This should be an Interesting topic..
Lets talk about the Bride price and its implications on the woman..
Nigeria is the only Country i can think of that a man pays money when he wants to marry the woman and i think it is wrong because this act binds the woman to the man but does not bind the man to the woman in most cases.....The man easily remarries while still married to the woman while no man agrees to marry the woman unless the money is returned and in some cases, the man and his family refuse to collect the money.....
There are so many women trapped in dead marriages while the men have moved on...
I think most parents should refuse to collect bride price so that their daughters are free to move on if it does not work out.....I hear most bride prices are laced with some kinda charm to prevent the woman from coupling with another man.....So why does the man have to couple with another woman?
You can have a civil wedding and a Church wedding, you can even have a traditional wedding without collecting or paying monies ....
Some Ladies reading this have been trying toreturn bride price for but have been unable to do so while the man has remarried and resettled down....
What is your view and mindset concerning brideprice......lets gist!!!
What is your view and mindset concerning brideprice......lets gist!!!
Please can bride price be returned via bank transfer in Igbo land cos my father in-law is late and my husband lives abroad but I have his account number
ReplyDeleteI'm Anambra and the money can be returned to your King. Personally, I prefer how some Easterners do trad as it also allows the woman to move on.
DeleteReturn it to the local government where he is from or the his vallge head.
DeleteReturn the bride price to the king of his village Anonymous 14:24
DeleteInform his kindred and return to their village head/Igwe
DeleteVillage head, Igwe... All na long story.
DeleteTake it to the man that served as your marriage witness ( onye aka ebe in Igbo) case closed!
Bride Price ordinarily should not be returned to the husband.
DeleteIt is the family of the man that pays bride price.
It should be returned to the current head of the man's family.
If they refuse to accept it, the woman's family or the traditional ruler of her place can then go through the traditional ruler of the man's place.
What is the essence of returning a bride price on a marriage that has been consummated already? What is the reason for paying the price to get her? Is it not for you to have full access to her, including, keeping her with you, having her birth your kids, segx without guilty, etc, if you have had access to all these things, why then should you want to take back the price of the marriage crashes in future? Will you put back those kids into her and make her look youthful as she was before you paid to marry her?
ReplyDeleteI no go return anything o. You have to go and tighten back my Virginia that I used in birthing those kids for you and even make my boobies come back naturally first without any artificial method. You will make my tummy come back as flat and smooth the way you met me. You will pay for the years I have waisted with you in marriage.
If you do not return it you are still married to him technically. 🤣🤣🤣
DeleteI do not support the non payment of bride price even after having a thought of the reasons stated up there by Stella because, in Nigeria, MAJORITY of woman who were married cheaply don't gain respect from their husbands (MAJORITY).
DeleteI take note of those chronicles of ladies who come to complain that their dad reduced their pride price,saying that he's not selling his daughter but later on their husbands ended up treating them badly and frustrating them in marriage etc.
In Nigeria, we don't value anything that we didn't suffer to get . Men hardly maltreated the lady they they have invested on. I am not talking about guys that got their money through fraudulent acts. Those ones, what they spend don't get to them .
Apart from the experiences from chronicle visitors. I have people I know that I've been able to compare their marriage experiences. Those ones married cheaply hardly enjoy the princess treatment except she is financially supporting the family in a great way. Even at that their husbands still disrespects them.
You see those people that they reduced their pride price or their price is just #2000 and are still happy in the marriage baa? Check them well, the husband contributed in one way or the other in developing her career. When he thinks of how much he has spent on her, he won't want to disrespect her so she won't get offended and decide to want out of the marriage. Any sin he is commiting, he will make sure he covers up every trace of it so she won't find out.
Though your write-up appears jocular, I get your point of view, and this may be an interesting way to look at it: that the common practice of having a bride price returned should become obsolete when the purpose for which it was paid has already been achieved.
DeleteYou got the wife, no? So why is this still a discussion when she has already carried out almost all the duties expected of a wife for the time she spent with you?
But I surmise the whole concept focuses on whether they are still in agreement to be together or not, rather than if they have met the required connubial obligations. It is seen in the light of being a binding agreement (albeit from a traditional viewpoint) that has to be nullified.
I believe there are some tribes that do not deem it necessary to return the bride price; rather, they simply move on. Nevertheless, I am open to being proven wrong.
Joan, the money he paid has served it's purpose already, so if he can move on, I can as well. No need returning the money.
DeleteI agree with you Slim Shaddy, men don't appreciate women they got cheaply, that's a fact.
DeleteEven before Stella put up this Bride price topic. I have been thinking to myself where I went wrong with all my exes but one never committed, never appreciated upon everything I did for them.
Men are wired to value what they work for, even Jacob worked extra 7 years and valued Rebecca more.
Now to this Bride price payment, there must have been a reason our ancestors placed it there. Even the rites the groom has to do before the bride is entrusted to him is tasking, now re marital sex has come and spoilt everything
Exactly @gaby, you understand exactly the message I was trying to pass accross. Don't mind my grammar 😌
DeleteThat is why 50/50 men are a severe disrespect waiting to happen to the women who agree to such nonsense
DeleteYes Bee H
DeleteLet me make my comments here as there are very funny comments in this section.
DeleteBride price is like a signature on an agreement paper. Like a monk's hood.
Without a monk, the hood is a piece of cloth. Without a verbal agreement by two families to be united in marriage, bride price is just an exchange of paper money.
There must be a marriage. It is the end of that marriage that necessitates the return of bride price.
The return of bride price is to cancel the agreement, not to return anybody to status quo. Even after ending a marriage, if there are children, good men and women who were bad couples still work together for their children until their adulthood.
By the way, marriage empties men as much as it changes women. So all talk about returning or reverting this and that are jokes, right?
There is no evidence that a bigger pride price gets a woman more respect in ALL such marriages. There is no evidence that a low bride price guarantees a woman disrespect in marriage. And there is no evidence that a woman made by her husband always get a better deal in marriage. If a man made his wife materially or educationally and hides his anti-marital evils from his wife because he is afraid of her leaving him, is that the right way to treat a woman?
A woman of values who gives value in her marriage gets respected. She is also quick to move when a man crosses her st lines. Wise men know that. The chronicle of that Doctor on this blog whose husband was misled by his sisters conforms this. A woman is likely to be disrespected when she has no values or no value in her marriage. Of course, there are deviant men who do not appreciate real (as distinct from self judged real) good women.
In fact, evidence from areas where high bride prices and heavier bridal lists are common show that the women suffer in silence. The divorce rates may be lower, but for the wrong reason - the women though maltreated as blog chronicles confirm, cannot leave because remarriage is a problem. The men from such areas mostly prefer to marry single younger women on big or bigger bride prices than to marry divorcees or single mothers. The mindset is simply this: why pay big on a marriage to a divorced woman with its attendant issues when you can get a single never married young or younger woman at the same expense?
Back to Jacob and his 7 years slaving for Rachel (not Rebecca) would you say that he did right by her in that marriage despite his professed love and heavy price paid for her?
And not all fathers have the levels to return or refuse bride price on marriage day and get for their daughter the respect she deserves in marriage. In life, there is an art to all things. If a father does that act without the art or supporting evidence, he may trivialise his daughter. Likewise, some fathers and families demanded heavy bride prices and sold their daughters to life long mockery by their in-laws. A family demanding what they cannot afford as bride price for their daughter gets mocked most times by the husband's family, sometimes to the face of the wife.
Lastly, it is a known fact that in all societies where exchange of money between families of the groom and bride is an essential part of the solemnization of marriages, the women generally do not get a fair deal in marriage. When they do, the women see it as a virtue or gift from their husbands. That is why it is flaunted by such women (even on this blog). You want examples, check out how women fair in marriages in the Indian subb-continent where they have the dowry culture; in Africa where we have the bride price culture; and in the Middle East.
By the way, why would any woman want a bride price paid on her today and want to be treated as an equal in the marriage?.
When you pay for something, are you not the owner or the person to decide how the act is done?
Is it not said that HE who pays the Piper dictates the tune?
Questions.
21:21, who told you all that? No doubt you just formulated it in your head.
Delete21:21 thank you
DeleteThe Jacob that laboured 14yrs for Rachel, didn't he sleep with other women even after marrying two sisters?
Whether a man paid heavy bride price or not, a good man is a good man, a bad man is a bad man. Bride price is not what determines a happy marriage.
Change your achaic mentality
21.21, God bless you for this write up, best comment so far and 100 apt!!!
DeleteYou first paragraph?
ReplyDeleteSay wat?
"I hear most bride prices are laced with some kinda charm to prevent the woman from coupling with another man"
ReplyDeleteIf I should speak my mind concerning the aforementioned quote, my comment wont be approved.
So let me just keep a studied silence with arms akimbo.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteBetter for you.
DeleteWhy do you people like hoarding knowledge. What do you mean your comment won't be approved? Won't be approved because it is pointing fingers at a particular person in this blog? Why not use instances instead of mentioning names?
DeleteOver To The Women their Bride price has be Payed ooo
ReplyDeleteThem never collect bride price for mY head ..
Nah Two Pinkin I born I no kill person..
I be in The comments Section Learning ooo..
Hello iya Boys
Kai, is this information necessary for the general public to know?
DeleteYou are just setting yourself up for dragging and trolling. On a day you least expect a bv can bring this up against you.
This is too much information. Learn to keep some privacy for yourself, not everything is for public consumption.
So you're just cohabiting with the man (I won't call him your husband cause he isn't) what if something happens, like death? What if???
DeleteSome things are better left unsaid, ma'am.
Delete@ Anonymous 17;32...
DeleteIf anything happens to a person in such condition, the man must pay the bride price in death!
You guys calling her unmarried are the reason for the convo.
DeleteShe is a full wife. And may be enjoying her marriage better than some whose "bride price" have been paid.
My father returned my bride price at my traditional wedding Infront of everyone that he no wan collect that his daughter is priceless. Me and hubby still joke about it till today dat I wanna collect the money back naa my papa reject am, me I wan collect 😀
ReplyDeleteOh Ho.
DeleteSame thing my dad did for all my three sisters and i
DeleteHelen and I believe you all are happy in your various homes by God's grace. I wonder why that one up there was just saying things about not having a good marriage because your bride price was reduced. Mtchew.
DeleteBride price is essential in place,in order to lay claims the children also to place embargo on the woman. But modernisation has reduced the veracity of those claims. Many families in my side,no longer worship their gods but the living God. There
ReplyDeleteare now many churches. Very few families still worship their ancestral gods. They no longer place part of the bride price in the shrine.
But na wa o. You are a woman, the man didn't support your career in any way, he didn't see any seed in your life, then it gets to marriage, your parents will tell him that they don't want to sell their daughter, he will now take you for only #2000 naira or even for free.
ReplyDeleteBride price is a price?
DeleteHow much does raising a child to womanhood cost?
Say the amount please.
Name any man who has paid the amount you said.
Woman a commodity?
Does a heavy bride price guarantee a good and happy marriage? Like if the girl's family collect 500k or more as bride price, the man will treat her with respect and love?
DeleteThen the Igbo wives whom their husbands beat and cheat on them, where is it coming from? The men are supposed to be worshipping them after paying heavily, according to your mentality
Slim shady and those that think like this, I pity your shallow brain.
Lol@00:54
DeleteYet we read chronicles here from wives whose family collected an arm and a leg as bride prices.
A man pays N1million per term for his girl child at nursery school; then pays full fees at an Ivy League school in the USA because she missed scholarship mark by whiskers and she wants only Ivy League schools.
How much will satisfy the father or young woman as compensatory bride price if the young woman chose a husband suited for her ?
How much should be demanded from her husband to make him a good husband if the young woman chose the husband not suited for her
Sometimes erhn, .....
We just have to realise that we all comment from our worldview and laugh at some comments and reflect/ponder on some other comments