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DEALING WITH A DIFFICULT SPOUSE

I really need advice regarding my spouse, as we’ve been having constant and unresolved conflicts. I’ve tried my best to address these issues by talking to her, but nothing seems to work.

 I’ve suggested everything from counselling to involving family members, but she refused.She gets angry with everyone, even the children over the smallest things, and it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never right. 

 What hurts the most is that she has started accusing me of things I would never do—things she knows deep down are not true. Whenever we have even the slightest disagreement over the phone, she hangs up on me. Most of the time, she won’t answer my calls or call me back.

There was a time when I confronted her about this behaviour. I told her about the missed calls, which were clearly logged on her phone. Instead of acknowledging it, she flared up and denied ever missing my calls.

I have been battling this behaviour for over 10 years, intimacy is gone, we have intimacy only when she wants.
For the past three weeks I had to go for a work based training course for managerial promotion.

She always says she is busy when I call. She usually does this even when I am at home. Even when she picks up, there is so much noise—cracking of utensils and other sounds, she always make sure the discussion can not hold, if I tell her to let me know when she is free she usually says she is never free. Even when I go to her to start a conversation , for example when she is just sitting, she will suddenly start playing games on her phone, and when I try to tell to try and focus on the discussion she will say that, I can leave and that she does not listen with her hands.

Even when I call, or told her to call me anytime of the day that she is free, but she usually says there is never a time she is free. She tells me that if I cannot talk, I should hang up. When I call at night, she does not pick up and never returns my calls. If I call during the day, she is always in a hurry to end the conversation because she either wants to get some sleep or has something else to attend to.

For all these, her mum and her aunt have been involved in the issue, but they cannot really talk to her, they are scared of her, infact , these are the two only two people that she barely communicates with as at now because her siblings , cousins and all have all kept their distance,
These past days, I reached out to her mom and aunty once again. This has been going on for years, and instead of getting better, it’s only becoming worse. I feel completely drained and unsure of what to do.

Last week, I tried to have a talk with her to make her see how the marital disharmony was impacting all of us, including the kids. After I finished speaking, she didn’t say a word. I waited and tried to encourage her to respond, but she later said that if I was done talking, she had other things to do and a headache. That was all she said.

Nothing has improved; everything is still the same. The children are frustrated and confused by her ongoing bitterness towards everyone. They’ve been asking me why she seems so unhappy and critical, rather than ever showing any happiness. Even when they try to interact with her, it doesn’t make a difference.
I’m doing all I can to keep things from falling apart, but it’s wearing me down. This feels like the breaking point. After ten years, it seems like we've finally reached the end of this struggle.

I would greatly appreciate any advice or guidance.

Advice or guidance????_ The only thing you need to do is get a divorce...you sound weak,defeated...get yourself away from that toxic spouse please and get a grip on yourself as a man!