Hmmmm....
MOTHER IN LAW BROUHAHA
Hello bv's please I would like to know if is right for a family to form roaster for wives in the family to take care of their mother.
I find it weird because my mother in-law cannot stay in any of her son's house because she always have complains about her son's wives,she comes to her son's house causes problems between the son and his wives then she leaves the house as a victim.
She decided to go stay on her own but her children said their mother cannot be alone so they decided to form a roaster without the wives consent positioning us on days we are meant to go to my mother in-law house to take care of her,I wasn't even aware, I only saw it two days to when I was supposed to go to her house to take care of her on whatsapp based on the roaster they formed.
I begin to wonder why this people decided that is we the wives of the family that is meant to take care of their mother,this woman has daughters though two are abroad only one is in the country currently.
Why didn't she go take care of her mother as her children are already grown or they look for someone to care for their mother,is it the wives that she has insulted and said all manner of things against them that my mother in-law is expecting to take care of her?
That aside this family expects me to abandon my home some days to go care for their mother when i am also struggling with chores in my house because I still have toddlers and I do everything alone aside providing,do I still have to go look after my mother in-law against my wish because I was not consulted before they put my name on the roaster.
I have complained about this to my husband but he is quiet about it because anything about his family he doesn't have a say,they control him and he does whatever they say.
We are only three wives in the family,the first wifes children are grown up so she sometimes sends her children in her place, I am the second wife who still has toddlers , while the last wife is yet to have kids. If you were in my shoes would you agree if your husbands family put your name in a roaster to care for their mother? would you go?
List to go and takecare of mother in law= na wah oh.
The names on the list must be in agreement nah.....If it is me i will not go, let whatever wants to happen take place...
It is wrong for anyone to force you to go and takecare of their mother, be it mother in law or whatever..They should get paid help or send her daughter to see to it...Do not shake or let them use your marraige threaten you.....Very horrible situation.
What did i just read?
ReplyDeleteAre the son's so foolish that they can't hire nanny or maids to take care of their mum?
This is total bullshit.
Please suggest a maid to your husband and that you will pay.
DOZZYBEST.
"Please suggest a maid to your husband and that you will pay."
DeleteSound advice. Though in real times, it appears that the husband will be the payer.
But the best is for the men to hire help under the direct supervision of their sister, and general supervision of them all. Any wife who wants to chip in can do.
Forced help as Poster would render if she agrees to at all is EVEN BAD (OR WORSE) FOR THE MOTHER.
How good it will be if MAN can tackle main issues without focusing on the collateral issues. In this simple chronicle, darts have gone to husband for other unrelated matters. Unnecessary.
You can imagine ooooo.๐๐๐
DeleteNa Yoruba people way be this o
DeleteLook at this Anon 15:59 generalising ๐. I'm a proud Yoruba, also married to one and I can tell you that as big as my family is this has never happened and will never happen. I can say same for my husband family and my friends family. So, try check the types of Yoruba people you mingle
DeleteWhy will she be the one to pay?. Why can’t her son be the one to pay or go cook for their mother?. If it is me, that day, my mother will suddenly be in town and I will be going to take care of her on that day. Rubbish
DeleteNothing wrong in taking care of the sick or elderly, if you're not able to go ask your husband to go in your place. It is not rare to see non family members taking care of sick, bereaved or elderly in some communities so please do sรณ if you can or get someone to do it and pay if you can afford it. You seem to not like the way your husband is being supposedly controlled by his family but you still refuse to divorce him so also forgive the mama.
DeleteYou have 3 options, 1. carry all your toddlers with you when you are going so you care for all of them. The noise might make her ask them to remove you from the list. . 2. Hire someone to go on days you are booked to go 3. Don't go. Na 3 I go choose if na me but sha don't do it if your husband depends on handouts from his siblings since you are not working.
DeleteThey are roving mad in that family. You too do roaster for the members of ur husband’s family to take turns to go take care of ur mother and post it on that WhatsApp group since they all want to be stupid.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I won’t go. Let heaven fall if it wants to!
Stop insulting someone's family
DeleteGo and make ur own comment and disappear from here
DeleteAre they not mad for asking smone to do what they cannot do for their mother? Abi if ur wife tells you to take turns to go care for her father, would u not think all of them are mad?
DeleteImagine a married lady insulting someone's family ๐๐if someone should refer ur family as being mad, how would you feel?
DeletePlease, mind your words
Dante, shattap
DeleteYou insult people's families here everyday. or did the female BVs here you constantly generalise about fall from the sky? Are they not part of a family?
Sons-in-law who send money to their fathers-in-law families (for the families' own use) or who give money to their wives to buy food stuff for the home when the wives go visiting the wives' families in the home country or home town or village are also ...?
DeleteThe poster never used such derogatory words as roving mad or stupid or such like to describe the people in question. Pls learn to be temperate.
DeleteThe men with these kinds of family members are pissed! Not my problem!
DeleteHehehe
DeleteSomeone is so pained, I can understand the pain, but what I don't understand is if it's the pain that's making you say what doesn't make sense..
Me too that is being insulted, am I not also someone's family?
You can see how nonsensical your argument is๐
Dante sit this one out. You insult women here everyday. You have no right
DeleteHehehe
DeleteWhat is wrong with this cry babies??
Don't you insult men here daily..
Will you get out before I nod you lol
Bobrisky’s cousin, this my marriage must really be giving u chest pain! I hold ur destiny from getting married?
DeleteMmmmmh, rota kwa, are they not even afraid of their mother being harmed by wives who are forced to look after her? No be their mama oooo, it can never be the same! Inukwa looking after someone grudgingly...
DeleteI think it's their culture where you are married because in Anambra where I come from shame no go even gree a woman say he is going to his son's house to spend more than one week but in some places it differs.
DeleteWe the female children take care of our parents
If you can do it, try but if you can't don't but ask questions if it's how it's being done to avoid questions from umuada on her burial day
She doesn’t sound pained
DeleteShe told you to disappear
Abeg nk laundry please say your family...I married a Neni man with 3 sisters that don't do anything for their mama...from feeding to any bills is the 2boys...na the 2 boys house she dey frequent and stay months and cause confusion. She goes to her daughter's only for omugwo...she be catholic mother yet hidden juju woman. We n my co wife don tire...her boys don tire but no choice.
DeleteAnon 4.21 thank you for this. Where is that senseless BV that wrote that this must be a yoruba family. Why the derogatory remarks against a tribe? Is Neni in the SW? After you will be applying for giveaway from a yoruba angel on this blog. There are horrible and good persons/ families in all tribes and races in the world so stop uour stereotypical and nonsensical thinking
Delete07:19
Delete"There are horrible and good persons/ families in all tribes and races in the world so stop uour stereotypical and nonsensical thinking"
Well said.
My own opinion is I will not go, since her own daughter was not included in the list they should go and pay a nanny to be taking care of their mother for them.. so after taking care of your young children they still want you to go and take care of their mother..
ReplyDeleteSo, it's ok so long as her daughter is included?
DeleteMs sapphire read my comment very well, I said my opinion I did not say our opinion..
DeletePure, but there is nothing wrong with what Sapphire asked you. Let's discuss and learn from our different opinions sometimes.
DeleteThe way Africans treat inlaws is just so sick & something else...! Now Roster for what exactly? I'm really not ready for una rubbish at all...send her to a foster home abeg
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine! Same thing they do to the sons-in-law.
DeleteGod bless you for this comment. I was waiting for this. Africans make it look like you are being favoured by getting married to their sons even though the sons are not meeting up to expectations.
DeleteThey are controlling your husband
ReplyDeleteHe’s quiet on the issue
If you follow Stella you will have a broken home in no time
If he has no say they can scatter your home
Stella marry oyibo oh
Stell get money
Stella husband get say and get his own money
Shishi you no get
Na husband Dey give you
The family Dey control am
E no get say
Yet you wan do strong head
See you see your papa house………..
First wife wey get grown up children no riot na you of yesterday
Nne go and do it
Or empty someone to do your days
Or go there,so am anyhow you like but shaa go there
Hehehehehehe (copied)
DeleteSure me say even Stella laff.
She wan carry wife against husband pawa enta family matta
And she come here for cheer and validation suppot
By the way, how is it that most Nigerian women like marrying men they are wiser than?
Here again, is a chronicle from one of such wives.
Poster, ignore this advice. This is the height of disrespect! So these brothers only married wives as caretakers for their mother? Who is taking care of your own mother? This is the first time I’m hearing this kind of absurdity and I’m incensed on your behalf. Sorry to say but you married into a useless family.
DeleteForget that you don’t work outside the home, keeping the home and taking care of children is more tasking that any job your husband is doing, some days I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m a full housewife and I have not seen the thing that will give anybody morale to put my name on a useless roster.
Poster don’t go anywhere. Worst case scenario, you talk with the other wives to talk to their husband so they can all be plot maid for their mother. They are all crazy.
Anon, please, is marriage the ultimate in this life?
DeleteSo she got married to become a caregiver or what? Yeye
Poster, I don't know nor care about what might happen afterwards oo, but if I was the one, I won't go sha. Even though I trust my husband, he won't accept such from anybody that bring about the idea. I hate rubbish!
They are controlling your husband
ReplyDeleteHe’s quiet on the issue
If you follow Stella you will have a broken home in no time
If he has no say they can scatter your home
Stella marry oyibo oh
Stell get money
Stella husband get say and get his own money
Shishi you no get
Na husband Dey give you
The family Dey control am
E no get say
Yet you wan do strong head
See you see your papa house………..
First wife wey get grown up children no riot na you of yesterday
Nne go and do it
Or empty someone to do your days
Or go there,so am anyhow you like but shaa go there
Kai! Women they suffer sha oh. Just tell your husband politely that you can't make it for obvious reasons. If she can't come to your house on those days appointed you so be it. Incase she agrees to come to your house treat her well and try as much as possible you people don't quarell when she's at your place. Na wa!
ReplyDeleteIt is not a woman or women affected issue.
DeleteIt is an in-law issue in some parts of Nigeria.
Women are generally asked for physical contributions if it s believed that is what they can contribute as daughter-in-laws.
Men are asked for financial contribution because it is believed that is what they can best contribute as sons-in-law.
There are men who went broke or almost so caring for the elderly challenged parents of their wives.
There are men who kept and financed the medicare of the sick parents of their wives in their homes.
That is why some men do not marry from families where there is no financially capable man or men in the woman's home.
Sons-in-law who are not willing to bear Family-in-law imposed responsibility also face the same challenges from some wives and their families.
The problem here is that Poster already has an aggro with the MIL and she also has some silent beef with her husband over his family matters. So, she is not willing to look at other options or engage in remedial dialogue with her husband even if he erred in agreeing to the plan and in not informing Poster ahead. the reason for the latter is, however, clear in context.
No be all matters be (Female) gender specific issue.
Anon 16.07 I don't know if you are male or female, YOU HAVE WISDOM. You have properly analysed the likely situation of issues. If this poster is wise, she should seek God's direction on how best to handle this issue. Pls don't follow the advice of some ladies here who want you to be rebellious. Look for a middle ground so that in future, you will be blameless. God bless
DeletePay someone to go help you take care of her when it's your turn.
ReplyDeleteTell your husband that you need a nanny that will go help you take care his mother. He should be the one to pay. You can also pay the nanny if you have enough money.
Poster do you the other co wives work or you are all full house wives because I don't understand how they make such decision without consultation and considering your homes and schedule too and even if I am not working I won't go because of the way they went about it and the kind of mother they have. Mi รฒ kin แนฃe eru.
DeleteWhy can’t her children pool funds and hire a caregiver. Caregiving if it must be done by family members is the responsibility of the children of the aged person, everyone else must be consulted and they provide consent to doing so.
ReplyDeleteDaughter in law is not the same as one’s own child. Sons can do caregiving too, are there not male nurses and doctors, who mandates that it must be the womenfolk’s responsibility to do caregiving.
The ones in the abroad who cannot be present to do anything should be footing 60% of the cost a caregiver. Paying a caregiver 75k monthly is peanuts for someone in the US. Demand that they hire a caregiver, end of story. They can also opt to pay a family member the said funds if that person wants to take up the task as their labour.
help me and ask them
DeleteTHUNDER!!!
ReplyDeleteReason I married a white man. Marrying a typical naija man must be listed among one of a thousand ways to die. ๐คฎ๐คฎ
ReplyDeleteNot true beautiful,it's individual. My husband will never allow,this kind of nonsense.
DeleteThis one is even out of the ordinary for a typical Nigerian man. I have heard everything but I have never heard this one before. Nyaa, the wives are glorified housemaids?!
DeletePls take it back. Not all Nigerian men are typical
Delete15:16
DeleteAbegi, give us a break.
All the English Language words for bad and bad behaviour were translated from your Nigerian native language?
Do people have words in their languages for what they do not know, or have not experienced one way of the other?
Every time "why I marry non-Nigerian man" as if.
If you married a good man and from a family better than your paternal family, that is it. It is not because he is from any other country.
A Nigerian brought you up and a non-Nigerian man found you worthy.
What am I typing even. Maybe in deed you did not truly learn anything good from your Nigerian father and family.
For peace, can you pay for some1 to go on your behalf
ReplyDeleteMy husband is paying for the person taking care of his mum and still buy the things needed, I believe that is the way it should be. Do their son also go to your own parents house to wash car?
Ask her too if her husband has ever been involved in funding any of her paternal family needs.
DeleteAm the poster...what pisses me off is the fact that my husband doesn't relate with any of my family, not my parents or siblings,he treats me like my family doesn't exist, everything revolve around him and his family alone. I can't even tell him anything about my family because he never asks about them or call them,if I choose to treat his family the way he treats my am not sure we would still be together because his world revolves around his family that's why his family cannot let me have my peace and privacy
DeletePoster i blame you for this, u didn’t show him the relevance of ur family and what they mean to u from the inception of ur relationship with him, well his family is very important to him and he has shown u that. Shebi that is why u r following them jeje.
DeleteThread with wisdom poster. You should t have said anything to your husband or showed that you saw that rota.
DeleteIf they call you on the day you tell them, you are not aware and you’re busy with kids. Not everything is gra gra.
See ehnn, from today, stop complaining about your husbands family to him. You already know he will side them. So no point in complaining . Make your plans silently and execute it.
For this one now, you don loose guard by letting everyone know your mind and stance.
Next time ignore the rota and don’t pick anyone’s calls. After all , you are busy with your kids. If your husband asks you. Ask him to come home early, watch the kids and clean the house while you go. If he can’t, he should go. If he still can’t, then he should be the one to explain to his sisters why you guys can’t meet up with the rota.
Then you have a bigger issue to solve, poster. Come on! Talk to your husband about how you feel. This is not right.
DeleteThe way his family is to him is how yours is to you. Abeg address this issue.
so poster i am not the only one with spouse who doesn't relate with wife's family, this is my reality and it hurts so badly.
DeleteThey included your name without discussing with you. ๐. They have shown you your opinion means nothing to them. Poster stay put. Take care of your kids.
ReplyDeleteExactly beautiful,made a roster without my consent? I won't react kankan.๐๐๐
DeleteHey Omo! Poster this is a case of the devil and the deep blue sea...I find the roaster weird!! Like this is not a boarding house and there should be a prior agreement before taking such action, that is disrespect on their own path and your husband has refused to see that.....
ReplyDeleteHere is how I think you can negotiate with them: Let them know that they should have contacted you first before drawing up the roaster.....You have toddlers you need to cater for ; find one excuse concerning your work or business that is convincing enough...
However, you can offer to visit her during the weekends or when you are chanced...
I pray for wisdom upon you as you go about this...
All the best
Poster,I have never heard of such roster. Send the admin message that made such roster without your consent,that you're unavailable. Normal me won't respond. My mother is over 70,still trading and she has a little boy living with her. The house keeper comes,three times a week. Your in-laws should better look for how to take care of their mother. ๐๐๐
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhy didn't they involved the wives before making the roster?
ReplyDeleteDon't go, it not by force, if they need a solution they should employ someone while everyone of her children contribute to pay the person..
And if you don't go, what will happen? I would cook and send to her. I would not object, argue or even get angry if anyone has a problem with my not showing up. Na "No" de bring quarrel. I won't ever tell you No. I won't even dignify the issue with any emotion at all. They know they are being unrealistic. They will figure it out.
ReplyDeletePoster read this comment 10times. Stop Cho Cho Cho. Keep quiet next time and execute your plans. When they call you , you don’t pick and call back one week later.
DeleteNow you don go tell your husband say you dey vex. He will take feedback back to his sisters.
Stop talking
Stop talking
Stop talking
Stop complaining about your husband’s family to him. He will never hate them. Keep quiet, observe , ask for advice and execute with wisdom.
All the best!
Smartest decision. Very smart one. No time
DeleteWhere’s my comment oo. Chai
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIf the men can't bring out time to take on the roaster for their mother;why should they expect "wives" to do what they couldn't do for their own mother?
ReplyDeleteNo it doesn't make sense;and i believe if your TIME can't speak for you;then your MONEY should do so;so if the men can't take on the roaster;then HIRE a nurse or nanny!!
If you have to even force your wife to go and take care of an aged woman who is your own mother;what's the probability of she using love to do the Job while there?
Abeg pay someone oo;make them no give your mama Otapiapia.
@MARTINS
What if the wives work schedule is so tight. The sons should all employ a care giver for their mother, the wives will support them in whatever way they can. Why take decision behind the wives in the first place. may God give you wisdom poster to handle this.
ReplyDeleteCan't her daughters invite their mum to their base in turns? What if the daughter in-laws poison her because of her unfair treatment to them?
ReplyDeleteEverybody has their own strength and weakness. My weakness is that I love to do things at will. I hate being pressured. Not because it's a mother inlaw. My parents know this that I can't work effectively under pressure.
I have a cousin who makes sure her mother inlaw is served her three square meal. She does it willingly. Nobody told her to do it, she just decided it on her own. Her mother in-law stays in a different place not far from her husband's house. Everyday she makes the meal and sends to her or sometimes she takes it to her by herself. As she does all that , you will think it's because she has a cordial relationship with her mum inlaw, no, she sometimes fight with her, but for the fact that she naturally loves to cook.
Someone like me, I may not be able to keep up with all that, unless she stays in thesame house with me.Not necessarily because I hate the mother inlaw.
They are not supposed to mandate anybody to do things like this. It's not fair. Especially when such kind of duty is the person's weakness. And the mother inlaw didn't help matters as she always brews trouble in the home. How can someone who you don't give peace of mind willingly perform such duty for you?
Slim Shady,
Delete"Can't her daughters invite their mum to their base in turns?"
Poster says Only one daughter is in Nigeria.
And why should she go stay in her daughter's home ostensibly for the daughter's husband (a son-in-law) to bear the financial care for her?
Lol
17:36 hmm... @ your last paragraph. That's a dicey decision to make. I believe people should in making decisions like this. You don't just impose things on people without liaising with them.
DeleteWell, poster, they are very wrong to have taken that decision without consulting you.
I would have advised you to accept to do the job if they had consulted you before making the duty roster regardless of how she had treated you in the past. Forgive and ignore the old woman, so long as your husband still lives you.
20:11 still loves* you
DeleteMy husband’s stepmother was ill in Benin and her female children drew up a roster for their brothers’ wives for weekly care of their mother .
ReplyDeleteMy mate is PH went for the meeting where she was told she was first on the roster to stay for one week , despite having three kids at home .
She asked her sisters -Inlaw ‘ who will take care of my own mother when she is ill’ and left back to PH .
She refused to be used as a slave .
They were shocked but she made her point ..
Marriage broke up years down the line .
She is remarried and very happy.
The daughters should take or their mum by paying fir the services and not enslave any person’s child .
Wicked people
The female children dont have hands or what? Omo!!
DeleteAre they Yoruba as a BV said above that this must be by a Yoruba family?
DeleteHere shows tribal tagging is not right.
Anon 17:38. Nobody dignified that anon with a response for a reason. Ignore it, so it can go away.
DeleteI’m not Yoruba btw
The BV that made the yoruba tag comment, should forever be ashamed of herself. Tueh
DeletePlease don't start what you can't finish.
ReplyDeleteOn this particular case it is wrong. Don't go! period, they should have consult you before thinking of drafting such. This is obviously slavery. That you are married to her son or their brother doesn't warrant them to take such decision, please your husband should man up.
ReplyDeleteYou said you've have toddlers and struggling with chores in your home? Well, I'll suggest you get someone to do it for you and pay him/her whenever it's your turn. Look for a way to get extra cash from your husband that'll you'll give to the person. You don't necessarily need to tell your husband.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion
Wow, this is weird o,I have never heard or seen such in my life, Strange ๐
ReplyDeleteMy mother-in-law has a live in maid, She's being paid well and does her job excellently.
So talk to your husband, about the family getting someone who can do the job and also get paid, it will save everyone the stress, especially you with toddlers, As for me, I can't do it.
Try dey stubborn for this life, e get why.
ReplyDeleteYou get! They will be scared to add your name to any rubbish list. Since they've added your name, go for the first time and act up, na mama go use her mouth talk make you no come again, don't go there and be working like German machine, when she notices you are not active for 2 days she will ask you to stop coming.
DeleteThere are ways to deal with inconsiderate people, you give them a dose of their own medicine without saying a word, for mama matter to turn to this, she must be difficult to live with, her daughters won't even ask her to come over because they know what she's capable of doing.
Felicity
Another smart decision from BV Felicity. A very smart move.
DeleteROASTER CATCH FIRE!!!
ReplyDeleteMe I will never go, I will also draw up roaster so they go take care of my mum as well, "namsense"
poster since they feel you are not important or don't have anything to say but to do as they have spoken, if i was the one from day one i will pretend i did not see it. I will read and ignore without saying any word and wait till those who prepared that roaster will call me and phone and ask me yeye questions. I will then confirm if they asked for my consent before asking me to go take care of their mother.
ReplyDeleteWhat happen if her two daughters in abroad come back home an take care of their mother or why can't they get a maid to be taking care of her while the maid get paid. You don't you have a mother that you should be taking care of as a daughter? why must they not ask nicely for assistant than to force it to your throat?
Do not say a word to anyone about it, just stay put in your house, if your husband ask you why you did not go there just tell her you had alot on your table plus children stress and you have been down lately. You don't know how to form sickness or form tired for your husband to be the one running up and down for one month. Let me see how he will be expecting you to go help out when you cannot lift yourself. Do not fight or talk about it with your co-wife, just act like you don't know anything. Cos they are abroad they now feel you people don't have a say. Yeye dey smell. Stop talking to your husband about it since he cannot speak on your behalf, you should act p before he says jack. A doctor can pace you on bedrest with side talk to the doctor, no go do pass yourself. Las las family way go love you go love you oh.
When women are seen solely as beasts of burden and breeding machines in a family this is what happens. Two daughters abroad and they cannot foot the bill of a live-in caregiver at the current minimum wage. I bet those daughters are sending money and someone wants to keep it in their pockets and use these daughter-in-laws for free labour. Would they bring that crap roster to a PhD holder, a successful businesswoman or a professional woman pulling her own income? They can only bring their bullshyt list to who they perceive to have no value to the society except to labour for free. This is a wake up call to the poster to get her life in order and pursue her own financial prosperity and make her own mark in this world with complete selfishness.
DeleteBefore any woman commit to marrying into any family, do full research on their health, mental and physical and observe their family dynamics at different times. I know some do not have the luxury of this because of life's needs and must marry anyhow, but even if it is anyhow, ask God for guidance and protection to place you in a good family where you will have value and respect!
You are right.
DeleteThey ought to inform you wives before making any roster and it should be voluntary.if they need someone to care for their mum,they can look for a middle aged woman or single mum to live with her and pay the person.
ReplyDeleteHusband's family like doing as if they are doing their wives a favour by making some types of arrangements.
They probably informed the one that matters
DeleteLet them get a caregiver to help with thier mum's care. Why would wives married into the family be given the task to take care of mum inlaw not the female children of the mum. Poster you need to voice out or just act tired and not active enough to help else this men will eventually kill you and your other wives with stress. Pele I wish you all the best. This Nigerian inlaw syndrome is a depressing situation. O sun mi
DeleteGaskiya poster see finish has entered this matter, else, i don’t see how anybody has the guys to confront u wt this ungodly decision.
ReplyDeleteAbeg try and upgrade urself, either with a job or a viable business, ee get why.
Go and do it with love although they should've informed you out of curtesy. The love you have for your husband extend it to his mum. She may not have long to live. This is the time to wipe away all her past wrongs both of you. Sacrifice is love. Show it. Udoo.
ReplyDeleteIt's a dicey situation. I would advice you do it for peace to reign .
ReplyDeleteWhat if she is your mum? I remember when my grandma was alive,my mum used to visit her twice a week during the week she drives there from work ,during weekends even on days she is coming from an Owanbe she drives there gives her some food from the party and comes back home. Even though two of my cousins were living there with my grandmother. She passed at 88 .
Na small thing dey break marriage sometimes oh,God forbid. Tomorrow so you won't say some blog visitors told you not to go
The way Africans treat inlaws is just so sick & something else...! Now Roster for what exactly? I'm really not ready for una rubbish at all...send her to a foster home abeg
ReplyDeleteSee illiterate. Most of you write nonsense with so much confidence. Do you know what a "foster home" is? Go check in a dictionary. Then check for "care home". Olodo!
Delete07:46
DeleteNo vex.
@17:10 (of 21/8/24) is a non-African Nigerian who may be living in the Abroad that is where he/she learned the word "una".
Lolzz
Nah women full this chronicle today. So,u cannot take care of your mother in-law?
ReplyDeleteI'm very sure u lied about your mother in-law being making trouble right? Woman!go and take care of your mother in-law fast fast abi wen it marriage scatter now,all these people no go dey there . I have said my own and if you dare say nonesense under my comment I go give it to you back to back
Not if she has her own daughters I can’t. Living in a distant land does not negate a child’s responsibility to their aging parent. Even if her children were living on the moon, they still have a responsibility to secure their mother’s care. Hire a caregiver through an agency and the matter is settled. You can’t do for her physically so ensure that she is secured, not bask in your freedom away and still expect free labour for her care from someone else. The $50 a month to pay for her care is peanuts. The other children on the ground in Nigeria can see to other expenses if there are any.
DeleteYou are a wicked and petty person. Una no dey think higher or better things? Is it forbidden? Where is wisdom in such mentality? Your love for hot stuffy air is incomprehensible.
DeleteNne na wa for this kind family o.
ReplyDeleteWhy won't her daughter take care of her.
Poster if am the one one, I will never accept this. I can't do it, look for a caregiver period.
ReplyDeleteHusbands carrying wives families' problems and bills on your heads, shoulders, and back.
ReplyDeleteIt is hoped you are reading and learning.
Don't mind them women on this blog. I'm a woman but I don't support nonsense. I will gladly do it for my mother in-law any day anytime because it is my responsibility
DeleteAm the poster...pls he doesn't do anything for my family, someone that treats my family like they don't exist is the person I will b waiting for to assist my family financially, he doesn't even know the state my family is right now because he never asks about them
DeleteI don’t blame u. It’s those women in ur family that dump their family problems on their husband that will give u audacity to make this claim.
DeleteOh, Poster, if this is the case, then you have every right to not abide by this rule that they laid down for you. My cousin that cooks for her mother in-law has benefitted alot from her husband, her husband extends his kind gesture to her family and even her extended family (us) maybe that's why she derives joy in doing these things for her mother in-law. I can't keep up with such rules when my husband doesn't treat me well.
DeleteIf you were working in a reputable organization where you are in a high grade nobody will try laying down these rules for you.
Poster, sorry about your predicament especially from a husband who is not caring towards your paternal family.
DeletePlease find a way to convince your husband to get paid care-help to do your part as your co-wife is doing through her children. For example, point out that the excess work may break you down and you do not want him to bear extra cost of your medicare, or that your absence from home may affect “our” children, etc.
Do not listen to the combative incitements of Eka Joy, whose husband and his family (in-laws) have submitted to living in her infrequently washed black bra to avoid her manifest cantankerousness.
It is well for peace to reign go this once then sit ur hubby done and explain how very difficult it is for u to manage the home and ur toddlers
ReplyDeleteAnyin
Women,we should all remember that one day,each woman would bear that name"mother in-law"some women are devil once they see their mother in-law in their house,how can you love someone son as a husband but chose to hate the woman that gave birth and took care of him to become your hubby?Poster leave your children with your husband and go do what other wives are doing.
ReplyDeleteAnd when the husband needs to go to work, you will go take care of the kids for her???? So u can’t advise that a live in nanny be gotten for their mother, the wife is supposed to take care of her kids, her husband and now still add mother in law to it? Na wa for una! Una go come marry tomorrow come dey subject someone’s daughter to unnecessary hardship
DeleteDo it the same way you could have it done for your mum.
ReplyDeleteSome Africa men Mentality Shaaa
ReplyDeleteAnd you have toddlers ooo
That one is Stress
Abeg if nah Once make you do am you hear then when you are back just sit Oga calming o that is Stressful you can't continue again o..
Pele poster
It is well ooo
Hello iya Boys
As an aged woman, she truly can't stay alone, and I understand the fears surrounding leaving an old lady such as her alone with a stranger disguised as a maid.
ReplyDeleteThe roaster thing, though made with concern for their mom at heart, was ill-thought-out, and I believe deep down they know it too, but they were probably lost for the best approach to take after countless efforts to make Mama live with them in their home peacefully failed, and as a last resort, that was the best idea they could come up with. But was that truly the best idea?
I can't even fault them for not giving up on her; she is their mom, and every available option will be tried no matter how unwholesome it appears. Nevertheless, Mama and her sons need to understand that the best decision for her and everyone would be for her to stay permanently with her son, especially the one with the grown grandkids. She would have many people around her to attend to her needs and spend quality time with, unlike you, the daughter-in-law with toddlers.
I also see the husband's disregard for their wives views and opinions as blatantly disrespectful and patronizing. If your involvement matters so much in the grand scheme of things, then you matter enough to be kept abreast of the new developments so as to work hand in hand to proffer a better solution.
Mama has three sons; she should be able to find a home conducive enough among the three to rest in her old age. What if you lived in different states far from where she lives? Will you travel down every month to care for her?
She needs to see reason with everybody and come stay with her son because the latest arrangement is so out of place. Understandably, she may be discouraged because of the issues she kept having with the wives, but she and everyone need to accept that it's imperative for minor issues to arise now and then, when people are in each other's space, no matter how peaceful they may be. But if there's love and understanding, living together should never be an issue. She needs to meet her sons halfway.
I really want to answer your question, but I can't. I can't grasp the concept of having a husband make a decision that concern me and need my input behind my back without checking with me first. So I don't even see how all this would come into play.
Gaby, why can't they get a permanent help for their mom. Instead of rotating wives? It is not a must She stays in her sons house nah
Delete2:30, I don't know how old the woman in this story is, but I perceive her and her contemporaries as vulnerable cohorts who are susceptible to being exploited. Perhaps I have heard too much and to an extent this has shaped my perspective; yet the thought of entrusting an aged person to the mercy of a caregiver, in the absence of a concerned relative, makes me unsettled, even though deep down I know sometimes the situation is not as black as it is painted.
DeleteNonetheless, I simply believe elderly parents should move in with their kids if they have any and be surrounded by loved ones in the latter years of their lives. I just do not see the point in hiring a maid when you might as well just bring your parent into the comfort of your home and pamper them to your heart's content, partly in light of the fact that some maids may not offer the same level of care and understanding that family can.
Moreover, they are getting older, and it's best they spend the remaining years they have left with you in a nurturing environment and under your care, where you have them within your reach to take proper care of them. For me, it's not even a question. I didn't get to have my grandparents in my life, and when I have kids, I want them to have that.
That being said, I believe it's a milder option than wives going over at their own discomfort. Helpful acts, I believe the wives wouldn't have minded setting time aside for and carrying out on some days whenever they personally decide on their own to check on Mama at her place, but at their own discretion and spare time, are now rigidly enforced. This is bound to fail because anything that's regimented takes away the beauty and fun of it all. It's too stringent and would definitely cause friction.
LOL ๐๐๐
ReplyDeleteLet me go back to read comments again
I can relate your predicament my fellow woman. Mine happened years ago when my father and mother in-law were sick the same time, I mean very sick oo, to the extent that both of them could not move. My husband went to visit them where they both were on admission only for my sister's in-law to force him to carry both of them to my place where we stay which is even far from where three of my sister in-law stay. My husband could not even resist and plan to come back with both of them, before the doctor refused that one of them condition is critical that he should carry the stronger person that was how my husband came back with the stronger person mind you I have very little children then, I was even surprised when he came back I was asking for the second person my husband now told me that he couldn't come. Within two days he passed on. As she came we took her to the hospital and she was admitted.Even as I was taking care of my mother in-law, I was also going to work and preparing my children to school and drop them in the school then carry food for mother in-law in the hospital, from there I will go to work and close 4pm, still cook night food for mother in-law, I usually drop breakfast and lunch in the morning. Only for one of sisters in-law to quarrel with me why did I not sleep in the hospital with her mother. Honestly marriage is not for the lilly livered .
ReplyDeleteToo many children do not want to deal with the demands of their aging parents. And too many parents when they are in good health do not seek to make arrangements around what should be done for them when they get old or become incapacitated. These are life events that needs to be discussed and prepared for as best as can be.
DeleteToo many children do not want to deal with the demands of their aging parents. And too many parents when they are in good health do not seek to make arrangements around what should be done for them when they get old or become incapacitated. These are life events that needs to be discussed and prepared for as best as can be.
DeleteCan you imagine. What an ungrateful sister in-law. What she can't do for her own mother is what you did, yet she couldn't even appreciate you? Some people have mind o. Oh mehn!
DeleteSomebody that should have planned on how to give you a surprised package for what you did. Na wa o, some people them too do o o.๐
Poster I will advise you to look for someone and pay to do it for you, but tell your hubby that you will not do it again. They should get a leave in nanny to take care of her gaskia.
ReplyDeleteNo Need to say anything,Silence cant never be held against You.
ReplyDeleteLet your Husband pay for a caregiver( An elderly Woman preferably )
On your Day to care of Mama,Carry the Caregiver to introduce to her,Just tell Mama that Your Children are toddlers so you got a help for her.
Mama/ her Daughters can Make meaning of That by themselves ,for themselves.
Marrying into a Family should be for Good not Problems or Suffering
Some Marriages are bondages ... QED
ReplyDeleteBetter asked your husband what to do rather than coming here to complain to us and don't let all these comment enter your head and do whatever your husband agreed with you, otherwise,your load will soon be outside if you are not careful
ReplyDeleteDante, you don't want to make any input๐☺️. Why naaa?
ReplyDeleteHe can’t find any angle to bash the woman, that’s why he can’t comment.
DeleteTrue
DeleteTrue
DeleteDante, you don't want to air your view, why na? ๐☺️
ReplyDeleteI'm just so weak reading this. This is so unfair. I have toddlers as well so I know what you mean. You have to make them understand that you have little kids that need your attention. Hmm. Nigerian marriages. Na wa
ReplyDeleteWร hรกlร be like bicycle. There are some things one would read and just be angry.
ReplyDeleteThey have no right whatsoever to create a roaster without informing the people involved. None whatsoever.
With that being said, wisdom is profitable to direct.
If its convenient for you, you can go and do the best you can.
But you also need to address the fact that this was imposed on you. You are an adult and have your fundamental rights. Also, stop letting your man disregard your family.
And also, seek Godly counsel and let your people be in the know, don't address this issue as a loner.
What is this nah?
ReplyDeleteForm sickness abeg before that day and pay a caregiver to go do the work.
Inukwa roaster!
Even in your failed attempt at insulting as is in your character, you admitted that some husbands better the lives of their wives’ families as your husband has done in your family directly and indirectly.
ReplyDeleteIt is a pity that Poster’s husband and his family have not benefited Poster’s family, but are making their huge demand on her for a woman whose way of life Poster also does not really like.
Majority of comments on this post confirm my experiential knowledge and show that a man cannot count or depend on his wife to take care of his aged or challenged parents (or even him). So, my point stands that a man should be wise to plan well, keep his resources for his family, and not fritter his resources by carrying his in-laws’ loads on his head, shoulders, and back. Dat one vex you? Girl, you go vex tay o!
Stella doh.
Of course she can't stay alone. She's aged I presume.
ReplyDeleteAnd since she can not live with her wives, no problem too.
Let the family hire a caregiver, a neutral person for her. It's only then that everything will be balanced.
What happens to your children! Their school? The stress?.
She's their mother and it calls for sacrifices. Let them sacrifice their money Cheers .
HYDROGEN
I think God for the type of husband and family I am married to. They all know that my brain has some loose wires that touch from time to time so we all respect each other and get along well and we never cross each other's boundaries. Such things can never happen in their family.
ReplyDeleteMy sisters and brothers in Law will get paid help to look after their aged parents. They can never even think of such nonsense talk less of even imagining that my name should ever be considered for such.
I have been an Iyawo palour for over 29 years of marriage and I am still an Iyawo palour till date. They have accepted me like that. I thank God for my husband and his family.
I think God for the type of husband and family I am married to. They all know that my brain has some loose wires that touch from time to time so we all respect each other and get along well and we never cross each other's boundaries. Such things can never happen in their family.
ReplyDeleteMy sisters and brothers in Law will get paid help to look after their aged parents. They can never even think of such nonsense talk less of even imagining that my name should ever be considered for such.
I have been an Iyawo palour for over 29 years of marriage and I am still an Iyawo palour till date. They have accepted me like that. I thank God for my husband and his family.