UNAVAILABLE HUSBAND
Please let me not waste your time and make this chronicle as short as possible.
My mother in-law stays in the same town with my five children and I. My husband stays in another location. He hardly sends upkeep to us.
Please let me not waste your time and make this chronicle as short as possible.
My mother in-law stays in the same town with my five children and I. My husband stays in another location. He hardly sends upkeep to us.
It's always one complain or the other. I manage a POS business which I use in feeding my children. This holidays I told him I want the children to stay with him so he can at least feed them for a month. He asked me to take them to his mother which I did.
I had my reservations but had no option because feeding them is not easy for me. It's been one week they left. My mother-in-law calls every second to complain about one thing or the other. She asked me to come pick them back.
I promised to pick them up....
She called to say she warned her son not to marry me. That I am not training the children well. They look unkept and behave like zombies. Ahh, my heart is shattered.
Her son stays months without visiting us or sending money. My last baby is 4 years. His family don't ask how we are surviving. First time I am taking them to his mother and this is coming up.
I really want them to stay longer at least to change environment and relieve me of cracking my head on how to feed them.
My spirit is asking me to leave them with her, as I am not a good mother, let her help me train them small after all they are her grandchildren. What do you think please?.
Please go and pick up your children before they harm any of them out of frustration...Looks like you are married to yourself...Stop coming and ignore all of them totoally...Concentrate on yourself and the kids and you will be fine...
Go back and carry your children, you and your children should keep managing the way you do before atleast it's better they are with you than to be with your mother in law since she asked you to come and pick them.
ReplyDeleteI believe that you are a bad mother; from the way you casually want to send your kids away, to anyone who can keep them. For you to consider leaving your kids with someone who complains a lot about them and has asked you to come pick them up, you are a terrible mother without empathy for her own children! Your youngest is even 4 years old yet you are okay with leaving them in an environment where they are not welcome! No grandmother rejects grand children except there is something terribly wrong. From your indifference to your own children, I believe that truly your children have been badly raised. If this was abroad, they would take the children away from you.
DeletePoster is not a bad mother.
DeleteThe MIL was expecting 5 children to be well kept from POS profits?
The chronicle, as most do, left out some important details. But Poster's action is accordance with what almost all women in her station of life at this moment will do.
It is easy to criticize a woman's gait when we have not walked in her shoes.
By the way, I am a man.
@17:25, that is harsh and totally uncalled for.
DeleteTheir grandma, and you call her a bad mother who is managing without the husband sending anything in this economy???? Na. Pls be fair.
If she had all the money she needs, she won't take them to their grandma. That's what i get here.
Pls let's be kind with our words. If you haven't walked in someone's shoes, you have no right to judge or condemn.
Dear, poster, pls go pick up your children, you will manage. Pray and strategize like sdk said, you will be fine.
Anon 17:25, if you can't be empathetic to her plight please you do not need to comment. It's obviously not easy for her at all
Delete@anon17:25, can you just stop with your hateful comments and idolizing the West? If it were in your so called abroad, the kids won't be taken from her. Maybe if it were abroad her husband will be mandated to pay child support or you forgot that part? If it were the abroad, she just may be eligible for child benefits and welfare too or you forgot that part as well. Do you think kids just get pulled out of homes because a mother dropped the kids with their own grandmother for awhile? The mother that took kids to visit their grandmother is terrible and the grandmother that is rejecting them is a saint. Have 5 kidd, with no assistance and come back and speak... you lack empathy
DeleteHow una dey manage birth more than 3,kids please,?
DeleteAbi twins follow?
I will never forgive myself if any child from my womb lacks anything even if na 1 it's better than this crowd.
Am sorry if I sound harsh but I know what I've been through and I pity kids that their parents can't cater for
Why have 5 children for a dead beat father when you are not financially sturdy. Like 5, 5. Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteIt’s those poor children I feel sad for.
Thank you for this. This is what is called self-inflicted injury. For Pete’s sake, how did you end up having 5 kids in these circumstances. This is an open invitation to suffering. This must be a lesson for everyone- pls have only children you are capable to take good care of. Having plenty kids is not a gateway to heaven
DeleteI actually went back to confirm the number of children she has.
DeleteShe might not like you, but she doesn't hate her grandchildren.
ReplyDeleteIf it's bad talks, it's normal.with many MILs.
If you really need the break, I will suggest you leave the kids with her.
Remember also, that training and upbringing differs, so she might be expecting some kind of behaviour from them which they don't posses.
If you can communicate with them directly on phone, and you are sure they are not treated inhumanly, then take this time out and let them stay till the end of the holidays. You will be surprised they might pick one or two good character.
No need for any hard feelings
Take this advice from Beddings, she said it all.
DeleteLove your respond and you did echo my mind.
DeleteAbeg, the MIL may not hate her grandchildren.
DeleteHowever, she does not like Poster and there is something called transferred dislike.
The MIL should have sent an SOS to her son if she really liked the grandchildren.
The MIL's behaviour can only be excused if Poster has not complained to her about the wayward behaviour of her husband or the chronicle, as usual with (wo)man, left out some important facts which would have helped us to put the matter in its full context.
Chai Poster I must commend for the good job you are doing...Cannot begin to imagine what you are going through in these tough times we are in....Children usually eat a lot as this is their growing stage....
ReplyDeleteHave you informed his mother that her son does not send feeding money cause I was hoping to read that your write-up...If she is aware, then too bad...Since she has called you about the children, please take them away from her...
What about your parents? Are they alive? Do they stay close to your location? Are they aware about your absentee husband? Maybe they can help intervene in this issue because you cannot really bear this alone....
Let the children come back to you and if what your mother-in-law observed as per their behaviours...It will be great you correct them in your children and take her feedback in good faith....Most grandmothers are known to spoil their children silly...
In conclusion, please do the best you can and don't worry too much especially your health...The way people are slumping these days...Ask God to give you the grace to raise your children the best way you can and provide you with the funds....Just give them good food, cancel any snacks and biscuits for now.....I just hope your husband comes around and wake up to his responsibilities...
All the best Super Mom
Five children! Please you shouldn't cater for the kids alone since their father is alive and well. Even if its 1kobo, let him keep contributing. And why have you kept the situation of things to yourself.
ReplyDeleteLet his family and yours know what is happening and if he isn't ready to fulfil his obligations, choose the options that suits you best.
But sorry to ask, this man is not providing for u and ur kids yet u had 5 babies for him? Really what is wrong with some of u sef.. I know I'm ttcing but these kids didn't force u to birth them, now u can't even take good care of them.. Honestly it's not fair on these kids, go and get ur babies and continue managing.. I don't know how only u will take care of them alone, it definitely want be easy..
ReplyDeleteCompelling comment 👍
DeleteObviously, there is a part of the story there are no keys to type about.
DeleteMe I will tell you the truth that most people won’t. How the hell did you end up with 5 children? It’s not like it just started becoming difficult to feed now, it looks like it’s been happening for a while yet you had 1,2,3,4 and 5? Now them don leave only you with bukata wey u no fit handle. You’re not an illiterate from how you typed and should know better than bring 5 kids into the world when you have no means of properly taking care of them.
ReplyDeleteThem like gbola pass their life na why
DeletePls tell her o and those who are in her category who have hung their reasoning faculty in the wardrobe
Delete15:20 you dey crase, which dirty judgmental truth are you telling her? you must be mad....so you think she does not know she has many kids by now? she is probably regretting that too by now.. she needs solution not judgements....asking why she has 5 kids will not solve her problems. the 5 kids are already a burden for her so what next?
Deleteposter begin to live like you are single. go visit the mother and tell her the whole truth about her her son. take your kids and live like a single parent....if you have a family member who can help then seek the help for the holidays then back to the grind....focus on your self and kids...God will help you
Go and get your children, and take care of them before the unthinkable happens.
ReplyDeleteHe was unavailable and you guys have five kids??? Please go and take them and continue to pray for more breakthrough. Double your hustles.
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE REALLY A BAD MOTHER
ReplyDeleteAnd husband is??
DeleteLeave them there for a bit. No harm will come to them.
ReplyDeleteWhy do u have 5 children? Won fi se yin ni? How won’t they look unkempt when you have given birth to more than you people can handle. You and ur husband are not serious. You now want to dump the responsibility on ur innocent MIL
ReplyDeleteyou are very stupid with this comment....does mother inlaw have a right to say she is not looking after the kids well when her son is also irresponsible? you think if her son was sending money to MIL to feed those kids she will complain? indirectly blaming her for her sons misfortune...wicked MIL why will she say she did not want her son to marry her? did she produce 5 kids by herself? you must be an idiot to say innocent MIL
DeleteThey are your children first,before they are her grand-kids..
ReplyDeletePerhaps it's also on this blog that we always read that a woman shouldn't allow a man take the kids after a divorce,so now that the husband isn't providing(as he should),then kindly do the hustling and give your kids the best too.
Or is hustling only meant for a man??
And yes,your mother inlaw's remark about your kids was very bad;but it's not enough reason for you to want to drop the responsibility of feeding FIVE kids on her;because of the decision you and your absentee husband took enroute gbenshing.
Like what were you thinking having five kids in Nigeria? Even if you are rich😔😔
Take the responsibility so next time your husband comes to gbensh,you would remember how difficult it is to provide for a family of six,then either go for family planning OR tie your tubes OR ask him to get a good condom OR a vasectomy.
Hope this helps.
@MARTINS
This is why we need as women to look out for ourselves. See all these men that say I want 4 children, born 5 children for me. Years later you would be on your own with these children. poster, are you sure you are not marrying youself like this? are you sure he is not with another family where he is? please go pick your children and manage the way you can with them?. Can you add something else to your pos business?
ReplyDeleteAgenda must always agend.
DeletePlease how many percent of men abandon their wives and children?
Please go and carry your children. God will see you true
ReplyDeleteIn House News Landed Landed
ReplyDeleteLandedliciuos
🤣🤣🤣 Abeg I dey road oo
Coming back when I reach house
Hello iya Boys
Olodo is this ihn?
Delete😁😁😁😁
DeleteWhy are you calling my name, just a harmless question ooh😂
Licious Babe
Bottle why nahh
DeleteIya boys why you post this comment here
Nah Mistake ooo
Biko help me delete am biko🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
@shooter gyal you no say nah mistake
DeleteWhich one come be the olodo name calling
Mrs Right wan no dey do mistake
OLODO you too..
Hello iya Boys
Poster, please go get your children. Who knows the kinda treatment they are receiving over there.
ReplyDeleteGood thing you're a hustler, you and your kids won't go hungry. May God keep coming through for you
Clean up yourself and marry another man
ReplyDeleteGo to “human rights” or whichever one they call it in your state and ask them to call your husband to order or impose payment on him
Is he in the military
Your husband is unavailable and you just open legs Dey drop children not 3 oooooo but 5. Make una Dey use una head instead of vagina to think. Better gann carry ur children no be ur mother in law say make you no get sense
ReplyDeleteAre you people trying to say you don’t know the man might have been different then
DeleteHe's not feeding you and kids and you have 5 kids for him? You for make it 11 make e complete football team.
ReplyDeleteAbeg go carry your children! Na you born them, she don train her own finish.😎
you want to rest your head on top the children you opened your eyes and legs to have, you are play sha. Go get your children from your MIL and take good care of them, the man her son you should keep them with is somewhere enjoying his life and play like he is a single man. I am sure the man is somewhere enjoying with one girl, he could have more than one side chick while he allowed you and his five children to suffer.
ReplyDeleteDropping the children with their grand mother is not the best solution, why don't you take them to their father without informing him. Drop them off with him and before you come to acrry them again please make sure you both has a written agreement on how their feed and upkeep will be between you both. Read that some women who are leaving a marriage no longer want to leave with heir children. They leave responsibilities for the man.
Lastly, i will blame you cos you brought this on you. You played the independent wife from day one and now the man is using it against you. If he does not have money he should stay at home and stop that traveling or staying in a separate house cos of work. You people should stop encouraging lazy men everywhere.
Sad Chronicles like this once in a while is a message for those of us who have non-adultrous husbands who provide all - rent, school fees and all school related (even if in the lowest grade private school), basic staple foods, clothes, etc. and still do household chores to well appreciate our husbands or to show understanding when they denge potz sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThe other time, a woman said she was gbenshing the gateman of their residential estate in her matrimonial home because her husband was arrogant. Tried and convicted by her conscience, she wanted to use the hands of her husband to get the gateman sacked. Clearly it was because she was being overfed and left idle at home. When a woman needs to solely feed 5 children, she will know that gbenshing in adultery to feed them is double punishment, and not easing of her life or revenge against her husband.
Poster sorry. God will provide for your children and keep you long to enjoy your labour of motherly love.
First thing first, please go and get your children first
ReplyDeleteLeave your children there
ReplyDeleteGet yourself first
Did you hear of the woman that slumped and died
See you and stress
Madam leave them there,take that much needed break
Switch off your phone and REST
If you die today your children will survive,they will be alive
They need a healthy mother, a sane one
When they are finally back,LOCK UP and look up to God
You see this God up there he is super amazing and he is absolutely faithful
He will come through for you
I’ve seen Him do it many times
But first take care of YOU
Word!
DeleteThis is the comment i have been looking for. Let her feel the weight so that she can caution her son to do the needful.
DeleteThey are her children also.
How do people feed with just POS??
Oh this comment 💪
DeleteWawu
ReplyDeletePlease, do not have more kids oh, considering the current situation of the country. But you knew he s a deadbeat dad as you said, why continue having kids when you understand the financial situation of you both?
You might need to get another source of income.
Also, you cannot blame your mother in law, feeding 4 extra mouths is huge especially if nobody is giving her money. You and your husband cannot just keep the kids with her without foodstuffs or money.
My own is I hope you have done 20 yrs family planning ,like you have 5 five children for absentee father so once he comes he gives belle and stay away .
ReplyDeleteGive birth give birth no be for this type of human being go and take them back cos anything your children do it will end in insults like children of useless mother, go pack your kids o call their family so that he can send even if it's little.
While at it manage your stress level and always check your BP
20years😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteWhat a sad and distressing story. You are an abandoned wife. Your horseband is simply a sperm donor. Do not ever let him touch your body again, or get close to you. He used you simply as an outlet for his physical needs and that was it, even some prostitutes have better relationships with their customers than you do with your so-called husband.
ReplyDeleteGo get your children from that woman. Get in contact with a charity that helps abandoned wives and children. Any charity focused on women’s affairs should be able to help you. Learn to pray effectively and cry out to God for help. Take the best care you can of your children. There are ways to cook to keep them fed, you may have to look at non-traditional recipes, but learn new ways of meal preparation that can help. There are YouTube channels focused on how to survive during hard times and meal preparation on a low budget.
Where are your people? Are you without parents or siblings who can help you. Since you have your business, there are opportunities to expand it in some way to increase your income. You have to start thinking like a business person to see how you can make more without doing much more. Maybe one of the savvy business ppl here can tell you how to improve yourself through your business. No matter how hard the times never regret your children. Lift them up in prayer daily, speak a good destiny on their lives, dream the impossible dream for them and also for yourself. Ask God to shock you and blow your mind and show you how great He truly can give and deliver you. God loves a challenge, God loves when someone says show me what you can really do, always respectfully of course. I have used this method multiple times and it never fails.
In everything do good. If you have a little more and someone needy ask for a piece of bread or a drink of water gift it to them. Do not ever let your heart get bitter because of your experiences. Love your children and be hopeful for a great future. The sun must rise.
My dear leave them with their granma she can't kill them, put ur phone on flight mode or block her for on more week and give yourself a break to recuperate, its well with you. Pele
ReplyDeletePls go pick up your kids.your hubby should send the money needed for their upkeep.May God strengthen you@this time.
ReplyDeleteAhhhh
ReplyDeleteIya boys you for no post My comment here ooo
Nah Mistake ooo🙆🙆🙆🙆
Chikalicious what have you done
Poster pele ooo
Was he like this before you gave birth to 5kids
How you go do am
You know what go carry your children
Please mange with them, God Almighty will surely see you through it is well🙏🙏🙏
Hello iya Boys
Please poster go and get your children, the one week experience is ok lesson learnt. They need you more. They will be happier drinking garri with you than where they are right now.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm madam please look for a well to do relatives and give out two of your grown kids....... Everywhere is hard for you to only handle and feed 5kids alone.
ReplyDeleteGive a ‘well to do’ relative two grown kids right? As what? To be a house help? That’s how abuse starts.
DeleteIn this day and age people still have more kids than they can take care of🫤.
Dear house of sdk, i am calling out everyone who has dropped a post and will, asking this lady what she was doing birthing 5 children.!!!! Like seriously, is that what you all should be asking her? The deed has been done. She has 5 children and is in a situation, give your advice without rubbing in the fact that she has 5 children. She already knows. Now all of you asking what she was doing and saying she is a bad mother, haba! No empathy, no compassion? We only know half of the story. Suppose she had multiple births.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who has 6 children. She wanted 3. No contraceptive worked for her. The tablet ooo, the implant none worked. Is it her fault? And the children kept coming.
Some of the posts here can send one into depression. People come here to get help and counsel, but get taunted, insulted and reminded that they went to school and should use their knowledge.
I think we can do better. Leave people feeling better than they dropped their stories and a way out, not insults.
Thank you.
🙄
DeleteSometimes we talk like this for other people to learn. Did u know that this blog has a very wide outreach. So that other women having absentee husbands that are in the process of giving birth would also learn.
DeleteSince you have an advice for her pls drop urs and keep it moving and allow those that want to admonish her to do so. Son’t be surprised that if all of us just tell her how to go about dropping or picking up her kids wt grandma without admonishing her on the root cause, she would see nothing wrong in it. Dnt be surprised she would be on her 6th journey by next year.
Btw, you ended up not dropping advice for her, only cautioning others who have equal rights as u in the way they drop their comments.
@ Eka Joy, i felt bad reading some of the posts.
DeleteIt felt like being pushed under the Bus.
A person is down, and is still being pushed down.
Lady T, God bless you for this comment.
DeleteYimu.....
DeleteBiko no vex did you say none of the family planning worked for and children kept coming ,empathy ,compassion yes we showed her while at it we still blame her there is no way a red flag will not manifest even after the third or fourth child that one aside.
DeleteSo that your friend she will continue giving birth till when menopause comes make una dey use una sense talk like all the family planning none worked okay ooooooo
First of all, please no more kids.
ReplyDeleteYou have to find out if they're being maltreated there or not.
Then, if you feel you're stressed and need rest please leave them there. I'm sure granny will call her son when she needs money to feed them.
You need rest and relief make you no go die. It's a different thing is your husband wasn't alive
Dear Poster, sending you ehugs. God will help you. Don't despair. Trust God, always pray fir openings of what you can do to add to what you get. And then pray that your husband turns around to help.
ReplyDeleteI hope he doesn't have another family at his station.
Wishing you the very best. It's a phase you will come out of it.
Apart from prayer, pls what other practical advice do u have for her? Or is just to keep giving birth and praying hard for openings? In the naija of today??
DeleteI’m not saying prayer doesn’t work, but other things need to be done alongside the prayer.
Poster I feel your pains,and I feel your mother inlaw pains as well,for 3weeks now,I can't sleep,I can't even recharge my phone,my cousin sis just transfer 100mb for me, I'm going mentally sick,my headaches,my head is on 🔥 because my late sister's son was brought to stay with me,no business this few days, imagine 5 children with your mother inlaw,🤮😭, please go and carry your children, I'm having fever already.God will provide for us🙏
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder at the essence of marriage 🤔 . Where one is suffering hardship yet you go born 2, 3,4 on top wetin. ??????? You like suffer head ni ? Haba !!
ReplyDeletePls as it is just go pick your kids and keep managing with them Forget that horseband Man
Leave them with who? If I am your MIL, I will deliver them to your doorstep myself, do you know how she's faring, those kida are your husband responsibility.
ReplyDeleteYou don't expect her to train their father and start catering for his children at her old age just to answer good MIL.
How do you want her to cope with 5 additional mouth to feed? you need to embrace family planning or tie your womb, hunger will affect the way your children behave so your MIL is sort of right. I expect you to send them to their dad not an old woman who is meant to be resting.
Felicity
The double standards being seen here is too much.
ReplyDeleteThe poster operates POS but is finding it difficult feeding 5 children. However, no one ever cared to ask how the children's grandma who might be old and retired can feed these 5 grandchildren.
No one cares to ask how the aged grandma will be able to take care of 5 grandchildren with the youngest being 4 years old who can barely do anything unsupervised. I can understand 1 or 2 grandchildren but not 5.
People are advising the poster to leave the children with grandma to take adequate rest without a care that the old woman may be worn out before requesting the children's mother pick them. We don't know anything about the grandma's situation.
About the children's behaviour, it may be due to different in parenting styles. However, it doesn't call for MIL to make unflattering remarks on the personality of her DIL. As an elder, she can advise her. Then, DIL will decide which to adopt or reject.
If I were the poster, I would have carried both my self and our 5 children to hubby's base for the holiday. Let him feed all of us for the 1½ months holiday. The POS business is something mobile so she can even do it there. Or if she wants the children's holiday to be with grandma, she should make herself available to stay there too for the duration.
Thank you exactly
DeletePoster leave those kids for your mother in law, after all they are her grandchildren, grandchildren cannot be rejected by their grandparents.
ReplyDeleteThis is just so sad. A lot of men have become so irresponsible all of a sudden. Very painful. Please pick them up and mange with them. It is well
ReplyDeleteWhy be say na poor people dey born like rats?
DeleteMadam, you mean you can't, relocate to his base and continue your Pos business there? If you cant, it means he's married to another woman there or he is doing ashewo work there at is base. Bundle yourselves to his base even if he insists. He is your husband for goodness sake
ReplyDeleteAs for the not training your kids well, I don't know what to say about it. Your mum in law may be right or wrong If you actually didn't train them well, please start from now to inculcate the necessary characters in them.
This story leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. 5 children?😱. This life no balance.
ReplyDeleteMother inlaw wey raise deadbeat son de criticise another woman, and you poster, 5 children? Your head sef no correct.
ReplyDelete