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Wednesday, August 14, 2024

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmm...


STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED MINDSET
I have been struggling with my gender identity since I was a child. I was born male, but I have always felt like a female trapped in a male's body. I know it may be hard to understand, but this Is me.

Growing up, I preferred wearing female clothes, playing with female friends, and identifying with femininity. My parents tried to stop me, but they couldn't help how I feel. I did everything to resist all their efforts. 
As I got older, I realized that I wanted to transition to a female fully.
I started doing research and began the process, but it's been tough. Transitioning is expensive, and I haven't been able to continue with the process. 
I've tried to find ways to cope, like cross-dressing and taking hormonal drugs, getting a voice coach, doing laser to remove beards but it's not the same as fully transitioning. I look at myself at the mirror and I don't like what I see. This is not me!!. I want to become me!!

I've been feeling really lonely and isolated because I don't have many friends who understand me. I dropped out of school due to depression and have been struggling to find my place in the world.
The arrest and detention of Bobrisky affected me. Now they have killed a cross-dresser in Abuja. I'm not scared of being killed but I feel people should allow others be who they want. I am always on my lane. But I feel like I'm losing hope. I have been sleepless for days.

Stella I know some of you may not understand what I'm going through. Have you or in any way know someone who was in my situation and got help? Do you know anything I can do to help my mind
I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I don't know how to help myself.
I need all the criticism, curse, judgement and anything that can reset my mind. Oh please don't suggest counseling or therapy I have gone past that. Prayer and fasting. My parents and siblings have done all that yet my mind is trapped.


Wait, so when you transition into a lady, you that was born as a man will now be allowing men to gbensh you?This is a sick mindset please.......stop brainwashing yourself, you are a man that wants to pretend to be who he is not!
Start dressing uo#p like a man again and have more male friends and dont let ur mind wander.....

76 comments:

  1. Stella that your hot slap pix is enough to rest his brain back to function settings..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear poster, what's your story? Were you sexually molested growing up? How much of pornographic materials did you feed your mind on?

      I feel something that happened in your past may have triggered this confusion. I believe in taking care of a problem from the roots or it will resurface again.

      But meanwhile I want to Google Walt Heyer. He was a transgender woman but today he has detransitioned back to a man.

      Since childhood, Walt had struggled with the desire to dress in women’s clothes and to be a woman. 

      He said that having a mom who never showed much affection or love, a grandmother who encouraged him to dress as a girl, a disciplinary dad and an uncle who started sexually molesting him around 8 years old planted a seed of gender confusion in him.

      These adverse childhood experiences impacted on him and messed up his mind and behaviour.

      He transitioned and later regretted it. Today he is living as a man and he is has given his life to Jesus.

      His story could be similar to yours.

      Transitioning is not your answer. It won't heal the real issues going on with you.

      You need to talk to someone. No just a therapist. For me therapy isn't enough. Talk to someone who has a personal relationship with Jesus and can help you go through this process.

      Delete
    2. Poster I can’t imagine the inner turmoil you must be going through, I do feel for you, however I don’t believe that transitioning will totally put your mind at peace. There are so many people who transitioned and then regret it or they transition but still find that their mind is still trapped in anxiety, depression and mental illness. I’m not here to tell you whether or not to transition, in the end you will do what you think is best, but if you can get into a relationship with Christ and ask him continuously to calm the storm that is raging inside your head, it may help. I too have times that my head is full of obsessive or bad thoughts and that is what helps.
      My heart goes out to you and I hope you find peace.

      Delete
    3. Poster, please rebuke that negative spirit confusing you. YOU ARE A MAN, CAPABLE OF GETTING A LADY PREGNANT AND HAVING A FAMILY.

      Don't and stop allowing that evil spirit ministering depression to your mind.

      When I was little, I played with boys more but fully active with sunday school.

      Delete
    4. Oh, also, you need to see a very knowledgeable and open minded therapist so you can probe deep into your past to see if there is a reason you have these thoughts. With my knowledge and background in mental health, I think gender dysphoria has similar pathology as Obsessive compulsive disorder where your brain constantly obsesses over something even though it isn’t true. I wonder if maybe in the future some drugs can be made to help this dysphoria

      Delete
    5. Let me add this:
      Were you being dressed in baby girls clothes when you were a toddler? Were they also making your hair like a female child? Do you have only sisters and we're you to close to them?

      Delete
    6. Thank you pure inspiration. I will Google and if possible follow him on social media.

      Slim sheddy. I came from a family of 5. four boys and a girl who is married.

      Delete
  2. Born as a man, but wants to transition into a woman. Let's say your transition into a woman is successful, and you still feel like you're not you, you're still depressed what next??

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  3. Very sick mindset. Stella posted this cos her chronicle folder is obviously empty.

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  4. You honestly need deliverance!

    Your mom and sisters have fasted and prayed for you. What about you? Have you prayed and fasted for yourself?

    You need Jesus! That's all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My parents have tried all they could. I have tried praying and fasting too. I still go to church but tend to change church immediately I notice someone is figuring out my true gender

      Delete
  5. It is well. That’s all I can say. May you find Christ and have peace that passes all understanding. Amen πŸ™



    Lucent

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  6. Your mind is playing a trick on you. Best believe, you'll still not find fulfillment after the transitioning I can assure you that. However, if you feel that's the only way you wanna live life on earth, then I'll advise you relocate out of Nigeria to a country that support transgender. Nigerians will never see you as a woman no matter how hard you tried.

    So after transitioning, what about reproduction system? Will you be pregnant? Will you have menses? You won't even feel the real woman you crave for.

    © TEEJAY

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's the issue! You Can never be what you truly are not! You need to stop trying too hard! Let God work on you! Are you even willing to let go of this mindset? You seem resigned and settled in it

      Delete
  7. Poster this is Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo....No need to curse you...This journey you are about to embark on; it is not an easy one...The financial commitment, sweat, tears into it is a lot and will take a mental toll on you....Even the Western world have not fully embraced transgender people talkless of Nigeria kpa kpa....

    You need therapy and you need to change your mindset, yes I said it because you don't want to accept the truth that is why you feel it's not needed...Even if you transition, you will go through a lot of mental stress and depression because if you can't accept yourself for who you are; how can others accept you....

    Or do you want to go through the Aladura way of exorcism...Change your mind and allow/accept Jesus into your life....

    All the best....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster go for deliverance, covetousness is a sin. When you want to see yourself as another person God didn't create you to be is greediness and its part of God's commandment not to be greedy or covet. I will advise you go for deliverance and seek church counselling so that you can love yourself and be able to give that pure love to others around you. Bible study is enough to remove your reprobate mind. GOD TAKE CONTROL

      Delete
    2. He doesn't need to go for any deliverance. besides, these people might put more evil spirit in him in the name of deliverance.

      Poster you only need to repent from your sins and accept to be the man that God created you to be. Stop watching porn.

      Delete
  8. Poster only God can deliver you.
    Read and feed your mind daily with God's Word; that way your mind will transformed and you will be delivered from captivity.
    All the best πŸ‘

    ReplyDelete
  9. Maybe you should take your education seriously, get a scholarship, go abroad and fulfill your dreams. Because from your writeup, you will continue to feel trapped till you get what you want.
    Maybe then, you'll be able to decide if you want to be male or female.
    Or find people in the same boat as you online. Onyibo people kuku dey like people like you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your mind is not trapped poster... Go back again and see a shrink, but this time with a positive mindset to let go whatever you have been imagining. You are a man by all definition and standard.

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  11. Ekwensu e romancia mami water!!!

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  12. Hmmmm, Nna gather ya money and transition your transition, I don't understand how you feel and I'm not sympathetic to what you're going through, I think it cause I don't understand how you feel you could recreate yourself again. It's well with you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. dear poster, i am so sorry to hear this. sounds like you have gender dysphoria. unfortunately, your sex is determined by your chromosomes and you have xy.

    You are not a woman. as much as you think/feel like you are - I am sorry to inform you that it is just not true. Even if you changed your genitalia, it doesnt change that your biological sex is male.
    Is it possible for you to start with being thankful for the body that God has given you? To start realising that there is no mistake in the way you have been created?
    To start being thankful for any gifts or talents you have?
    If you can start there and begin to seek why you being created as a man is perfect, then that may be the journey to discovering who you truly are as a man and it also may be the start of your journey to peace in this area.
    God has blessed you with xy gene, he has blessed you with a male body, discover the blessings in being a man and stop being envious of what you are not.
    Comparison and envy is the greatest thief of joy.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You will have to japa to one of the countries that supports this. But just know that there will always be judgments no matter where you go. But in those countries you will be able to find support groups and social services to help you and also find a larger group of people who are like you.

    I think biologically it is possible for things to happen at the cellular level that affects individuals. If ppl can be born intersex, missing limbs, or having cellular anomalies, I feel that ppl can be affected in many other ways seen and unseen, known and unknown. Anything can happen biologically during conception and fetal development that affects an individual’s experience of life.

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    Replies
    1. Even if you japa, your life cannnever be the same. Just surrender your life to Jesus and dedicate your life Him. ONLY JESUS CAN HEAL YOU RIGHT NOW.

      Delete
    2. That is my only thought. How to japa. Everyone around here seem not to feel may pains 😭

      Delete
  15. you are created as a man, your mind is playing trick with you. You want to become who God did not say you should become, forget about anything like cross gender. You are a male and nothing is wrong about it. Stop watching those useless movies, wearing female things and focus on God.

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  16. Aww baby come take a hug. I know what you're going through may God help you through this journey it's not an easy road. Try finding your way abroad you'll be one step closer to your goal. Love and light. ♥️

    ReplyDelete
  17. One thing ehn even when you finally get the transition you will never be happy you will still feel empty inside and then you proceed to doing more procedures to fill the vacuum.
    There's a reason that lgbtq people are more prone to suicide

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly
      They always feel restless and empty
      Poster i pray you get all the answers you seek, cuz i think about your kind a lot and i wonder what went wrong

      Delete
  18. Poster,
    Many who went on the journey are returning to their God given status. Some too far gone are crying. Some at the beginning returned with thanksgiving to God. Even Idris Okuneye confirmed on oath before a Judge that he is a man. He is the visible of that mindset holders today in Nigeria.

    You are A MAN.

    Please find a niche in your life to hold on to your true masculinity.

    Best wishes.

    Mr. Mann

    ReplyDelete
  19. You want the society to accept you for who you think you are or want to be yet you couldn’t even accept yourself for who you were and constantly harming your body with drugs and painful procedures for just being what it was.

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  20. Hi Poster, I understand how you feel somewhat but you may have come to the wrong place for help.

    Consider this… some men have much higher levels of female hormones than regular males. These men are feminine in so many ways and act like women too but are men and that’s ok. I believe our society has no room for such men and that may be why you feel this intense need to “look” female in order to accept yourself because of your feminine qualities. I would advise that you begins with finding self acceptance. Accept and celebrate your feminine self regardless of your outward appearance. Not all women look like the ideal woman but they learn to accept themselves and create a space for themselves. You must learn to do the same. Love yourself and accept you maleness and femininity. It is a huge part of the process but a necessary step. In fact, some would argue that Sango, in spite of his great might was incredibly feminine and would sometimes dress like a woman. I have heard that he had many friends mostly women but was straight still. We cannot all fit into the nice boxes that society has for all of us but we can create our own space and that begins with self love.

    Take care of yourself..

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    Replies
    1. Yes I believe this too. It’s just when girls who are tomboys in childhood beginning to think that they are male or they are lesbians, when in actual fact, they are just women who like things that society has deemed to be masculine and that’s okay, everyone mustn’t act the same or like the same things.

      Delete
    2. Gbam. Was just thinking this as well. Men who feel this way definitely have more female hormones. My question is, can’t they take testosterone supplements? To balance that aspect? Only thing is, they’ll have to stay on it forever. I’ve always wondered if this is possible instead of gender reassignment.

      Delete
    3. I am currently on hormonal drugs. I don't have any female features before till I started transition. Every step to this process is expensive

      Delete
  21. My dear, God can not make a mistake by creating you a female trapped in a male's body.
    He is a perfect God.
    He said you are wonderfully and fearfully made.
    Please change your mind set as Stella rightly said.
    You might also need deliverance, it could be a demon tormenting and manipulating your masculine side.
    Declare positivity about your self daily "I am born a man" "God did not made a mistake creating me" and see how you will change.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Prior to making this significant decision, it is advisable to view videos on YouTube featuring individuals who have undergone a transition and subsequently expressed regret. They come to understand that transitioning does not resolve underlying mental issues.
    Embrace and appreciate the body that God has given you. It is important to recognize that happiness may not be attained through transition.

    ReplyDelete
  23. OP. I understand how you feel. I assure you nothing is wrong with you. Your feelings are very valid.
    Do understand however that the parochial mindset of most Nigerians will never allow them see currency in what you are going through. It is not thier fault. It is normal for people to hate what they don't understand.

    Few people can explain the difference between sex and gender. What our brains think we are and what our bodies express can be divergent. Such sexual dimorphism should not be taken to be a cause for concern. No one gets to choose his or her gender.

    So let me be the odd one out to tell you that nothing is wrong with you. I celebrate your boldness in choosing to transition. Don't allow any ones opinion or view invalidate the legitimacy of your gender identity.

    Happy transitioning.

    PS: I no get una time today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remembered a broadcast where a born black South African, who never travelled abroad, and ancestry trace I all black, claimed she feels like a Caucasian and knows shes a Caucasian.

      Also one very obvious lekpa man , trying so hard to convince his host that he's obese. Despite weighing 55 or so.

      So poster, something is very very wrong. And that's a lie from the devil.
      Pls go search stories 9f people who transitioned and are transitioning back to their original gender, and those leaving lgbtq, their stories are everywhere. Search and read them (I you truly want to change) not to be forming brotherhood with the bonrisky and likes.
      Most importantly, because of how far you have gone in, you have to totally surrender to Jesus Christ and ask Him to help you. You have to accept and keep declaring who He has made you to be. You have to have a personal relationship with God. You might also need to go for a rehab (if there is any in naija). Its gonna be a loooong process . But if you are patient and determined, in few years, you will become totally whole, delivered and free.
      But only if you truly want to change

      Delete
  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  25. Mine is after the transition what next? if you would find fulfilment them go ahead. Because it wouldn't make sense that you feel empty again after all the stress. Life is too short just go for what makes you happy

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  26. I read a book that was recommended on this blog, the title of the book is "they shall expel demons". According to the author you have been possessed by demons.

    I couldn't finish the book cuz this book scared the hell out of me. I saw a video of someone like you on YouTube, he said he was behaving like you till he gave his life to Christ and he says he has found peace, he said despite everything he did, cross dressing, taking hormonal drugs, sleeping with men and all, he was still restless and lonely till he found christ.

    Wo! May God help you

    ReplyDelete
  27. Poster you need deliverance, I was once like you, I thank God He saved me. As a little girl of the female househelp in our house tried initiating me into lesbianism I didn't even understand what it was, then in secondary school there was another girl who tried doing same infact I didn't even know when I went to her bunk bed and she started this dirty stuff that I hate to remember. I used to have thoughts of being a male as a female
    in all Jesus took control of my life. That was the first and last time I will ever in my life induge in such a disgusting act, I was attacked seriously by the marine world, God delivered me completely. Here I am joyfully married with children and content and thankful to God for who He made me to be. So dear poster don't let the devil use you as one of his end time agenda. Give your life to Jesus only him can save you not science and human rights.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Don't be like Catylin Jenner, he is now empty and clueless. Don't let Satan steal your glory

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    Replies
    1. What glory has this one left in it for satan to steal? It's a damaged soul. Sad!

      Delete
  29. I’m sorry you’re going through this. The mind is not always a friend. In life, we will not always get what we want. No matter the level of transition you get, your chromosomes won’t change to a woman’s. Are you ready to take hormones for the rest of your life? Are you ready to do the work it takes to keep the hole they’ll create for you for the rest of your life? Risk dealing with infections over and over again for the rest of your life? Will the transition be compatible with old age? I am sorry you are not satisfied with your gender. Unfortunately no prayers will unchange it. Still, I’d say all you need to do is find God for yourself… you’ll know when you do and you can start having one on one discussions with the Holy Spirit. He’ll answer your questions and help you. You can start by just speaking to him. Keep talking to him like you know hears you. One day, he’ll respond… through dreams, whispers or knowledge dropped in your heart.

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  30. As Much as i Sympathise with You, The Hard Truth is You are Biologically a MAN, A Male .
    Even if You Sucessful travel Abroad,You will still get Ostracized, Transgender are Targeted everywhere especially Male Transgender .
    Since You said You habe passed Therapy and Prayers,i honestly do not know what to tell You except ,Try and Accept the Gender You are.
    I know of a Family that their 16years old Son is claiming a Female,It has Thrown the Family into Isolation ,Sadness and the Parents are at the Verge of Divorcing, Guess What ??they live in America.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I didn't go past the first paragraph. You're evil tbh cos why identify as a woman ffs! No excuse whatsoever for feeling that way

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  32. This might be outcome of alupayida that some parents desperate for male child engaged in, abi how person go dey think like this?

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  33. Look for money and go abroad.

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  34. Lol..

    With how women always get help and giveaways why man no go won cross..

    Support women and the girl child..
    Support single moms..
    K!lling women in w@r is a w@r crime..
    Stand for road collect free lift..
    Come SDK blog slid into men DM and insult them for wanting (women) giveaway..
    Relass, be useless, and be a baby girl..
    Think only of iPhone and wigs etc etc

    Poster, I understand you o, I really do.. to be man no easy 🀦

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Boda Dantelicious this ya Advice no Follow at All oo🀣🀣

      @ poster Darling Stay as God Almighty Creat you oooo
      I know he no Easy
      But If you Stay As a man there's actually peace, and Rest Of Mind..
      The money you are gonna use to Transit to become woman he never reach to build or buy house ni
      My Brother cast that evil Spell away by yaself ooo
      I pray for you Today That Almighty God will Deliver you change your mind Set
      Heal you
      Remove the spirit of transition in The Name Of Jesus Christ πŸ™ πŸ™πŸ™

      Try make you Enjoy woman small nah And see the sweetness of Sugar honey😁😁😁
      King Dante tell him Biko😁😁

      Hello iya Boys

      Delete
  35. This 1 head no correct at all.

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  36. All I know is God doesn't make mistakes.

    And finding your purpose in life, and fulfilling it, is way bigger and better than changing your sexuality.

    I really feel for you. And I know some men are effeminate, that doesn't make them female. You must learn to accept who God had made you to be and shut that inner voice who has lied to you from a tender age.
    Alot of trans in accepted countries, are trying to get back to who they are. Cos after all said and done, they realised it was a vain pursuit, that didn't give them d satisfaction needed or fulfilment. rather it sank them into deeper depression and absolute loneliness (even though surrounded by people).
    Try focusing your energy on why you are on earth, why God planted you here, what purpose you are meant to fulfil. Once this occupies your being, your gender will become d least of your worries.

    Believe it or not, there's devil had been on this from the onset, and not stopping soon.
    So your liberation start from accepting who you truly are MALE, and reprogramming your mind.
    BTW we had an effeminate friend growing up then. But cross dressing wasn't a common thing back then. But the remarkable thing is, he enjoys d company of girls and do girls things. Lol. It was so obvious that he was named Amina by d guys then. But this boy no send. Today he's happily married with 2 kids, working in a reputable company and has outgrown all that. I believe that's bcos he never accepted d inner voice telling him he's female or the backlash from guys calling him Amina. He's still a close friend and I'm really happy for him.

    So change starts from you. If you are keeping up with the likes of Bob risky et al, it means you ain't here to change but to seek help to transition... and you are just frustrated that you do not have enough cash to transition and live your cross dressing life in peace. you can contact them to help you. I'm sure there is an association. The can also help you jakpa. Except if this chronicle , is meant to reach out to them.

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  37. Poster honestly you need Jesus.

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  38. Poster, even if you have all the money and transition fully, that feeling will still be there.

    The guy that was killed in Abuja might have been killed by one of his genuine customers, and may not even be a homophobic attack. The LGBT world is very dark even among selves. (Prostitutes are killed everyday, irrespective of gender; it's a risky job)

    Bobrisky's arrest had nothing to do with cross dressing or his sexuallity; Bob always had something to do with the police, right from the beginning especially with regards to zero business integrity, violence, public disturbance and it's kind.

    Check your mind and your soul, there's something happening there. If you believe in Jesus, just sincerely ask Him to help you - He is not against you; God is very much for you.

    From someone who has been there.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Go and ask your mum if she wished for a girl when she was pregnant of you, and when you were born did she get angry seeing that you are a boy and not a girl.
    If that is the case, your mum should go to God in prayer and begin to plead for forgiveness and mercy.

    Anyone telling you that your desire is valid is very ignorant.
    My dear u were created to be a boy, and you must remain a man if not you will rot in hell when you die in that falsehood.

    The devil is playing ping-pong with ur mind.


    Just pray this prayer for three days

    In the name of Jesus, I command my original half to return back to its body and complete me.

    Also plead for mercy, and repent of this sin, may God guide you

    ReplyDelete
  40. Life is spiritual.it has spirit which governs it(the devil).And once those spirit inhabit your life,it ruins it.These spirit can inhabit the life of a man who doesn't know how to pray and constantly live in sin.

    The great dragon was hurled down, that ancient serpent called the devil or Satan,who leads the whole world astray.(Rev 12:9)
    Satan is a spirit.He can not be seen by man but can possess the life of man to cause total ruin to them and lure them to hell after their time finishes here on earth (death).

    Thats why we need to draw closer to God to defeat the ruler of this world (the devil).

    Poster, Jesus loves you.turn away from your sin.No matter what has happened to you in the past.He will forgive you.Now, you will have to start loving yourself and always reject negative thoughts.Spend more time with things that will draw you closer to God and join groups/fellowship in church that will help your new life in Christ.

    Remember, you are created in the image and likeness of God.That makes you beautiful don't forget.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Poster, whilst I may not understand what you are going through, I beg to differ from everyone.

    I think you are just different and it is okay. Try to live the best way you can and do not allow life pass you by without you living.

    In the society where you live, transitioning will spell danger for you. Please, look for away to adjust and try and be happy.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Oneo of Devil's best tricks is to pretend he isn't there. What you are feeling is the result of a continous repeated LIE of the devil that you have come to accept. He brings thoughts into your mind and camouflage it as yours. My advice to you is get closer to God, stop trying to fight what you are feeling and just spend time with God. He will renew your mind and take all your anxiety and depression away. You can just start by having a playlist of worship songs, just play them and stay in God's presence. Learn to study the word of God. Do you know that there is a higher percentage of suicide after transitioning than before? What does this tell you? What you need isn't at the others idea!

    ReplyDelete
  43. One of the best tricks of the devil is to pretend that he isn't there. What you are going through is a result of a continous repeated LIE of the devil that you believed. He is brings thoughts into your mind and camouflages it as your thoughts. I would advise you get closer to God,stop trying to fight whatever you are feeling and just stay with God and watch him renew your mind. Start by having a playlist of Worship songs, just play them and stay with God. Study the word! Cut off all worldly songs it fuels it. Did you know that there's a higher percentage of suicide after transitioning than before ? You can research about this?

    ReplyDelete
  44. You can't really find the answer to your question here. I suggest you seek professional help

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you think professionals are not here?

      Delete
  45. Sad story
    Even sadder, are people's comments.
    You can only comment if you have ever been in such shoes.

    Some people felt like this, transitioned and felt even worse while some felt fulfilled.
    May I suggest you seek out and undergo, Past Life Regression (PLR), to explore something in your past life that may have been linked to this urge/desire.
    Perhaps it can answer questions you have and can help you settle in fully, into your male body and start to enjoy it.

    I wish you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Poster do not allow the devil trick you. That fulfilment you think you might get from ur transition may never come. You are a man, God made you so. God doesn't make mistakes.
    Surrender your all to Jesus and you will find peace for your soul

    It is well with you

    ReplyDelete

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