn’t like the location and wanted a separate piece of land to build her own house from the ground up. My brother told her it would be inappropriate for a married woman, with a living husband, to build her own house apart from her husband’s.
In response, she insulted both my brother and mother, our dad is late .
This December, she traveled to my hometown and contacted someone to help her buy land. The man told her they don't sell land to women whose husband are alive in our village. Asked her to bring me. she came back and insulted me and my family even more.
I have slept in police cell countless times because of her.
I have become the subject of ridicule in our place of residence and now in my village because of her actions.
We don't stay in a house for more than two years before the landlord throws us out.
She has also turned our children against me. They don't Have respect for me. We live in the same house like strangers. She shows no respect for anyone, not even her own parents.
My question is: How do I handle this situation? How do I regain control of my life and protect my family?
This December, she traveled to my hometown and contacted someone to help her buy land. The man told her they don't sell land to women whose husband are alive in our village. Asked her to bring me. she came back and insulted me and my family even more.
I have slept in police cell countless times because of her.
I have become the subject of ridicule in our place of residence and now in my village because of her actions.
We don't stay in a house for more than two years before the landlord throws us out.
She has also turned our children against me. They don't Have respect for me. We live in the same house like strangers. She shows no respect for anyone, not even her own parents.
My question is: How do I handle this situation? How do I regain control of my life and protect my family?
JESUS!!!!!
I dont even know what to advice you eeeeeeh.......My advice might land you in her jail.....
Oga is it not possible to seperate? And this your sister that connected you both where is she? if you leave her and attempt to date or remarry, you will end up in jail...Maybe you should just pack your bags and run..check your simcard...Just run until you get your act together again.
Where is that your sister that connected you guys?… what’s she saying in all this ? Huh ?
ReplyDeleteMy sister did not know her well. She regrets introducing us but it's late.
DeleteIf you like sit there and continue being a big simp of a man! She is abusing you anyhow now, sit there and the day you are pushed to the wall and abuse her back in any way, and she sends in her chronicles here? You will receive the highest insults of your life.
DeleteHow can a man be a weakling in his own household for God's sake?
How come two captains in the same boat? Poster you didn't tell us where you go wrong, I believe there is no smoke without fire.
ReplyDeleteYou have slept in police station several times,was it because of domestic violence.?
I wish to hear your wife side of story.
The advice you need now is to give her space to put yourself in order.
What do you think is the bone of contention??
Na DV nah. But at the end of the day, the best thing to do at this point is for both of you to separate for good. Let her build what she wants to build. You sef build your own. Last last, your children will inherit both. Your aim now should be how to separate and manage to have a relationship with your children.
DeletePS: children see what goes on in a family. They know who has their best interests at heart. This is an advise to men here. Providing is not everything. Try and have relationships with your children, cos that is what they will remember. Not that you paid their fees oo
GOD bless you.
DeleteDV? Who am I to beat my wife. She will shot me that day.
DeleteThere was no domestic violence of any kind.
She has high temper that when it starts, no one is speared.
Poster you sound like a weak man . How can you allow her to take a full charge,?you must have given her that hand initially may be because she has money and power. You have totally lost your position in your home.
DeleteInstead of living like enemiele tell her that you need a break to figure things out. Don't go and fall sick because of a tiger you have as a partner.
Poster even has the time to reply the ones saying DV, while replacing their ID with Anon when they want to yarn gutter, which is their true nature.
DeleteSo the DV is what gave birth to the wife insulting his brother and mother? Including her own family?
Am not surprised as these are the same people who will always get free funds from the owner of this blog, and still go anon and insult her, due to their chronic bitterness of hearts towards whatever they perceive is not to their favour.
Sit there replying them, instead of you replying and thanking those women with their full IDs telling you the truth to move on.
It's simps like you without the balls to be a man that ends up committing the worst out of frustration, by then nobody will spare you.
I use to think anon mode is for those of us that have been here without bothering for an ID untill I realized many here who are never good to be met in real life, always switch to anon mode to hide their true colours of lack of comprehension, bitter hearts etc
Chris
Poster even has the time to reply the ones saying DV, while replacing their ID with Anon when they want to yarn gutter, which is their true nature.
DeleteSo the DV is what gave birth to the wife insulting his brother and mother? Including her own family?
Am not surprised as these are the same people who will always get free funds from the owner of this blog, and still go anon and insult her, due to their chronic bitterness of hearts towards whatever they perceive is not to their favour.
Sit there replying them, instead of you replying and thanking those women with their full IDs telling you the truth to move on.
It's simps like you without the balls to be a man that ends up committing the worst out of frustration, by then nobody will spare you.
I use to think anon mode is for those of us that have been here without bothering for an ID untill I realized many here who are never good to be met in real life, always switch to anon mode to hide their true colours of lack of comprehension, bitter hearts etc
Chris
Sad story. However I feel you have painted yourself as an angel and your wife as the devil.
ReplyDeleteIt's odd that several landlords ejected you from their home because of both attitudes. It seems you are a violent person married to a woman who uses her office to curtail your violent tendencies and outbursts hence your several nights in police custody.
Unless your wife is from the same village with you, I don't see why she is insisting in building in your village.
It will be foolish of her to contribute her funds towards your village building project when you have described your marriage as a very toxic one.
In cases like yours, i think it is very wise to continue to keep your finances separated as you both have done during the past years.
I suggest you spend less time in the village and focus on improving your finances.
Goodwick to you all.
BV Sylvia
My dear pack your load and run
ReplyDelete440
Go and start afresh else where
It not easy to marry a uniform personnel in Nigeria but there are good ones to,even family members are not safe any some thing they jail for a night or two.you better run.
ReplyDeleteNa husband you marry Sir.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, I empathize you with all that is going on in your marriage and family....Your first paragraph answered the root of all your concerns; you married quickly without knowing her true character and getting to know the person she truly is.....Because your sister recommended her to you does not mean she made the right decision of a life partner.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, this is a toxic marriage you have, you have separated four times and reconciled and I want to know why....Why are you hell bent on going back to a marriage that is beyond damaged? Probably if you had separated and divorced for good; then you both will come to an alignment on how to take care of your family.....I am surprised you are still involved in this toxic cycle....
Your older sister who helped match making you....Has she ever mediated in your quarells.....
Oga it's time to separate from your wife because if what you typed there is true and a reflection of what transpired then please take a walk out because such a person can kpai you....Please have some balls and plan your exit.....
Are you gainfully employed, are you in a business or are you a house husband? I believe this wahala is based on finances.....Before you ask for control, please take a walk, involve both families and decide on what to do going forward...
All the best....
You don go carry the one wey pass you. The only way out is to leave both her and the children for your peace of mind. Since she has turned them against you too so you can’t say you are staying for them. Choose you
ReplyDeleteYou don go carry the one wey pass you. The only way out is to leave both her and the children for your peace of mind. Since she has turned them against you too so you can’t say you are staying for them. Choose you
ReplyDeleteIs this chronicle about the building project or about how to separate?.
ReplyDeleteHow to the situation? :-separate.
There’s nothing in this chronicle that’s points towards your family being in danger. Please explain more so we can understand. Abi you want her to complete your own project?.
The building project and lack of respect for me and my entire family.
DeleteHow to regain control of my life and protect my family.
She is a police officer and richer than I.
Mmmmmm
ReplyDelete“We’ve separated four times and reconciled for the sake of our children”. An excuse weak people use when they don’t have the balls to do the right thing. They rather raise damaged children in toxicity, while putting the blame/reason on the same children.
ReplyDeleteJust go as far as possible till you can put your life in order and pray for your children while you are at it.
ReplyDeleteDivorce her and go your way though she might use that to lock u up in jail it is for a short time and you will be ok .
ReplyDeleteYou said you guys are like cat and dog yet you want her to help you finish your project, what if tomorrow you decided to go your separate ways, what happens to her investment? If I build a house ,as long as am married to my hubby ,we both owns it and vice versa.. That shouldn't be a problem just intensify efforts in completing your own projects. Are children are your children, so it's same thing.
ReplyDeleteThe way he even said ‘ my own project’! A married man o and he expects the wife to use her money to complete his own project he’s doing in his name. Are the wife’s names on the documents of the property ni?
DeleteI find this in particular irksome.
Who would put their all in another person’s project?
Why is the wife insisting on building a property in her husband’s village sef?
You better make hay while the sun is still shining by getting a separation then divorce and get a lady who would respect you with the little you have and have a child or two because this lady won’t allow you access to the kids even if you are given a joint custody. You can also decide to be on your own and continue caring for the children financially (with receipts) so when they are of age, they will reunite with you.
Maybe she lost respect for you and your family because she sees you as a leech.
God on your side, you might finish your project before hers, try and gain her trust so you people settle your matter, when she's able to trust you, she might build with you buy why do you want to build with such woman? Isn't she better off building her house alone?
ReplyDeleteThe best advice will come if we know what causes the argument between both of you.
ReplyDeleteIt is well with u @poster
DeleteShe should look for land in your state capitol and build house for her children there. In my village too, ancestral lands are not sold to or allocated to wives. She should go and build in her father's village.
ReplyDeleteSo sweet how you painted yourself to be an angel Oga!, same you that beats her up at every provocation, always reminding her that you did her a favour by marrying her. Why dont you tell BVs how she has been the one taking care of the household, both the children school , feeding and other things. And all you do is to drink, womanize, owe debts and curse her out?.
ReplyDeleteIt was your nagging and careless attitude that made her change for her own sanity?
The kids? Same ones you said are not yours? and treat them like shit? Turn your family members against her and make them see her like the devil herself?
A
Anyways, You don jam rock. No matter how you paint it, The truth remains the truth.
And listen, She will never allow you ride her like before. She don grow oh! If you try shit, you go enter cell again.
Ozuo
Another angle. Marriage Is scary I swear, one party be doing alot and other party doing less, resentment build in and fight happens. Best is for people to separate for sanity for everyone
DeleteYou didn't lie. Na poster be the problem but just trying to paint his wife as if she's mad. If you don't pull your weight no woman will respect you
DeleteImagine him expecting his wife to complete a building project whose title doesn’t reflect her name. Na mumu you married ni? Women have suffered in this Naija sha.
DeleteTell them to support her to build
ReplyDeleteAll these restrictions are frustrating
Why must she build with you
I feel for everyone in bad marriages chaii May God heal families
ReplyDeleteIf your narration is as explicit as it is, please split for your own sanity. If not, there will come a day when you will be unable to bear it any longer and will strike her with a lethal slap or punch.
ReplyDeletePoster your husband woman was overwhelmed with her profession so it was an unfortunate incident anyways the best way to have peace is separation .
ReplyDeleteYou have married the weapon fashioned against you and I will advise you to leave if you don’t want to fall into an ailment that will destroy you.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I hope you are not expecting her to invest in ur building project if her name is not on it. Cos I won’t even advise anyone to do that.
You keep sleeping in cell because she keeps arresting you. Why does she keep arresting you? You didn’t shed any light on that. I can’t judge that aspect because I don’t know if u deserved the arrest or not.
But one thing is clear, you are not in a healthy marriage and I don’t advise anyone not comfortable in it to remain in such.
I am really sorry that you married olopa.😁😁😁. She has subdued you completely. You have to go the office of the public defender to submit your case. She's not above the law. Marriage is not a do or die affair. Take a walk,while you're still alive. 🙏🏿🤗
ReplyDeleteYou have separated 4times and Reconcile again
ReplyDeleteWetin make una dey Reconcile,
Some one that treats you like trash you dey Reconcile with her..
Is like you dnt like your life abi..
Keep Separating and Reconciling oo..
Epele Sir Mr Lover Lover..
Your Sister will not put mouth in your Family matter the fact she's the one that connect you both together ,
You be Adult Oga Fight For Your PEACEE..
Hello iya Boys
What exactly is your benefit in the marriage? The only way you can regain control of your life is to seperate and divorce. Why have you gone back numerous times after separation? Is it because she is richer than you? Because I’m sure if you were richer, you would have sent her packing since. It is no use staying in this marriage for the kids because they are worse off living and learning toxicity from both of you.
ReplyDeleteRemove your eye from her money. Seperate from her, go and hustle and face your life, the relationship is too toxic. The kids will have to go with her but you will need to see them regularly and also provide for some of their needs.
When next you're getting yourself new shoes, try and pick your size oo
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading this it felt like a fiction novel because I can’t imagine a spouse to be this terrible. How can she even send ppl to arrest you, on what charge? Also having ppl fight you. Likely at the time you met her nobody else was knocking on her door so she accepted so she could have children before it got late. I feel that if you had done proper courtship you would have seen these glaring flaws in her and run. The devil got a hold of your wife and he ain’t letting go. She has a Jezebel spirit. There is no way that she can be this bad and good to the children. Sir, please find a way to get out of this marriage and also enter your war room cause you have a battle ahead of you. Your biggest concern should be the safety and wellbeing of the children, they need one sane parent in their life. Do not let her energy get into those innocents.
ReplyDeleteFor the sake of your sanity and life get out of this marriage. The price of peace is never too expensive and knowing her ways it’s probably best to not stir up her demons. Pray for divine deliverance because ppl like her will use any means to get what they want. Do not start the process without spiritual fortification.
Pls permit me to use bible verses Amos 3:3, can two work together except they agree?
ReplyDeleteEphesians 5:33 , each man is to love his own wife and let every married woman see it that she treat her husband with respect.
Marriages are like building houses and while at it, you need to use good and solid materials to make such houses stand erect or it will fall when trials, tribulations and challenges comes.I would have advice you sit her down and have conversation.but how can you achieve this, when the atmosphere for having such conversation can't be created.
You need to ask yourself what you really want?she either respect you and create an atmosphere of peace or you separate for awhile for your mental health.
So your wife is a demon married to an angel (you) without flaws? A lunatic who just makes trouble for no just cause? A wife who takes delight in locking up her husband for no just cause? I know your type poster because I have one as a son in law.
ReplyDeleteWhen you decide to tell the whole truth, you will get the help you need.