''After going through the advice you people gave, I decided to talk to my sister in law about my nephew's attitude, but she feigned ignorance. It was shocking because some of those instances happened in front of her.
She said the house help is lying. I told her it isn't a case of the house help lying or not. After all, all these was what I saw with my eyes. The house help was even telling me out of fear to leave him alone when I scolded him, saying that he was only playing with her. So what would give such a lady the confidence to report the boy to me?
She kept insisting that the house help is lying. I told her the house help didn't tell me but I saw everything, to which she replied again that the house help is lying, that she is a liar and lies a lot.
At that point, I realized talking to her wasn't effective because it seemed she had already made up her mind to be in denial and act blind to everything, so I decided to call her husband to know the part he has been playing, as other BVs suggested.
He told me the same thing Stella said. He said when the house help is tired, she will find her way, the same way he has found his own way. He said it was because of her that he made sure he transferred to Lagos while she stayed in Abuja and only came home on the weekends just because of his son, while he was still living in the country.
He said she slapped the house help in his presence, and he cautioned her, but she took it south. She also slapped a married church member who came to greet him before the service started when he came home during one of the weekends. He said she came over to where they were talking and asked the woman what she was discussing with her husband.
At that point, I realized talking to her wasn't effective because it seemed she had already made up her mind to be in denial and act blind to everything, so I decided to call her husband to know the part he has been playing, as other BVs suggested.
He told me the same thing Stella said. He said when the house help is tired, she will find her way, the same way he has found his own way. He said it was because of her that he made sure he transferred to Lagos while she stayed in Abuja and only came home on the weekends just because of his son, while he was still living in the country.
He said she slapped the house help in his presence, and he cautioned her, but she took it south. She also slapped a married church member who came to greet him before the service started when he came home during one of the weekends. He said she came over to where they were talking and asked the woman what she was discussing with her husband.
He said because of that, he was embarrassed, and he stopped going to the church, and the pastor and church elders had to intervene in the matter. He said a lot of things but told me he would advise his son.
Someone said that I am worried she doesn't report to us because I am troublesome and nosy, and the wife can handle things in her home, but that's not true because I am too busy to be what you described. This is the first time since their marriage of 9 years that I stepped into their house. I stated I went there for official reasons and that I was going to lodge in a hotel. Even other SILs, except for a few times in the past, I haven't been to their houses in years. Though we relate well and they always ask when I am coming over again. If I had met the same situation in their place, I wouldn't have brought it here but would have thrashed it out between ourselves because we are very close.
The reason why I made that statement about her not freely reporting to his family is that she always calls us only when it has escalated beyond repair and she has exhausted all her options. He said she reports to neighbors, and neighbors will call him, and he would have to explain himself to them. Why report to neighbors when he has a family and people he respects who can talk to him?
Anyways, I thought it best to talk to my nephew directly. I told him it is unfair to treat people like that, and besides, the lady is old enough to give birth to someone his age. He seemed sober, and I hope he changes and does not go back to how he was interacting with her after some time.
Someone said that I am worried she doesn't report to us because I am troublesome and nosy, and the wife can handle things in her home, but that's not true because I am too busy to be what you described. This is the first time since their marriage of 9 years that I stepped into their house. I stated I went there for official reasons and that I was going to lodge in a hotel. Even other SILs, except for a few times in the past, I haven't been to their houses in years. Though we relate well and they always ask when I am coming over again. If I had met the same situation in their place, I wouldn't have brought it here but would have thrashed it out between ourselves because we are very close.
The reason why I made that statement about her not freely reporting to his family is that she always calls us only when it has escalated beyond repair and she has exhausted all her options. He said she reports to neighbors, and neighbors will call him, and he would have to explain himself to them. Why report to neighbors when he has a family and people he respects who can talk to him?
Anyways, I thought it best to talk to my nephew directly. I told him it is unfair to treat people like that, and besides, the lady is old enough to give birth to someone his age. He seemed sober, and I hope he changes and does not go back to how he was interacting with her after some time.
Hmmmmm So the Marriage is not even stable and the man don run?WOW
Advising your Nephew once is of no use when the negative influence is around him all day......
You may or may not know it but you have just drawn the battleline with this sister in law......
Thanks for the update, Poster....You have done your part...Wow even the marriage table is shaking already....God bless you....I pray your nephew turns out fine and grow to become a respectable man...
ReplyDeleteAll the best..
You have tried
DeletePhoenix i doubt, let’s tell ourselves the truth, with no father figure to correct him and a mother that doesn’t want his faults and keeps letting him disrespect ppl, how else do u ‘pray’ he becomes a respectable person if he is not removed frm that toxic environment?
DeleteThank you, St.Elsewhere. Amen to the prayers. Anon thanks too.
DeleteI understand your concerns but he will change for the better, I will see what I can do.
Just as I thought, she is a Jezebel.
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for not sitting and keeping your mouth closed. I feel bad that the househelp feels she has to stay and endure such abuse just to survive. She will never get a good letter of recommendation from that woman, so it is wise for her to get out as soon as she can before she die in that house.
Real Jezebel. I applaud the poster too, she has done well.
DeleteShe will do it to an extent and the maid will walk away.
Her marriage is headed for the rocks. If he eventually marries another woman, they will label him a wicked man forgetting how badly behaved the wife is.
Sluttychic.
Who wouldn't run for that kind of woman?
DeleteLet her continues, she will end up alone..
Thanks all. I appreciate you all
DeleteYour SIL will double her aggression on the help. Soo she will no longer see help and transfer it to her son. Had an aunt in this shoes (she’s late). When her reputation was known far and wide, no one wanted to be around her. She transferred the aggression to the adopted daughters and the older of the 2 stated hitting her back. She couldn’t call anyone because she don cast (in naija slangs)
ReplyDeleteMy uncle transferred to another state and traveled once a month for peace sake.
Your SIL is coaching her son for her own future pains if she is not careful.
And that type of SIL will come here and paint the husband's sister black, that she doesn't mind her business and some of us will support her.
DeleteOK nah.
We know them
DeleteThanks all. Maybe, I would need call my brother and express my concern for the house help to him and practical ways to help his son.
DeleteLolzzz
DeleteI honestly don’t know why I don’t trust this lady. Bash me if u want but I just strongly feel there’s something else!
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing else. The marriage is on way down. Good thing no input from her inlaws.
DeleteNo one cares about your thoughts madam
DeleteThere's nothing else Eka learn to call a spade a spade. Some women are so unbearable to live with later they will be wondering why their spouses took off. I've once lived with a very toxic woman that almost kpai if not for God's intervention
Delete17:21, did I hold ur brain to care about my thoughts??
DeleteThe problem EKA have with the poster is because she replied eka yesterday and asked what was her advice instead of bashing. Eka is just too bitter
DeleteThere's an old English saying that birds of a feather, flock together...
DeleteI love families that are close knitted. The fact that you are married does not mean your husband, wife and children are the only family you have. Your siblings, nieces and nephews are also part of your family.
ReplyDeletePoster, your parents did a very good job.
It's how you treat your loved ones before others, that's how they will treat them. If your brother was gossiping you and saying all sorts of negative things about you to his wife, she would have shut you up and told you to mind your business. She has some respect for you because your brother never disrespected you before her.
Your brother should always make sure he teaches his child good morals whenever he calls. Teach him to be kind to others.
That your second paragraph I notice that too. I think it may also be because that is the first time she is stepping feet in their house. But you can tell poster respect herself too and mind her business. I noticed she also didn't complain about the food the woman gives the maid. I was hoping she did sha but maybe the wife reaction to her son behaviour discourage her from talking about the other issue. As for the father and mother of the child I suspected that their marriage was rocky when poster said her brother wasn't around so I am not surprise
DeleteThanks a lot.
DeleteWhy do some people treat their helps badly?
ReplyDeleteMaybe your visit was to help them set things right. A lot is wrong with that marriage. You may think you went for business trip but what if it was to set things straight in the family.
ReplyDeleteYour brother and his wife are keeping a lot to themselves. Consider your nephew and look for ways to go around the situation on ground. You have tried but you can do more.
If you really want her to stop her aggression, report her to the relevant authorities and damn the consequences. Afterall if she kills that maid, your family will still be involved. Report her with proof and let her be dealt with. Maybe jailtime will reset her senses. That will also give small sense to her son. All this serenren is because the maid isn't related to you. If she was your kid, you would have run since to the police to arrest her.
ReplyDeleteWill discuss further with my brother about the way forward. Thank you.
DeleteThank you poster,you have done your part before God and man.🙏🏿
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteYour SILs reaction is normal
ReplyDeleteIt’s hard for a mother to agree to these things sometimes..even good mothers. Cause we be thinking our kid in an angel
Give her time
As for the boy, don’t stay far from him. Looks like he respects you
Remind your bro
Thanks for your time. I appreciate.
DeleteStella is on point. OP, we warned you to avoid asking your SIL directly but you did what was in your mind. A wife husband is running from is that someone you think will take correction?
ReplyDeleteNow you have just added yourself to her list and made yourself a target. Not only that, you have just complicated things for the help.
Don't be vexed please. I had no idea he was running. It was after I called him that he revealed all of that to me.
DeleteI didn't even mention the food aspect to the wife to protect the maid but just that I have been noticing the way the boy speaks to the help and isn't respectful.
See don't mind Stella, I am not a target to her.
I hope she doesn't deal with the help harder once you leave.
ReplyDeleteAs for the little boy ,i pray he remembers your conversation with him.
Glad you have freed your conscious.
ReplyDeleteU don try....Thank u. But d more d wife is feeling d husband slipping away... d more frustrated she becomes....Poor house help ..
ReplyDeleteWell done poster.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing else to do be done.
Nabucco
Well done poster at least you have done your part.
ReplyDeleteThe Most Complex B
It's not enough for your brother to just 'advice' his son over the phone or screen! He needs to be actively present in raising the boy, so that he can become a well-mannered and productive member of society. He chose to procreate, so he needs to man up and be an active and present dad.
ReplyDeleteAs for the househelp, please find a way to empower her, so that she has options in life.
I applaud you poster, you try👍
ReplyDeleteYou have played your part.
ReplyDeleteWell done poster God bless you. You people that maltreat househelp hope you know they’re humans. Karma is real oo
ReplyDeleteThank you for speaking up and thanks for the update. 🌹
ReplyDeleteDoubting Thomas,keep doubting and I pray you don't have such sil
ReplyDeletePoster, imagine the life of the house help.
ReplyDeletePlease help remove her.
Trauma is real 💔 😪
Thanks, everyone. Empowering the lady is not even an issue, that can be done but what if she gets another maid?
ReplyDeleteWith the other kids, we and their parents talk about everything. Like their schooling, the friends they keep, they even come over to spend holidays and we talk on phone. We and their parents are practically raising them together. For the sake of my nephew I will discuss more with the dad and see if we can be close to him like the others.
Thanks Stella and Everyone.
Madam, I advised you to mind your business, but you no gree. This matter would not end here. It must escalate to something big
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean the matter 'must' escalate to something big? Or were you trying to write 'will' escalate?
DeleteI should mind my business when my nephew who is my business(a child that is like a son to me in my eyes) be what he shouldn't be or I should let someone else's child be maltreated and look the other way?
Well, the Matter has ended and it will not escalate rather it will be resolved because we are presently talking about the way forward for the boy and the maid. Thanks.
Poster you have done well. I prayed that the boy turn our well.
ReplyDelete