FUSSY COMPLAINING MOTHER
My mother complains about everything, she complains about meals I cook(it's either she says seasoning is not enough or it is too much)
she complains about my colour(she is light skinned while I am dark)
she complains about the rashes on my face(it's because she is stressing me)
She complains about my size(I am a shapey plus size)
she complains about my job(I am a teacher)
she complains about my clothes too(she keeps saying I buy cheap fabrics with colors that are not appealing to the eyes)etc.
Nothing is ever good enough for her, her complaints are beginning to mess with my confidence and I have panic attacks whenever she is coming around because there must be complaints about one thing or the other from her(we don't stay together but she comes to my base once or twice in a month for some transactions and projects).
She is also the queen of silent treatment and attitude if she doesn't get what she wants e.g when she starts complaining and I fire back, she starts the silent treatment immediately or if I wear a dress and she complains about the color and I refuse to change it, she starts giving me attitude.
She wants to move to my base fully and she wants me to get a bigger space for us so we can live together pending when the project ends. I don't want this at all and I don't know what to do/say to discourage her. I want everyone to live in their different space when she moves here, I'll be visiting her twice or thrice in a week.
How do I go about this please´?
Who will pay for the bigger place? Just tell her the truth, she is your mum...Sit her down and tell her how her behaiour of complaining has damaged you and made you resent being close to her...Tell her that cos of this you cant stay with her cos she gives you panic attacks.....Tell her the truth and still refuse to let her movie in with you........
She may not mean it as bad as you have explained and it may be that her mode of delivery is wrong...You can start complaining about everything she does and she will avoid being anywhere around you....
You self no try for allowing someone to give you panic attack.
ReplyDeleteSpell it bodly to her face that you can no longer keep up with the pretense of displeasing yourself to please her.
Rubbish!
DOZZYBEST.
Maybe you should open a provision store for her to keep her busy
Delete😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣abi! Provision store in front of her house, at her base
DeleteYour mother is a narcissist just like mine, do not feel guilty about not allowing her around you. They are vampires that suck your energy, protect your mental health at all cost, don't apologise for it. Can I shock you??? She is jealous of you and sees you as a competition. Come to think of it, a mother is suppose to build, encourage, enrich and make you grow into the best version of yourself. If you allow her move in with you, you will regret it. Love her at a distance and limit contact with her to just once in a while (six months) at most. Speaking from experience, keeping her at arm's length will be the best decision you can make for your sanity and mental health.
DeletePoster your mom is manipulative in nature....Don't give in to her demands concerning moving to a bigger place......She is better loved from afar since it is obviously affecting your mental health......
ReplyDeleteKeep honoring her and if you give her monthly pocket money, continue to do so.....Why she wants to move in is to keep draining your energy and your emotions (reactions) are the supplies she needs.....
Be neutral around her, don't argue or engage in any exchange of words, be a lady of few words or give no response and continue to remain calm - Because that is the power you have & it keeps you in control of the situation....
All the best
How old are you?
ReplyDeleteTalk to her and forget about her reactions, she will come around, it just emotional blackmail.. Tell her if she doesn't stop, u will run away and she won't see u for years 🤣
Are you her only child? Was she the one that raise you or someone else?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, just tell her the truth.
Tell her that you would have loved both of you to live together but you don't feel like she loves you and it makes you sad.
Tell her the truth and tell her if she don't stop, she should not visit you and moving in is no no for you
DeleteMy dear some mothers are like that oo, wetin person go do nah you won't throw her away nah just sit her down just like Mami Stella said the sitting down may even cause more trouble sef I understand but just try talk to her first then never allow her to stay with you it will cause more quarrel o and don't agree that you have money to pay for large space, the best thing is to give her space.But I must tell you keep loving and provides for her as much as you can ok she is your mother forever , God will see you through soon Cheers 😘
ReplyDeleteGood one Stella
ReplyDeleteTell her bring money for the new place. Get a place only for her. Simple
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhere did you see mother in law now
DeleteNa her mama o.
Delete😳😳😳go back and read it again..
DeleteBlogbrity where did you see mother in law pls ?
DeleteAbi my eye dey pain me.
Please the poster did not say mother in-law. she is her mother. Please you can go back and read
DeleteMake una vex,I no dey with my eyes glasses 😍😍😍
DeleteYou need to talk to her about how her action is affecting you and if she doesn't change, stay away from her for a while, maybe try putting up with a friend. I'm hoping that would make her realise how much she's hurting you..
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, i really hope you do something for yourself that makes you happy...sorry for how this is making your feel.
My friend did this one day when she can't cope with her mum she told her that is returning to orphanage where she is adopted like she asked the mum who ll not be happy with their child .
ReplyDeletePoster it's like this from afar pls don't consider that living together she ll choke you to death
@Poster express yourself to her respectfully and politely, and hope she understands and changes. Don't forget to tell her that her presence is beginning to give you panic attacks.
ReplyDeletePlease try all you can to avoid staying together. It will get worst if that should happen. Visiting is fine.
ReplyDeletePele Dear, Me I just feel mama wants the best for you but she does not know how to go about it...
ReplyDeleteJust put her in your prayers sure she will change..
God bless you and Stay blessed ..
Hello iya Boys
You can yarn okoto. Msheeeeewwww
DeleteWhatever you do, do not live in the same house with her.
ReplyDeleteStill honor her as your mum but you might need to limit how you guys chitchat if you guys do that, see finish has entered so ensure you don't speak much when with her and avoid arguments or confrontation
Honor your father and your mother so that your days may be long
ReplyDeleteIn all the advice you get HONOR her
Never disrespect her
While talking to her take it to God in prayer
God heal you and convict her
So she sees her error and stops it
Kpele dear
Because someone is a parent does not mean they are without flaws or toxic personality traits. Just tell her that you value your independence and want to continue living on your own to understand life better and yourself in the world. When you have the courage and strength to, you can do exactly as Stella says, tell her to her face that her ways are unhealthy and you cannot live with her.
ReplyDeleteIf she insists on you living together then show her a religious verse form your religion which shows that children should move on from parents.
Poster that's some mother's for you. in an attempt to sound corrective they do not know they are damaging the child in the process.Just ignore her for now and see how things turn out
ReplyDeleteIf this chronicle was coming from your sister in-law, you’d probably think she’s disrespectful but see, you can’t even live with this woman, and she’s your own mother, now I imagine her as a mother in-law and I pity the daughter in-law.
ReplyDeleteA lot of y’all know your moms are full of shit yet you bring someone into the family to be disrespected and verbally abused by someone who is supposed to be a mother.
Poster, tell your mom the truth because if an outsider says it before you, she might not believe. Your mom is probably still like this because no one has ever called her out
Anon 15:49
DeleteYour mom is full of shit
Respect yourself on this app
Stop insulting people’s parents
She is toxic !
DeleteDear poster, talk to your mum about how are action is affecting you, tell her how feel in a respectful way.
ReplyDeleteTell her the truth. Also ask her who will pay for the house? Open up to her and you can equally tell her to buy cloths for you since she's your mum
ReplyDeleteMao Akuh
Please let her know how you feel and how the things she has been doing has been making you stay away which is why you both can't stay together to avoid issues. I hope this will make her change for good.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent, she can correct in love and not discredit you all the time. It's not nice.
All those quoting 'Honor your father and your mother...', didn't you see Ephesians 6:4 - 'And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord'?
ReplyDeleteIt is this emotional manipulation that has led to a lot of adults battling with emotional and psychological pains. People that are meant to protect and nurture them are traumatising them.
Poster, stand up for yourself and set clear boundaries, ignore her when she starts her demonic silent treatment. Try to avoid contact and communication with her, so that you can focus on healing yourself so you don't bleed on other people. You might not realise it now but you are internalising her behaviour, you will see yourself reenacting her behaviour with time, you will gradually become her if you don't take action NOW!!!
Best comment ever.
DeleteIf a husband sends in a chronicle about this type of wife, what would we likely say?
ReplyDeleteOga you must have done something to trigger her conduct?
Is this mother the type that does this to only her daughter?
Would she not have done the same to her husband?
Would she not do the same to daughter(s)-in-law, if she has one or more?
Do we agree that bad behaviour is not gender specific even if we want it to be assigned to the other gender and not ours?
Those asked. Is it possible this is her own method of pushing the poster into marriage?
Only questions were asked 'cus here to learn.
This is the type they call narcissistic mother. If na abroad, tyey would have asked you to cut her off. She is terribly manipulative and I’m sure you have told her before how her behavior bothers you so I’m not going to ask you to talk to her. It is unfortunate but I don’t think she can change except through severe measures. I advise that you ‘grey rock’ her. Let your response to her complaints be minimal. Do whatever is suitable for you and stop trying to appease her. NEVER EVER agree to live close to her talk less of in the same house. Infact you should have found a way not to let her be coming to yours so often.
ReplyDeleteTrust me that cutting off is the best way to deal with a narcissist. They never change but grow worse if you don't stand up for yourself. Very mean, vindictive, petty and evil set of people. Outside, they always act all nice and caring to other people but inside with their family, they are demons in human form.
DeleteAlso, what will you be visiting her thrice a week for? Don’t you have a life? Don’t you have a boyfriend? Friends? Shey you no dey write lesson note after school ni? Looks like you don’t value your peace and sanity.
ReplyDeleteGrow some balls. Tell her straight that you do not want to move from your present apartment. Learn to accept and even enjoy her silent treatment. As long as you keep trying to appease her, she will always keep trying to bend you. How can a mother be complaining about her child’s complexion?!
These type of mothers, when you express yourself, they will take offence. Just tell her that you like where you're leaving because of the proximity to work and the office. You don't want to go somewhere else, and maybe start having issues with the landlord/ neighbors. Then tell her you can get another place for her close to where she's doing her project. Let everyone rest
ReplyDeleteWhen someone refuses to talk to me, I am always so happy because it means PEACE!! I;m sorry to day but your mum sounds like a narcissist and you are her supply. You need to go grey rock on her or else your self esteem which is already low will be non existent and your anxiety and panic attacks will completely wreck your health. Some Nigerian parents are just so dysfunctional and trauma filled which they project. Until you stand up to her she will never respect you.
ReplyDeleteThe relationship some relatives & parents have with their children is CONDITIONAL, abusive & manipulative. I read things like “ God bless me so I can build a house for my mom or dad” (not for myself). With, young parents in their 40s or 50s who have psychologically manipulated children into assuming all responsibility at a young age when we have 75 year olds working, putting money from their sweat away for their grandchildren. There is nothing wrong with building a house or buying a car for your parents as long as your future & your children’s future is not financing it. They gave birth to you not the other way round! Bad governance, corruption & looting, family planning & lack of contentment are the biggest problems in 🇳🇬!
ReplyDeleteIt is wicked to say any -ve word or turn children to parents (parentification). It’s a 3rd world thing. I started taking care of my mom when she was just 50, (younger than I am now), siblings; they all were not able to take their eyes off my good salary. University was free then, we paid N90 for dorms & my pocket money was N20/semester, nothing to my parents, not sacrificial. It continued for decades as they all TOOK from me. They manipulated, lied & guilted me into thinking I was to live to give my future, never even sending me N10k Crayfish when things were easier for decades. My mom divided her own children to manipulate them. To this day all my older sister has EVER given me in life is 2000 naira Ankara blouse & wrapper while I have given her, her children & grandchildren! It saddens me, makes me feel I wasted my life on folks who did not love me. I now randomly give to the needy on 🇳🇬SM, their thanksgiving to God will be genuine, they don’t know me.
At close to 50, I told them “enough”. I had used money I could have invested to become a $ multimillionaire to please folks. It’s tough everywhere, contentment is the key. Opening a boutique, paying school fees, rents, upkeep etc brought “there is no big deal”. I paid for 3 educated generations, with no disability who were determined to slow down my life. God saw my heart, brought me out decades ago, ensuring the system forced $ out of your pay for old age before giving the balance as pay. My saving grace now. Takers are financial abusers, with no boundaries & abusers & can be the ones you love most. Why do some 🇳🇬feel entitled to their relatives sweat? Your mom is an abuser & will not stop. I gave my family space, paid for grocery delivery directly online, paid a dr for home visit & drugs, despite the tantrums/jazz to hand $ over, paid for caregiver in her last days, etc as money was never enough for them & it was financially & emotionally draining. The emotional, verbal abuse & low key hatred once I said “no more” is till date. My late mom used to say all I did was no big deal. I was not even rich, I gave sacrificially out of love! There are 🇳🇬 seniors in support groups now learning to detox from draining & abusive relatives who manipulated them out of $mils over decades of hard work in the 🇺🇸 & do ignore them now that they are old & no longer “useful as ATMs”. They realize the houses they financed in Nigeria is for family, not private for them to retire to while they did not put enough away in their younger yrs to retire comfortably here. Reading about your mom reminds me of the support group our friends started for such 🇳🇬 seniors (60+) manipulated with tales of how bad things were & still are & made to suffer survivors guilt instead of building their future while giving what they could truly afford ! They did not spoil 🇳🇬 nor were they political looters but were just kind people working very hard in freezing temps & sending money to help out of kindness! Give her space and pray for your life to move forward. I always wonder why many act like all moms are flawless. I am not flawless but I will never use or abuse my own. I know how it feels years later, it breeds resentment & regret. Whose moms are the ones on the news who flog minors & do evil? Honor her but never let her destroy you. God is the perfect parent.✌🏾