STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
GOING CRAZY
I am loosing it friends, I need all the advice I can get from you all.
I got divorced about six years ago, the marriage was just for two years and this man showed me hell. There was no physical abuse because it's a long distance marriage but I witnessed every other forms of abuse.
We have a child together, which he is taking care of the child 90%.
He has remarried 3 years ago but he didn't inform me but I saw it on the internet, each time we see, he keeps telling me how sorry he was and there is no good woman out there, that if not for our genotype ( we are both AS, we knew before marriage and this guy said he was going to kill himself if I ended the relationship, we kept it a secret only for him to mention it as one of reasons for divorce, my parents and family were disappointed because I know much about SS children but we concluded we will go medical)
Now my problem, I don't want him but I cant still get him out of my life, I don't know if it's because he is taking care of our child.
He says one thing and does the opposite, he feels we should still be intimate whenever he comes around.
He demands some level of support and loyalty from me, but this guy would always give one excuse or the other when I need his help.( not monetary)
He is always busy, when I need to communicate my feelings on some things.....like I am dealing with a narcissist and hypocrite and it's driving me crazy.
I was healed before but his constant reminder of telling me he is at fault and hes sorry, I am the best woman for him yet doing worst things is driving me crazy.
I don't want him, I just want to be free, my family members are trying for me. I am loosing my mind.
We saw two days ago and he was all over me but I just couldn't get over the past hurts, his lies and the fact that this guy has remarried but still saying he wants more kids with me......
I want him to know he isn't using me or fooling me but I am scared he might not take care of our child as he should.
I have a job but it can't fully take care of the both of us.
How can I heal properly and Move ON, I motivate and encourage people but I can't HELP MYSELF.
Any book or online skills recommendations would be appreciated.
Thank you all....
I got divorced about six years ago, the marriage was just for two years and this man showed me hell. There was no physical abuse because it's a long distance marriage but I witnessed every other forms of abuse.
We have a child together, which he is taking care of the child 90%.
He has remarried 3 years ago but he didn't inform me but I saw it on the internet, each time we see, he keeps telling me how sorry he was and there is no good woman out there, that if not for our genotype ( we are both AS, we knew before marriage and this guy said he was going to kill himself if I ended the relationship, we kept it a secret only for him to mention it as one of reasons for divorce, my parents and family were disappointed because I know much about SS children but we concluded we will go medical)
Now my problem, I don't want him but I cant still get him out of my life, I don't know if it's because he is taking care of our child.
He says one thing and does the opposite, he feels we should still be intimate whenever he comes around.
He demands some level of support and loyalty from me, but this guy would always give one excuse or the other when I need his help.( not monetary)
He is always busy, when I need to communicate my feelings on some things.....like I am dealing with a narcissist and hypocrite and it's driving me crazy.
I was healed before but his constant reminder of telling me he is at fault and hes sorry, I am the best woman for him yet doing worst things is driving me crazy.
I don't want him, I just want to be free, my family members are trying for me. I am loosing my mind.
We saw two days ago and he was all over me but I just couldn't get over the past hurts, his lies and the fact that this guy has remarried but still saying he wants more kids with me......
I want him to know he isn't using me or fooling me but I am scared he might not take care of our child as he should.
I have a job but it can't fully take care of the both of us.
How can I heal properly and Move ON, I motivate and encourage people but I can't HELP MYSELF.
Any book or online skills recommendations would be appreciated.
Thank you all....
You are the cause of your present problems and not the guy...Saying YES with actions when he is there and saying No when he has gone is what you are doing.....There are so many women like you out managng whatever they earn with their kids....If he stops taking care of his kid, then good riddiance to bad nonsnese but dont sit down and take this bullshit he is giving you and still be complaining...
More Kids? two of you are crazy, you already birthed AS that will be looking for AA all his or her life........Dont try it cos inside this your complains, some part you still wants him but holding back cos he remarried......
Anytime he comes around make sure you invite someone else as well...thats the first step...
He hasn't changed he's still the demon that showed you shege. If you like go back he'll still show you shege
ReplyDeleteShe says he showed her shege
DeleteYou believe.
She says he is a nasisissi (misspelled)
You believe.
She says...
You believe.
If he says she blows hot and cold
Would you believe
If he says she does not know what she wants or need and kept him in a loop
Would you believe.
The First person to make a complaint is believed until he/she is cross-examined
Better believe that because the Bible so says.
If I tell you to play along and get money from him now ,they will say I am a bad child. Just know pe you cannot born for him oh
ReplyDeleteYou see this your distress,channel it,gather it together and think.
Azokam
When she births SS child and the guy disappears that’s when her eyes will clear. That salary that isn’t enough for 2 will magically become enough for 3.
DeletePoster, are you lazy, spoilt? . Hope you’re on birth control???. It’s free. Better go and get implants. Cos the way you’re going, pregnancy is loading for you
Anon 16:04, tell her oh.
DeletePoster try that shit and mistakingly born SS pikin, your eyes go clear fiam!! That your heart and brain that is playing you kalokalo will sit up straight.
Stop making yourself accessible to him, he can still see his child without you being present.
This is a new year coming, you need to restrategize before you let your feelings derail your life and put you in a lifelong bind, being a single mother to a child is farrrr better than having multiple kids.
Let him know he will no longer have access to you going forward, make it clear as day, if he chooses not to take care of his kid, move on from him and do the best you can for your child, widows have been doing that for generations, you won't die, trust me.
Reminds me so much of the illegitimate son of a crossed eye camel I had a child with. That guy irks me!
ReplyDeleteHow would you described the grand-child of the cross eyed camel?
DeleteWetin na 🤣🤣 you blind when you breed with am?
DeleteAnd your son by extension is one, you know right?
DeleteReminds me so much of the illegitimate son of a crossed eye camel I had a child with. That guy irks me!
ReplyDeleteWhat is really wrong with most of you women acting so weak and helpless? You lost your charms? You never learned how to wield seduction like a samurai sword? Go read books like The Art of Seduction and stop whimpering like a whipped puppy. YOU ARE A WOMAN!. You must learn to take charge of your body and your mind and train them both to benefit you.
ReplyDeleteI am never the type to tell you to shut him out when you know very well you will go soak your pillow with tears because you want him. You need to learn how to use him. In fact, it’s when you play that game and string him along that you will glow and become much more irresistible and attractive to other men. If you continue on this pathetic trail, he will use you, batter you and you will never regain the shine you need to move on and attract better men.
Correct. Ms, please drop tips on how to make our husbands happy. The odogwu dey over try. His happiness is my only concern now
DeleteDo women give tips on how to make good men and husbands happy or happier?
DeleteThank you sis, I will get the book.
DeletePoster.
Why are you allowing him to be messing around with you? He has already eaten his cake and still wants to have it, he has moved on, also try to move on, if he doesn't take care of your child because of that, take care of your child by yourself, stop allowing him to turn you to his toy.
ReplyDeleteDnt even think of having another child for him ooo, If you try am ehen you will see Shege pro max..
ReplyDeleteLet him face his Wife
My dear gather mind and move on, do not mind him he's just looking for who to play around with..
As iya Boys said anything he comes around make sure you invite someone too..
With time he will get tried..
Pele dear Your own man will Locate you Soonest..
Hello iya Boys
Na SS the next one go be. Poster mark my words here
DeleteYour problem, if it can be called that, is d*ck. You are battling with twisted emotions because you are still sleeping with your ex-husband. It beclouds and colors your reasoning.
ReplyDeleteYou can't see that you are being used and you are just a toy. You need to start respecting yourself more. That's the only way can get your ex to respect you and your boundaries. He has a legal responsibility to the child and systems exist to enforce that. So have no fear. Except you also depend on him to meet your needs.
No, I am not sleeping with him or any other man since we divorced six years ago.
DeleteI do not have the intention, my problem is how to move on genuinely.
When he has work problem, he cries to me and ask me to support and prays for him
When everything is fine again, he starts behaving somehow.
I think what I want is just optimum respect.
Poster.
Is the answer to the last question not so obvious?
DeleteThat's the stupid thing, I am not depending on him for anything from my basic needs to housing and feeding.....Never asked him since the divorce.
DeletePoster to hell with his optimum respect, what do you need it for? Stop being his sounding board, that's what his wife or friends are for!! You will not move on this way.
DeleteOP, since you say sex is isn't involved, then it should not be too hard to enforce some kind of restrictions.
DeleteHe must not send money for the upkeep of his son through you. You can open a bank account for your son and he can send money there.
Secondly, you might want to get emotionally involved with someone else. Your ex comes around because he sees no one else has taken his place! Consider dating again.
You might also want to get a restraining order. All this goes on because you allow it.
It's easier for a man to move on than some women. He has remarried, then why are you hurting yourself more by giving him a chance you know that doesn't end well. Madam, focus on your job, yourself, and your kid. Be open for a new relationship and cut that time waster off. Make more money, you will be free from his control.
ReplyDeleteJesus fix it.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, am sorry you are going thru all of this.
I will not focus on the genotype firstly, I will go straight to the main issue.
There are still good men outside , spread your net , be more outgoing ,
you will come across a good man . Your ex has remarried but has refused to move on.
What he gives you is just breadcrumbing of his time and attention. You will end up frustrated and depressed if you keep demanding for his attention.
Your genotype incompatibility is enough to desist from having children with him. He has nothing to offer you. Take what he gives for the kid and move on
You will be fine .
Good thing you have something doing
We emphasize so much on getting the good partner. We assume we are good. Ask the man in the chronicle dock. He will tell you he is good. Poster even admit to his good part. So who is bad.
DeleteKeep deceiving yourself, what of Una baby is he ss, which help do you need that is not monetary again, fuckytry 🙄
ReplyDeleteHe wants more kids from you as Una be As hmmm,😳
Mammi Stella no mind her na gbola she dey enjoy but Hanty is not a problem enjoy but don't take in for him since you said na AS what did you even want sef 🙄🙄
You got divorced six years ago? Six years is enough time to forget about your ex and move. The fact that he married three years ago should have even made your moving on faster.
ReplyDeleteYou are just confused.
Let him know that you don't want to have anything to do with him and be firm about it too.
It doesn't look like he knows that you know that he's married and you are scared of letting him know that you know.
What do you want?
You are using your child as an excuse? For how long? You don't want to remarry?
Don't worry, he will still take care of him as long as you are polite and firm about your decision.
The guyman is playing games with you. He wants to keep you emotionally invested in him and you are falling for it. he doesn't love you he just want to eat his cake and have it back . is like you don't value your mental health. He would so drain you if you don't take a final walk.
ReplyDeleteSomebody is about to become a perpetual sidechick/ baby mama....Poster please borrow yourself sense and stop sleeping with this man, get yourself a boyfriend to make you move on faster.
ReplyDeleteYou're very weak and you don't like yourself. 🙄. Most times,reality,is when you know the truth and you're deceiving yourself. Your ex husband remained constant in his shenanigans. While you are still,where he left you. Needy,desperate and don't know,what you want out of life,for yourself.
ReplyDeletePoster stop lying to yourself, you can lie to everyone but not you....That is the worst deceit or disservice to yourself....What do you want? Before you read an self help book or reorientation help.....ask yourself this important question....You are putting yourself on hold from living freely instead of rediscovering yourself and finding true happiness....
ReplyDeleteAgain I ask, what do you want? Even if you don't know what you want. You should outline what you don't want....
All the best
Poster read this again.
DeletePremium Shege Loading...
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone, I have never been intimate with him since the divorce, he feels it doesn't matter but I can't because of what happened in the marriage.
ReplyDeleteI can't allow sex let alone get pregnant....I just need ways to move on permanently.
We communicate by emails but he begged me to stop, so now we use WhatsApp or calls.
Whenever I behave unavailable he comes with apologizes and also think I haven't forgiven him genuinely.....it's complicated.
Poster.
I'm all over this post, poster you are the one making this thing complicated, it is not.
DeleteDO NOT RESPOND TO ANY TEXT MESSAGE from him that is not related to the child you both share, let it sink into his skull that you are ONLY co-parents, not friends, whether he thinks you have forgiven him or not should not be your business woman!!! Yes I'm shouting.
Thank you Dainty
DeleteThank you everyone, I am saving all your comments.
Then create healthy boundaries for yourself....Maybe a counsellor or therapist will come in here....You need to be assertive; it's not easy but it's possible....
DeleteYou have not gbenshed but one day it will happen if you get more close to him. It will definitely happen
DeleteWhy are you celibate? YOU NEED SEX. Sex is fundamental to our wellbeing as women most especially, mentally. If I tell you to go ahead and fxxk the living daylights out of him, people will say I am a bad person, but you need it. I didn’t say make love, or fall in love with him. I am saying USE HIM.
DeleteBabe, I am sure you can search the benefits of sex with your phone. Without sex, you are highly prone to depression. You have to keep your mind and your body together for your son, for yourself. Don’t put yourself through denials that don’t benefit you. By the time you are stable and have enjoyed and mastered your capacity as a sexy woman, other men will find you attractive because you are happy, mentally stable and exuding an aura of desirability. Sadness stinks . Depression stinks. No one wants a sad or angry woman. You need the sex, you need the money, and the support for the time being till you meet your own man.
Sapphire lack of sex causes depression keh? So people who go about having sex with people they are not emotionally connected with don't get depressed? What is sex without emotional connection? Sex without emotional connection will be worse depression please. So you think she can have sex with him without getting emotionally attached? For someone she dated for four years before genotype became an issue, she will definitely want to have him rekindle the love they used to share and if it's not working as she wants she'll get more depressed. Posters, you don't need anything that will aid you to get emotionally attached to your ex, what you need is something that will help you completely detach from him mentally and emotionally.
DeleteWhat is the meaning of "Owo ni koko"?
ReplyDeleteWhat lubricates transactional relationships?
Can we grumble about the value a person puts on his "services"?
Is it not our choice not to work "for free" while being billed billed by others? Me is just learning this the very hard way.
Why do u need to discuss ur emotional needs with him? Do u not have boundaries? Do u not have friends? Do u not have trusted family members? Someone that you know is a pathological liar, and always has been, what kind of advice do u want him to give u?
ReplyDeleteHe has moved on, pls dust urself up and free him. Face ur life and stop using ur child as an excuse to hang around him. Give him ur mother’s number or ur sister’s, anytime he wants to see the child, let him communicate wt them, ur work is to dress the child up and allow ur mother or sister to supervise the visit. My ppl say, when the music changes, the dance steps too should change. And desperate cases call for desperate measures, this shud be ur desperate measure because the guy kps violating ur boundaries, although u do not seem to have any. If u continue like this, he would not allow u to have any man in ur life, u wud kp being miserable, before u realise it, u are old and past marriage age, while he keeps celebrating wedding anniversary with his wife.
I wander o. Poster, must you discuss your emotional needs to someone? Can't you learn to keep it to yourself or better still, share it on SDK instead of sharing it with a physical person?
DeleteYou have entangled yourself with someone who is crafty and understands the art of manipulation. At the same time you are fine drinking the dregs than clean plain water, to you the dregs is better. Your mind has been twisted and your self-worth is sticking to the bottom of your shoes, you have also forgotten who you are. The abuse broke you down to being a vision of yourself and you are still operating from the abused mindset of needing to please him. You seek his validation and favour and your brain has been wired to accept the highs of when he is in his good mood and unfortunately you now want to have that high again and nothing else can give it to you. You are an addict!
ReplyDeleteThe only way to break free is either getting very good therapy or through spiritual intervention through prayers, vigils and fasting to break this bond. Unfortunately, you are an addict and you are going through a form of withdrawal and the pain of withdrawal is extreme but you have to go through it to end the addiction. I sincerely wish you all the best.
Thank you, seems you understand a bit of what I am going through.
DeletePoster.
This is absolutely spot on.
DeleteHe is a manipulative person. Could be narcissistic too but he is breadcrumbing you, Poster. You have to get rid of the last "crack" in your system of him. Yes you need spiritual intervention and therapy but more importantly there are a few steps to take yourself while getting those. Some include ;
1. GO BACK TO EMAIL. You need this to create very strong boundaries so you are not too accessible to him. Its for your self preservation and not just what would be efficient for him
2. Block him on all other media and stop stalking any of his stories or life happenings
3. Get a distraction. Put that extra timw into a new hobby, sport, business, social club, etc. Anything that would make you expend your energy so none left for him
4. Establish a good system to have him cater for your son while not breaching boundaries.
5. BE VERY VERY UNAVAILABLE TO HIM. Create a stonewall.
6. Day for the fun of it. But no sex! Just allow yourself to be catered for by someone else
Remember that if you are unsure of where you stand in a person's life you probably have no footing.
Indirectly inform his wife that he's been pestering you. Just set him up indirectly. I mean, don't let the wife know that you are the one behind the setting up.
ReplyDeleteThat guy will not rest until he milks you of all he has invested in your life through sex and emotional torture. Very crafty,manipulative and greedy man. He doesn't want you but thought of all he has done for you will make him want to still sleep with you . Greedy man.
ReplyDeleteOkafor's law wants to play out with you guyz. Please stand you ground. Don't allow him manipulate you
ReplyDeleteThe guy is manipulating you
ReplyDeleteThe Most Complex B