ONE KIND OF WIFE
How do you handle a wife that does not like associating with you in public.?
My wife is a senior lecturer in a university while I am a contract staff in my place of work. Someone match made us so we did not really date for long.
I wanted a low key wedding according to my ability but she insisted on helping and I allowed her. After our wedding, I told her my intention to visit her office to thank her colleagues that attended our wedding. She insisted I borrow my brother's car so that they don't look down on me, this did not go well with me. I decided instead not to go because I hate false life.
My refusal not to borrow my brother's car to her office caused our first misunderstanding.
My wife's friends will visit the house, if I contribute to their discussion, she will give me eye signal to keep quiet or call me aside to ask I enter inside and leave them alone.
My wife's friends will visit the house, if I contribute to their discussion, she will give me eye signal to keep quiet or call me aside to ask I enter inside and leave them alone.
She does not like me visiting her office, rather she prefers coming to mine. I have few friends but my wife does not relate with their wives. She talks so low of them.
This lady knew my financial status before she said yes. I did not force her nor pretended to be who I was not before she agreed to marry me. I have never borrowed money from her even though our salary is wide apart.
When we got married, she insisted I rent a better apartment, dispose my old furnitures which I did and she bought new ones and equipped our kitchen according to her taste. She prefers relating with my elder brother and his wife who are doing better financially than myself.
I get to hear some of our personally issues from them. She does not hide her disrespect of me in public. I have spoken to her several times about my displeasure and how I want to be treated as the man of the house. She will change for some days and stop. I am gradually withdrawing from this marriage..
I am torn between my love for her and my self respect.
Na wah...Oga please your own is too much...Whats all this pettiness? In the first place, why will your wifes friends visit and you will go and sit with them and be chooking mouth in their convo? Dont you feel odd doing that? i can imagine her embarrassment.
Why did you not get to know her properly before proposing? You saw that she was doing well financially and quickly married her and now you are using disrespect as an excuse because you cannot dictate the tune.
You earn respect and not try to force it...You already feel inferior becos she earns more....
She comes to your office , so why do you want to go to hers? why must you thank her colleagues personally? You could have done that through her but you wanna go there and pokenose and she told you to arrive big and you refused...Oga please park one side...I am pissed already!!!
Stella took it from my mouth about poster going to sit with his wife and be putting mouth in women’s talk lol.. Poster you wanted to go to her office and thank her colleagues 😂 na so una dey do? 🤣🤣 Na you cause the see finish oo..
ReplyDeleteFor the men looking for women that brings money to the table this is what you people will continue getting. Instead of you people to go to village and pick one poor unexposed girl like my husband you people are busy looking for rich city girls lol…
Fan Emmanuel
Fan., I did not marry her because she was rich. I was not doing very well but very contented.
DeleteAs per her colleagues, She always talk about going to thank her colleagues who share same office with her not knowing her intention was to brag about the kind of car I use. (borrowing my brother's car). I don't live fake life.
Man of the house. Are you man of the house? Or you think being man of the house is merely because of gender? Banger boy.
DeleteYou don't like fake life then sit at home and avoid her office mbok, refrain from doing things that irritates her like involving in her gist with female friend then you will see she doesn't disrespect you. Your ego is already out to play what happens in future. I don't see this ending well.... you both should go your separate ways. Its way easier for than man to marry down THAN FOR A WOMAN TO MARRY DOWN
DeleteYour wife is ashamed of you and feels you are not presentable enough and well to do.
ReplyDeleteShe agreed to marry you maybe cos she's not getting any younger.
How old is she?
You never see wife, you have entered one chance.
Don't even bother to make it work cos it won't work.
From your write- up, she doesn't consider your feelings and does not need your opinion on things about the interiors of your home, it must be the way she wants it.
Do not let anyone make you feel inferior.
Stop her from visiting your place of work.
Go and look for your wife, this one nor be am.
Sluttychic.
Sluttychic I am a very handsome guy, dark and 6th standing. She always says she is afraid her friends will snatch me from her when we started.
DeleteShe is in her middle thirties.
Slutty 💯.
DeleteLet her have a child first then you will see that what you have now is dress rehearsal. That's not your wife.
Sluttychic has said it all, you haven’t found a wife yet. Next time please be more careful. Good luck!
DeletePls my people try and marry ur class.
ReplyDeleteE get why! Just negodi chronicle
DeleteHow many of you ladies here that desires to marry a rich man have money?
DeleteUna wey dey pollute this space with dramas every giveaway season will just come here and open mouth waa..
Na fellow broke giveaway scavenger Una go marry 🙏
Dante!!!
DeleteHow do you do it?
Do you have bags where you keep the return salvos for our Sistas on this blog?
97% times you have the right words for them.
Some comments above are very hmmmn.
Yet the first comment on IHN today was attempting to deny that a post there.
Poster did not get the expo that only Nigerian women have the right in the whole world to marry upper higher.
Today go be Laff-Fest
Lol...I thought u guys r the stronger gender...shouldn't you be stronger too financially??? The ladies r usually on their own when the men ask for their hands in marriage...nobody dey force una bro.
DeleteSee talk, the ladies are on their own, na small piking this one be.
DeleteI don't know what to say but poster please try talking to someone she listens to, you know guys? Before they start complaining or even come to a blog to write this they must have endured enough......
DeleteGuys don't react so fast, they tend to manage the situation until they feel choked!
Sorry about what you are passing through, please find a way to avoid her disrespect but the truth is that once that space is created the guy will start losing interest and then the wife will start complaining.
Poster I can imagine how you feel and how you are been treated is unfair. I see nothing wrong in having conversations with her colleagues when they visit: you can learn and give your own knowledge of some things.
ReplyDeleteThe sad truth is your wife is not proud of you but just wanted to get married to tick it off her list...I will feel bad if I were in your shoes...However could it be you are too laid back and comfortable in the position you are in i.e being a contract staff (dunno for how long) and your finances.?
The truth is every woman wants her man to pull his weight financially, emotionally and otherwise...I know she decided to do some changes around the house out of her will but still pull your weight....
I like that you didn't take your brother's vehicle to her office, you have made your stance...however show you are the man of the house by levelling up to your responsibilities..
Also this is who she is and unfortunately you should have studied her more to know her character and attitude...If you need to study to get a degree, certification please do.
Just let your actions show that you are thriving to be a better man and husband.
All the best
Thank you
DeleteThank you
DeleteGod bless you Phoenix
DeletePhoenix,.
DeleteIf the car matters so much for her, make she buy am for her husband as a rich babe that she is..
Is that not what a rich man would do?
This woman na just wicked person and this poster is in for a shocker cos this babe just wants to give birth in marriage and want a handsome tall man to be her baby father, when she's done, she'll kick him out by setting him up the way those chronicle posters do so she can have something to point at as the reason for break up
Phoenix,.
DeleteIf the car matters so much for her, make she buy am for her husband as a rich babe that she is..
Is that not what a rich man would do?
This woman na just wicked person and this poster is in for a shocker cos this babe just wants to give birth in marriage and want a handsome tall man to be her baby father, when she's done, she'll kick him out by setting him up the way those chronicle posters do so she can have something to point at as the reason for break up
Phoenix has said it all. All the best poster
DeleteAbbegi,
DeleteShe saw him in his full glory before she agreed to marry him.
If all is as stated by Poster, she is a SELFISH USER Period.
Goodhearted woman using a man would still protect his dignity until the man overplays his hands.
Thankfully, he is being told to brace up for after donating fertile S.
This is how some female chronicles labeling men as good for nothing started.
You see the reason why I always loved you, Phoenix dear 😊 You are the best! 👏 That woman is just so self-centered. You never see a wife marry @poster. Move forward already.
DeletePeace out ✌️
You are the one at fault, yet you are the one feeling insulted. Honestly, you seem like a lot of work, and the fact that you can't even see it worries me. Your last line, which reveals your gradual disinterest in your marriage, should be written by your wife and not you. She should be the one to write how tired your intrusiveness makes her feel already while we frantically look for various means to pacify her.
ReplyDeleteI see how you try to make everything about the financial difference but ignore the real issue, which is you. This is why some women would rather date someone operating on the same wavelength. Just look at the insecurity, the blame-shifting, the whining, the pity-seeking—phew! What are all these?
Please see the real issue for what it is and not what you are trying to paint it to be. That aside, as long as she is cordial with your friend's wife, I don't see how mandatory it is for her to engage in forced friendship, and you don't have to be friends with her friends too. At least she is fair on both sides concerning how she relates to your friends and how she expects you to relate to her friends.
Ironically, the self-respect you are so much emphasizing, the one you believe that she is trampling upon, is what she desperately seeks from you, and it's so sad you don't even see it.
thank you
DeleteSpot on Gaby, I doubt he can comprehend your write up. He is the problem but has turned everything upside down such persons hardly take corrections
DeleteI don’t exactly think your write up is balanced but okay .
DeleteAbsolutely spot on. As a women, your husband's friends come to see him, so you will now go into their midst, stretch leg and begin to whine mouth? Does that appear normal???
DeleteWomen, please don't marry down.
And if you do, stop forcing him to appear a certain way. The Nigerian man will call it 'disrespect.' everything is tied around his ego because his ego is very very frail.
For the wife to stand up from where she was seated and use style to take him inside when she was with her friend then he must have taken over the discussion or stayed more than it is necessary with them. Who knows the particular gist they were gistinh that he went to put mouth. Or the kind of friend she has. Maybe they are the friends that if you laugh with them too much the next thing na see finish. Please poster learn to comport yourself and carry yourself well abeg. After wedding you a whole husband o you wanted to carry yourself to the office and thank them. What is your business nah is that how it is done can she not thank her colleague herself. Like Stella said park well
DeleteLike if that is not enough you want to be visiting her office for what nah must you go there or you are less busy?? You have not said the one that is doing you
Anon 17:57 abeg free her. Everyday is not Christmas. She always think outside the box so she must have sensed something to write what she did.
Delete17:57, Rightly so.
DeleteA man came here some time ago and brought up the issue of dating a woman above his financial standing. He claimed to be in a quandary (the six pots of soup) and complained about how he wanted to be the "head" so badly, with no hindrances. I understood his perception and advised him to go for someone whose financial capabilities pale in comparison to his or a woman who is content with being a stay-at-home mom/wife.
A few days later, he showed up again and said he would go for the lady despite... (Previous Poster, this could be you, in a few years)
Well, since then, I have a different view about any man who would come forward and whine about his woman being richer.
Who knows, this could have been the poster some months or years back before he went ahead with the marriage. You could say they never really dated, so he didn't suspect a thing about this aspect of her, but I find that hard to believe. He even gave himself away in one of his replies when he said he didn't want to marry her, but she sent people to beg. What issue could have been so grave for him to want to pull out if not the same issue he is grappling with now that he deems full-blown?
What if it is a personality thing and not necessarily a case of her "imaginary wealth"? Besides, I don't even think she is rich, or how much are lecturers paid? If she was rich, someone like her who, according to him, loves to keep up appearances, someone like her who willingly doled out money just to have a big wedding, would not mind getting him a car before or even after the wedding just so he keeps up with the image she has in mind, if she could afford it. So I don't even think she is as rich as he is trying to paint her.
But no matter what, it is always going to be a "woe is him" situation. She could have financial difficulty and still suggest he doesn't frequent her workplace, or come to the office to thank her colleague and she could be jobless and still suggest he doesn't familiarize himself with her friends or engage in a dialogue with them.
She could have asked him not to be a part of the conversation because she knows the friends she has, or she just didn't deem it inappropriate, or... It could be a ton of reasons even different from mine or others stated above, but to him, it will always be about her imaginary wealth.
If he had suspected a different reason, I would have tried to understand his view. But no, everything must be attributed to her supposed wealth.
That biased reasoning and over-flogged narrative of a woman being richer than a poster being the cause of everything is repelling, and then the poster coming here to seek repose, this insatiable hunger for constant pandering, ego boosting, and need for unrelenting assurance is underwhelming.
My first comment still stands.
Comments like this amaze me. A man complains of how his wife disrespects him both publicly and privately. How she is ashamed of being seen with him, and ridicules his opinions.
DeleteAnd all of you are saying it's the man's fault?
It's easy to say these things, when the Poster is not your biological brother.
Y'all are amazing.
You are right Gaby that previous poster is still going to come here and nag after marrying aunty six pan of soup despite All the warning and they will gather and show him pity.
DeleteAnon 23:32Keep being amazed wit ur cheap blackmail.
Anon 23:32 My brothers won't engage in conversations with their wives' friends, go to their offices to thank their colleagues, or see issues with their wives not being friends with the wives of their friends, and this is one of the reasons his post doesn't resonate with me.
DeleteI have spent holidays with one when his wife's friends came over. They say hello to him; he simply says hi and keeps it moving. On his way out, even when they try to lure him into the conversation by asking for his opinion about random arguments, he playfully tells them he doesn't want to take sides and faces front.
He said she disrespects him in public but refuses to specify what she did exactly, which gives credence to the fact that those three scenarios he wrote about were the only justifiable excuses he could come up with.
He has enough time to come to the comments to write but couldn't expatiate on the "disrespect in public" aspect. Did she slap you, insult you, or make a mockery of you in the presence of others? What exactly did she do? He purposefully skipped it. Why? Because there's nothing else to it.
I believe he brought his best foot forward when he wrote the chronicle, and since the three scenarios he gave were the best he could come up with, everything else that followed, to me, were just exaggerations.
Even the part about his wife talking with his brother about him could be the wife talking to them so they could help her talk to him. Don't we tell wives to report their husbands to family members whom the man respects when they are having issues? But he wrote it like she was gossiping about him with his siblings. He skillfully rephrased. Whose wife would be so unwise as to gossip about her husband, let alone with his blood, knowing fully well it will get back to him? But that also is a problem for him, simply because the brother is rich, so that makes him feel awkward and inadequate that she reports to him.
Our comments amaze you? Well, you comment inspire the same feeling.
Do have an amazing day, just like you are.
That means that she's just managing you because no other option.
ReplyDeleteChaii!!
You're in hot soup! As in, ibu isiazu, and very soon, you go scatter inside the soup.
Some of you people go just leave people wey love una, go carry osochiegbu for this small life wey person dey manage.
I'm not telling you anything because you're an adult and you know what to do when the kitchen become very hot.😎
lol. I heard you loud.
DeleteSorry poster. Your wife has inferiority complex. Seems like she married you because she couldnt find the type of man she wanted. Seems you might be too humble and nice for her. You need to start giving her cold treatment. More or less ignoring her. Make her come running to you. It seems you are too available and doggo doggo under people. Have faith in yoursepf, self respect and be more confident.
DeleteThey want women who 'brings something to the table' and when they marry 'them', they will start being insecure and whining.
DeleteOga carry your cross, you hear.
17:07
DeletePlenty women bring over plenty to the table, but most do not behave like this.
You guys assume that only broke men or lower income earning men want bringers?
This alibi for bad mannered women is worn. Otherwise, it would justify the marital misbehaviour of marital table owning men.
Maybe she married you to bear MRS. Maybe.
ReplyDeleteCandy, her actions show that is her only concern in this union.
DeleteI swear, i doubt this marriage will work. This one is dead on arrival 😂 . Everybody should stick to their class to avoid this type of whinings
DeleteAnd he equally married her for her financial strength. 'What do you bring to the table' na your mate?
DeleteBoth achieved their aim but one can't stand it cos he wants to be in total control.
Exactly!
DeleteIf someone tells men to go for ladies they can maintain, they won't listen. They even will insult you.
ReplyDeletePoster, you knew that you didn't have money for your wedding, you allowed your woman to sponsor it, she even went ahead to furnish your apartment. Na she marry you nau. What do you expect?
You think that God who made man the head of the family did it for nothing?
When Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden, did you know what God say to them?
Mr man, you fumble.
Like I said, I wanted the wedding according to my financial capacity, but she insisted on helping so I allowed her, I contributed 50% of the wedding expenses.
Delete50-50 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 oga just carry your cross dey go calvary. You are in for it
DeleteSee your mouth..
DeleteWhen Una go dey beg for marriage, Una dey humble, e go come finish Una go begin misyarn..
If when the lady was begging and all, the guy refused, na still Una go come talk say men are wicked, now he accepted, you're still blaming him..
How did I know she begged? Because I have a personal experience of how those 'high class ' single women act.. you go even point am to them say see oh.. I don't think you'll respect me in marriage because of your accomplishments , they'll start guilt tripping you on how you have insecurities and how you're generalising..
Only 5 percent of Nigerian women would respect you if they're more than you financially or older than you with just one day..
Dear kings..
#Read and Have Sense
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeletePoster, why did you not put your house together before bringing a woman in? You should have done better. 50% contribution for your own wedding as a man is not enough.
DeleteAnonymous 17:11, where you say make the poster carry him cross go? 50-50. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.
Ermmm, Mr man, see whose mouth? Una no dey ever hear word.
King Dante. Na true you talk. Any man wey allow woman use her money dey park am one side, na gbefu him be.
DeleteHer money o, no her money o, your word as the man should stand at all times. A broke man has no business having a woman around. To avoid see finish.
One of the biggest lies any man will hear is when a woman says she loves him. Your pocket come empty and you dey expect love as a man, na thunder go fire you.
To hell with her love guy. Let your money command her loyalty. That's the thing women are capable of giving.
Abi how you see am Dante?
@Dante. Choose a battle...should women bring something to the table or not? The village is full of young naive virgins, leave city girls alone!
DeleteAnon 18:40, so when a woman brings "something" to the table, it gives her the right to disrespect the man?
DeleteEvery Sunday, I put an extra offering in church and pray that no member of my family will met your type
@Nocturnal, I am married, been married over a decade and I bring alot to the table, and my man indoors brings much more...he does not whinge and whine like you sissys portraying yourselves as kings!
Delete@10:03
DeleteFirst thing first. Do you disrespect your husband.
Would you disrespect your husband if the tables were turned in tour marriage and you are the much more bringer?
Is it possible you respect your husband only because he brings much more than you?
It would have been nice if you put % to the respective "bringings" of you and your husband make to the 100% of your marital finances. This is because "I bring a lot" is relative and talk is cheap.
No. Sdk on this one, you have judged the man wrongly. She doesn't acknowledge him in public means she is ashamed to be associated with him. Didn't she know his status before she married him???
ReplyDeleteUnderstand, there are friends that will come and you can talk with them at least even if a few, not all. So how come she relates with his elder brother and and the wife who is doing better than him than how she relates with him?? The woman has not tried. She just wanted a man. This will not work except she changes.
I don't know what to say to the poster.
thank you. I did not hide my financial status from day one. She was all over me till I proposed, and she said yes. Even when I wanted to change my mind, she sent people to beg me,
DeleteThen you really didnt wanna marry her, you never talk the real reason. Sounds like She was desperate to be married. Two schemers. Your story never clear.
DeleteShe just wanted a man and he also wanted a financially stable woman-it's a win-win for both of them naa.🙄
DeleteYou guys must find a way to blame women even when they are the victim.
God bless you Lady T
DeleteLady T, so far, ONLY YOU said it as is completely.
DeletePolitics would not let some Female Bvs tell Stella the truth that she bent the narrative.
Contractual or transactional marriage is allowed and has been in existence since the beginning of days.
The duty on both parties is to understand their parts of the bargain and keep them.
Sometimes, love develops between the parties. Sometimes, it does not.
When the parties keep their sides, the marriage is rock solid than most marriages.
Aside, some women who come here to flex their marriages are married because of the personal commitments and decisions of their husbands even before they met the women. It is not because the women are of much value in, or quality to, or contribution to the marriage
Lady T, thank you for saying the truth.
DeletePoster, you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Report her to her people or the mutual friend that connected you both. Have enough evidence of the disrespect you have had to bear. When you have had enough , walk out of the marriage. People will bear witness that you have tried.
I can tell you for free, as a fellow married man, that the worst thing for you to do is to spend your life with a woman who openly disrespects you .
ReplyDeleteWhat manner of disrespects is this?
Please give her some space, let her gather her thoughts on what she wants and ask for a devious if she can't adjust, what nonsense..
Thank you.
DeleteStory
DeleteStory, story, Poster I beg go and earn your respect from your wife, if she no gree, marry another..but this time, biko marry your level! Ndi cho ga respect!
DeletePoster,so sorry about your ordeal. The first few years of marriage is not always easy. You have to respect yourself before others can respect you. Get busy and double your hustle.
ReplyDeleteOga, all these stories I don't believe because it is difficult to judge a case if one has not heard from all the people involved. Face it. Your wife has more money than you. She probably spends more than you. Now you are demanding for respect. You need to earn it. Hustle and make money. Money stops nonsense. That is how my husband too will be saying I don't cook for him. I used my money to feed the whole family for years and he did not drop one Naira. When I got tired, I stopped. I paid house rent and built house. Pay school fees. He still wants me to feed him. Look, if a man does not have shame, he will be disrespected. Hustle for money and stop complaining. If you can't stomach her behaviour, walk way from the marriage.
ReplyDeletelol. why did she marry me when she knew I don't have money. I did not force her. We are still TTC so no child to take care of. I make sure our needs at home are met by me.
Delete15:35,
DeleteThere will always be men (and women) who do not value good or goodhearted people.
That said, when it is commented on this blog that marriage is an institution of assigned roles and duties, women ask who assigned the roles and duties. It is only when the table turns that women are quick to point out whose duty is whose.
Where is it said a man should be the sole provider or even a provider in a marriage? And please leave out the Bible because not all men are Bible believers.Of course may question is rhetorical. It is a turn on the "wife not cook. etc fake feminists slogans" even in marriages where the man provides all.
Anon 19:29 where is it also said that the man is the head? and please leave bible too since not all men are bible believers😏
DeleteYou are asking why she married you? Why did you propose and marry her? You want respect because of your gender, not because you fulfill your responsibilities as her man. What stops you from doubling your hustle now that your responsibility has increased? Imagine coming to sit down to gist with her friends without being invited. All you owe them is greeting and keep it moving. Why does she have to be friends with your friend's wives? Who are you to dictate who she must befriend? I feel sorry for that lady already. The worst thing that can happen to a woman is to marry a leech who wants to be treated as a king. You will just be frustrated.
DeleteAnon 19:29, forget these people. They know how to turn the narrative when it suits them.
DeleteJust imagine this comment encouraging him to buy respect from his wife. God forbid!
"Imagine coming to sit down to gist with her friends without being invited. All you owe them is greeting and keep it moving."
DeleteAnon 22:38 are you minding the busybody? And to think he doesn't see anything wrong with it is shocking. Even if they invited him is he supposed to seat with them and be gisting? Can you see none of his fellow men those supporting him addressed that part.
He said if her colleagues come home and he tries to join the conversation she either blinks or stand up to lead him out of the room, which means it isn't once or even twice he tried to join oh but every time.
From 19:29 to @20:59
DeleteWe are on the same page.
When women meet the level playing field men. How many want them. How many can cope.
A man who does all chores and child care prayed for his wife to earn as much as him so they could do 50-50 financing of the home. She could not say amen. Guess what? She earns 10% of the man's salary. She is content to keep all that for herself rather than earn at his salary level and have more money (40% more of salary) to herself even after the 50-50 prayed for her.
The day pre-nuptial agreements is accepted into Nigeria laws will be the death of marriage in Nigeria.
This is not such an iredeemable position. Why not stop being petty and focus on building yourself. Use her negativity to set high goals and upgrade yourself
ReplyDeleteYou are a contract staff. Why don’t you take steps to become a full staff. If not I’m your current place. Then elsewhere.
Focus focus. You’re more than capable. Don’t look down on yourself. So it and make yourself proud. She will also be proud of you too. But that’s immaterial though
Anything I do henceforth is for me and not to make her proud of me. I am working very hard in my capacity. If she is not proud of my current level. Why did she agree to marry me:. Why marry me just to cause me pains.
DeletePoster, poster, poster. How many times did I call you? Take this above advice. It’s time to begin to improve on yourself particularly mentally and career wise. Stay focused and stop all this pettiness. Making visible effort alone can earn her respect. And what are you doing with women convo? You don’t know that making yourself unavailable will earn you respect?
DeleteHe is not petty. What is petty about this chronicle.
DeleteHe is petty af!
DeleteAnon 17:01, so funny of you to call him petty, because he complained of being disrespected by his wife.
DeleteMeanwhile, this is the first time I'm hearing that it is a sin for a man to engage in a discussion with his wife's friends.
@Nocturnal, the issue is not having a conversation with wife's friend, the issue is pulling a chair, having a sit and joining in with women's gossip, wetin he dey find for there...or is he a 'simp'??
Delete@Nocturnal, the issue is not having a conversation with wife's friend, the issue is pulling a chair, having a sit and joining in with women's gossip, wetin he dey find for there...or is he a 'simp'??
DeleteIt's obvious your wife does not regard you and not having as much money is not the main issue.
ReplyDeleteEither your contributions to discussions are not related or don't seem intelligent enough to her.
Don't worry about greeting her colleagues since she does not want and it being based on conditions. It's obvious your ego and pride is touched. Maintain your lane, don't involve yourself in the things she does. Let her be completely. When her friends come around, step out. And When she wants you guys do things together, tell her to go ahead that you wouldn't want your opinion neglected. Apart from kids if there are, let her be. Don't look her side. Let her carry drinks to wherever she thinks there's occasion or party. Don't ever complain to your siblings she's close to again
because she does that intentionally and it's to disrespect, reduce neglect and diminish your person.
Make your phone your friend when she's around. Google words and names and people. She will notice. Reduce her importance. She's not God.
God bless you,
DeleteGod bless you
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Delete22:28 I am sure the issue he is talking about that she is carrying outside is the one she is sharing with his brother because she feels the brother can help her to talk to him on her behalf. The person he is referring to as outsiders is his brother oh.
DeleteIs it not here any small thing people will advice the wife 'talk to someone he respects in his family that can help you talk to him"that one has become a crime now abi
Who knows if he has borrowed the brother car before for the wife to even suggest it
Poster, e be like say you b dat (she send 6 pans of soups) man from d abroad.
ReplyDeleteIf you no be dat man, if dis kronico na true, if you no send dis to whyne Stella and her female feninist troop, wetin you expect to hear here.
Okay. you just wan vent. If not na lafta brunch you serve all men readers today.
Oya na.
Stella doh OOOOOo
Hehehehe.
lol. I have no reason to lie. This is my current reality.
DeleteStella, this your advice no follow. She is clearly not interested in being with the man. Maybe she got married out of pressure.
ReplyDeleteOga , you need to improve on yourself. Ask her genuinely what kind of man she wants you to be and try to meet up to her expectations even if no t 100%. Women love to show off people they are proud of. You can ask her to help you be that man. If she's hiding you, then do better to be the man she craves for. Yes she met you like that but remember she may have been pressured due to certain factors.
I wish you both a beautiful life ahead.
E no follow rara!
DeleteDO NOT STRETCH yourself to please anybody, especially this woman.
DeleteDo it for yourself to maximise your god given talents and purpose.
Dem dey do to please woman?
Woman wey no respect from beginning?
Please ignore this advice. The more you stretch yourself to please her, the more irritated she will be with you, and the more you will continue to bend yourself for her till you completely lose yourself.
DeleteIf she doesn’t like you now, it’s most likely she will only like you for your money when you have it.
Stella, I don’t think he’s wrong for wanting to ‘chook’ mouth in his wife’s conversations as long as they are not having a secret convo.
ReplyDeletePoster, you have married a woman who is not proud of you at all. Makes me wonder why she married u at all, was she ‘older than the regular marriage age?’
The truth is that if u cannot take the disrespect and you are not ready to leave the marriage, then stop going out in public with her. Stop bringing her to where ur friends are and stop involving urself in her personal affairs outside ur marriage.
If she sees you have withdrawn and she actually values the marriage, she will readjust but if not, then that woman is not deserving of being married to u or even anyone.
God bless you
DeleteMy heart really goes out for you. Its obvious from your write up, that your wife was never inlove with you, she just wanted to be a MRS. It's really so sad too that you ain't getting the type of marriage you envisioned.
ReplyDeleteOga I will advice you to be the man In your home. You can't let her reduce you to this nah.
If she doesn't want to associate with you in public, no wahala. Face your front.
But in your house, please have a say and stand by it (good say ooo) if you don't want her visiting your office, let her know and insist too.
On no condition should you go inside to hide IN YOUR OWN HOUSE, while her visitors visit, or keep mute like mu.mu. Let her know this and if she ain't cool with it, she can host her visitors somewhere else.
Withdrawing won't solve the problem, as it will make you a weakling in your home, with your wife being the head.
You need to have a heart to heart talk with her and make your stand known.
Pls be firm about it. And try not to borrow or live above your means, or income, to avoid incuring debt in future. Also, its obvious nothing you do will satisfy her, so do within your means only.
Don't forget to have a talk with your elder bro and let him know everything too pls.
You see why it's good to marry your class?? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 now they are hiding you like a secret! 😂😂😂😂😂 Pele o....excuse them after serving her & her friends drinks when next she's hosting her friends 😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteSecondly she no like you o..na just say she wan get pikin & settle down
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSome things in this life are the less you know; the better for you. Work environment is not something one gets too familiar with, you can't loose guard.
ReplyDeleteYour write up shows your wife is making efforts and respects you but you already have a perception about her.
You have assigned her a role in your internal narrative and have her playing a negative character which is not cool. There's a huge gap between who she is and who you see; if you continue, I'm sorry to say the gap cannot be bridged.
Let me tell you my current experience "My friend (a male) has been really helpful to drop me and pick me up from work; for this week as i gave my car to another friend whose vehicle is stuck at the mechanic workshop and in dire need of a car as per family woman.
His vehicle is brand new suzuki dzire o but i could see the countenance on the staffs faces towards him which is because of his small car to them. These are people he earns wayyyyyyyyyyy better than o. when he wants to talk about the aura he gets from security to internal staffs; i just quietly switch the discussion. He doesn't deserve to ponder on their ignorance. so the better he doesn't know their foolishness, the better.
The social dynamics in Nigeria is crazy and it's at an all time highest in workplaces. I don't have strength to write but Nwanna gbaru ogwu gi biko. Calm down o
Where in the write-up does it show that his wife is making effort and respects him ?
DeleteDid we read the same piece?
I went back to read the love and poverty post on IHN of today and came back to read this chronicle again.
ReplyDeleteMaybe your wife married you just to get married as her biological age might be ticking fast or there is something about your character that sends her off or you don't look good physically or your actions on the other room is not actioning.
In all, give her space, learn to give her the silent treatment. Let her feel your emotional absence towards her. No one wants to be ignored especially when they feel like revolves around them.
This. 💯
DeleteOga, serve your wife divorce papers. Me, as a woman would have walked away a long time ago. You be man. Show her why it's a man's world.
ReplyDeleteE be man because of his gender or because he does what he should as a man?
DeleteThey say water finds its own level
ReplyDeleteI can reason with the wife. She married down maybe due to age or pressure. She is now regretting.
I feel for her cause I can understand her predicament.
Even being a contractor, don't contractors do well? Maybe the Kobo Kobo contractor. Or you deceived her about your financial stand. You went for a richer lady, now her eyes don open. TBH she is not proud of you. I can't imagine my husband coming to my office looking far below my status. I rather you stay away.
Please just find a way to step up .. One big contract can turn your situation around, you then watch how she will respect and honour you.
Money is good
He said he is a contract staff not contractor.
DeleteA contract staff is like a temporary worker at an office.
Listen to yourself. Did they tie her leg in the marriage. Why can't she leave and look for her class.
DeleteDo you know if it is conteact staff in a primary school? You people just talk like rodo is under your tongue.
DeleteSince she feels she married down, why not take a walk?
DeleteDid anyone force her to marry him?
Since she feels she is all that, she should have remained single or she didn't have a chance with her "class member"
You can't imagine your husband coming to your office looking below your status but you can have his d..k inside of you or e nor reach that side? Una go dey yarn anyhow.
Please get him a contract Na.
Sluttychic.
You sound like a user!
DeleteDid anybody put a gun to her head to marry the guy? Who asked her to marry down? He’s obviously the best she could find so she’s not all that she thinks she is.
If rich men were coming her way would she not have married them? She has married the person that agreed to marry her, now she wants to turn him to houseboy. You people will just be supporting nonsense, nobody should annoy me abeg
@sluttychic, did anyone force the man too? Did he not say he proposed? The time he would use in doing an online course or job searching, he is here agreeing with anyone who leaves a bad comment about his wife. This one na enemy within. He is unhappy that she associates with his own brother and his wife who are more successful instead of associating with his friends. Does that not tell you that the man has issues? People will pay to spend time with rich people with the hope of gaining knowledge that they can use to be more successful but this one will rather stay away from his brother and spend time with friends that he may be better than.
DeleteHian! Abbeggi!! @16:15
DeleteWoman wey ALL her co-Lecturers reject! Or why she no see one marry in her school or from another school.
Sad part, all the friends no see am fit for their brothers or male friends.
All men before dem introduce am no see am as wife material.
Check her well, she must be from a poor background that is the reason for her strong wannabe-ness.
Next time, marry your class. You did more than yourself. My husband married me because my parents have money. And I do carry a lot of the financial burden in the house. Everytime, I don't respect him. Women are proud of men that they can show off. She is not proud of you so improve yourself and stand tall. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteSee your mouth. He married you because your parents have money. What happened to saying No and wait for your class. You think the man is stupid. Be providing the money and distracting him while he uses your money to satisfy himself with another lady that respects and values him . Dey whine yourself
DeleteLmao! What stopped you from marrying your class? Oh your fellow rich people didn’t like you enough huh?! Your husband is obviously the best you can do so don’t come here acting like you’re all that
DeleteOga, please oh why would you want to be in the parlor with your wife's friends and be gisting,I no understand. When they come visiting just say hello and go inside . As for the other complain abeg make una try sit down talk about am
ReplyDeleteThank you! I don't understand too.
DeleteAnd what is wrong if he gists with them for a bit? Is she hiding something?
DeleteSluttychic.
As in ehn
DeleteFor the wife to beg him to be go inside he must have carried the conversation. Who knows if he is a talkative.
Not just a talkative but probably a talkative that does not make sensible contributions
DeleteHe didn't say he wants to gist with them 'for a bit ' where you see that one
DeleteSomeone said he wants to JOIN them hianest!
It is even all the time he tries it sef else he wouldn't say EITHER winks for him to leave or she stands up to call him inside. For her to be using different method to ask him to excuse them then he does it always
Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated and from your narrative it's not the case.
ReplyDeleteWell, I pray you two find a mid point. Disregard causes a lot in any ship.
I believe because you two never got to know yourself properly, although you cannot know someone completely ,you were not able to see this aspect or you didn't think much of it.
Talk to her plainly about everything. If you two cannot reach a compromise then... I don't know anymore.
But I honestly pray that you two work things out. All the best
HYDROGEN
POSTER. Please send your contact. I want to be an item with you as you seem a good man. I will teach her how to be a responsible wife, I am female. Until she loses you, her eyes will not clear, Fling her off,
ReplyDeleteLiquid Metal 🤣🤣🤣
DeleteGo and find your own man. Smelling akwuna oshi. Mtshewwww.
DeleteYou are not female my dear brother
DeleteHahahahhahhah
DeleteSDK bvs ooooooo
Go and take him.
DeleteNa your type go keel am within 1 year because you can't take half of what his wife tolerates.
Hmmm, I pity you. SUFFER go finish you.
DeleteHe no good. He no good.
DeletePerson show to take him like that.
Una vex.
Our fathers talk true. Man wey follow woman mouth and behaviour react, dey kpuff himself early.
Hehehehehe
I think before you get to the breaking point, just stay away from home for a while to decide if you still want the marriage.
ReplyDeleteThen take necessary steps like talking to a marriage counsellor not an elder or pastor o, a marriage counsellor if your wife is willing. I think both of you will decide if you still want to stay married to each other because I believe other issues that this chronicle did not address will be brought to the open and necessary steps to help resolve same will be preferred.
I feel bad for you, May God promote you
ReplyDeleteMaybe she's not proud of you, because I see no reason why she can't show you off, she just married you because her biological clock was ticking, talk to her amicably and let her know that she's hurting you with her actions.
ReplyDeleteI can never stay with a man that's not proud of me, I will do him the honour by leaving him, so that he can go and be with the one he's proud of.
Looks like she just got married because of her age, looks like she does not love you.
ReplyDeleteYou guys can meet with a marriage counselor ASAP to make things work
Did you guys even go through marriage counseling at all? Your wife has her faults and you have yours too
Sounds like two schemers jam each other. You want respect? Earn it by not being a wimp! I read your reply up there and shook my head... both of you are just and end to each others means. Zero love. She married just to be Mrs, yournown agenda never clear.
ReplyDeleteIf she wasn't a senior lecturer he wouldn't have married her nah this he would have even preferred to go for a younger lady not someone who is in her mid thirties with the way most of them reason.
DeleteI am sure his friends wives had unmarried ladies in their circle who are on their level either as friends neighbours or sisters even church member's they would have tried to connect with him seeing that he was single but he rejected them.
Remember this same wife you say doesn’t want to be seen with you insisted on a big wedding and showed you off to everyone
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to peoples work place just follow their lead. To you going there as yourself so yo speak is okay by you. But she knows her coworkers and how they will talk and it’s not you they’ll be talking about it’s her. Just do assure wants or don’t go there. I’ve never gone to anyones job and don’t take family ti mine so I don’t even get the reason for showing up.
It’s a young marriage. Pls focus on s** and gist and enjoy your life
Does she want babies? Pls focus on each other
Finally someone with sense.
DeleteThis whiny man is just irritating.
Can't you sit your senior lecturer and ask her why she is being 'disrespectful' according to you?
She is a show off. Poster is not enough for her to show off. It is simple
DeleteIn a wedding, guests do not interact with the couple. they are focus on being well hosted.
Close -up, she does not believe Poster matches the standard she wants to be judge by.
19:47 pls if she wanted to hide she won’t do wedding and be taking pictures everywhere with him
DeleteHe’s looking for who’ll say she’s a bad person so he can do what’s in his mind
@22:13
DeleteWeddings are usually mostly brides' days. Most men just go through the motion. How many weddings have you attended where you went to interact and gist with the couple if you are not the planner. You most likely showed face and said congratulations.
Yes. It is not new. Most weddings are show off especially by most brides and some few men. Weddings rarely tell anything about what is on in a relationship.
My people, stick to your class. Don't marry up or down, it's stressful.
ReplyDeleteOga, withdraw emotionally. She will either try to make up with you or she takes the highway. If you can, don't have kids with her on this shaky union yet. If she gets a baby out of this, she will discard you and make you grovel to see that child.
She does not love you.
Poster, you may have made your mustsjes in time past thinking all will be well, pls don't feel bad ,brace up, pray well ,go on your knees and cry to God, accept Jesus as your Saviour if you haven't, work hard and smart,do legit side hussles and wait on God,tides will change, still love her and see the your cup half full,not half empty, then power will surely change hands,see you at the top,lines will fall for you in pleasant places. Your marriage will stand the test of times ,know you can't be contrat staff forever if you see it with your mind's eye.
ReplyDeletePls note that marriage too can have roses with sharp spikes.Shalom!
I don't agree with Stella's post up there.
ReplyDeletePoster, I sincerely feel your pain even as a lady. There's nothing bad in being oneself, no faking. It's just a pity that she pretended to love you till the marriage was consummated . She has gotten what she wants and now trying to dictate the tune.
You will do well to have a heart to heart conversation with her to let her know how you feel. My fear is hope she's not jus using you to achieve what she wants and finally dumping you.
All the best as you go about this with wisdom
It's all cruise, until it happens to someone's brother or a loved relative.
DeleteThese same Commenters will suddenly realize that their brother deserves to be respected by his wife.
But till then, of course let's insult the man.
First, I must be blunt. When they say "marry your class" were you sleeping? You followed the words of Twitter banger boys and see where you landed.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, you said that you guys didn't date before marriage. My advice is to this is that you should give it time. You can't force friendship, it grows. Knowing that you guys didn't date, what you should be doing now is trying to get to know her better and not her friends or colleagues.
A friend of mine who married up, she used this to win her husband who wasn't coming around after they got married over. Now, her husband respects her and pampers her like egg.
I could go on and on to list some of the things she did that might be helpful to you but I don't know if you want to make your marriage work, or you are tired of it or you want to listen to internet banger boys who beg women at the back and come to tell their online disciples that women are not their families.
I don't want to waste my time and type in vain.
Abeg type, we are listening (abi reading)
DeleteI think men should start boycotting this blog the kind of nonsense injustice deception and double standard on this blog stinks Tufiakwa
ReplyDeleteEven Stella some times be mute you don’t always have to use your blue or red pen.
Men cry when their bluff is called off. Cry me a river. Stella's blog, Stella's rule. Open your blog and use yellow or white pen for your own triple standard.
DeleteYet they all want to marry men already made.
DeleteWhy do i have to borrow a car to show off?
How do people cope with double living?
Poster, you never see wife.
Just walk away now before you reduce your life span.
Sluttychic.
Have you heard from the lady's mr boycot
DeleteI like the way dante is littering this post with his tears. Continue, I like it.
ReplyDeleteIs being average now a crime? Just marry who loves you just the way you are. I’ll be happy to show off my broke husband as long as there’s real love all is well.
ReplyDeletePoster,if you know how to play mind games trust me, she'll start begging for your attention.
ReplyDeleteSimp won't be respected by a strong career lady. Play mind games with her and she'll start eating from your palm.
Please do the part,dress welland smell good it starts from there,if you need to change your wardrobe do it.
Thank you
ReplyDeleteShe’s ashamed you. Perhaps she thought she could handle it but it is obvious that she cannot. Respecting someone you are ashamed of is an impossible task. And as for love, I will say the familiarity is perhaps what is carrying this. Your ability to endure is what will determine if this can last. Unless the issue is addressed plainly in all its ugliness the likelihood that respect and honour will grow is slim to none. May God heal your home and bring complete joy in both of you.
ReplyDeleteOh Sir she married you to bear Mrs don’t expect much from her, you’re not even n her league
ReplyDeletePoster , threaten her with a divorce but state your reasons so she will know why you chose to divorce but if you can't do that, you both should separate for some months . This will help reset her brain.
ReplyDeleteHey Poster,
ReplyDeleteI see you are very hurt about this and for you to be very active in the comment section, it shows you are looking for a solution to this.
What men don’t understand is that a woman naturally craves for a man who is a provider, not solely financial, a protector, a figure they can look upto. Sir, you may say that she’s disrespectful to you because she earns more, but please look at how she treats you , does she cook for you, sort your clothes, do other things womanly asides you expecting her to be shouting respect. This is a lecturer , at least my knowledge about female lecturers is that their husbands are either professors or men who are well to do, it’s not easy as a woman introducing your husband to all because they must use that to disrespect her one day, so she might be saving you from that insult.
Nna try and level up, and also don’t collect ask your wife for money. If possible, buy things in the house according to your financial capacity. Avoid anything collecting her money for now. And don’t try to discuss with her friends, make your own friends and hang out with them.
Dont also forget the place of prayer, especially as the head of the house, so that the good Lord will crown your efforts. The worse thing you will do is to start womanizing as a man, just avoid it and be focused. All the best!
All I wanna say is that May God Lift You Up and take You To A higher place
ReplyDelete🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Just keep being who you Are
It is well with You🙏🙏🙏
Hello iya Boys
Some day, a female will post a similar Chronicle.
DeleteI'm looking forward to the advice you people will have for her that day. I hope you maintain the same energy.
If this advice the person above you gave is not enough for you then you must be a very unserious person. Acting Like you and your gender apply the same energy you are going up and down looking for when it is a woman who sent in chronicle. All these pots calling kettles black or we don't see how your fellow kangs up there gives advice if the chronicle is from a woman who has been wronged by a man. Do you go under his comment to write this kain thing you just wrote or you simply look away or do you tell him if it was his sister would he give same advice?. A woman will sent in a story he will twist everything and put it on her head and the rest of you will just be pretending like you don't see it
DeleteEverything na gender for their side. hypocrital lot it must pain you to see your reflections.
Getting to know someone well enough before proceeding to a lifetime commitment cannot be over emphasized. It helps to cub issues like this most times.
ReplyDeletePoster, this lady isn't proud of you, i mean there are numerous women out there who are more buoyant financially and don't disrespect their husbands... It shows from your chronicle that she married you for her own selfish reasons.... some of these my gender are so desperate to answer ''Mrs.''
I can't imagine how bruised and pained you are right now, but it is well. I pray God grants you the wisdom on how to navigate to make your home work out just fine
Just laughing at funny funny comments 😄 🤣
ReplyDeletePoster,she can still buy,a car 🚗 of her choice and give you.
She is not proud of you,you are yet to marry your own wife
Nothing bad in joining in the conversation with her friends
Selfish woman is wht she is
Dear Poster, the wedding is over and marriage has started. You were wrong trying to visit her office to thank her colleagues. She was wrong by suggesting you borrow a car if you must come. However, I think she was trying to package you well to impress her colleagues. You were wrong sitting with her and her female friends to gist. See finish will enter. I think she was protecting you from being disrespected.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you focus on becoming a better you. Work on your social etiquette . Build character and charisma. She may have married you how you were but she wants a better you.
Leave him nau. Are you minding him. As someone already wrote up there, as long as he feels she is richer she will aways be the problem.
DeleteThe lady suggested the visit to her office. She wanted to show off her husband to her colleagues that’s why.
DeleteWhy is his wife behaving badly?
ReplyDeleteThe Most Complex B
Aunty Stella, exactly what you said. Why will her friends come and you will putting mouth in their matter? That's the only fault I see. As for other reasons, maybe she just felt like it was time to get married and just chose you. If this isn't addressed properly, this would be the begining of the end
ReplyDeleteThis poster na wa
ReplyDeleteEven you saw your friend's wife but could not link up with their friends to marry and yet you are complaining about your wife having superiority complex. I am sure your friends and their wives have lots of unmarried friends even sisters they would have tried to introduce to you as per handsome guy that you claim you are but you felt you were too big to date them and went for rich madam now you are complaining that rich madam does not want to associate with them. Even you why didn't you get a wife from their side?
You did the same thing you complained about.anyway you people should try and settle and learn to adjust . She should stop the things you don't like and you should also stop the things she does not like.
Good man, you did well by not borrowing your brother's car for many reasons - what if the car gets damaged on the way, gbese for you; what if her friends visit and meet both of you but no car? Live within your means but aim higher and try to save.
ReplyDeleteThank God you realised it now, before the children start coming because they will watch, learn and assume it is the norm.
When dating/courting, people are on their guards, one can barely see their bad sides. However, once married, they let down their guards and you see them for who they truly are.
That is why, what you see before married, is what you will get after marriage plus worse.
Anyway, the deed is done; question now is, what next? And how to make the best of the situation.
Permit me to ask some few questions - who initiates sex, you or her?
Does she enjoy sex with you?
Do you live in a state capital or a town/village?
Is she cheating on you or do you think she has that tendency?
In this situation, imagine that you are a woman being cheated upon by her husband.
The best you can do is, try to become a better version of yourself - financially, physically and intellectually. Please do not complain or whine - take it with a smile and be positive - it is only a phase.
Please start applying to other better paying jobs in your field, even if it is outside your location.
Start reading or watching instructive/educative videos.
Enroll for courses that can give you a career boost, either locally or online (Udemy, when courses are on promo; Coursera etc).
Your circle of friends, what do they discuss, what are they into? As the saying goes, show me your friends and I will tell you who you are. You may need to seek out more valuable friends.
Try to engage in a sporting activity, 1 - 3 times a week; it is easier to maintain good health than managing BP or diabetes. Become a better version of your self.
If her friends visit, you can stay indoors and not come out; or you can come out and say hello and go in/out. They are her friends, not yours, please maintain it like that.
It will help to know the kind of friends they are though. She seems to have 'bad' friends or she lives to brag.
Once a month/two (if possible), buy a new cloth for yourself.
Stop her from coming to your office, why does she do that?
She belittles your friends & their wives, fine; such is life. She must not like them.
You can even apply to jobs that will take you out of the town, please do.
There are jobs out there that can pay you way more than Senior lecturers earn.
Start by applying actively. Read too.
If you don't try, your view about the world/life will never change.
Minimize time wasting activities that cannot add value to your life.
Are you clean/neat? Take your bath in the morning (use rollon thereafter) and evening, brush your teeth before bed, clean up after you (toilet, dining and even kitchen) and be positive.
You cannot change her, no matter how much you complain/say. She respects money, affluence and people 'higher' than her. Try to grow, such that, even if you two part ways, you will be better off, as a result of your drive, efforts and hard work.
This is a phase, infact, see it as a test.
If life gives you lemon, you make lemonades from it - easier said than done but, please put in the effort.
In all this, I am not blaming you of anything, just pointing out areas you can start working on, to grow and be a better version. You also did well, by living within your means although it looks like you married her in order to 'upgrade' yourself.
Wishing you the best.
Nabucco