TO DO OR NOT TO DO?
Someone close to me has been facing serious issues in her marriage from emotional, verbal, psychological, infidelity, neglect and once in a while physical abuse.This has been on and off with little happy moments...I am not happy at all because this woman is so hard working, she provides for the house, a goodmum and a good wife who tries to cover her husband inadequacies.
I am scared of telling her to separate for now because the last time they had issues, all the people that asked her to leave became her enemy, including her pastor.
Now, it's happening again, infact more worse than the past, wouldn't she see me as someone who is looking for company (as I am divorced) if I tell her to separate for a while she is going through HELL!
I am scared of telling her to separate for now because the last time they had issues, all the people that asked her to leave became her enemy, including her pastor.
Now, it's happening again, infact more worse than the past, wouldn't she see me as someone who is looking for company (as I am divorced) if I tell her to separate for a while she is going through HELL!
Hmmmmmm this is really sad but you must do what you have to do that she if shes dies in the process, you will know that you tried your best to help her...Give her the advice to leave and then avoid her......
Exactly you just have to clear your conscience. Tell her and face front
ReplyDeleteOr just tell her sorry and face your front. When she complains that you are not empathetic towards her plight, remind her that she didn’t value the advice of others in the past so how does yours make a difference. But let her know that if she is no more, her kids might suffer so the choice is upto her.
DeleteHmmm, tough one. Mammi Stella see eeh is not everyone deserve good advice Beacause some persons have shallow mind to understand things or how will I even describe it sef, see eeh dear poster you will tell her to separate for sometimes not telling her to leave entirely so that she won't misunderstand you and tag you along others ok , or as well you want her to join you, mind your words please good luck👍🏾
ReplyDeleteMust someone tell her what to do??? Isn't she the one going through hell.
ReplyDeleteYes she need someone to encourage her or to push her .
DeleteAs in eehn, when she no be taata? Let her die there if she wants to
DeleteVery sad situation. But there's nothing you can do ,than continuing to pray for her and her family.
ReplyDeleteI would rather mind my business.
DeleteTell her, she has a right to think what she wants as you have a right to tell her what you think too.
ReplyDeleteAt least you tried.
Ah, don't tell her to leave her husband before she thinks that you are jealous because she has a husband and you don't.
ReplyDeleteBe wise.
Most difficult person to advice: a woman in love.
ReplyDeleteLearnt my lesson a long time ago, i can never advice any one concerning love matters again...Talk to God is always my answer when you bring that type of problem to my door
DeleteSit her down and talk sense to her.
ReplyDeleteIt's only the living that can praise the Lord. Life has no duplicate.
If she reasons with you,then her life will be safe.
You did not state if she has kids. Maybe that's what making her stay in abusive marriage. Even at that she is the one putting food on the table, she can just live for her sanity .
May God bring solutions
Sit her down and talk sense to her.
ReplyDeleteIt's only the living that can praise the Lord. Life has no duplicate.
If she reasons with you,then her life will be safe.
You did not state if she has kids. Maybe that's what making her stay in abusive marriage. Even at that she is the one putting food on the table, she can just live for her sanity .
May God bring solutions
Thank you .
DeleteIn life, there are certain decisions or solutions that people must be allowed to come to or make on their own. Divorce and separation are two of them.
ReplyDeleteOP, I'll say stay out of it. You being a divorcee will take away the gravity of the concern you are showing. Misery does love company afterall doesn't it? I'm sure you mean well but until she stops rationalizing why she still stays in such a toxic environment, then every advise she gets will fall on deaf ears.
But who knows? You say there are good times too. What is marriage if there aren't up and downs? Maybe she really believes in constantly working on her marriage and that's a good thing.
Here's the thing though. That she shares her pains with you does not mean she is asking for your advise or seeking solution. She may just need to vent. Please bear this in mind.
She knows
ReplyDeleteDon’t bother
Some people will say mind your business as people in abusive relationships hardly leave. However it's is sad seeing someone you love in such miserable situation, but please tell her your mind, let her know this is coming from a place of love, let her know if she dies her children is going to suffer a lot, let her know let her know you are not trying to ruin her home or make her a divorcey like you, but she needs to be alive for her children to eat the food of her labour.
ReplyDeletePoster please mind your business, some of our gender have loose screw in their head, if you never sleep in a police station or hated by husband and wife just because you advise a woman to separate from an abusive husband, biko don't comment under my comment bcos you won't understand. Let her make that decision all by herself, some of them have chosen Mrs title over their own life..
ReplyDeleteI can never advice someone in love again. I learnt the hard way, they are still together even with all the flaws she cried to me about.
DeletePlease poster leave her such women deserve what they get you can't love her more than herself nobody is stopping her from leaving yet she hasn't made that choice allow her suffer.
ReplyDeleteDon't advise her, she is a grown woman who knows what is right and wrong. Let her make her decision period
ReplyDeletePoster I understand you perfectly well,if you choose to mind your business,what if something bad happens to her? and telling to leave,she will feel because you're out marriage you are wishing her the same thing.just do your best or involve her family members if you know any.
ReplyDeleteBut You Said The People That Advice Her Before Became Her Enemy ..
ReplyDeleteYou wanna join In The Line of Her Enemies..
Abeg Them no dey Tell Blind Man say Rain Dey Fall..
Pastor Talk She did not not hear
So Nah Ya own she go come hear..
You Can Try After All No Harm in Trying..
May God Be with Her ooo..
Hello iya Boys
In Malachi 2:16, "I hate divorce' says the Lord. He is capable of changing and reforming any person.God is capable of healing and renewing any marriage.
ReplyDeleteDivorce should only occur in instances of repeated and unrepentant heinous sin.
The bible gives two clear ground for divorce
(1) sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32)
(2) Abandonment by an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:15).
In this case,he keeps repeating same act and even physically abusing her.
she should separate from the marriage for a while and commit all to God.If he truly loves her,he will be willing to change inorder to make her happy.if not,it's best she remains single than to die in an abusive home.
Tell her that whatever conclusion she comes to by herself, you will be there for her. I don’t think it’s necessary for you to tell her to leave. She needs to come to that decision by herself.
ReplyDeletePoster, MIND YOUR BUSINESS. Don't tell her nothing before she will see you as the enemy. She's a grown woman. If she wants to die in her marriage let her be. She's not a child.
ReplyDeletePoster should just face her front joor
ReplyDeleteDo your part and leave the rest
ReplyDeleteSometimes we women just need another talking to from another woman.
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong with poster talking with the lady.Two heads are better than one.
But in actual sense it's difficult to advise on love matters or matters of the heart
Hmmm very tough, you're very correct she might think you're looking for a partner but once you give her the advice and give her space she would get the message clearly
ReplyDeleteGive her a candid advise then leave her to make the decision.
ReplyDeleteYou can go about it as a conversation, not as advice. You can ask her if she fears for her life, the children. Ask her if she has put things in place in case she is no longer alive, if she knows who will take care of the children, if she will want them to remain in his care and his new wife. You can ask her if she thinks the pastor and other ppl who advised her to leave in the pst did so because they were against her and did. It wish her well. Ask her if she has a safety plan if she knows where she is going if she must escape with little.
ReplyDeletePerhaps if you use a conversation tone to find out how she is doing and where she is at, perhaps she will start thinking deeply about her situation and do something.
One thing I do not like with domestic violence issues is how the man is always ignored. Where is the community to threaten the man and tell him to stop? Where are the enforcers who go out to put these men back into order? While I know the women have to look out for their lives, the men should be brought up before the community and be made to change his ways, whether through physical means or through ostracizing him, or through some other manner.
You need to keep moving. No waiting. No parking. This place is danger zone. Anything you say will be used against you.
ReplyDeleteNigerian women would do anything to remain their marriages. This is so sad. Make her see how her life is at stake. At least you would know you've done your best
ReplyDelete