She posted
On My Coza Experience And Releasing Biodun Fatoyinbo
''Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with this beautiful lady.
She had picked interest in me since we were introduced last year, I was about to find out why.
After trying to set up dates to “talk” which we never got around to, we met at a mutual friends event and she got the chance to engage me.
Only I wasn’t expecting the conversation she wanted to have.
Her – I dated Biodun Fatoyinbo for 2 years shortly before he became sick.
Me – Silence
I didn’t know how to respond to this information. Like, what do you say to that?
She proceeds to show me their Whatsapp chat. Maybe to validate claims and then adds “I even asked him about you and the whole story.
Me – hmmm… I didn’t date Biodun, you know?
Her – Oh!
Me – It wasn’t a relationship. He lured me into s#x. I could not really explain what happened and there was a lot of shame after, then fear, then anger. Great anger!
Now she is the one who is silent.
Then she asks – Can you tell me what happened?
if you don’t mind that is. She adds.
I don’t mind.
I sit back and flashes of the events that led up to meeting Biodun came up in my mind. It was such a rush for something I wasn’t consciously thinking about.
I start from the very beginning of meeting Biodun and how the usher told me the pastor wanted to see me, few weeks into attending the church in 2009.
As I told the story, the things that hapoened, the events that led up to my deep reverence and fear for the man – it started long before I ever stepped foot in COZA.
She had picked interest in me since we were introduced last year, I was about to find out why.
After trying to set up dates to “talk” which we never got around to, we met at a mutual friends event and she got the chance to engage me.
Only I wasn’t expecting the conversation she wanted to have.
Her – I dated Biodun Fatoyinbo for 2 years shortly before he became sick.
Me – Silence
I didn’t know how to respond to this information. Like, what do you say to that?
She proceeds to show me their Whatsapp chat. Maybe to validate claims and then adds “I even asked him about you and the whole story.
Me – hmmm… I didn’t date Biodun, you know?
Her – Oh!
Me – It wasn’t a relationship. He lured me into s#x. I could not really explain what happened and there was a lot of shame after, then fear, then anger. Great anger!
Now she is the one who is silent.
Then she asks – Can you tell me what happened?
if you don’t mind that is. She adds.
I don’t mind.
I sit back and flashes of the events that led up to meeting Biodun came up in my mind. It was such a rush for something I wasn’t consciously thinking about.
I start from the very beginning of meeting Biodun and how the usher told me the pastor wanted to see me, few weeks into attending the church in 2009.
As I told the story, the things that hapoened, the events that led up to my deep reverence and fear for the man – it started long before I ever stepped foot in COZA.
From my childhood home, I had been programmed to fear pastors and see them as gods. They were not to be messed with… And if ,Titus 1 : 6-9 was anything to go by, they supposedly had certain qualities
Titus 1 : 6 “An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient
7 Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8 Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 9 He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.
I believed every pastor who preached on the pulpit had passed this scripture’s litmus test so I was not only hurt by my mistake but confused and scared.
I asked him to step down and seek help. I too needed help and left the church to a different church.
This other church is where I broke down one day during service as the preacher wouldn’t keep Biodun’s name out of his mouth. It was as though my sins were chasing me.. By the time I was done with my story, sister girl shared something with me. I learned about white magic and hypnosis.
Well, not learned but heard how some of these pastors use these techniques on unassuming girls.
She said she was no saint. She had dated 3 big pastors/bishops in this Nigeria and she enjoyed those relationships.
I smiled.
I explained that I was a naive girl who grew up sheltered and knew only what my mummy told me about pastors. I also had a rich father so I never needed to date any man for anything financial as was the case with some other girls who shared their stories with Biodun with me.
By the end of the discussion, we were laughing and talking about equitorial guinea fowl and how randy some men are.
I thought that was the end until I got home.I started thinking of some details I hadn’t considered back them.
Signs I missed.
Things I should have done differently.
I remembered when telling her about the hotel visit in London.
Growing up in the 90s in Abuja, my daddy took the family to spend Christmas into New Year at Transcorp every year for about a decade. Hotels did not bring s#x to my mind. It reminded me of family holiday-ing.
This was the reason I didn’t suspect anything when he said to come up to that Hilton Paddington room.
I smiled at younger Ese. How easily he had planned her and led her down a path.
I also felt sorry for young Ese. How confused she was, fearing that God would strike her down one day.
I wanted to hug young Ese because of how angry she became when she didn’t get help.
The first pastor she opened up to asked her if she seduced Biodun
“Nobody will believe you.”
Someone had said to me.
“You will destroy your life.”
Another chirped.
When I saw how crazy everything was becoming, I chose to destroy my life and share the story in a blog for all to read.
My life was destroyed indeed.
Until it started to build itself back up
Rising Phoenix style
For nearly a decade I was trying to pick up the pieces, dragging others along my destructive path as I went.
Then last night, alone in my room, I had a lightbulb moment it seemed
It wasn’t that he did something special or weird.
It was that I was a naive girl who was in big trouble and I tired to save myself.
I have been trying to save myself all them years,forcing myself to move forward, desperate to forget.
Carl Jung said, “THAT WHICH YOU MOST NEED WILL BE FOUND WHERE YOU LEAST WANT TO LOOK.
So I looked again.
I looked at the events that led me there, the friends that appeared, the ones that left, the buzz and awareness the story created despite the drags.
I sat in bed and said, “it wasn’t my fault and I can choose to rewrite that story.
I can choose to release him.
The beautiful lady who spoke to me had humanized Biodun in my mind.
I realized that even him, like that equitorial guinea fowl, had his own demons.
And I believed all I heard about pastors without ever checking it.
While I didn’t feel any illl feelings telling the story to the beautiful lady, I remembered I had joined a #survivingbiodun documentary earlier in the year.
It now seemed beneath me
Those documentaries hardly do anything other than short term entertainment
Did I want my name and face and brand on it?
The answer was NO!
I spoke out loud, “I release Biodun Fatoyinbo from everywhere I have held him in unforgiveness. I do it first for myself and I also do it for him.
And so it is!
This morning, I did an email to pull myself out of our little #survivingbiodun documentary. Thankfully no monies had exchange hands neither did I sign any contracts.
I can’t explain this part with words but I felt something release. Like my shoulders literally dropped and my breath felt steady.For a moment, a very brief moment, I was silent then sudden laughter like a hyena
I laughed until I coughed a little
It is TIME, I told myself
Something is happening in and to me and while I don’t fully understand what that something is, I felt it had come full circle in that moment.
I open myself up to all the newness this season is bringing
This is what it means to be SAVED!
Biodun Fatoyinbo, I realize now, 13 YEARS AFTER, that indeed ALL THINGS HAPPEN AS THEY SHOULD
And I am nobody’s victim
Taaaaa!
Good night this night".
Titus 1 : 6 “An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient
7 Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8 Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 9 He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.
I believed every pastor who preached on the pulpit had passed this scripture’s litmus test so I was not only hurt by my mistake but confused and scared.
I asked him to step down and seek help. I too needed help and left the church to a different church.
This other church is where I broke down one day during service as the preacher wouldn’t keep Biodun’s name out of his mouth. It was as though my sins were chasing me.. By the time I was done with my story, sister girl shared something with me. I learned about white magic and hypnosis.
Well, not learned but heard how some of these pastors use these techniques on unassuming girls.
She said she was no saint. She had dated 3 big pastors/bishops in this Nigeria and she enjoyed those relationships.
I smiled.
I explained that I was a naive girl who grew up sheltered and knew only what my mummy told me about pastors. I also had a rich father so I never needed to date any man for anything financial as was the case with some other girls who shared their stories with Biodun with me.
By the end of the discussion, we were laughing and talking about equitorial guinea fowl and how randy some men are.
I thought that was the end until I got home.I started thinking of some details I hadn’t considered back them.
Signs I missed.
Things I should have done differently.
I remembered when telling her about the hotel visit in London.
Growing up in the 90s in Abuja, my daddy took the family to spend Christmas into New Year at Transcorp every year for about a decade. Hotels did not bring s#x to my mind. It reminded me of family holiday-ing.
This was the reason I didn’t suspect anything when he said to come up to that Hilton Paddington room.
I smiled at younger Ese. How easily he had planned her and led her down a path.
I also felt sorry for young Ese. How confused she was, fearing that God would strike her down one day.
I wanted to hug young Ese because of how angry she became when she didn’t get help.
The first pastor she opened up to asked her if she seduced Biodun
“Nobody will believe you.”
Someone had said to me.
“You will destroy your life.”
Another chirped.
When I saw how crazy everything was becoming, I chose to destroy my life and share the story in a blog for all to read.
My life was destroyed indeed.
Until it started to build itself back up
Rising Phoenix style
For nearly a decade I was trying to pick up the pieces, dragging others along my destructive path as I went.
Then last night, alone in my room, I had a lightbulb moment it seemed
It wasn’t that he did something special or weird.
It was that I was a naive girl who was in big trouble and I tired to save myself.
I have been trying to save myself all them years,forcing myself to move forward, desperate to forget.
Carl Jung said, “THAT WHICH YOU MOST NEED WILL BE FOUND WHERE YOU LEAST WANT TO LOOK.
So I looked again.
I looked at the events that led me there, the friends that appeared, the ones that left, the buzz and awareness the story created despite the drags.
I sat in bed and said, “it wasn’t my fault and I can choose to rewrite that story.
I can choose to release him.
The beautiful lady who spoke to me had humanized Biodun in my mind.
I realized that even him, like that equitorial guinea fowl, had his own demons.
And I believed all I heard about pastors without ever checking it.
While I didn’t feel any illl feelings telling the story to the beautiful lady, I remembered I had joined a #survivingbiodun documentary earlier in the year.
It now seemed beneath me
Those documentaries hardly do anything other than short term entertainment
Did I want my name and face and brand on it?
The answer was NO!
I spoke out loud, “I release Biodun Fatoyinbo from everywhere I have held him in unforgiveness. I do it first for myself and I also do it for him.
And so it is!
This morning, I did an email to pull myself out of our little #survivingbiodun documentary. Thankfully no monies had exchange hands neither did I sign any contracts.
I can’t explain this part with words but I felt something release. Like my shoulders literally dropped and my breath felt steady.For a moment, a very brief moment, I was silent then sudden laughter like a hyena
I laughed until I coughed a little
It is TIME, I told myself
Something is happening in and to me and while I don’t fully understand what that something is, I felt it had come full circle in that moment.
I open myself up to all the newness this season is bringing
This is what it means to be SAVED!
Biodun Fatoyinbo, I realize now, 13 YEARS AFTER, that indeed ALL THINGS HAPPEN AS THEY SHOULD
And I am nobody’s victim
Taaaaa!
Good night this night".
Ese Walters and the world famous "robust reply".
ReplyDeleteGlad you found healing....
Me that is still waiting for the robust reply 🤭
Delete"Dated him before he fell ill"..
ReplyDeleteThat was a recent relationship then..
Abi ooo
DeleteIs he sick now?
DeleteHe was but I think he is fine now. Saw a video of him at the recent bishop Oyedepo's birthday.
DeleteHim and 3 other Pastors.
DeleteAn Angel on assignment.
Tomorrow, when they point fingers for the final cancelling, they do so as the victims. Meanwhile, they are the victors - misson accomplished.
If you know, you know.
No speaker will be louded
Very recent
Deleteyes. its a recent relationship
DeleteWhat a long read!!
ReplyDeleteI don't waste my brain reading nonsense! I came straight to the comments!
DeleteWhy were you dating a man of God that's married. Is it not wrong dating a clergy man that's even married. Very soon you will start confessing like Fatima that it didn't happen
ReplyDeleteI know someone who refused to date a reverend father. She said it's against God. The reverend wanted children from her. She refused
She didn't date him. Maybe you didn't read the story with an open mind. Read it again.
DeleteWhy would the reverend want children from her? Why not live your truth, get married and have children. So when he's dead now, the kids will appear from nowhere claiming they're his kids or does he intend to make it open that even though he's a priest, he has kids somewhere?
DeleteDid you read this story at all, or just responding to the headline?
DeleteI have read it over and over again.
DeleteShe dated him
11:37
DeleteLeave them.
The gang of women is above all blames.
Okay is it better that Anon asks why did she sleep with Biodun who she knew had a wife and children? Sleep with, date, all the same.
DeleteSo in all the things her mum told her about pastors, her mum never told her to steer clear of married men? Not that she was a young teen when this thing happened, she was an older woman.
At least the other mistress is truthful in saying she enjoyed the affair.
Both she and Biodun should leave us abeg.
It is well Ese Walter
ReplyDeleteJehovah is your strength 💪 ✨️ ❤️
Way to Good..
Nothing like peace of mind..
Good you've moved on.
ReplyDeleteThis story that year.... Smh
The Read is Longggggg..
ReplyDeleteGood you found healing oo
Hello iya Boys
She writes so well so. Your healing is permanent beautiful Ese.
ReplyDeleteI really don’t know about these relationships
ReplyDeleteCoza has one of the best worship sessions
I don’t attend there but I can join in to worship online and be on my way.
Christianity is a journey,I’m glad she’s at a good place,I hope God helps other women too
Pastor Biodun if you are doing this,look at all the hurt and pain,look at the hell these young women have to go through to heal. Remember you have children
Stop 🛑 it’s enough.
Are both women cases the same? Are all the women innocent?
Deleteits your type that left their kids in that Lagos school that a kid was electrocuted
DeleteAre we still on this matter.🥱
ReplyDeleteThis lady should let go. Pastors aren't angels.
ReplyDeleteShe was even married after the whole issue and was even divorced from her husband.
She's allowing the whole thing to affect her psyche.
It is God that heals not marriage, please do not judge people by their mental health, it is a phase of her life she is dealing with
DeleteWait until you or your loved ones become victims before you say this.
DeleteIt's good she decided to let go now. You can't dictate for her how long it should take. For some, they heal easily while others take time. It all depends on individuals and the circumstances.
DeleteShe actually did herself a great favor by letting go.
DeleteWhat some of you never know is that FORGIVENESS is Wholesome and Awesome.😎
Hmmmm
ReplyDeleteMay the Lord help us all
Good to know God for and by yourself
I'm trying really hard not to judge.
Good she released him, He is a merciful God
It is well
ReplyDeleteMay your healing be permanent.
ReplyDeleteContinue...🙄
ReplyDeleteThank God for healing. It is not easy.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this. She is such a terrific writer.
ReplyDeleteTotal healing to you and all those in pains.
Ese good that you are moving on now. it's really a good thing to do for yourself and others. Please move on snd continue moving
ReplyDeleteThis one still dey miss the preek..
ReplyDeleteLike I said the other day, if that Guinea man didn't have proof, those ladies would have been playing victimsike Ese..
Didn't your parents tell you premarital sex is wrong, didn't your bible tell you same, isn't it preached in Sunday school, where you a virgin when you met him? You were an adult who knew all these so shut up..
You knew what you were doing, wanted it and loved it..
How can some people just hate accountability so much,
Worst is that they'll be trying so hard to paint themselves innocent and their colleague in sin the guilty one..
I pity any man that's doing anything with this girl..
Nonsense
The lack of accountability is something else!!
DeleteEven her gist partner too go claim victim tomorrow after she don Baltasar 4 gods of men.
Deletethis iS why your group member are continually arrested over here. them go carry bush mentality come dey do anyhow. If you are in a position of power and sleep with your subordinate or someone you met in office, it is sexual abuse. Be you male or female. Doctor with patient, Boss with staff, lecturer with student, pastor with member. you will be arrested and shamed. know this now oo. Ignorance like you're publicly displaying is not an excuse
Deletethis iS why your group member are continually arrested over here. them go carry bush mentality come dey do anyhow. If you are in a position of power and sleep with your subordinate or someone you met in office, it is sexual abuse. Be you male or female. Doctor with patient, Boss with staff, lecturer with student, pastor with member. you will be arrested and shamed. know this now oo. Ignorance like you're publicly displaying is not an excuse
DeleteOlodo, you think that's how fiduciary relationship works.. if you like know something is wrong and then do it and be trying to defend yourself that you're a victim and the other person is in the position of power when obviously you knew wassup and the person didn't coax you.. you will learn the hard way
DeleteThe lousy foolishness of dear kangs
DeleteYou are the olodo here cos this is exactly how it works. Always bringing lame points when called out on your pneumocranium
DeleteYou’re the olodo. Go and do your research properly before talking.
DeleteHe should come and try it here na. If he won’t face hearing
That's why Mr. Egonga kept evidence. Even so, some women have accused him of hiding cameras behind two mirrors.
DeleteMen over there who know the rules keep evidence. Cases abound of men who went scot-free in similar circumstances.
Regret after the act does not cancel consent or criminalize an act.
There is a difference between moral sanctions and criminal sanctions.
Hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThank God for her
She writes so well.
ReplyDeleteThank God you've forgiven yourself and the man. It is time to move forward and never look back.
Thank God for you
ReplyDeleteMay your healing be permanent 🙏
Years back when a close relative newly gave her life to Christ, she joined a born again group and she was so dedicated in the fellowship activities. She was always available anytime the fellowship leader calls her to come by for some escos emergency meeting. One fateful day, the youth fellowship leader asked her to accompany him somewhere, as they went, he had to go rent a guest house at the place they visited. She said while they were there, the guy brought up a topic about sex. Remember, she didn't really know much about bible as a new convert then, he was her mentor and she was very eager to learn things about God from him.
ReplyDeleteShe said, at the cause of the discussion, he asked her , "do you know that fornication is not a sin so long as both parties did it consensually?" That God won't be angry with them for engaging in the act. She said on hearing that, her Pina rose . That all these while she thought that being born again has to do with being celibate till marriage. Everything seemed confusing to her. He kept talking and using intelligence, quoting people that fornicated in the bible etc.
Long story short, he tried to have sex there with her after washing her brain but she refused.
She wasn't a virgin, she lived life before she repented and joined the born again group. After that incident with that guy, she went back to her previous life style till date. This is the 14th year since that incident.
We were at a burial ceremony one day and the deceased was the guys church member, so when the church members help an intercessory prayer for the deceased family, she decided to step out to go get something when she saw the guy(born again group youth leader) blasting in tongues. She ran back to come drag me out to where the guy was standing praying in tongues.lol, crazy girl😂 she pointed at him because I didn't know who the guy was. As if that wasn't enough, she had to go and touch him so that I would see his face clearly. When the guy opened his eyes and saw us, it was as if the ground should open for him to enter.
So many people have no business leading the church at all. They'll lead people to Christ and at thesame time lure them back into sexual immorality.
If the girl wasn't mature enough when this incident occured maybe he would have succeed in luring her in .
"So many people have no business leading the church at all..."
DeleteTrue!
A lot of people have no business climbing the pulpit.
succeeded ***
DeleteYouth leader indeed. Only God knows how many ladies he misled. That lady should have reported him then...
DeleteIt's good that you have forgiven him and moved on too... it's well with you dear Ese
ReplyDeleteMove forward as if she's a car
ReplyDeleteCOZA is still sick since that time, may God have mercy upon everyone
ReplyDeleteHmmmm
ReplyDeleteEse is s good writer. May God give her the peace to focus on her talents. It is well Ese.
ReplyDeleteThank God you're in a good place now.
ReplyDeleteThe incident had a great impact on her life. So many were happy when she got married but it seems as though she wore the same clothes old clothes when she entered the marriage. If she has forgiven him that is the first step in truly being free.
ReplyDeleteInterest is piqued not picked.
ReplyDelete