SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
Dear Stella.
I am a 29 years old working class lady looking for a serious relationship.
I met a guy on a dating site online. I met Dapo on a dating site app. He said he was 35 years old, I was excited because I felt he would be ready for marriage.
We exchanged contacts.
He has always been calling and greeting me for the past two weeks. Yet he has never asked me out or fixed a date to hang out with me. We both live in Lagos. I am worried, should I continue chatting him up or I should distance myself from him if he is not defining the relationship?
I don't want to waste my time. I feel asking him what he wants from me might make me look desperate. I want a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. How do I go about it?
Why are you so desperate for him to ask you out and marry you? Someone that you just met and know nothing about?Do you know how many Ladies have lost their lives by men they meet on dating sites? You are just 29 and so desperate!!!
Please take it easy..
You feel like asking him what he wants from you?I am shaking my head at you.....Please dont do it, you are not the only one he is talking to...
Try being friends first before you ask him. If you ask him what he wants from you now, he will see you as being desperate.
ReplyDeleteAunty 2weeks is too early na haba! You’ve been a spinster for the past 29yrs and you want to fast forward everything under 2weeks abeg take it easy and don’t be desperate.
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Nne ehn, Ike gwuru!
Delete2 weeks that you’re supposed to use to get to know this guy to even be sure he is the kind of person you would want to ask you out. Abi you no get spec, ehn fine girl?
My dear, you know what u went on that dating app for and it was a relationship that could potentially lead to marriage. If he’s not acting in line of that, please endeavor to keep ur options open.
ReplyDeleteSimple.. U meet one person and u already think he's the right one.. My dear leave ur options open, u are not dating anyone yet.
DeleteWhat relationship do you want him to define? Stop being desperate.
ReplyDeletePoster why the rush, you don't have to look desperate, you will scare him away. You can ask basic questions online first,see him as an online friend first, in the course of chatting you will be surprised how much things he would have revealed to you. And never go into a relationship for the sole reason of marrying the person ,don't expect too much. Give it some time get to know him. Don't ask him what he wants from you, that's a sign of desperation. If after three months he hasn't told you he wants to meet you in person if he is Nigeria , you can then ask him that you would appreciate if you guys get to see physically. While at it, don't just chat with only him, make other friends. And if you two are meeting, ensure it is in an open or public place. Don't be pressured to marry on time. Take your time to choose right.
ReplyDeletePoster I understand you have butterflies in your tummy, the spark of meeting someone new or a new interest but don't sweat it at all....Try dating other men and increase your pool of quality men to date.....He is getting to know you and you are already thinking about marriage.....Relax my dear; at least give it a month.....You need to know his character, dreams, attitude, spirituality e.t.c.....Don't you want to marry your friend?...All that glitters ain't gold...What if he just wants friendship or a chat buddy....
ReplyDeleteDon't ask him anything because you will come off as desperate and trust me! Men are like sharks, they can smell desperation from miles away and you will be easy to fool and manipulate....Don't make yourself too available for him; create a sort of mystery around you....Act normal, don't drool around him....Because he is 35 years does not mean he wants to settle down abi did he tell you that?
All the best
Only two weeks? Lol. Calm down abeg. If you continue like this, you will be taken advantage of. Even those wey don date for 5 years dey see shege.
ReplyDeleteYou are not desperate, don't mind SDK. Define the relationship this instant.
ReplyDeleteYou can ask him atleast to know his intentions.
ReplyDeleteBut again, how has these past weeks talking to him makes you feel? Does he give off the vibes of someone you want to be with Abi na only to just marry dey do you and anyone goes?
You can also tell him that you would like to hang out if he doesn't mind. Sometimes, take the initiative. It does no harm, depending on how you go about it.
Even if he is sincere, two weeks is not much time for the guy to figure out what he wants.
ReplyDeleteDating sites are complicating when it has to do with relationship, in reality, 90% of men use them only for fun, with the majority using them for hookups. He may even be married, sef.
I don't agree. Poster went to a dating site for a purpose. She knows what she wants. If both are in the same city and chatting for 2 weeks as stated and the guy has not said anything about physical meeting ,why will she be wasting her time?
ReplyDeleteYou want to invest your time and emotion on chatting from January to December, when you finally meet it turns out it's not your specs.
No I demand to see asap to know if he meets my expectations if not we move.
Let me bring a typical experience, my sister staying with me met a man, who said he was n Engineer on a dating site back in 2019 and have been chatting. According to her he spoke good English. When they finally met 1, he was deformed, 2 he looked different, and had mouth abi body odour. She was so disappointed. This is after she had started liking ,getting used to the man and opened up to him
So let poster check out the guy and verify and see if ok then they can take it from there.
Gbam
DeletePls ask him what he wants
you don't want to waste your time just in two weeks you are already wasting your time? sabi you are working, you have your phone and life before this guy started chatting with you? my gender learn to be patient na, i am sure you are dating, married and already have kids with him in your head. You better channel your energy on important things and allow the young man make his move.
ReplyDeleteDon't go and part legs, we don't want premium tears any time soon. Relax while you enjoy the friendship or chat, you should get to know him first before having a date. What if he is into ritual or a yahoo yahoo? before your organs will be missing. You people have mind to hang out with someone that you don't know.
Haaa 2 weeks is a lot for me ooo
ReplyDeleteMek I no dey chat with agbero in the name of relationship. Water finds his own level. So we need to define from the onset. He may be married and you are here doing online friendship.
I no dey for long chatting especially if we are yet to meet
2 weeks mena. Rest sister marriage is not the ultimate. Enjoyment is it. Why don't you just enjoy the relationship and gets to know him more
ReplyDeletePoster please that's still the talking stage o
ReplyDeleteStop this desperation abeg, 2weeks is too early for marriage and serious relationship questions.
I am the poster, I asked that what he was looking for on the dating site and he said he is also looking for what am looking for. His answer seems unclear. I don't want to form emotional attachment only to find out that we aren't on the same page. I like meeting people physically to be sure they are my spec. I will clock 30 in December.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster Just port out abeg!! Don't sweat....Start dating other men so you have options...Leave age for now....Marriage is a life time commitment that you can't play ping pong with.....
DeleteIf he has not asked for a date in the next 1 or 2 weeks, please keep it moving
May the love that you seek find you
Recommend dating sites abeg...need to find the love of my life.Goodluck to you poster!
DeleteJust relax beautiful. Enjoy your dating cycle. Even if Dapo is nor the one. Don't start dating with your emotions,start with genuine friendship and companionship. Don't pressure any man because of age or you because you met on a dating site. Make sure you're enjoying yourself.🤗😘
DeleteThis guy is playing. Please don't take him seriously and look elsewhere. He wants to nack a d clean mouth but doesn't want to be accused later of leading you on, hence his noncommittal reply. What kinda stupid reply is that? If you want to keep talking with him, no problem but no sex abeg. Let's avoid unnecessary complications.
DeleteThen again, just stop with the age thing. You being 30 or 40 sef doesn't mean shit. Many people got married early but are divorced now or having a terrible marriage. Many are even dead. The goal is to be happy in whatever situation you find yourself. Take your time and enter market so you won't be stuck with a 'chinko' product.
Natasha you again. Take it easy with the desperation
DeleteHmmm, that his answer is very vague. What does he know that you are looking for? Why can't he tell you straight what his intentions are? Are you sure this is not a married man looking for some fun?
DeleteIf I were in your shoes, I'd tell him that his answer is vague, that he should make it clear and understandable for me. I will make sure I get a clear response from him if I was the one.
Meanwhile, keep your mind and options open by communicating with other people until you are sure that you are actually "dating" someone that suits you well. Remember to do your due diligence on the person, even after you start dating officially.
Best wishes.
lol. Proper married man. He’s waiting for his wife to travel so that you guys will go for getaway.
DeleteDating sites in Lagos is just for gbensh. Look for other places to meet people, tell your friends you’re single. Attend weddings and look good and be seen.
Good luck!
Online dating is risky. Just be very careful.
ReplyDeleteAre my the only one who doesn't feel comfortable about this? Why dating app? Don't you have church, workplace? What about going to weddings or taking yourself out to some nice place where you can meet eligible men? Besides, you should be familiar with the term "Breadcrumbing". “Breadcrumbing is when you give an individual just enough morsels of attention to keep them interested or hooked into the relationship (or situationship), without any intention of really committing to it. Poster, from your narrative, you are not in any ship yet. Don't stress it pls. 🧡
ReplyDeleteBe careful and patient madam
ReplyDeleteAsk him out.. f**k and have fun if marriage go happen, e go happen
ReplyDeleteAunty Zukuanike ni! over early fa!
ReplyDeleteOnline dating might be risky but I feel the poster is right. It is better poster meet the guy physically to be sure he is her spec . If not she can find her man else where. Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo said don't mistake attention for intention. It is better she knows the guy's intention to be sure they are on the same page and they are in the same city self.
ReplyDeleteYour meeting is just Two weeks now
ReplyDeleteYou dnt even know if he's Married o
As he has not said anything,being Friends with him First is not a bad ideal ooo
Be calm and Let Nature Flows
You never can say
Make he no be say bros self they take him time ooo
Do not be desperate My darling..
Hello iya Boys
Please ghost the unserious fellow. How can we be chatting for 2weeks and you've not made a move for us to meet. Don't stoop so low to ask him anything just ghost and talk to other men on the site
ReplyDeletePlease, do not ask him anything. Enjoy the calls and chats for now. Keep your options open. Chatting with you or calling you does not in any way mean he should be in a relationship with you.
ReplyDeleteIf you see another man you like that is willing to date you go ahead.
Also, be comfortable being friends with the opposite sex everything should not end in relationship. There are other benefits like business or job opportunities that can come out from it
Have you tried to run some background checks on him using his social media handles? Beware, Yah.. plus guys are in search of sacrificial lamb online. Why don't you ask trusted family and friends for matchmaking?
ReplyDeleteDating app?( una dey try oh)
ReplyDeleteJust two weeks and you want him to define what exactly
My gurl calm down. Don't be so desperate and wallow in regret later.
He is not the only man. Please talk to other guys too.
ReplyDeleteHope the dating site is not Badoo, if it is, just forget about it, 99.9% of men there are just looking for who to gbensh, and to crown it all, majority of them are as broke as church mice, they're just looking for women to gbensh and collect money from, some stupid ones will even be asking for your nudes.
ReplyDeleteSome of them have been there for a very long years, they will never invite you for a date, all they know is to come and visit them at home, sister just leave that app alone and maybe look for better paying matchmakers online.
Just see online dating apps as fun, something to kill your boredom, don't take anything and anyone serious there, forget about their bio or any good things they write about themselves, they're liars, don't visit them at home and don't give them any money no matter what they tell you.
Spot on!
DeleteYour head dey dia
👍
Hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThe Most Complex B
Lol..my sister, keep him at once corner and continue talking to other people. Whenever he feels he's ready (or maybe not) he will contact you. These things are not forcer. Marriage is not beans
ReplyDeleteOnline dating is nonsense
ReplyDeleteHahaha
DeleteCorrect nonsense
90% is trash