STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
STUBBORN HUSBAND
STUBBORN HUSBAND
Please bvs with stubborn husbands how do you do it.?
There's this very rich man that recently lost his mom. They've done the burial and are back. I'm somehow close to the wife so when the mil died I immediately went to her house to tell her sorry. Whenever she post something relating to the death, I sent sympathising message to her.
Before the burial I told my husband to go and pay a condolences visit since he knows the man and they exchanged pleasantries whenever they meet. Even when my husband's shop was gloated with fire, the man came and say sorry, he didn't give us a penny. My husband said he'll go at his time.
Now they're back from burial I still brought the issue of going to my husband and he said he's waiting to get money that he'll put at least 10k in an envelope as our tradition. I told him he doesn't need to go with anything. This people are very rich. His 10k is like one Kobo to them in fact they'll even laugh after he left but this my stubborn husband doesn't want to listen.
There's this very rich man that recently lost his mom. They've done the burial and are back. I'm somehow close to the wife so when the mil died I immediately went to her house to tell her sorry. Whenever she post something relating to the death, I sent sympathising message to her.
Before the burial I told my husband to go and pay a condolences visit since he knows the man and they exchanged pleasantries whenever they meet. Even when my husband's shop was gloated with fire, the man came and say sorry, he didn't give us a penny. My husband said he'll go at his time.
Now they're back from burial I still brought the issue of going to my husband and he said he's waiting to get money that he'll put at least 10k in an envelope as our tradition. I told him he doesn't need to go with anything. This people are very rich. His 10k is like one Kobo to them in fact they'll even laugh after he left but this my stubborn husband doesn't want to listen.
After all when your shop burnt they came and didn't give a pin with all their riches and you're here trying to empress them by giving money that you don't even have and Telling me it doesn't matter that he's following tradition. He is so stubborn and doesn't listen.
Na wah...let him do whats on his mind.....Just do what you think is right by you.....If he ends up not going thats on him and not you.
My hubby is also very stubborn and i have learnt to let him do it as it pushes him, when it backfires, I am always the first to laugh out lud and he joins me in laughing...To be married to someone stubborn is not easy at all but i also relaise that i am stubborn so it balances.....Please leave him
Poster he is not stubborn but he is a wise and smart man...You need to change your mindset; so because someone is rich means they don't deserve a simple courtesy or because he has more, he needs to give you money.......
ReplyDeletePaying the condolence visit should be with you and your husband together; what impression are you trying to create with this family concerning your husband...
You seem too forward; be patient, calm down and see how you can contribute money with your hubby and jointly visit the rich couple...This rich couple is not obliged to give your husband money due to his loss...
Sorry about your husband's business loss....May God replenish him in hundred folds...
All the best
This👍
DeleteNo pls
DeleteSome money can’t do anything for me
Is 10k can’t feed them for a day but he could have showed face and sat with them. Even asked if they needed help buying anything (with their money). This is a big loss for the family and there’ll be a lot to do. You just need to be available
Help in kind if you don’t have cash
Me I just think he’s avoiding the visit. Condolence visits are Awkward most times
Phoenix I concur with you 👍
DeleteDon't drag him, you see eh
DeleteSome men are like that. Leave him to do it his way.
Well said Phoenix
DeleteLeave him alone, he will go at his own time, and if eventually he doesn't go, that's his own cup of tea, but I don't see the reason why he wants to impress them, or maybe he's trying to water the ground, so that he can walk on cold ground.
ReplyDeleteStubbornness isn't a good trait. It's ok to be resolute but when people show you that your plans or ideas are unreasonable and foolish, listen to them. You can't always be right. I'll always take any advice that comes from a place of love.
ReplyDeleteThere won't be peace in my home if I marry a stubborn spouse. That's why I want to end up with someone that can talk some sense into me and will take any meaningful suggestion I make.
Your choice of words says a lot about you. Using words like foolish and unreasonable to describe another person's opinion smacks of being insultive. Regardless of how a person's thought process appears to you, learn to appreciate the fact that people reason differently. Learn to also allow those you perceive as foolish, in your words to express their views too, instead of looking for a doormat who will just keep soaking in all your so called corrections without stating their side of the story. Explaining why you did what doesn't mean you are stubborn. No need putting anyone down as you correct them, claiming correcting in love. I do not envy any one who eventually gets stuck with someone like you except you change your orientation .
DeleteMy own is that I’m grateful English is not our language cos some grammar I be seeing on here en, headache fit wound person.
ReplyDeleteAbeg, move front.
DeleteAnnonymous 15:22. So for yr own eyes u know English, u r a stupid specimen goan open yr own blog n speak d correct English there and begin 2 correct n teach yr blog visitors hw 2 speak English n write English. U r roving mad
DeleteHow many people have you been able to successfully teach anything in your entire life? Even the days of your National Youth service corps, where you able to make any dull student pick up academically? Your type will just come to class and keep talking without minding if the students are understanding what you are teaching or not? Knowledge you can't even impact on anybody but you will be the first to castigate people who are not good in English.
DeletePark well, inukwa
DeleteGutted not gloated with fire. Impress not empress. Realize not relaise @ Stella. Please download grammarly biko. Head sef de pain me too.
DeleteMy sister (mum's first child) died , my hubby never paid a condolence visit not even in her one year remembrance. He never went. My family called & said "is this the kind of person he is? He sent my mum 50k but my brothers blasted him...when they asked why he didn't at least show face . He said he didn't have a car & couldn't go...but he goes to club on bike lmao. Aside this & the rest he does my feelings have reduced for him
ReplyDeleteWait for his turn..
DeleteI treat u exactly how u treat me too..
What was the relationship between him and your family was before your family's bereavement
DeleteWhat was your relationship with him like before your bereavement.
Those two combined influences a husband in acting.
Most couples are not fresh with themselves. They are just in auto pilot doing the obligatory in marriage. In such cases some men don't pretend when emotional responses are required of them.
Your case is not of stubbornness, but lack of emotional connectedness.
There's no justification for his behavior. We're talking about death here. Some of you are so wicked tuehh. There's a guy that didn't call me when my mum passed his mum passed a yr later I returned same favor. Rubbish humans
DeleteAnon 16:16 abeg move front...you don't have a point someone who calls my mother to borrow him money abeg dey go ....ITK 😒
Delete18:13, your husband borrows money from your mum?
DeleteThis is bad. He allowed your family to "see him finish". Shame did not allow him to show his face.
God will settle y'all's grievances..
Your horseband call your mum to borrow him money . You for stay single o because wetin be this
DeleteThank God, your fellow women don answer you. Because your husband borrow money from your mom you think say he is connected emotionally to your family. Dey dia make your wig dey wear you. Financial obligated, yes. But emotional connection, zero.
DeleteI been wan call your husband him real befitting name. But I respect you.
Allow him to do things his own way! He's an adult, f*s.😏
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why some women feel that just because someone is their husbands, that's automatically given them right to control the person.
If you're pushing him so hard for something as flemsy as this, I wonder how you handles other big deals with him.😩
It’s not flimsy tho
DeleteHe’s giving her a bad name
You know they always blame wife for husbands fault
Na wa oh. A woman cannot advise and keep advising her husband again on something that is obviously right without you attacking the woman?
DeleteNo reasonable couple would blame the wife in a case like this. A woman who has been physically there and has also been encouraging by other ways? Nah.
DeleteLet him be, so you don't start sounding like a nag.
ReplyDeleteAfterall, you've gone to pay condolences to the family, you are also an extension of your husband, so it can be said your family was represented by you.
That 10k even though small in your opinion might actually be very well appreciated by the rich people, afterall, it's the thought that counts.
This is not a big enough issue to cause quarrel or rancor in your home, save your strength for bigger issues. You learn to pick your battles.
Lols Miami Stella stubborn versus stubborn equals to stubbornness 🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteMy dear allow him to do his wish jaree sometimes you just allowe him do it his way just remove your mind there ok
The better women realize that they can't control a man who has ego the better for them
ReplyDeleteYour husband doesn't need to give him anything, not because he didn't give you a penny when your shop was gutted by fire, but because he simply doesn't have the money.
ReplyDeleteTelling your husband to refrain from giving him the money for any other reason aside from financial lack is not right—that is, if your husband is financially buoyant.
This is because the two situations are different. Naturally, a kind person would help in your time of need without being told, but sadly the rich man didn't, and that's fine; his money, his choice. He has free will to help or not to help.
Your husband, on the other hand, does not have the option of free will, and the inclination to give out an envelope is not out of the goodness of his heart or because he feels concerned, but rather because he feels compelled to. So his position on this matter is understandable and your husband is not being stubborn. It's a necessity for your husband, and it's also a question of his pride. This is not the right time to demand he gets even.
Your husband won't be doing anything extraordinary by gifting him, and telling him to repay the rich man in his own coin doesn't apply in this situation because your husband's act isn't borne out of kindness but sheer courtesy, as expected due to his tradition.
If the tables were turned, I doubt the rich man would also come empty-handed and not gift your husband an envelope, no matter how small.
If your husband has the money, let him give it to him and play his own part. This mentality that rich people are already comfortable and do not deserve basic courtesy also needs to be erased.
Abeg follow Madam Stella's advice on this one. Let him be. The little he will give might make them to have a rethink and also look for a way to return the favour.
DeleteDear Poster,nobody is too rich to appreciate gifts.This is the exact issue I have with some friends and family members.Do you know how much some so called rich people appreciate kind acts like gifting them something?However,instead of cash,you can advise your husband to consider gifting the man a bottle of wine or something similar.
ReplyDeleteShe didn’t say don’t give
DeleteShe said don’t hold back on going because you don’t have money
Some folks miss this. I happen to have more money than a good friend of mine. She enjoys going out to eat and we enjoyed that together
Now she has no money for now. She refuses to go out with me even though I’m willing to pay or go to cheaper places. How is her pride helping our friendship?
Dh, didn't go for my Father's burial. It was so embarrassing again as the first child. It brought me disrespect with my siblings.
ReplyDeleteSometimes husbands don't know that these attitudes back fire.
Poster, it's not about the class of these people. The right thing to do when neighbors have challenges like losses, etc is to stand and identify with the challenge. That's how we were taught or so our parents do. I know how you feel. Give the support that you need to give to the wife and don't bring it up again with Oga.
Exactly
DeleteHe could have helped them do some things too
There’s always a lot to do when a loss happens
Not everything is money
Women dislike ( really 8) the words control and submissiveness in marriage. But generally, wives are the more controlling and demanding of submissiveness in marriage.
ReplyDeleteSince, you have done your visits and condolences, let your husband do or don't do his according to his wishes. If the couple care about your condolences, they sure know it is your husband who defaulted. The wife will tell her husband that you did your part.
Na this hard times woman go still dey give husband stress inside house?
Because they will be blaming her for what he does
DeleteDem no dey kuku advise una. Tomorrow, that her husband will need something from that man and he will remember how it took him forever to pay him condolence visit. Make una continue
DeleteExactly!
DeleteNo man is an island. Tomorrow is pregnant.
Lol
DeleteDon't do anything because of tomorrow. Do it because it is right to do.
Some people who were shown up for the day before yesterday, did not show up for their benefactor yesterday.
Tomorrow is in God's hands.
Every one of us must learn to let well alone with our spouses. It is hard, but doable.
Mr. Mann
Poster, this your mindset get as e be! Don't expect much from people, whether they are rich or poor, do you know what they also face in their closets? Let your husband do what is in his mind...at least he has a mindset of not treating others the way they treat(ed) him'' which is nice.This isn't stubborness!
ReplyDeleteLol, He is following tradition because it's a rich man. I hope he will follow tradition too if he meets a poor man.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, men know how they run their things when they want to get something from you. Allow him to follow his heart. He's watering the floor for a possible good connection in future. Let him try his luck.
Omoh, I didn't know when I went to open the wrong chronicle. Chronicle of two years ago, I was trying to post my comment but it wasn't going through. I tried using another browser and that's how I got to see this one.
ReplyDeleteAllow him. You cannot force a grown man.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to visit them alone, do it without your husband.
Do not allow this to cause an issue in your own home
Madam you are complaining about your husband 🤣 come and stay with me and see real stubbornness, I don't like people telling ane what to do.
ReplyDeleteLeave your husband let hime do what he thinks is right, he is a full grown adult not a baby you can't force your opinion on him.
Poster,you have done well,go and visit the bereaved couple and keep it moving.
ReplyDeleteMust you be friends with these ppl? It seems like the friendship is one sided and you and your husband are the ones doing all the work. There is resentment in the tone of your chronicle and I feel that the resentment stems from expectations. They and their riches are theirs, stop letting it be a point of focus in your life. Your husband is a man and there are rules that men follow among men, if he feels that he prefers to do things according to tradition then him be. Please do not bring up the subject again about him going to pay condolences, he already knows and you have done your own.
ReplyDeleteMake your 101% focus be on God. Take your attention off these ppl and put it on rebuilding your lives. Get closer to your husband, he has faced a devastating experience, it is time for you to step up and be that source of support and love that he needs, stop talking to him about these ppl. The loss of his business was a similar death in your lives, it may not be the death of a loved one, but the death of life giving income that your household depended on. You have your own death to mourn in your own home. Focus on building love and not division in your household and let everything and everyone outside of your home be. Pray for solutions and ask God to make the little that you have stretch like the five loaves and two fish.
They visited posters fam when they had trouble
DeleteWhere do you see one sidedness here
Well said.@19:16
DeleteWhy do you hammering on the fact that they didn't give him anything? They don't owe he anything.
ReplyDeleteIf he decides to give, that's his choice but quit expecting wealthy people to give just because they are wealthy.
She’s saying no need to feel bad about not having anything to give
DeleteThey didn’t give them anything either
I can see that you're feeling frustrated, and it's understandable. Your husband has a strong appreciation for culture and tradition, which can sometimes come across as stubbornness. It seems like he has deeply rooted beliefs that shape his decisions, and that can make it challenging to find common ground.
ReplyDeleteIt might be helpful to give him some space to approach things in his own way. You know him well, and while it's natural to want to encourage change, it's important to recognize and respect the values that define him. Focusing on maintaining peace may be the best approach for now. Your love and understanding can go a long way in navigating these differences.
There's really no issue here tbvh. Allow him to what he wants to do at his own time
ReplyDeletePlease free him, let him do what is on his mind as his spirit leads.
ReplyDelete