Hmmmmm....
SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
Good day Stella,God bless you for all you do
God used your blog to save me from hell marriage in the year 2023,I sent several chronicles which I got answers to
After I moved out of my marriage in July 2023 with 4 children but unfortunately I lost one of the children who happened to be a twin under circumstances I can't explain till date but thank God I was able to move on
One of my former colleagues at work got married in 2022 to a wealthy guy we were all happy for her
In March 2024 she called me that her husband sent her packing I with her child who is not up to a year old and that she didn't want to move in with her mother because of shame,she asked to come stay with me for a while pending when the issue will be resolved
I didn't think twice before asking her to come because of the child she was carrying
Meanwhile I am the only one taking care of my children with the help of God,we were both managing the little I had but a she l she got a government job after she got married and sheis a graduate
The issue now is it's 6 months gone she's still staying with me without any meaningful contributions,I do her laundry and that of her child all the time that she now feels it's my duty,I wake up early to cook and wash the dishes but i stopped since the children were on holiday so i could sleep a little before rushing to work ,she only washes her food flask and that of her child,she leaves for work without sweeping she prefers cooking in a dirty place which is making me angry but I have been controlling myself.
Should I tell her I am not happy with cooking in a dirty place or I should just look on and feeding has not been easy but she sees it as my responsibility honestly I am tired and thinks she is taking advantage of my kindness and gentleness though the families are trying to bring her and her husband back soon i am happy for that infact I will be so relieved.
I live in a room and parlor face me ,I face you where water for usage the bill is getting too much for me especially with the inflation in prices these days
I can't complain to my siblings because they were angry when they got to know she was staying with me without telling them before
Good day Stella,God bless you for all you do
God used your blog to save me from hell marriage in the year 2023,I sent several chronicles which I got answers to
After I moved out of my marriage in July 2023 with 4 children but unfortunately I lost one of the children who happened to be a twin under circumstances I can't explain till date but thank God I was able to move on
One of my former colleagues at work got married in 2022 to a wealthy guy we were all happy for her
In March 2024 she called me that her husband sent her packing I with her child who is not up to a year old and that she didn't want to move in with her mother because of shame,she asked to come stay with me for a while pending when the issue will be resolved
I didn't think twice before asking her to come because of the child she was carrying
Meanwhile I am the only one taking care of my children with the help of God,we were both managing the little I had but a she l she got a government job after she got married and sheis a graduate
The issue now is it's 6 months gone she's still staying with me without any meaningful contributions,I do her laundry and that of her child all the time that she now feels it's my duty,I wake up early to cook and wash the dishes but i stopped since the children were on holiday so i could sleep a little before rushing to work ,she only washes her food flask and that of her child,she leaves for work without sweeping she prefers cooking in a dirty place which is making me angry but I have been controlling myself.
Should I tell her I am not happy with cooking in a dirty place or I should just look on and feeding has not been easy but she sees it as my responsibility honestly I am tired and thinks she is taking advantage of my kindness and gentleness though the families are trying to bring her and her husband back soon i am happy for that infact I will be so relieved.
I live in a room and parlor face me ,I face you where water for usage the bill is getting too much for me especially with the inflation in prices these days
I can't complain to my siblings because they were angry when they got to know she was staying with me without telling them before
Please tell her to tidy up and start taking responsibility or she can leave!!.....She married a rich man and she cannot afford to rent a small place after she left?Rich man for mouth....Reading this eh just increased my headache....
Infact give her quit notice.. how dare her do this?Please ask her to leave!
So many of you don't really value yourself at all.
ReplyDeleteHow person go stay with you, without doing anything, nor contributing or tidying up where you gave her comfort, and you are still asking such questions?
Tell her to shape up or shape out immediately.
Nonsense.
DOZZYBEST.
🤣🤣🤣 @ Shape up or shape out
Delete🤣🤣 you hennnn!
DeleteIt's "shape up or ship out"
DeletePlease just tell her your junior sister is coming to spend sometime with you in 2 days and she has 2 toddlers. Can she find somewhere to stay till they leave.
DeleteShe has now become a liability, not an asset. Former colleague, not friend o. Abeg tell her to leave. You shouldn't have allowed her in the first place, knowing it's not easy for you. Abi were you scared to say no. To make matters worse, she has turned you to her maid in your own house.
ReplyDeleteNow we know why they sent her packing. Poster, if she doesn’t sit up after you speak to her, send her packing as well.
ReplyDeleteThe first time you will be making a reasonable comment. Well done!
Delete17:44, se o ponu?
Deleteyou alone cannot take care of your children plus her. She need to be making meaningful contributions if not for anything, so that you can have some rest. You are the only one taking care of your children, please do not add more stress to yourself than you already have. Talk to her to stop cooking in a dirty environment, she should go get her place or she stick to the rules in your house. Why are you doing the washing for her and her child? what is her work if you do all the work?
ReplyDeleteOnce you start doing chores for some people, they see it as your responsibility towards them. Poster, just stop doing whatever you are doing for her know you won't accept her dirtiness.
ReplyDeleteMehn I tire when people don't have etiquette when squatting....Haba! Even in the little space you are managing, too bad!! I must commend you for your resilience and hardwork! Well done!!!
ReplyDeleteDiscuss with her that the Landlord/ Landlady happened to hear that you were accommodating someone and that he is not pleased with this at all based on the tenancy agreement....And that he has called you to let you know if she does not leave, he has promised to serve you a quit notice in the next 3 months....
Find one or 2 neighbours to colloborate with your story if she is close to your neighbour....Tell her quickly oh....
All the best
No need for her to her or enlisting fellow conspirators. She should have a meeting with the lady that their agreement is no longer feasible and she has to move out!
DeletePoster just tell her you can no longer afford thd both of you living together as the bills and increasing and you are in debt. Let her just leave.
DeleteTell her today to pack out. I hate foolish people
ReplyDeletePlease follow Stella advice.. What is all this?
ReplyDeleteNa waoooo
ReplyDeleteHe get the way some Adult self dey Misbehave ooo
What is there in helping with House chorus
If Dem no tell her she no no
Please talk to her and put sense in our brain
Seems she no get common Sense
Pele
Hello iya Boys
Are they singing in the house?
Delete16:47, kee me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteThere is a limit to tolerance, yours is just too much. Stella had said it all. It's left for you to decide or not.
ReplyDeletePoster thank you for coming through BIG TIME for her in time of need. Please call her and ask for the help you need. Everybody living in Nigeria and those abroad know that things are extremely challenging this days.
ReplyDeleteAsk her for her support financially and domestically as it is not easy. It is well Dear
May God have mercy and help us get it right for marriage Amen.
Even Jesus that died did not satisfy everybody and you think you can satisfy a fellow human especially a selfish one at that.
ReplyDeleteWake her up and tell her to her face that it is time for her to leave. She needs her own apartment even if she stays there a week before reconciliation.
Mark my words she is not going to appreciate any of these kindness in future.
She knows what she is doing and the earlier you take stand the better for you.
Oh Lord i hate this kind chronicle, Mrs do good, please give that woman quit notice ASAP o because i don't see the reason why she can not contribute massively for the upkeep of the house, a rich man's wife for that matter.
ReplyDeleteWe have not gotten over yesterday's chronicle yet. Poster, pls do the needful. If she cannot make meaningful contributions to the house, she should as well leave. You owe her nothing. Such an entitled flea!
ReplyDeleteNo wonder her husband flung her out, tell her how you feel about her misbehaviour, if she doesn't change, send her packing pronto
ReplyDeleteYeye dey smell
Tell her to go. It's not hard at all. She's not nice and extremely dirty. Yuck. Can't deal. 🤨🤨🤨
ReplyDeleteStop doing her chore please. At this point, you need to speak to her and let her sit up. If she is not ready to contribute to the upkeep of the house and also tidy up after her, let her leave abeg.
ReplyDeleteSimple!
DeleteYou can’t really blame till you sit her down and talk to her. She may not even be noticing all these things that are bothering you. Even when sisters live together, how they take care of the house can cause fights not to talk of friends. Speak with her and also take it easy. You’ve helped her this far and a good person will not forget. Also try to be practical. Don’t fight with her when he’s about to get back up wealth. Like I said, if she’s good, she’ll remember and take care of you when money comes back
ReplyDeleteShe may not but what do you stand to lose by being in her corner
Chai you're a good person @anon 16.30 . Poster take this advice. You're almost there don't spoil all your good now. Even if she doesn't pay you back someone else will .You'll reap goodness too when you need it most.remember this may not be her normal self. She may just be like this because she's going through turmoil. Just bear a little longer all will be well.
Delete@16:30...
DeleteYou honestly think someone who sees a pile of unwashed dishes, yet only tends to hers and leaves the rest, is a good person? You seriously think her behaviour, is that of someone that will remember the goodwill, the poster has shown her??
Please stop telling the poster to be patient, in order to reap from some supposed impending wealth. It is laughable. If the house guest's husband was truly wealthy and considerate, there's no way he would have his young child living in such cramped quarters. Why is he not currently paying child support? Had he been paying, she would not be squatting or depending on anyone to eat and clothe herself and her baby.
Also, a grateful person living rent and bill-free would not even allow their host to even lift a finger at home. She would tidy up the home; have breakfast ready in the morning; buy groceries for the house etc.
20:18 lol you don’t know depression or sadness makes people “lazy”
DeleteShe’s probably just doing her best to go to work and come back. Also upbringing is different. Ask her now she’ll say that’s how we did it at home
Some of you spoil friendships without trying to fix them. Do you think you unlimited friends in this world
So she’s untidy is she bad to the kids or the host
@16:30 and SMH covered both sides of the real issue here.
DeletePoster, if you choose to, calmly discuss the matter with her making suggestions of what you want of her. She is most likely to remember only the period of her stay after your discussion.
Now you have seen what her ex husband saw. 😁
ReplyDeleteYou are the one making her comfortable. You are dieing in silence in which she not are where of. Talk to her one on one .
ReplyDeleteCall her to order ASAP.Tell her she has to contribute her quota to the running of the house and also has to help with chores cuz you can't do it alone
ReplyDeleteBut this one is just wisdom nah. Why would you occupy someone space and become a liability. God Abey ooo
ReplyDeleteYou're first mistake was letting her come stay with you. Call me wicked, thank you. You should have helped with rental support for her as may be comfortable and convenient for you, that way she's outta harms way, and not in your own way. Now that we are here, you need to have that elephant-in-the-room conversation with her - i.e. when is she moving out, and kindly but very firmly give her an eviction date. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteShe doesn't even need to be told but since she has to, then speak with her.
ReplyDeleteIf she's a nice person, considering every situation on ground, she will adjust.
Pending when she moves back with her husband, she has to contribute to your home financially and domestically.
God will reward your labour of love, poster.
Tell her to change don't just throw her out since the child issue is the reason you allowed her first pls give her benefit to change ,talk to her about her lapses
ReplyDeleteSit her down and point out all your issues with her. Explain that things cannot keep going on like it has been. She can either start contributing to the running of the household, or she has 2-6 weeks to find somewhere else to live.
ReplyDeletePoster, since she is a child that should be spoon fed, tell her to start contributing to the running of the home. I mean how can a full-grown adult with kid not think to do the needful especially in this economy.
ReplyDeleteAnd if she's still adamant after talking to her, with all due respect, let her go!
Poster, dont send her packing pls.. nobody knows tomorrow. Dont act too fast.
ReplyDeleteThe main issue between you guys here is lack of communication. Don't you guys communicate? Sit her ass down and talk to her in a firm amd subtle way. Tell her your state of predicament before she came into the picture and how things has not been rosy for you and your 4 children.
Make her understand that from henceforth, she needs to contribute financially, and physically to the running and maintenance of the home.
Read out your rules to her, concerning the cleanliness and maintenance of the house and make her adhere to it.
And you, stop acting like a maid. Why wash your fellow woman's clothes when she's not handicap or disable?
C'mon woman.. bcos her husband has money then you have to forget your sense of reasoning? Who does that?
You need to get rid of that premitive mentality off your mindset. And i believe you dont have a washing machine, you use your hands to wash her clothes right?
Gosh!!
Pls stop it henceforth
for your sanity and for the safety of your children just tell her to leave politely and ensure you give her a deadline to pack out. Wisdom is profitable to direct. Pary her out of your house.
ReplyDeletePlease sit this person down and have a conversation with her. It's never good to let ppl walk all over you. I know you are probably not the confrontational type and feel that if you were in the same position you would have done things differently. But she is probably dealing with some level of depression and that can make folks absentminded and unmotivated. Just tell her that it's too much for you alone and you need some support from her to keep things harmonious and smooth sailing. I couldn't give her quit notice because of the baby, and for me putting a baby on the streets is beyond what I can mentally endure, so if that is not you I get it. A quick conversation is what this needs.
ReplyDeleteYou can't die in silence sis. You have to tell her to help out around the house. All the best
ReplyDeleteI hate inconvenience . Send her packing, she is useless to your life.
ReplyDelete'HOW DARE SHE DOES THIS' @ Stella; not how dare her do this'. *side eyes*
ReplyDeleteYou are wrong and that made me a little sad. Pls try to Learn when to use does and do. The misuse of the two stresses me out
Delete