Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BABY MAMA ISSUES
I discovered last week that my husband has gotten his ex pregnant and even went as far as renting a house for her.
This woman was in his life before we met, and he mentioned this to me on several occasions.
I confronted her once after I saw a text she had sent him saying she missed him.
We have two beautiful daughters, and she has a son with him. She is from his tribe, while I am from a different one.
I'm struggling to process all of this.
My fellow blog visitors. I need all the advice I can get. What should I do now.
My mum said I should separate from him...
Your mum has advised you according to her deal breaker in a marriage...what is yours? Would you leave a man if he cheated?is his having a child something you can forgive? Was the pregnancy planned or a mistake that occurred during cheating?Some women will stay and forgive and move on in love..Is he sorry he did it? Is he ready to move forward with you and not her?Check your options and choose the one that gives you peace of mind......
Dogbands.
ReplyDeleteYou met a man IN A RELATIONSHIP and snatched him maybe with pregnancy, now he has simply gone back to the one he loves. You have two daughters, she has a son for him. If he is Igbo, she is also Igbo and HAS A SON, kiss your marriage goodbye. It is possible that this is just karma.
DeleteAnon. 15:50. He was single when I met him. He told me about her during one of our discussions. My two daughters are older than her son. I did not snatch him.from.her
DeleteLife! Filled with troubles
DeleteDear whatever will make u sane do it but it won't be easy with you seeing him everyday
Poster so sorry for what you are going through. Didn't you see the signs that he was in love with his ex?
DeleteWith this your explanation, he impregnated the woman the first time while with you, why did you remain with him?
Do you want to leave him now or what?
May God guide you right.
DeleteLet me add this,
Since you have the support of your family, you can separate from him. He has taken his ex as a second wife and will keep having more babies with her. He may stop coming home to see your girls at a point.
But if you don't mind being in a polygamous marriage where you may even be neglected, then continue.
Poster this is really bad...However the person you should blame in all these is your husband....What happened to the vows he made to you one beautiful Saturday....Please don't confront the lady anymore...
ReplyDeleteI wish you listened to him when he told you about this woman. I wish you never married him because he showed and told you who he really is....
You wear the shoes and you know how it hurts, do you want to separate from him or you wanna stay...Decide but know that he will never leave that lady lie lie...Get ready cos baby number 2 is coming....Have a strong plan B, now she has a son, you know men and their sentiments....Start planning your life and your daughters from today...
All the best
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI guess he want u both.. Are u really for the polygamy He has forced u into.. ?
ReplyDeleteOr u want to leave to live ur life in peace, free from all the hurts, betrayal, disrespect..
Some times, when men have baby mamas, it only works out with the new lady in their lives if the child's mother is no longer interested in them and decides to move on with her life.
ReplyDeleteThis particular lady sees him as her husband. She has a son with him and has probably decided to have all her kids in one place; hence, her being pregnant again and in the future may decide to have more kids with your husband. Your husband now has two wives. This goes beyond cheating. The ball is in your court.
True
DeleteWhich kind of men are these ;no fear of God or love for their body
ReplyDeleteThe kind of men they produce now... Horsebands😏
DeleteMost women will forgive their husband if he cheats but if he has a child outside, especially in this case where she only has girls and the cheatee has a boy, I don’t know ooo.
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry honey
ReplyDeleteMadam Oga wants polygamy, Yul Edochie's style but he still respects you small.
ReplyDeleteThe point is, do you mind sharing or not. If you can't sleep well at night because of this, plan yourself well first and then exit the marriage.
But if you no send and don't mind sharing. Omoh rugged am out.
Pls don’t mention cheating and respect in the same sentence.
DeleteWhat you allow;is what will continue.
ReplyDeleteWhat is your deal breaker in marriage?
When someone says they love you;your mental health,emotional balance(amongst others) is their priority and they wouldn't do anything to put you or the above mentioned in harm's way.
Cheating and even going to the extent of having kids isn't just a one time thing,he would still.do.that and more in future.
So you alone know what you need,what you can take or wouldn't;and what your deal breakers are in life and in marriage.
We can only advise you,but the final decision is up to you.
Is cheating a deal breaker to you? If yes,you know what to do.
A child isn't a mistake;it's a calculated project.
@MARTINS
Your husband has no regard for you. What do you want to do??
ReplyDeleteIf you are a woman who wants to marry a single man with a child, make sure the ex is married to another man and that there is no love between them again. If the ex is single you will spend most of your life fighting shadows and she won’t let you enjoy your marriage. Depending on your ethnic group and the man’s family members , some in-laws with gender superiority bias will rub it in that she has his first son and use it to make you miserable.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a good career or business, start mapping out your financial future especially if you don’t want polygamy. He is forcing it on you, prayerfully take your decision. For him to have impregnated her again means it’s not an affair, they may have done a traditional thing and some of your in-laws may be aware. I feel sorry for you. Dealing with a man like this is not easy. He is treacherous & you don’t know where you stand with him. May God help you take the right decision.
This here, poster.
DeleteIt’s no longer an affair, you effectively have a co-wife, and due to the way a majority of Nigerians think, she may have more standing than you because she has the first son. You’re in a tricky position and I’m so sorry. You have to start planning seriously for yourself and your girls now. Even if you stay, you must have seperate finances and essentially a separate life. It won’t be easy at all, your husband has taken the joy of marriage from your family.
If I were to chose I would not stay in such a marriage
Maybe reread the chronicle again ooo
DeleteThis is a terrible situation. How do you still love and care for a man In this situation? how do you both planned for the future with a third party hanging around like this? how do you even still call him your husband and Lord like this? too many questions to ask
ReplyDeleteHow I wished you mentioned your age, your age is also going to play a big role in your decision... Best of luck 🙏🙏🙏
ReplyDeleteVery wicked husband, that is why I don't judge those women that do paternity fraud. Imagine if it was you that was impregnated by another man?
ReplyDeleteJust do whatever works for you o, and make sure you have a provision shop that keeps you busy.
Why did he not marry his ex? Why did he leave her for you and still went back to her again?
ReplyDeleteHe was always mentioning her and even seeing her when you were together, yet you stayed for whatever reason and even went ahead to marry him.. You thought he would later leave her and face only you?
ReplyDeleteMadam pls, follow your mind
Single Ladies, if your man has a stubborn ex, dump him, I say dump him because he will keep cheating on you even if the ex gets married. You won't have peace in that marriage as long as that ex is alive.
What's your marriage with him like; does he live you deeply?
ReplyDeleteIs he sorry that he stepped outside your marriage?
Is there a strong family bond?
Do you feel save in your marriage or threatened? These and more will determine your decisions.
Good luck.🤗💙
Why separating from him? haa, my dear just dey your dey nah, it has happened already just pray to your God to give you your own baby boy too as far as he is taking of you what's your stress just be mindful of what you do now and make sure to settle yourself, have something doing then face your children they are your future don't come and die on top man Abeg he even like you by telling you. what of those that don't even know all of a sudden the man Will just disappear 🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm.
DeletePoster do NOT have any more kids with this man. What if baby #3 is a girl??? Then what? You’ll feel even more miserable. Start planning your finances asap. If you only want to stay, stay for your kids and not because you still want him. He has broken your vows. It’ll never be the same again. Now is the time to get all the money you can from him. Save save save your money and exit whenever you’re ready. Men don’t phase me anymore especially with what I’ve been through in my marriage. I don’t rate men anymore. Unless that man is genuinely a Christian, don’t pour all your energy and emotions into a man. Especially a naija man!
DeleteI am so sorry about your ordeal. Your husband is very much in love with his ex and the baby is the proof of their love,for each other. You now have a mate. Honestly the ball is in your court,if you can raise your girls with little or no support,I will suggest,you leave,if not,you continue to manage your home,knowing your husband is with another family. 😌😌😌
ReplyDeletePoster I'm so sorry you're going through this.maybe they had misunderstanding while dating before you came in and you never did a proper digging to find if they were still in love,in your mind you thought marrying him was your win.just accept her as your mate and face front because those two are still in love.
ReplyDeleteFind another man then leave this one
ReplyDeleteAnother man? Most of them are Irolabis nau
DeleteYou think the one she's going to meet won't do worst....??
DeleteSome Men are just worth it i tell you and the sad part is that they look and act like angels until you marry them then you see the evil in them.
Z it’s still better than staying with this one
DeleteThere are still good men out there. Most Nigerian men carry baby boy issue like gala especially men from the East. God will direct your steps poster. This life no. balance
DeleteThis is a horrible situation for anyone to find themselves in. My heart goes out to you and your daughters.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that I can tell you to do is to protect your mental health and focus on your wellbeing and that of your children. As hard as it is, erase your husband from your thoughts for now. When you are in a better place you will know what to do. If you can afford counselling then go get it when you feel ready for it. You can leave without guilt, as cheating is an act of spiritual divorce. Now, as a mother you are likely thinking about many things, finances, the effects of a divorce on your children and all that comes with the dissolution of a union. You can seek the advice of a family lawyer before you make any long term decision. As things are right now you have to think of your financial security. So, if you were not stockpiling or prepared for a day like this you are going to have to now. Do not make any sudden moves, plan and strategize before you jump to do anything. But stock and pile because that lady has an apartment and is being supported. Use wisdom and think of your own security because if he comes tomorrow and tells you he wants to move on what position will you be in? Become a serpent, move in the shadows but think only about the welfare of yours, save your venom only when you are sure to win. Be a serpent!
This is a very difficult place to be TBH, we all have our limit so i believe you are in the best position to make your best decision.
ReplyDeleteAll men sleep with their baby mamas. Take this to the bank to enable you sleep well at night
ReplyDeleteNope...never slept with my baby daddy again after i gave birth and yes we do have a cordial relationship and we are both unmarried.
DeleteThat's the problem with many baby daddies and baby mamas, they don't want to let go, they want to eat their cake and still have it.
ReplyDeleteMy baby daddy disturbed me for a very long time, despite having another woman in his life, I didn't even give him face or any mixed signals, I was still in love with him when I left him because of many things, women should please have some dignity.
You should have left him when you saw the way he talked about his ex. Let him go and marry her. Since you didn't leave then, when he cheated on you with her, you should have left. Cheats never change. Maybe cheating is not a deal breaker to you but you see the result of cheating now? It is you that is having sleepless nights now, it is you that is heart broken now.
ReplyDeleteWell, you can move out and go to your family or friend to clear your head and decide whether you want to remain in the marriage or not.
As for me, cheating is a deal breaker.
But why didn't he go ahead and marry the ex though??? This is so frustrating
ReplyDeleteIt seems a lot of people didn't read the chronicle well.
ReplyDeleteThe ex was not a baby mama before the poster came into the picture. They had broken up.
Poster married her husband, had two daughters for him. Then husband got together with ex and had a son.
Poster just found out about the affair and little baby boy.
Poster e-hugs to you.
I can't even begin to imagine how you feel.
Guess God understood and gave adultery as a ground for divorce.
Personally, cheating is a deal breaker for me.
Don't start what you can't finish. He will have other kids with his ex or some other woman.
Your grouse should be with your cheating partner and not his ex. He chose to cheat. He chose to sleep with her without a condom.
He rented a house for her, she has a son for him.
If he's Igbo, just know that ex is going nowhere. She and her son will always be a part of your life.
If you stay, as that boy grows, he'll start coming to your house for holidays with his father.
Are you okay with looking at the evidence of his cheating being treated better than your daughters in your house?
He and his siblings will be in your face.
The decision is yours right now. I believe there are good men and not all cheat.
You discovered,which means your husband never told you. Even if he did, just know he has set up home for his second wife, your cowife.
Many will tell you stay for your kids, but that's crap.
This will damage your daughters emotionally etc, if you stay.
I wish my mother had left. I resent her for it sometimes. She had three sons for him, and yet...
The choice is yours. The fault is your husband's not the ex.
Nope, your husband wasn't jazzed. He doesn't love you, and he doesn't respect you.
In future, you will see blatant in your face disrespect and verbal abuse from him.
Gbam. Poster is still doing hmm hmm. Up there. She’s not ready to leave. Na your cross to carry poster. Goodluck.
DeleteAnon 01: 53, no offense she wrote that she “found out last week that the ex was pregnant”…. Further down in her post she said “they had a son together”. I think you are the one who did not understand the post. The ex- had a son with him was written as a separate case from the pregnancy she found out last week. Unless the poster clarifies otherwise, most people’s comprehension is spot on.
DeleteHe is not leaving her, stopping or changing. She is also going to get bolder. It is an unfortunate fact. Have a target date in mind where you put things in place to leave - savings, legal rights etc. Then leave him. This is not going to get better or easier to accept/tolerate as it also sounds like the other woman is not likely to stay in the shadows.
ReplyDeleteSo this would all have been different if husband was a widower with the same son ooo? Hmmmm! Life is such a learned construct. Poster you can choose to learn, unlearn and relearn. Nobody wrote the manual for these sociocultural perceptions of events. Most of these reactions are simply expectations of others vis-a-vis society. If the learned 'reaction' to 'cheating' was to celebrate, na party you for de plan now. You can choose to perceive and react based on your own understanding and evaluation of the events. No let people wey go pound yam for their husbands in the midst of worse advise you with their pseudo-feeling of self respect.
ReplyDeleteSo this would all have been different if husband was a widower with the same son ooo? Hmmmm! Life is such a learned construct. Poster you can choose to learn, unlearn and relearn. Nobody wrote the manual for these sociocultural perceptions of events. Most of these reactions are simply expectations of others vis-a-vis society. If the learned 'reaction' to 'cheating' was to celebrate, na party you for de plan now. You can choose to perceive and react based on your own understanding and evaluation of the events. No let people wey go pound yam for their husbands in the midst of worse advise you with their pseudo-feeling of self respect.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, you had no business marrying him in the first place. You said it yourself that he mentioned her to you on several occasions, talking about her to you means his heart was still with her when he was dating you. That was a red flag.
ReplyDeleteThe deed has been done, whatever you do, avoid confronting her, you do not need that. You are The Wife, do not bring yourself down to her level by calling or texting her it will only bring disrespect.
If you are a Christian and you still want to be in that marriage and you love him, next thing to do is to start praying about the ugly situation
Do not fight him or confront him about this matter so it does not backfire on you.
May the Lord give you wisdom
Let us know how it goes
Na wa for advise o. She should not confront him about this matter. Na wa.
Delete