SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
As I reflect on my journey over the past 19 years of marriage, I’ve been the primary provider for our family, raising our two sons and two daughters with love and dedication, despite the ups and downs of our relationship.
I retired two years back because of age of service even though I am less than 60 years. I started working in my teens with WAEC.
My husband left home December last year. He traveled under the guise of work but ultimately went to stay with another woman not far from our home. The lady built her own house and they are living as couple. She knows me very well but I got to know about their relationship when my husband left.
I retired two years back because of age of service even though I am less than 60 years. I started working in my teens with WAEC.
My husband left home December last year. He traveled under the guise of work but ultimately went to stay with another woman not far from our home. The lady built her own house and they are living as couple. She knows me very well but I got to know about their relationship when my husband left.
I heard they have been dating for years.
This revelation hit hard, especially for our children, who yearn for their father’s presence. They hear whispers from friends about seeing their father with the lady and it pains me to see them struggle with these emotions.
While I’ve found a way to cope, my main concern now is helping my children process this loss. They miss their dad, but I also want them to see that his choice reflects his priorities. How do I help them reconcile their feelings without filling them with resentment?
This revelation hit hard, especially for our children, who yearn for their father’s presence. They hear whispers from friends about seeing their father with the lady and it pains me to see them struggle with these emotions.
While I’ve found a way to cope, my main concern now is helping my children process this loss. They miss their dad, but I also want them to see that his choice reflects his priorities. How do I help them reconcile their feelings without filling them with resentment?
Your husband moved in with someone else on the same street?Thunder will never leave his side, stoopid man,Imagine!!!
I dont know how to advice you on what to tell your kids but tell them the truth if they are of age and pleae, move out of that area ASAP!!!....
And dont worry, it is just a matter of time, he will come back crawling to you but please do not take the bag of cowdung back....Hisssssss
Since it her house, I pray she opens provision store and makes him the sales boy...nonsense!!
Please when he comes back, do not take him back. He will show when he starts to see correct shege. The house you're staying in, is it rented? If yes, if there's a way you can move, please do.
ReplyDeleteNa house boy them dey bee last last.. Useless man.
DeletePoster you have to look for a way to communicate with ur kids, let them sit up now and prove to him that he has made his choice and should not come back for them when they make it in future.. They don't own him anything any how..
U can also relocate.
@Poster, please take this warm hug🤗, the Lord will strengthen you.
DeleteStella this provision store huh I will like to be salesgirl
DeleteCandy. The house is rented. I recently opened a shop in front of our compound.
DeleteWhy do children only remember their mum yen yen yen.....
DeleteIt takes a man a blink of an eye to leave his children but you see mothers they die der.
Omo in this thing called marriage make I prepare my emotions well o to absorb every shock because e don red every corner
ReplyDeleteStella which salesboy for provision store? He may be acting as her house boy sef....
Hmmm Na all these men go come back for wheelchair, sick and tattered...That is when they will remember their wife they abandoned after all the strange women leave them high and dry.....
Poster if possible, change location with your kids....The kids can see for themselves what their father did, your own role is to ensure they do not disrespect him no matter what....Treat with him respect for the sake of your children..... May God help you....
Keep teaching them especially the men not to tow the line of their father because the end result is always a disaster....Your husband is a leech and prefers women with high financial power....
Channel your energy on yourself and the children....Please look out for yourself always and don't allow this affect your health...
All the best Ma
Thank you
DeleteHow can your husband be so irresponsible??
ReplyDeleteHow old are they? Sit them down and tell them the reality of things. The eailer they realize their dad has moved on, the better for them.
Don't sugarcoat anything, don't say nasty things about their dad to them.
Hope he is handling his responsibilities as a father?
Have you tried talking to his friends, siblings?
One of these days, drive your kids there 🚶
He has not sent a kobo since he left.
DeleteI've noticed that men don't really value women who provide more than them in the family.
ReplyDeleteLadies, let these men be the sole provider!
Poster, your children should call him and hear what he has to say.
Very true, men don't value women who provide more than them in the family. They will still shout "what do women bring to the table" and still be intimidated by women who bring all to the table.
DeleteLadies be very careful if you provide more than your spouse.
Will they hear
DeleteWill they hear??
Deep sigh.......
The woman he is currently staying with is providing all his needs too because he stays in her house and he does not have a meaningful source of income. He is following politicians up and down.
DeleteKai, brotherhood is giving women wotowoto these days. So with no provocation or anything he just left to be with a more higher bidder. Madam, just tell the kids your truth and face front. you and the kids would be fine
ReplyDeleteSome men. You have to come out and have the hard conversation with your children and create space where they can come to you and talk if needed. No need not addressing it when everybody is talking about it. You also have to let them know that they nor you did not do anything bad and they should not feel responsible for anything. Remind them that sometimes ppl do things all of their own desire and their choices can be painful even to their loved ones. Encourage them not to form hate in their hearts but to focus on their studies and strive to fulfill their dreams. Tell them that there is enough love in you to love them for both of you.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a brother or uncle that they love you can ask him to come around more so they can have a father figure if they need one.
All the best to you and the children. The ppl we love the most are often the ones who will hurt us the most.
Thank you.
DeleteOh my, poster I feel so so so sorry for you and your kids, your husband really does not love his kids, otherwise he would have considered their feelings before pulling that stupid stunt, considering these kids are not exactly babies anymore, may God heal their broken hearts.
ReplyDeleteI think you should find a counselor who is qualified to handle cases like this, it could be in your church or community, just ask around, I wish I could be of more help.
He has made up his mind. I visited his family the month he moved out. He was invited and he refused to come.
DeleteHis elder sister told me it's in their DNA. His elder brother also left his family for another woman.
Eyaa! May the Lord heal your heart, this is so heartbreaking ☹️
DeletePoster, you are a very strong woman. Weldone ma.
ReplyDeleteRemain steadfast and keep praying for the Lord to direct and guide you on how you can help your children better.
Best wishes to you and the kids.
Amen
DeleteYour horseband has always been a parasite and I wonder why you or the children will miss such man. I believe your Children are above 10, they should be the ones helping you get over that leach. Abeg be happy cos God has taken away your burden
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Don’t say this please, children don’t understand things they are the ones mostly affected when something like this happens.
DeleteTruly o. God has taken her burden. I join you to advise her to move on and be happy that she has her kids. Poster what would you have done if you had no kid plus your husband leaving you, and you would have to cry alone, nobody would be there to share the misery with you? C'mon, you have four kids to wipe your tears dear.
DeleteFan. Every explanation I give my children on this issue is not working. They keep asking why dad left them. Their mates seem to mock them about it so they come back moody.
DeleteNo dear, nobody has any right to mock them or you, at least they know their father. What about the ones that can not point their father, are they not living. What about the ones their father are in prison. Tell them no body has any right to mock them cos everybody has what they’re going through. May God give you strength and wisdom to overcome
DeleteFan Emmanuel
1 more thing, let them know that human being can disappoint them, it’s only God that never fails. They must learn to trust only God.
DeleteFan Emmanuel
It’s not in every case a wandering man comes back
ReplyDeleteHowever I do join faith with Stella’s counsel that he returns
Your children know the truth answer their questions as clearly and truthful as you can. It’s a sure path to healing and clarity
Are you grieving?
Your babies May pick up on that and in an act of love and care for you they become worried
Pray…..
Teach them to pray
It’s a great opportunity to talk about your faith and Gods help
Running away may not be best
What if it’s your house
Will you leave it and run?
Gods arms always comfort you
God wrap you and yours in his love.
Midlife crisis Dey worry the man
Whatever you do ma don’t go there to fight
Returns to where?
DeleteThank you
DeleteIt’s not in every case a wandering man comes back
ReplyDeleteHowever I do join faith with Stella’s counsel that he returns
Your children know the truth answer their questions as clearly and truthful as you can. It’s a sure path to healing and clarity
Are you grieving?
Your babies May pick up on that and in an act of love and care for you they become worried
Pray…..
Teach them to pray
It’s a great opportunity to talk about your faith and Gods help
Running away may not be best
What if it’s your house
Will you leave it and run?
Gods arms always comfort you
God wrap you and yours in his love.
Midlife crisis Dey worry the man
Whatever you do ma don’t go there to fight
Returns as what?
DeleteOf what value was he ehen he was there.
Does he sound like a responsible father figure.
Or you people dont care the stench of the vomit as long as its labelled 'man's.
C'mon. Try to have the tiniest respect for yoursrld
Set awon yul edochie.
ReplyDeleteYou people are quick to judge men because they don’t talk. This poster have come here to say all the nice things. She’s the breadwinner bla bla bla but the man left and lived with another woman in the same area just like that after 19 years ?if men say the things they go through in the hands of some women especially types like this bread winner, you’ll tell them to run far away.
ReplyDeleteYou've said it all
DeleteThe poster did not say one negative about her husband, not one. She wrote in asking for help with the children in coping with the change in the household. Yet, here you are casting her as being somehow responsible. Maybe the other woman is wealthier than she is, maybe younger and he can get more out of her and that’s why he left . A scrub will always be scrubbing.
DeleteNobody is forcing him to stay married to her but what about his kids? What did he went through in their hand too.. Please don't bring now.. Why not communicate that he wants out.. Abeg
DeleteYes you need to have wider notion of things....This is because the man ''motherzoned' her because she is playing a role her husband ought to do...Once you took up a role that naturally for a man, it always distorts a lot of things....There is an exception if he lost his job or business wahala and then the woman helps before he gets his feet...
DeleteI agree that stories are most times biased toward the storyteller. But still, moving into the home of a woman in same neighborhood or even same street? A woman the wife basically knows? Come on, that's embarrassing, not just for his wife/family but for him as well. Even if he is so selfish or she hurt him bad, what about the children who are being mocked? But my guise is not only against the husband. Shame to the mistress as well. Why would a married man from same street move into your house? Infact why do anything with a married man?
DeleteBut why allow a woman be a bread winner. Where's your dignity as a man. So you want a woman that would serve you while you sit on your high horse. Men should always try to feed the submissive wife they need nah
DeletePls don't stay with one woman o. DON'T YOU EVER DO.U CAN'T O.
DeletePls run as far as ur feet can carry you okay? Because your partner must display negativly some times if not most and, u must run to another person.
@15.53, very good point. She was specific as to where she wants the advice from us
DeleteShe didn’t say anything negative about him but she didn’t say anything good either. You know if the kids influenced the kids against the man? You people think most men are unconscionable enough to just get up and leave without looking back. My point is don’t judge quickly, Wetin dey inside 6 pass 7
DeleteYou should have asked your self logically why he had to go for another breadwinner if truly bad attitudes is peculiar with laddies who are breadwinners
DeleteLol 15:28 and 17:42
DeleteShe was specific as to what she wants advice on. But she is being given bashings of her husband. Very typical here no matter how much it is denied.
If the man was bad, his children would not long for him. While she was providing, he appears to have being Daddying too. But that is never enough, never.
I hold nothing against him. I am only worried about my children who feel left alone. They get mocked by their mates because their dad is staying with another woman close to us. They miss their daddy.
DeleteI am not the best wife but God knows I have shown him nothing but sincere love. While working, I never made him look inferior. He handles all the financial expenses because he is with my cheque book/ATM. Our children know that mummy is working but they also know that Daddy is the one that provides for them.
His elder brother also left his wife and four boys for another woman who he is not married to. Infact his elder brother wear asobi with his cucubines and attend occasions. Is his wife bad also?. Thank you.
Yes, She was wicked to him and that's why the man had to wait till she was retired to run away 😂😂😂. He didn't run when she was working, he stayed put despite the wife's imaginary wickedness, according to you. He didn't run despite sleeping with the neighbour all through those years but Fiam immediately she wasn't bringing home money again, and they have probably spent all retirement he disappeared. 😂 Just one year of being a man of the house and providing he could not survive it. He could not carry the responsibility the wife has been carrying for 19 years for just one year. He ran away because house rent, tuition fee and feeding allowances started to choke. He was used to be spoon fed. His inability to cope for something his wife coped for , for years says a lot about the beauty of that woman. She is strong mehn. She didn't dump his ass, she didn't throw him out, she didn't cheat with another man but the man that was taken care of, was even the one cheating not in a far away location but within the same environment because he could only find a side chic around their vicinity because he hardly goes out due to joblessness.
DeleteThe place he ran to also says a lot about him. He ran to another woman's house to go and suck that one dry. He needs to leech. for good 19 years he was okay with a woman feeding him. After she has nothing else to offer he bounced.
A wife refuses to be the provider, you will hear comments like, she is proud , selfish bla bla bla, she accepts to feed the man, again you will still hear comments like, she must have treated him badly or she was proud while she provided. I feel sorry for women in those shoes. It is like those women who stay with men who can't provide can never win no matter what. If the man messes up, it is the wives fault either they stay or leave in the eyes of these fault finding men, it is always the wife's fault.
Anon, I hope if a woman cheats in marriage and runs to the neighbour immediately the husband becomes broke, despite the man providing for her for many years and the husband writes in a chronicle, I hope you will also agree it is the husband's fault the same way you have been arguing up and down and defending a deadbeat husband since.
They will never blame a man when he does wrong and even avoid the chronicle but would whine and nag when the same is being done to them looking for pity they don't give, up and down. This is why I don't take a lot of you hypocrites and nags seriously. You are the double standards you scream and cry about.
19:32 Are you minding these useless empty headed good for nothing, randy Nigerian men.
DeleteDaft blood sucking things drunk on their petulant egos. No responsible father figures in their lives so they grow up in the cycle of dirty empty toxic nothingness. Rubbish.
Madam you tried. Take your badge, long suffering virtuous Nigerian wife. Buahahahahahahaaaa some of you are with the equivalent of dustbin in the name of marriage. Tufia!!!
Hmmm things are happening, nawaooo.My dear I believe you, after all one of our well know actor abi celebrity did same 🙄 and you can see it affected his children especially the first daughter but now I believe they have moved on with life, so same to you move on with life and your children,if they are up to age explain everything to them they may even understand more than you do safe, just keep believing God he gat your back ok. keep pushing at last you go still smile with your children it's well with you dear .
ReplyDeleteHe has moved on
ReplyDeleteTalk openly with your children about it
Forgive yourself too cause you’ve known for a while that he was drifting
Find yourself another
This is a sad one, he never considered the emotions of his family before taking such a disgraceful steps. @poster I understand that aspect of wanting their father presence, but like Stella said please move out of that vicinity. I hope he will gain his reasoning one day, and it might be too late when the children develop thick skin towards him.
ReplyDeletePlease focus on training your children to be great in life. You have been doing that for nineteen years and please don't stop. You will definitely eat the fruits alone.
Stella and provision store, lolz
ReplyDeleteSo Sorry Dear Poster.
ReplyDeleteThe Action of Your Husband is his Responsibility, it is all on Him.
Except Your Last Child is below 10years old, Please Sit down with the 4 of them and Talk with them.
He decided to Move on with another Woman, it is not on You or the Children.
We honestly do not know if he will ever return back But Regardless i wish you all the Very Best.
Be Merry with Them Fortunately You were not even dependent on him,So His Absence will not be too felt.
The children knows the truth don't worry Poster, time shall tell. Focus on yourself and your children and ignored him.
ReplyDeleteEven if you don't want to judge or conclude based on one person's narrative,because poster might also have her own shortcomings, which man with some level of self esteem will move n to live with another woman, except he was the one that got the place for her. 🤔
ReplyDeletePoster watch war room and if your children are grown explain to them what exactly happened., Let them also put everything in prayer , there is nothing impossible for God to do.
If I'm in your shoes, i will file for Divorce immediately. since he has moved on; my life and that of my beloved kids can't be stagnant waiting/hoping/praying he comes back to us.
ReplyDeleteSince you have accepted his current decision and dealing with it better, Go there to find out the truth for yourself not what you hear please. Have a discussion with him and his new wife (yes both of them so you know the truth) then ask him to process the divorce, make new iyawo fund and push for it faster.
Ask them to come have a discussion with the kids and plan on how to co-parent in peace, except he makes it completely clear his not interested in the kids too, let him come tell them too so they can get closure and heal faster.
Whichever way it goes, Move out of the location to a whole different place so the kids can heal. That you retired doesn't mean life has completely stopped for you. Learn new skills/Business/consulting etc. Life just began again.
Wishing you and the kids all the best. Humans are unpredictable
If I'm in your shoes, i will file for Divorce immediately. since he has moved on; my life and that of my beloved kids can't be stagnant waiting/hoping/praying he comes back to us.
ReplyDeleteSince you have accepted his current decision and dealing with it better, Go there to find out the truth for yourself not what you hear please. Have a discussion with him and his new wife (yes both of them so you know the truth) then ask him to process the divorce, make new iyawo fund and push for it faster.
Ask them to come have a discussion with the kids and plan on how to co-parent in peace, except he makes it completely clear his not interested in the kids too, let him come tell them too so they can get closure and heal faster.
Whichever way it goes, Move out of the location to a whole different place so the kids can heal. That you retired doesn't mean life has completely stopped for you. Learn new skills/Business/consulting etc. Life just began again.
Wishing you and the kids all the best. Humans are unpredictable
@ 15:28, so because the woman probably drove her husband into another woman's arms, it makes it ok? Fair enough, why cant the man find love in the arms of another woman that lives far away from the neighbourhood for the sake of his kids? You think you make sense right? The same man has gone to leech off another woman who probably will be the bread winner and thus the cycle continues!
ReplyDeleteYul Edochie actually comes to mind. In the future, I hope when these kids end up resenting their father and treats him just like that, no one will come out accusing the wife.
ReplyDeletePoster, I would tell my kids the truth if they are old enough to understand.
Omoh, I am man, but our fathers these days, tufiaaaa. Once money no dey there hand, them and misbehaving becomes 5&6.
ReplyDeleteThat man is a Coward! Leave that stupid talk, it's cliche. When men open there mouth yen yen talk. He is simply irresponsible. If you are not happy in your marriage, sue for Divorce not run like a Coward!
ReplyDelete19 years of marriage down the drain because of no commitment. Poster your kids are no longer little kids not to grasp their father's indiscretion. Just continue to encourage them,life does not have manual. God will continue to strengthen you ma'am. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿.
ReplyDeleteImagine being the breadwinner and taking care of the home front only for him to relocate to his side chick house because you have retired and he doesn’t want some responsibility. He is a dead beat who always want someone to help him with his responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteMa, please, speak to your children and make them understand that it is not their fault neither is it yours. Help them understand their feelings and help them heal so they don’t suffer rejection.
Jeweluchi and this your constant advice of “opening a provision store in front of the house” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I hope the woman uses him as a house boy and sales boy plus fcuk boy in her house. Oshisko
The man is ungrateful o, the fact you are the breadwinner he still left with another women, very Lazy man...
ReplyDeleteMy Dear talk to you kids.. I believe they will understand..
May God be with you and your children 🫂🫂 it is Well 🙏 🙏
Hello iya Boys
I can imagine how painful this would be to the children. They would surely miss him badly
ReplyDeletePoster the Lord is your strength,wow! this is very bad,some women are heartless,what is so special about your hubby that she has to steal him from you? Just have a meeting with your kids tell them to focus on their life.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I don't know what is wrong with some men. Like you just walk out of your family and don't feel remorse. That's how one here left his wife and their son and moved in with a widow that has children selling mama out near a Catholic Church here. You will see him there washing plates.
ReplyDeletePoster I'm so sorry but what I'd tell you is that if your children are of age, please don't hide anything from them, tell them the truth. God be with you and them.
I don't why most men always find a way to mess things up..this is just so terrible
ReplyDeleteLife is spiritual.How can a man suddenly realize he needs to be in the arms of another woman after a marriage of 19years?if not for the manipulation of Satan and his agents. The bible addresses Satan as a theif, he will steal from you when you are unaware or too ignorant.
ReplyDeleteMadam you must pray and save guard your life and that of your kids.We can not afford to be lazy when it comes to prayers.The wicked ones sit afar and watch as our lives progresses seeking whom to devour.
For your mental health, you can move out of that environment and raise your kids in an atmosphere far away from that man.Teach them the way of the Lord and they will never depart from it.
Thief
DeleteSafe
Fred Amata is typing.
ReplyDeleteAgatha Amata and her recently married daughter are relying.
Children of these days move on easily from a deadbeat father. It's painful but time will vindicate you.
If i were you, i would explain the truth toy kids and help them move on. I know it wont be easy but i am with time everyone would heal. Time they say heals all wounds.
ReplyDeleteI think you should explain to your kids, it is even possible he owns that house from the money he took from you while you were working, may The Lord strengthen you 🙏 if you are living ina rented house, please change location for your mental health.
ReplyDeletePoster, if the children are being mocked and the situation is taking an undue toll on them, then do as Stella advised and move if it is feasible to do so. Sit down as a family and discuss the possible options that are available. They can find a new school and a new worship house and all of that. At the end of the day do not let them ever say that you knew they were in pain and never made an attempt to help them with their healing. Let them always remember you as having done the best for them. Sometimes an uproot and a fresh start is good for everyone. Obviously, if you own your own home moving may not be as simple as 1,2,3 but if finances are not an issue you can always find a solution in everything, even if that means renting your house while you head elsewhere with the children. Most of all, sit down as a family and have a discussion. They sound like teens so they have the maturity to have a discussion, sometimes the children are the ones who shockingly have the solution to a problem that adults never see.
ReplyDeleteAsk them if they would like to stay with him or you? Since you didn’t chase him out of your house.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThe Most Complex B