DIFFICULT MOTHER
I am a 29-year-old working-class lady. I stay with my mum for the main time. I work in the civil service and my salary is little. My mum complains a lot.
First, she said I don't buy foodstuff for the house and that I only give her pocket money that the pocket money is enough to buy foodstuff. My mum is a civil servant also. She is a teacher with a financially comfortable husband ( My dad). I am not married yet because have not been getting serious suitors and have been praying hard.
Now to my mum, I started buying foodstuff but she would say she won't eat the ones I bought.
She bought a crate of eggs I used one egg to cook the macaroni I bought she started complaining about why I ate her eggs that am 29 I should be feeding myself if I can't give her a portion of my salary. I am tired of her unnecessary rants. It is only my mum and I that live together. My siblings are married and my dad is working in another state. He only comes home twice in a month. What do I do to avoid my mum's unnecessary rant? If I am financially comfortable I would have rented accommodation. But I felt staying with her would help me to save money before marriage comes.
Should I start cooking my food and not eat the one she cooks? I don't admire her cooking skills but whenever I cook my meal myself she will complain that we are eating different meals. What do I do pls?
I am a 29-year-old working-class lady. I stay with my mum for the main time. I work in the civil service and my salary is little. My mum complains a lot.
First, she said I don't buy foodstuff for the house and that I only give her pocket money that the pocket money is enough to buy foodstuff. My mum is a civil servant also. She is a teacher with a financially comfortable husband ( My dad). I am not married yet because have not been getting serious suitors and have been praying hard.
Now to my mum, I started buying foodstuff but she would say she won't eat the ones I bought.
She bought a crate of eggs I used one egg to cook the macaroni I bought she started complaining about why I ate her eggs that am 29 I should be feeding myself if I can't give her a portion of my salary. I am tired of her unnecessary rants. It is only my mum and I that live together. My siblings are married and my dad is working in another state. He only comes home twice in a month. What do I do to avoid my mum's unnecessary rant? If I am financially comfortable I would have rented accommodation. But I felt staying with her would help me to save money before marriage comes.
Should I start cooking my food and not eat the one she cooks? I don't admire her cooking skills but whenever I cook my meal myself she will complain that we are eating different meals. What do I do pls?
Na wah...what kind of difficult mother is this_..She wants money from you?And when you cook she doesnt eat?hmmmm to have peace reign, please just give her a small amount every month, just a little and dont buy any foodstuff at all,if you can eat something outside before you get home and do not eat if she cooks...
She acts like she doesn't want you around. Please if you can, buy your own foodstuff, and cook. If she asks you about it, then tell her you got tired of her constantly complaining about eating her food.
ReplyDeleteSee finish is her problem and she wants you out and fast. Go find a place of your own. She will be the one to complain of loneliness when you have packed out. There are advantages of staying alone, you should understand that. She's just being fastidious for no reason at all.
DeleteWhy has the world grown cold suddenly? A mother!
DeleteThis generation is scary mehn
I'm sorry about this, I'm 34, female, unmarried and live withy mom as my dad is late and siblings married. My mom and I are like sisters or even husband and wife. She takes absolute care of me and I contribute to the home front. I pray first that God heals your relationship with your mom, and then He settles and all that concerns you in Jesus' Name. Amen.
DeleteJust ignore her
ReplyDeleteYou are in your “parents house “
Nobody can chase you from there 🤣
Let everyone hold their lane.
Was she always like thi? If not, I’ll say she’s trying to use pepper body to make you move. Be careful tho. Don’t marry wrong cause of pressure
I think she just want to pressure you into marriage and don't allow it.. Avoid her completely
DeleteYour mum is dysfunctional
DeleteUnderstand, accept and work with her accordingly
She is cooperating with the devil to be used to frustrate you
Fast, pray and ask GOD for direction
It is well
What she is trying to frustrate you into will not prospering Jesus Christ Name Amen
Poster, i understand your situation perfectly.
ReplyDeleteThe only solution is to leave her place. If you have a friend that you can put up with, please do.
For someone like your mother, your relationship with her will only get better when you're far from her and only reach out when necessary.
It may be difficult but you'll be fine.
Just imagine yourself in a state where you don't have relatives. Wouldn't you have sorted yourself?
Start thinking that way so you'll find your own space and have peace of mind. Or better still, ask for support from your dad and siblings if they are willing to help.
I pray that you find the wisdom to make the best decision.
Poster, you went to tell her your salary.
DeleteYou don enter be that.
Better tell her that they have reduced your salary. Then whatever amount you give to her will be called half of that salary
Why should she leave her father’s house?
DeleteWhat's your Dad's take on all of this?
ReplyDeleteWhat's your Dad's take on all of this?
ReplyDeletePls poster,get a place and move out.cis tomorrow it would be something different.see finish don enter.abeg get a place and move for Ur own sanity
ReplyDeleteYou go hear truth? Move out. Get your own place. Don't fight her. Just get your own place
ReplyDeleteStop postponing your happiness!! Go get your own place if that will bring you peace. When marriage comes, it comes!!
ReplyDeleteIf I am financially comfortable I would have rented accommodation.
DeleteShe can’t afford t move
Is it not better to get a place
ReplyDeleteNo matter how small
Just for peace to reign o
This Your Story Made Me Remember My Elder Sis and My Mother The both Of Them Can Quarry For Africa
After She left
Everybody begin Respect themselves..
It is well ooo🙏🙏
Hello iya Boys
Lols reminds me of a lady I know lol...she frustrate the daughter till she found a man to marry
DeleteYou work, poster. You are meant to buy food for the house, once in a while, when you get paid. After all, if your workplace was far from home and you get to live alone, you would spend a lot more than you currently spend, regardless of how little you claim your salary is.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you give her money monthly means nothing to her, not because she is ungrateful but because somehow you get to spend out of it eventually, by staying in the same spacewith her. So to her, you haven't really given her anything specifically for herself.
I believe when you share a space with someone, be it your parent, siblings, or friends, based on your capability, it's self-respecting that on your way home sometimes, you stop by at a supermarket and get one or two things for the house. It shows responsibility and care.
You said your dad is financially comfortable. Why don't you share with him your concerns? Maybe he can give you some money to add to the amount you have saved already, because cooking separately while living in the same house with anyone is a difficult situation to navigate. No matter how good your reasons are, it doesn't sound appropriate.
If your wish comes true and you get your accomodation, don't stop sending money to her. Be it little out of the little you have, till God blesses you enough to have a lot and spoil her and your dad as they deserves.
I feel your pain poster. This brings to mind the term BLACK TAX and I hope for God's sake it's not the narrative here. It's well with you, brace up and find your footing. Peace and Love🧡
ReplyDeletePoster sorry for the wotowoto that your mum is giving you.
ReplyDeleteI will suggest 3 things for you to choose from.
1) Since your dad is financially comfortable, ask him for some money and get a small place for yourself. It can be a very small place since you live alone.
2) Look for your good friends or colleagues to squat with during the week, you can be going back home to spend time with your mum during the weekend if you wish. You can pay an agreed percentage of the person's rent to avoid insults and see finish from them.
3) Keep staying with your mum, but change your strategy. If it's money she prefers, give her the much you can. Make yourself less available to her (the less she sees you, the lesser her bickering)- eat out more, visit friends during the weekend, go for church activities/social activities more, stay more inside your room.
The aim is to reduce direct physical contact with her. This I believe will make her understand that she needs to take things easy with you so as not to push you out completely.
I wish you the best.
Poster I am so sorry,for what you're going through in the hands of your mother. You have to tolerate her or look where to live temporarily. 😒😒😒
ReplyDeleteShe has a difficult spirit where nothing can please her and that is why your father returns so infrequently. Has she always been this way? Could she be going through menopause or showing early signs of something?
ReplyDeleteAs an adult, you need to address the matter in a calm and respectful manner with your mother. Do not get into an argument with her. Just let her know that you almost do not feel welcomed in her home and that it hurts that nothing you do can please her. Remind her that your income is low and she knows how hard Nigeria is so just to be patient.
In the mean time, please look for a better paying job. I am not one to encourage anyone to use marriage as an escape from home life, so do not try to marry anyhow just because you will not have to be at home. All those who married anyhow met wahala, but you can take your prayer deeper and add vigils and fasting so you can meet who God has ordained for you.
I hope things get better at home and I also hope your mother finds inner peace.
I have been in this situation and i understand perfectly!!!
ReplyDeleteThe one and only solution you have is to MOVE OUT!!!
I don't know how you are going to do it since you are not financially buoyant but if you don't, ...trust me things will become worse...have been there!
Seems like our African parents have been affected with the western moving out of their kids once they are in their 30s or late 20s.
No more support till they are able to stand on their feet!
Seems they suddenly crave privacy now.
God help us the young ones to be able to find our bearing...amen
I think so too, ask dad and siblings to support.
DeleteHmmm I understand your plight cos my mum is exactly like this and even more.Since you can't afford to rent an accommodation, the best thing to do is to avoid touching her things and sort yourself out in terms of food.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you how I have conquered this issue, I am 30 still with my parents, I use reverse psychology on them, they care so much about my well being than disturbing for marriage but I support the with what I have. I don't let them know when I earn more, I live based on the salary they know last.
ReplyDeleteWhen I notice we are playing too much and want to start entering me anyhow, I active my withdrawal, they will start fidgeting wanting to know what went wrong with me.
Poster, this is it!!!. Reduce your earnings so much. So that whatever little you give her is like 50 percent or more of the said salary. Then play her at her own game. Start acting depressed. Look dull. Eat outside and say you’re not hungry at home . Let her see you crying once in a while.
DeleteShe is a difficult person and it’s only this game that can shake her off your back
Na wa o. God I thank you for my family. My family knows how much I earn, and no one feels entitled to my money. Maybe it's also because I carry my bulk of the responsibilities, and everyone is financially stable in my family. I'm so glad, 34, single, female and living with my mom by the way.
DeleteYou won't live with her forever. While still there be calculative and plan yourself very well. she wants you out but don't be in a hurry to . Do what you can by giving her something every month. it is well dear.
ReplyDeleteI just started working, I stay with my sister and her family. Saving to at least get a land before I move out. Not upto a year, have saved millions,if I was staying alone, that wouldn't have happened. Poster, don't mind her, just ignore her and do your thing. Save as much as you can and could okay.
ReplyDeleteHope you are contributing to that house you stay in. Don’t be selfish in eating from them but turn yourself to a parasite in their house. Elder ones are not meant to suffer, while the younger ones rip them off.
Delete19:21 thank you o
Delete17:29 You stayed with your sister and her family. You save a million because you put your responsibility on their necks. Most of you who want to save always want to do it at the detriment of another. You want to save at the same time you want to eat good food, use electricity on their tab etc.I wonder how your sister would feel if it was her husband sister that was in their house for a while one year.
Avoid her babe , though some mother can be difficult at times due to some circumstances surrounding them.
ReplyDeleteSave up and rent an apartment of your own for peace to reign between you two.
Cheers
Some mothers sha.Try and get your own accommodation for year own peace.You can never satisfy her.
ReplyDeleteThis kind mother sef!
ReplyDeleteNa to try go rent your own place, even if it's a room self contain.😎
She tired of your singlhood. She wants you to get married.
ReplyDeleteSeat her down and plead with her to understand you can't marry yourself and does not want to marry the wrong person due to her pressure. If possible tell her the exact amount you earn and explain why you can't buy food stuffs and also give her pocket money.
If you can afford it stay in a hotel for a weekend. Let her miss you small.
Don’t plead nothing
DeleteYou’re in your fathers house
She can’t drive you so she’s trying to Oppress you
It's not every body that should be sat down to talk to in this manner that you are envisaging o Zaram. Some people's mentality is not groomed like that.
DeleteThis is anonymous 16:57, in all that you do, don't plead or ask for a dialogue, she will destroy your self esteem, don't show your worries to her. Keep your vulnerability away from her.
DeleteI made that mistake once, pleaded to have some peace, I suffered like never before, I became a shadow of myself. I love her as a mother and will go to any length for her but I wil never trade my happiness for any reason again, I will continue to choose me over anyone.
Your mun needs you to get married for some bragging right, have you ever wondered if the young marriages with glaring red flags have parents involved, they sure knowns but everyone wants to be a grandma before 50, organise owambe because it is their turn and they leave you to dance to the music.
Last year, I told my friend this same thing because my mum is always quick to call that I am not being serious with marriage, she did not have my submission not until recently when her mum is encouraging to stay back in a marriage that is driving her crazy because she does not want to have a divorcee as a daughter, she's wondering if her sweet mum really cares about life or her marriage.
Next move from her will be to matchmake you with anything that looks like a man even the one you wil have to feed with your money. While at it, have fun like never before, go for parties, live for God, do the things you enjoy.
Please don’t get frustrated and move in with any man or force yourself to marry.
ReplyDeleteSpoil your mum with kindness. She may also be lonely from your Dad being away or just going through a difficult marriage. Hopefully not. Pray for her as well for peace and show her love. I’m not saying that you should tolerate abuse from her, especially if it’s affecting your health. If that is the case, then move out.
If not, use this opportunity to save your own money and also to prepare yourself financially and emotionally before marriage. I’ll end by saying that if you think this is bad, you don’t want to read from the trapped married ones living with ranting spouses.
Nawaooo i think this is an indirect way of saying, ''go and marry''. Because what's this wan. Please don't feel pressured to be with just any guy.
ReplyDeleteIs your dad aware of this, maybe you should talk to him so he can caution his wife
Good thing you're praying for God to settle you maritally, he sure will
Dear poster please get a place of your own to avoid see finish. Some parents are like that . it doesn't mean not got love for u. She just be human and forgive her. She appreciates you more if you away. It also help you getting your own properties
ReplyDeleteYou mum still earns salary, so do give her money anymore except when you intend buy presents for her. Don't you want to have savings for rainy days? You have other siblings, can't they contribute for you to get an accommodation elsewhere? Aren't your siblings aware of the unfair treatment meted out to you by your mom? If they are aware, they should have pity on you and make contributions to have you out of the house.
ReplyDeleteIf you keep giving to your mum with this little salary you earn, upon her own salary, anytime you loose your job, you won't have anybody to give to you and by then , there will be no money saved to start up another business or even learn a skill with.
For now, complain to your siblings, after that, start cooking your own meals, at least you have let them know what's at stake before proceeding to start cooking solo, so they won't blame you for anything tomorrow.
You need to save up so you can be able to get an accommodation elsewhere. How will you be able to save of you keep sharing your little salary with her upon her own salary. She is supposed to be adding to your salary self.
What kind of a mother is this? Is she ovulating like one Instagram blogger?.
ReplyDeleteThe Most Complex B
Communication is key. I feel you sit with her and let her know how her actions are hurting you.
ReplyDeletePresently I stay with a relative of mine but I try as much as possible not to be a burden to them.
ReplyDeleteHer own mother again Stella, what kind of a horrible advice is this. Poster, take care of your Mum and stay with her. You have only one mother in this lifetime.
ReplyDelete