SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED ON MARRYING SOMEONE FROM FAR DISTANCE
Dear Stella,
Seasons greetings to you.
I'm going to make this mail as detailed as possible so as to get accurate advice as needed.
I knew this guy Caleb (not real name) through another friend of mine. Though Caleb is from one of these African French speaking countries Cotonou (not real country). I never met him but we communicate EVERYDAY via WhatsApp (chat, calls and videos).
Caleb is not very fluent in speaking english, but I can understand him and he understand the English language to an extent. He's in his late thirties while I'm 26 years old .
We've been dating for 8 months and he recently travelled to see me.
We align in many aspects and my spirit feels at ease with him.
He's very matured and a good man.
There's no gbensh involved so I'm making these judgement in my right state of mind lol.
He has proved his love for me on several occasions and i know for sure that the feelings are mutual but here are my concerns
What could be the advantages and disadvantages of marrying someone from such a far distance?
What of cultural differences?
Language barrier?
What are the pros and cons?
Where are those who have experienced this, what is your advice?
Thank you Stella for this platform
I will be in the comment section.
Seasons greetings to you.
I'm going to make this mail as detailed as possible so as to get accurate advice as needed.
I knew this guy Caleb (not real name) through another friend of mine. Though Caleb is from one of these African French speaking countries Cotonou (not real country). I never met him but we communicate EVERYDAY via WhatsApp (chat, calls and videos).
Caleb is not very fluent in speaking english, but I can understand him and he understand the English language to an extent. He's in his late thirties while I'm 26 years old .
We've been dating for 8 months and he recently travelled to see me.
We align in many aspects and my spirit feels at ease with him.
He's very matured and a good man.
There's no gbensh involved so I'm making these judgement in my right state of mind lol.
He has proved his love for me on several occasions and i know for sure that the feelings are mutual but here are my concerns
What could be the advantages and disadvantages of marrying someone from such a far distance?
What of cultural differences?
Language barrier?
What are the pros and cons?
Where are those who have experienced this, what is your advice?
Thank you Stella for this platform
I will be in the comment section.
Even people who the same culture,same Language and tick all each others boxes still break up....There is no book on Marriage oh....
I had all these worries when i wanted to get married but he was very reassuring and said we should take that step and go slow and if after we try all we need to try and it doesnt work out, we can part and still be friends... If you are at peace with what you want to do, then go ahead and do it..The most important thing you should know is that you must avoid third party involvement.....
Wait first...Has he proposed or you are just thinking ahead?
All the best beautiful
ReplyDeleteHas he proposed or made his intentions known? Marry him. If he hasn't, then keep dreaming.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, please don't believe all and everything he tells you completely; ensure you and your family do your private investigations on the guy and his family.
ReplyDeleteA lot of people can lie and live double lives. Make sure you check all "checkables", and most importantly pray very well about it.
Best wishes.
Cross cultural marriages within a country is less problematic than from one country to another even if they are speaking the same language.The only problem is culture and traditions which maybe different from your religious view and traditions of your people,I will advice you to know more about his culture and see whether there are abominable things there, because idolatry is mixed with Christianity /Islam in some french countries.All these maybe helpful before you give your heart fully
ReplyDeleteBest advice from Stella
ReplyDeleteFollow your inner mind/instinct
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, You can download Duolingo or Babel to help with text translation so you can have ease on communication...The language is no longer a barrier if you both are committed to learn from both sides....
ReplyDeleteHowever, you need to find out more about this man...In igbo, we call it ''Iju Ese''....You can get someone, a male relative to be precise to help find out more about this man or if you have any friends in another African country who can help you find out about him...It will be good....
Find out more from either of the options I mentioned before you consider travelling to meet him & make sure to tag along a male relative and let your loved ones know about your movement.....
Pray very well for God to reveal all hidden secrets and open your eyes to the truth and reality....
All the best
Life is always a gamble. You have a high risk tolerance and likely naturally have an adventurous spirit. If you want adventure then this is the perfect situation.
ReplyDeleteOne day you will have to come together and that is when you will really see everything. Research his culture to ensure that you can live within the expectations. Many ppl present themselves as forward thinking and not bound by their culture but the day a baby drops you see them want everything to be done according to cultural standards, and sometimes it is mouth dropping stuff. Just for example, how would you feel if he wanted to circumcise his daughter? Or place tribal marks on the face of his son? So do your own research. Do you know if he is already married? And you are being set up for second wife. Can you handle being a second wife? Also, he is more than ten years older than you, is he in a better place financially? If he is still getting on his feet can you handle that he is much older but you and you may have to struggle financially in the marriage? Seck yak expectations needs to be considered too, every culture has acceptable and taboo practices. Maybe what is normal for you is taboo for him. These are all hypothetical, obviously I do not know anything about him, just giving you ideas of the things you need to think about and get answers for.
Well said.
DeleteMost of us follow the customs of our people first; nation, second; before our learned behaviour.
Dear posterif you feel at peace him and he reciprocates same , jus take it step by step flow as friends . No one manual suits all . Relax your mind and
ReplyDeleteenjoy the flow...
Find out more about his family. Very important.
ReplyDeleteNothing is wrong from marrying from another country. In the same Nigeria,married to a Nigerian,not the same state. We communicate through English or pidgin.
ReplyDeleteAll The Best..
ReplyDeleteHello iya Boys
Does your friend know anything about him?
ReplyDeleteThis is love in foreign land 😜 my dear I don't think there is much bad about it maybe that's how God destined for you just pray seriously about it then work towards it if is God's wish, nothing is wrong at all I know someone that married like that till today they are living happily.All the best to you dear 😘
ReplyDeleteDear poster it's good you've not been intimate with him and you feel at peace. But still, what does your friend know about him, and you should also do a private digging as well. All the very best!
ReplyDeleteYou waited to date him this long (8months) before coming to ask this question? You didn't consider all these before allowing the relationship to last this long. You people are heartless I swear.
ReplyDeleteSo what will happen to his emotions if you decide to end the relationship because of the reasons you stated there? I don't know how you people do these things o
It's not easy at all, but if you feel it in your heart, then by all means, go with it
ReplyDeletePoster has he proposed marriage, communicating via social media is different getting to know him off social media,just take control of your emotions still you meet him.
ReplyDelete