Hmmmm....
END TIME PROPOSAL
I have been friends with this lady for 10 years. We grew up together in the same compound during our secondary school days, and our mothers were close friends until a fallout between them.
I have been friends with this lady for 10 years. We grew up together in the same compound during our secondary school days, and our mothers were close friends until a fallout between them.
There were rumors that my father was dating her mother, who was a single parent. This infuriated my mother, and she confronted my girls' mother. The confrontation escalated into a fight, and my mother insisted that we move out, which we did. Despite this, our friendship remained strong.
I am currently employed, while she is completing her national youth service. Over time, our bond has deepened, and I’m now planning to marry her.
I intend to propose to her on her birthday, December 24th. I have bought the engagement ring. Booked the venue and made arrangement with my friends to come cheer us up and make it memorable. I spoke to my parents about my intention, but both of them strongly opposed it. I have tried to explain to my mother that she shouldn’t judge my lover based on her mother’s past, but she insists that she would rather die than allow me to marry her.
I am currently employed, while she is completing her national youth service. Over time, our bond has deepened, and I’m now planning to marry her.
I intend to propose to her on her birthday, December 24th. I have bought the engagement ring. Booked the venue and made arrangement with my friends to come cheer us up and make it memorable. I spoke to my parents about my intention, but both of them strongly opposed it. I have tried to explain to my mother that she shouldn’t judge my lover based on her mother’s past, but she insists that she would rather die than allow me to marry her.
I am her only son, she has not picked my call since then and my father is fully supporting her stance. However, my girls mother has given her approval for the union.
What should I do? I love her and really want to spend the rest of my life with her. I also love my mother deeply.
What should I do? I love her and really want to spend the rest of my life with her. I also love my mother deeply.
How can you marry the daughter of someone who was your Dads lover? That M arriage is dead on arrival.....Please call it off....
I know someone this happened to and she was already pregnantbut the maariage did not hold cos the mum cried bitter tears asking him how he thought she would feel trying to unite her husband and his ex....She told him about Okafors law and then she put a curse and says the curse would only hold if the marriage holds....
If it was just that they fought, it would have been different but she is the daughter of your fathers lover...Abeg go find another girl marry
I'm shocked this is coming from a Man.
ReplyDeleteBrother please leave this lady and look for someone else....Haba.
DOZZYBEST.
Why should he leave her? Because the mum says no over her selfish reason?
DeleteMarry the girl
ReplyDeleteNot that you’ll go marry someone else now and be miserable
Marry her and let other persons go to hell. Which one be I will rather die than you marry A or B, die na! na u talk am. If u follow your mom, u will miss out on love. Choose, your mother or love, my brother these parents have lived. Go and marry your girl, all others will fall into line later.
DeleteThis union can never never work out, don't bother except ur mother means nothing to you..
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your mum had no business confronting, and fighting her. (Women need to face the men, and leave the side chicks alone). And if you love her, and and you're willing to stand by her, go ahead and marry her.
ReplyDeleteHaba, she was her friend.. It's not fair at all coming from someone u let into ur home and trusted..
DeleteAll this women needs to face the men is easier said than done when it doesn’t hit home. Imagine someone you call your friend , eat and play with betraying you, won’t you even kill her?
DeleteWas the rumors true?
DeleteIf yes abort mission
This is a delicate situation. Love is not enough to handle this situation. Is not good to marry someone your parents disapprove of.
ReplyDeleteBut it's like you have made up your mind. It will not be easy as an only son. Efor say Una plenty,efor easy.
My brother, they say love conquers all. I wish you the best
You love who u love and in ur case your love doesn’t even cross any moral code. I don’t know how u can pacify ur mother so she can agree because once she’s on board, I’m sure ur dad will follow through.
ReplyDeleteMaybe ur girl’s mum should seek out ur mother so they can settle whatever happened between them in the past
Whatever happened between them was that both Mom's may have co-shared gbola at some time past. I don't imagine too many women can let something like that slide.
DeleteI don’t know if I said that I didn’t know what happened to them in the past 🙄
DeleteThe union may not be peaceful. The past will keep crawling out. Moving on won't be easy but you need to do it.
ReplyDeleteAnd you will kneel down to beg her to marry you? It won't change anything. Just don't kneel down doing it
ReplyDeleteYou people can come here to judge matters of the heart till it happens to you. You think it’s easy to find someone you’re compatible with, friends with, grew up with and love for marriage?how many good women are out there these days but this man has found one and his parents selfishness won’t allow him marry who he loves and that loves him. I would marry her, your parents will adjust and if they dont, that’s their problem. We need to stop allowing our parents selfishness dictate our lives. Poster, you are a grown ass man and the decision to choose who to marry is yours and yours alone to make. Some of you will allow your parents manipulate you till it’s too late.
ReplyDeleteIt seems your father dated the woman cos why is he supporting his wife? And if he did, its really delicate and i don't know how this can be resolved amicably except through divine intervention and maybe invove some people that they both respect.
DeleteThis is a tough one but poster you no try at all,🙄use your head well please since you know that some chemistry has gone wrong between your dad and her mother you could have forgotten about this girl before now, you consider your mother first,be in her shoes emotionally please, as far as your dad is still alive hmmm, thinking out loud 🤔
ReplyDeleteHmmmm.... What do we have here? You want to marry the daughter of your father's lover? In other words, you want to straf the daughter of the straffed? You may even be strafing her already. Bad boy!
ReplyDeleteYour girl have to pay for her moms misadventure. Your parents will never agree to having her around. Just free the babe.
How is he sure she isn’t his sister sef. Poster I’m disappointed in you honestly. How continued to be close to the daughter of the woman that betrayed your mum and almost broke up your family. You know your mum could have divorced your dad cos of that right?. This is the only time i will agree with Dante . You are simping. Period
DeleteThis is another angle . Her mum being a single mum, maybe na the same papa born them. Making his dad to say no. Who knows?
DeleteMarry her
ReplyDeleteYou will learn
Since you feel your parents are wrong an you are right
Go ahead
You write many more chronicles
Good luck
Yes they are very wrong!
DeleteThey don’t know love is never enough. There are some battles love can’t conquer, they don’t know until they enter.
DeleteThank you for this statement. Very true, Love for marriage matter is NEVER enough.
DeleteIt will work.
ReplyDeleteYou two have to work unusual.
This is a marriage unusual.
Not the type where masculinity and feminist rights are claimed.
When you both succeed, your parents will agree to your success.
But it appears that your prospective MIL is in support only for the vengeance point she is about to score.
You both have to score value points for your father and mother and yourselves.
Are you both ready for the work ahead?
If the rumours were founded and your father did put his hotdog in her mother's buns then what do you expect to get out of this situation? The mothers fought physically and you want them to now be in-laws? In a country where polygamy is legal I guess there is nothing wrong with this. However, you are forcing all these ppl to relive a dark period of their lives, a period that they are all likely ashamed off and want to forget. While this marriage could bring peace on all sides, it could as easily fan the flames of hatred that were lying dormant. They say let sleeping dogs lie, but if you feel marriage to this woman can stand the test of time and weather any storm then who am I to tell you not to go for it.
ReplyDeleteAh! Don't propose, don't even waste your time and her time. Why did your dad oppose it, if 'his hand are clean'.No parents will accept this! Or you want to marry her alone without their consent? Abeg look elsewhere, it shouldn't have been you wanting to propose!
ReplyDeleteMaybe his dad opposed because the girl is his blood🤷
DeleteAccording to you, you said your parents do not support it
ReplyDeleteSo, if your parents is not in support, is it us strangers online that will advise you and you will follow our advice?
Also, what is God saying about this? Am not seeing any where where you mentioned that you prayed about this or God is not supposed to be aware?
Marriage is a life long journey
Seek GODLY counsel
Ask God on the way forward
KNOW the mind of God concerning this matter
Nice comment 👍👍👍
DeleteChai! This chronicle broke my heart after reading it, see how sins of the father is catching up with the children. Poster please don't start what you can not finish bcos your mum will make the life of that young girl miserable if dare bring her home, love is not enough...
ReplyDeleteAnd this marriage mighty be successful if you go ahead with it but the problem is how to convince your mom.
ReplyDeleteJust pray about it.
Her mum will surely support her, what do you expect? You should have informed your family members before you both took things too far.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand the idea of informing your parents the person you want to marry few weeks to proposal or after.
Your mum feelings is invalid. If the accussation is true, your MIL should apologise, she might win your mum, it's left to your dad and MIL if they want to revisit their affair.
Action have consequences, you can't live anyhow and expect your children not to be judged.
Felicity
Take this step if possible.
DeleteYou are indirectly reuniting you dad to her mum. Please think about this carefully.
ReplyDeleteThey will start another affair. This time your mother will hate you forever and her heart will be broken into many tiny pieces
DeleteI guess this is what he's trying to do.. I hope u will be happy when ur mom cuts ties with u..
DeleteShe might be your sister you know 🤷
ReplyDeleteSame thing I typed up there. Poster no dey use his brain
DeleteAnother angle...
DeleteThis is a case of the devil and the deep blue sea.....Poster first off does her parents know about your relationship with their daughter? If yes and they approve, please if you know someone that is mature and full of wisdom that your parents have deep respect for and would listen to his/her counsel then engage that person and tell the person the whole truth so he/she can mediate.....
ReplyDeleteAlso pray to God to open your eyes and reveal the truth about this union because what an elder sees sitting down, if you climb palm tree, you no go see am at all......Please don't visit any diviner or pastor for this...I mean getting on your knees and fervently pray.....
Now if your parents still don't agree, then my brother, you have to count your losses and end that relationship.....It is painful but bear it at the back of your mind, there are only 2 outcomes: To marry her or end the relationship.....Leave the proposal for now and follow these steps.....
All the best.....
Did you read the chronicle? If u did u won’t write ur first paragraph. He said her mother is a single mother and she approves of the whole thing.
DeleteThis is a pathetic case. I would suggest he seeks the help of Church or family elders to speak with his parents.
ReplyDeleteTheir relationship has gone far to just decide to call things off. I wish them the best.
Do not listen to all those telling you not to marry her. I made the mistake of listening to my mum not to marry the love of my life just because of tribe. I have not found any one I’m compatible with since then. I’m still single. Please go ahead and marry her, just look for a way to beg your mum, a mother’s love is forever but finding someone in this era and times who is sincerely compatible and loving is difficult. You have your mum but you will feel so lonely and alone in this world if you miss marrying her
ReplyDeleteYour case is different please.
DeleteVery different case.
DeletePlease move on. This love you are talking about won't matter If the matter escalates in future. I can bet that you will choose your family over her. And she will become lonely and sad in the marriage. Men always choose their family over their wife when issues concerning marriage and family come up.
ReplyDeleteParents often make decisions with good intentions, but their actions, sometimes can unintentionally hinder their children’s happiness. It's important to acknowledge their perspective but also help them see the present situation clearly.
ReplyDeleteThe girl’s mother’s acceptance is a significant positive sign. It shows she values her daughter’s happiness and understands the importance of giving love a chance, even when challenges arise.
Finding someone you deeply connect with isn’t always guaranteed. Walking away from such a bond because of external pressures can lead to long term regret.
Choosing between following your heart and adhering to your parents' wishes is tough. It's crucial to weigh the emotional consequences of both paths and think about the broader impact on relationships and personal fulfillment.
Whatever choice is made, its ripple effects can shape the future. This calls for honest introspection, open communication with both parents and the partner, and possibly seeking a middle ground.
It is easier for the girls mother to agree. She doesn’t loose anything.
DeleteJESUS fix this.
ReplyDeleteHmmm!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, if truly your dad dated your girlfriend's mom and it's not false allegations because people tend to rubbish single mom of dating every Tom, dick and harry.
Then dont go ahead with the proposal, you shouldn't have even dated her in the first place.
May both of you find love.
#Single/divorced/widowed mom biko make we dey use sense abeg!
I totally agree with you. He shouldn't have dated her at all.
DeleteAll these while, were your parents not aware of your relationship with this girl?
ReplyDeleteThey didn't mention it or you just ignored and felt they'll come around when it's finally the time?
Did the said woman actually date your father or it's based on speculations?
The point now is, if truly they dated, imagine the awkwardness when both mothers come for omugwo or meet at your place in the future?
Why did you start a relationship with her in the first place?
ReplyDeleteThis your girl's mom has no morals. I support your mum 100% on this. Imagine side chick daughter and my son.
ReplyDeleteYou and your dad get similar spec be that. I can imagine the pain your mum is going through.
Is it that men lack emotional intelligence and empathy or this is a ‘you’ problem?
ReplyDeleteSo since you’ve been nurturing this deep relationship with the child of someone who stabbed your mother in the back, you haven’t been trying to talk to your mum and soften the ground? You had so many years to wet the ground and if it didn’t soften, find someone else but you didn’t bother because you want what you want. Now after you have finished nurturing a relationship and ten minutes to proposal, you now want to drag your poor mum into it? Sorry but you are as heartless as your father. And for your father to also oppose it that means he truly had something with the girl’s mum.
May God not give me heartless children abeg.
Marry the girl and whatever you see, you take. Your mother will be fine.
Selfish children every where. It is always what they want.
DeleteI don't even know what to say than to wish you the best of luck.
ReplyDeleteYour Mum is not even considering your own happiness ? Thats not nice .
ReplyDeleteWhy question is what do you really want ? Follow your heart dear poster.
If you are the mum or related to her will you say this.
DeleteI think you should just let the girl go, I know it's not easy but think of the trouble you going to be facing inside the marriage your mother is going to make that married life miserable for you both.
ReplyDeleteAnd mind you, anybody saying you will not find someone else you are compatible with is lying. People who go their separate ways because of genotype, do they mostly not find other people who they marry?
ReplyDeleteYou have a basic, crucial incompatibility with this girl, but you ignored it for years because of feelings.
Mind you, whatever happens in future, that girls loyalty is with her mum, but here you are trying to sell out your own. Na you know Abeg
Most women keep their side when it comes to marriage, most men disrespect their family in choosing life partners in the name of love.
DeleteShe find find
DeleteSome don’t find
DeleteI don't think your love for each other can weather this storm. Your fathers indiscretion is gonna cost you,the love of your life. But it's what it's. If you stubbornly go ahead,both of you will suffer from the consequences. Some wounds don't just heal.😔😔😔
ReplyDeleteBuilding This Relationship at first is wrong..
ReplyDeleteBut Seems you are really in Love with her, Just Have a Deep Conversation with your mum and see how it's goes..
All The Best🙏
Hello iya Boys
Hmmm this is really delicate. Dear poster may God give you directions on this..
ReplyDeleteIf your dad opposed it then it means he was friending the mother of your fiance that makes a no no ,assuming it was just rumour and your dad is not against it ,you can go ahead but since he is quilty PLEASE DONT GO AHEAD IT Won't go well,there is a lot of bad memories which love is not enough to overcome
ReplyDeletePicture it like this, imagine you are married and someone had an affair with your wife, and the same man now wants you to give consent to marriage proposal between his son and your daughter, will you accept it?
ReplyDeleteIf you can answer this question genuinely, then go ahead!
This kind of love is not easy to let go.....Try to call elderly people in your family and settle the matter first,at least your union should bring both of them together first before engaging her,talk to your mum as an only son,plead with her to allow you follow your heart,who knows she might be your mum's favourite daughter in-law.......... Josaria
ReplyDeleteMarry her ASAP and build a beautiful home. Ignore the enemies of progress completely. Congratulations and I wish you a happy home. Make papa and mama dey their lane.
ReplyDeleteBut was there proof that your father ACTUALLY slept with her mother? I read the story twice and it appears to me like the fight between both mothers happened based on rumors. As uncomfortable as this situation is, you both should ask your father and her mother, respectively, what REALLY happened and go from there.
ReplyDeleteIf it turns out that they did INDEEED sleep together, then please abort mission. If it's not true, your mom will eventually come around, should you choose to go ahead with your plans.
Marry her and find out why the Bible says honor they Father and Mother and your days will be long
ReplyDeleteBoth your parents are against it, that should be a strong sign to let go
Marriage is not a selfish venture . Both families come together as one.
If you're ready to truncate your peace, then go ahead
Poster pls do whatever makes you sleep well at night and enjoy the outcome of your decision 😀😀
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult to advise a person in love
Poster when your parents cut off from her family, why didn’t you cut off from the girl. Someone that caused your mum pain and wanted to break up your family. You didn’t even tell your parents of your plan to propose to the girl first but you told her mum and your friends. You are not a good person and you are not a good son. That thing your parents saw and cut ties with the girl and her family you will see it pro max in marriage and wallahi, na only you go suffer am. Wicked person. When you disregard your parents it’s strangers online you’ll regard. Your cup of tea.
ReplyDeleteWere the rumours true or false.
ReplyDeleteBy now, you should have the answer.
If true, you wantu marry the daughter of your father's side chick?
Ok.
Just Imagine Asekaz son falling in love with Mercy Aigbe's daughter.
ReplyDeleteBro, KO le work
If I'm the lady I won't even accept this proposal........ Because I will bear the consequence most. It will be a difficult marriage, where your parents and your immediate family won't meet eye to eye
ReplyDeleteChai, poster you are stuck somewhere I don’t envy, between the two loves of your life and strong opposition from your parents. It would have been easy without your peculiarity, to tell you that this is where it becomes crucial to follow your heart and simultaneously try to mend things up with your family. But on what grounds? Go solo or on the back of family approval? You must understand that the road ahead is very slippery on all grounds.
ReplyDeleteTry again. This time don't think with your emotion but with your head and be logical. Wear your mother's shoes for once so you can hear the echoes of what bothers her, then listen, and weigh it side-by-side with your feelings about why this relationship means a lot to you - be objective and reason. I'm certain, you must have involved trusted third-party mediators without any resolution. But you need to show respect for your parents' boundaries and give yourself time to digest it; lean on your support network for guidance and encouragement to the reality that this may not come to light. I have never heard of a child who had it well against the good counsel of their parents, especially in this situation.
You may affirm to yourself that your happiness and future are important, and your mother, particularly, is being unreasonable. But the scenario isn’t appropriate for your parents to stand by you, also inexcusable. Even though, love and understanding usually conquer all in the end. You should come around, to the more conforming choice that in this instant, you'd have to go with your parents on this one. And might have to try at love again with someone else. Definitely not this family - the onions leave the eyes too teary.
My prof long time
DeleteHmmmmm, please leave that lady because your mum will make that marriage a living hell.
ReplyDelete‘Stay for the kids, stay for the kids”… see one of the kids someone stayed for is here thinking with his PP just like his father. Just like your father was not wise enough to think of the implications of dating someone living in the same compound as his family, you are repeating the same thing. In all these years, did you for once stop to think how tense things will be whenever your family and the girl’s family have to meet? On your wedding day, when your kids are born, whenever you have something to celebrate? Okay, if you and your wife ever have any issues that require both families to sit down and solve, how una go do am? But I guess if your mother refuses to be present for any of those things, you and some other people who lack wisdom will label her a bad woman. Forgetting that you have dragged the poor woman through hot coals a second time.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, Your severe lack of wisdom will end up causing somebody a lot of pain, so choose who you will hurt. You either hurt your mother or you hurt your girlfriend.