SHOCKED AND CONCERNED
I'm shocked and concerned. My 31-year-old elder brother, whom I deeply respect, revealed to me that he no longer wants to get married, despite having a stable job and a loving girlfriend he's living with. He's seeking my support in breaking the news to our family and wants advice on ending the relationship without hurting his girlfriend. His plan is to have a baby mama to appease our family members, which troubles me.
Torn between respecting his decision and protecting the innocent girl, I've scheduled a face-to-face discussion with him this weekend. I'd appreciate guidance on approaching this sensitive topic.
How can I best support my brother while considering the girlfriend's well-being?
I am not good with words.
Torn between respecting his decision and protecting the innocent girl, I've scheduled a face-to-face discussion with him this weekend. I'd appreciate guidance on approaching this sensitive topic.
How can I best support my brother while considering the girlfriend's well-being?
I am not good with words.
Is it that no longer wants to marry her or that he no longer wants to get married at all?These two require different advice....
Maybe living with her has scared him off getting married...Your support should come in words and deeds but it is not in your place to help him break up with her, by telling her, thats his cup of tea.
stand by his side when he breaks the news but it is not your duty to help him say what he wants to say oh...
There are people who do not want to get married, just have kids (or not), why didn't he date one. Why lead this girl on.
ReplyDeleteSee your head
DeleteYour bros should do it.
DeleteMao Akuh
Poster as Stella has rightly said...It is not in your place to break the news to his girlfriend and the family...He made the decisions and should be man enough to do so......Great you are visiting him to talk things over. Please ask him these questions.
ReplyDelete1. Why does he want to be a baby daddy rather than a husband and father?
2. Is it his current girlfriend that informed his decision or just generally?
3. Tell him to think it through and logically....He should not be under pressure to break it to your family but he just has to figure out how to tell his girlfriend......
You see why ladies should not live with a man who has not married you legally? Why buy the cow when you can get free milk and butter?
Tell him that you will support and respect his decisions but he should learn to face the consequences of his inactions/actions/decisions he makes......
He must have experienced something interesting or scaring.
ReplyDeleteEither he has been seeing multiple women and believes marriage will limit his enjoyment, or he perceives a funny attitude in the Lady that makes him question if he can spend the rest of his life with women generally.
Stella was right when she mentioned that you shouldn't be the one telling his girlfriend the news; he should do it himself. Is he not a man?
A plant doesn't grow well when there are presence of excess weeds around..
ReplyDeleteHe is the plant,and what he has heard,seen or being influenced on are the weeds.
So you need to first locate the weeds,and uproot them completely before the plant can further grow.
And the first step is to first hear from him about what made him take the decision of not getting married to her again;and when he is done talking,you can then use his excuses to give him clarity on what you believe would be best for him.
If he is now an Alpha male and sees no need for marriage,what you need to win him is giving him points and facts about how that lady would help him in his life and career..
What can she do for him that he can't afford or already has?
What would marriage do for him?
What would that lady do for him?
What does he stand to benefit getting married?
If you can convince him with facts,he would sure continue.
@MARTINS
It's his life he owes no one any explanation. You people should let him be .
DeleteIt sort of made sense the moment I got to the part where you indicated he lives with his girlfriend. Your brother just needs some space to breathe. He needs some space to take a step back and reassess the situation.
ReplyDeleteThis is why it is always best to let things take their natural course and follow the right trajectory. Your lovely brother is oversaturated and likely feels burdened due to having a glimpse of what marital life might entail without actually being in it, so he seeks an escape route.
Besides, he is still young and has his life ahead of him to change his mind without feeling he is being pressured due to a woman's presence. And even if he doesn't change his mind, you and your family need to accept the unpopular truth that not everyone is cut out for married life, and this applies to both men and women.
The lady would be hurt, but she should take this in stride because for her it's better now than ever, right?But you need to let him know that the path he wants to take, though seemingly selfish, also has its pros and cons.
Poster, this is a very dicey situation and i am going to be blunt and brief. He is 31 years and old enough to know what he wants, pls don't be a party to his breakup story. Why is he skeptical about marriage all of a sudden, considering he has been living with the supposed girlfriend? Does he have other secrets you aren't probably aware of? For instance, his sexuality. Cause the odds are high these days and a man doesn't just wake up to announce to his family his sudden departure from a relationship headed towards marriage and opting for baby daddy. That been said, I will advise you dig more if you can, there's more to what he's not telling you and your family. Best!
ReplyDeletePoster you should be happy he's breaking it up with her now rather than marry and make her suffer.
ReplyDeleteI applaud his honesty because there are lots of peeps like him who married their partners just to please the world but they are never emotionally available.
They just want one or two kids but free from spousal dramas. Its all about then and their kid/kids.
I would advise that you respect his decision. I’m married but if I come back to this world, I will just have kids with a surrogate and take care of them and have date only women that do not want to get married too. I’m too selfless for the selfishness in marriages these days.
ReplyDeletePlease hurry up and tell her. In order not to continue wasting her time.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...ladies don't co-habit with a man that is yet to marry you. When he is tired of eating the cookie he will start giving one excuse or the other. Let him long to want to be with you, now the the lady go loose. Is it that he is tired of the relationship or hope he isn't bise.ual. Anyway first hear from him before you know what to say.
ReplyDeletePutting the cart before the horse most of the time doesn't end well.
ReplyDeleteIt is well. He needs a break. And the reason he wants out is because he is not bound legally. Maybe if they were married, he would have seen it differently.
Were you there or did you both approach the lady together.Don't let your brother use your head to break coconut
ReplyDeleteYou women that go living with a man that hasn't wired. You deserve rubbish.
ReplyDeleteWomen won't hear this men get tired of things easily and even married ones also but because of marriage many have find a way out ,women don't Co habits with men who haven't marry you they will get tired of you ,the girl has lost either way
ReplyDeleteThis
DeleteMaybe he's gay
ReplyDeleteNot maybe. He is very GAY
DeleteYour brother is gay.
ReplyDeleteWhat could have gone wrong oooo
ReplyDeleteAbi he's gay ?
Mayben you should ask him personal questions ooo
Then his answer will tell you if he will change his mind with time..
It is well well
Hello iya Boys
SEE FINISH DONE ENTER THE WORST MISTAKE A LADY CAN DO IS TO STAY TOGETHER WITH A MAN WITHOUT BEEN MARRIED
ReplyDeleteHe's gay. Sad!
ReplyDeleteSee finish has entered the matter. I feel so bad for the lady, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage
ReplyDelete