CHRONICLE OF A MARRIED MAN

I have a One room experience as a married person:

In my wildest dreams, I never imagined myself living in a one room apartment as a family man. When I was a bachelor, I lived in different one room face me I slap you apartments and I saw different things there that made me vow that I would do all I can to not experience it as a married person.

When the tides of life turned on me few years ago, I had no choice but to opt for it briefly, it was better than going to squat with someone, I thought.

The first difficulty I encountered was the shared toilet. You know kids wee and poo every minute, it was so stressful, I had to help wify out whenever I was home, especially during weekends. The toilet too was so bad that in had to personally pay to fix it.
Then there was no water in the compound. We paid a woman to fetch it but on some days, there won't be water at the source from where she gets it. I would take two kegs and walk around looking for water.
Another problem was the noise. Oh God!

I hated Sundays for this reason. Neigbours kids would cry from morning till night. The women would shout, the men would play loud music. It was so draining.
The worst part was gbenshing (covers face)

I can count how many times we gbenshed in the one year of living in that room.
The few times that konji managed to remember me(a broke man is not entitled to konji nau), it was a different kind of punishment each time.

My kids would not sleep on time, poor kids were probably traumatised because of the new environment. When they finally sleep off, we would enter under the blanket or use one large bedspread if the weather was hot and do it fast and quietly.. Then if God wants to catch us, one child would cough or turn on the mat where we kept them on the floor below, my John Thomas will go soft immediately and we would freeze. Hahahahahaahaha.