Hmmm......
ADVICE NEEDED
Dear Stella.
Dolapo and I are close friends. She got to know her husband through me. Her husband asked me out and I turned him down. Before her introduction, she gave me two days' notice and 2 weeks' wedding notice for her wedding which I found awkward. I called her to greet her before the wedding. Her response was cold. I didn't attend the wedding as a result and neither did I view her WhatsApp status to congratulate her. I checked out of the friendship because I didn't want her accusing me of trying to snatch her husband. After all, her hubby knew me lst.
I distanced myself.
6 months after her wedding she called me and asked why I was absent from her wedding I gave my reasons. She said she was stressed up because she traveled the previous day which was why she gave me a cold response that she had just woken up from sleeping.
I asked her why she gave me a short wedding invite notice. She said that she also gave her wedding invitation to every attendee within a short period which the attendee never complained about. She said that her husband was supposed to be involved in the census count last year as an ad-hoc staff but the Nigerian FG was postponing the census date so they were not sure of the wedding date because of the census.
My question- is it worth continuing my friendship with her or I should maintain a friendly distance? besides I don't know if her apology was genuine or if she just wanted to reconnect with me to cure boredom.
Dolapo and I are close friends. She got to know her husband through me. Her husband asked me out and I turned him down. Before her introduction, she gave me two days' notice and 2 weeks' wedding notice for her wedding which I found awkward. I called her to greet her before the wedding. Her response was cold. I didn't attend the wedding as a result and neither did I view her WhatsApp status to congratulate her. I checked out of the friendship because I didn't want her accusing me of trying to snatch her husband. After all, her hubby knew me lst.
I distanced myself.
6 months after her wedding she called me and asked why I was absent from her wedding I gave my reasons. She said she was stressed up because she traveled the previous day which was why she gave me a cold response that she had just woken up from sleeping.
I asked her why she gave me a short wedding invite notice. She said that she also gave her wedding invitation to every attendee within a short period which the attendee never complained about. She said that her husband was supposed to be involved in the census count last year as an ad-hoc staff but the Nigerian FG was postponing the census date so they were not sure of the wedding date because of the census.
My question- is it worth continuing my friendship with her or I should maintain a friendly distance? besides I don't know if her apology was genuine or if she just wanted to reconnect with me to cure boredom.
I Hope you are not jealous? You assumed she was cold to you and did not attend the wedding and she still reached out to you and you are still looking for excuses not to be friends with her? Are you not proud of being the one that introduced her to her husband?Even if she is lying at least she missed you and reached out and thats enough reason to give your friendship another chance!...........If you are not interested in the friendship, you can back out nicely so that it doesnt end up that you both stop talking....
Did you check out of the friendship because you didn't want her to call you husband snatcher or because she invited you on a short notice?
ReplyDeleteIf the former is your reason, then continue to stay away forever, but if it's for the second reason, you can give the friendship another shot.
Naa Poster this is not the way at all. A free mind fears no accusations. If you really value your friendship, you can still be cordial. I don't see what she did that was wrong.
DeleteIf you feel you have grown out of the friendship, that's fine. But don't say because you got a short notice and you wanna end it. You have always wanted to end it.
Don't allow jealousy becloud your mind
Deep in you, you are very jealous. Your write-up is riddled with gross jealousy. Kindly sever the relationship and move on.
ReplyDeleteYou're wrong. I keep wondering how you guys reason. Anyways, different reasons, different individuals.
Delete@baltika, they are dumb. Poster clearly added the patt of the guy asking her out first for better understanding and she is justifiably pissed. I recently didn't attend a former friend's "surprise engagement" because I found out she was pregnant and hiding it from me. We were close and I told her everything like she wanted to know but was extremely secretive about even what model of car she bought. She was planning her wedding in front of me but talking codedly but I was able to understand cos I am a sharp babe and already knew. And she had the guts to be angry. Mtschheewww. People Re mad. Woh! Poster, I may be wrong but I believe she's bored. The high from being married has worn off so she has remembered you. You can forgive her but don't rush into being close again. Give it time and take it one step at a time.
DeletePoster I think your instincts are kicking in. Humbly stay away.
DeleteYou have your own emotions and I understand;but most times what you think,and what "it actually is" are two different things.
ReplyDeleteShe has explained to you and I think her reasons are valid enough since she reached out first.
If you value your friendship with her;you can still analyse and adjust things;because for her to reach out and explain means she either values you;or maybe needs something from you(must not always be monetary).
Nevertheless,it's up to you to either continue the friendship or not;life itself isn't that serious.
@MARTINS
Please maintain a friendly distance. You are not being jealous dear, you are simply playing safe.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, nobody asked you what you feel, but since you implied it, and also wanted acknowledgement for introducing them, you should have told her to send you the invite earlier. You sound deeply pained that when He asked out and you rejected,he quickly moved on to your friend! But you forget that since you rejected him, he moved on, and I feel you should do the same!
ReplyDeleteIs this from the same post all of read?
DeleteYes, in her chronicles, there was no need to mention the fact that she rejected the man/he approached her first. It was unnecessary! Haba!
DeleteAvi she was having regrets on rejecting him because her friend accepted? If she wanted to go for the wedding, she would have gone even if it was last minute! After everything, she didn't reach out to her supposed close friend until the lady did!
What a silly comment.
DeleteI’m sorry I don’t agree with others
ReplyDeleteShe has had a change of heart and is trying to make nice
Maybe hubby is not treating her good if she has realized she needs her friend in addition to her marriage
If you reconnect with her, she will do this again
I would know way before my event whether my good friend is coming or not
If you were such good friends you would be in touch leading up to the event
She has celebrated her big day with those she considers important
Let her go hang out with them
Your next chronicle should be seeing if you can find someone for yourself
Leave this story alone
Maybe you are correct. Many ppl do not have the means to do anything last minute, as they have to save up well ahead to meet the date. Maybe poster truly could not attend an invite on a last minute notice.
DeletePerhaps this is another situation of someone thinking they were quite close to someone and feeling the treatment they received did not match up to their perceived position in that person’s life.
I do not believe you are jealous, just confused and it is right to fall back because singles are always accused of wanting someone’s spouse if they are simply being friendly. So you knowing this and adjusting is good. You can maintain a friendly distance if that feels more comfortable for you. If marriages of decades can end in divorce any friendship of any length can also end. It’s not as though friends take vows with God, so do you. If you feel that you acted in haste in jumping to conclusions about the reason for the last minute invitation, then you can explore rekindling the friendship. However, you have to know that once you rekindle you cannot revisit this issue again, you must bury it, consider it settled and move on.
Thank you for this! The people here don't understand setting boundaries. Some of us are intuitive and we act according when people start to misbehave. Poster, be cordial but don't let your guard down. When people show you who they are, believe them.
DeleteI'm glad that you understand these things,
DeleteI mean some people take friendship seriously. Not everything is about jealousy.
Please distant from her.. U are jealous of her, if she's ur friend and u are happy for her then u would attend her wedding.. She still called to ask and explain herself to u yet u are not satisfy..
ReplyDeleteIs your friendship providing for her? Please stay away.
You are a wicked and jealous ,people meet other through many means so what is special about her meeting her husband through you,?story story she still reach out to you and you are still doing like God ,better unfriend her instead of devil giving you another bad idea.
ReplyDeleteThe way some of you reason. Go find out meaning of "wicked".
DeleteYou have a very warped and archaic way of reasoning. Work on your mindset.
DeleteBaltika, don't bother yourself, they usually go with Stella's flow. Poster, if I were in your shoes I wouldn't invest in the friendship again. Just cordial
DeleteThe reasons she gave are valid, but if you still feel uneasy with the friendship kindly keep your distance. May God provide your own husband for you soon.
ReplyDeletePoster, wedding periods are usually hard on brides. I personally do not take anything they do or say to heart bcos of the emotional stress involved in planning a wedding.
ReplyDeleteYou know right...
DeleteThank you for your understanding......
Poster pls don't take her attitudes towards you to heart, forgive and move on.
I'd offend a lot of people during my wedding, which I applogised after the wedding thou. We had a fall out with my not so real parents and it was very messy , and to think we haven't reconciled till now is another gist for another day.
The fault wasn't from me anyways.
#Tyler
You wey been dey vex cut my call anyhow that day wey i dey road to Abj for your wedding bcos I no quick move. I nearly vex for you but I say na wedding tension wan kee this one 🤣🤣🤣
DeleteShe has apologized to you right! , why don't you give the friendship another chance, unless you have something else in mind. Be nice pls.
ReplyDeleteNot every apology you should accept In life
DeleteNa she has apologized dey make north rehabilitate Biko haram members
Are you sure you are not Jealous?
ReplyDeleteAbi you dey feel guilty say bobo ask you out you no agree
Now he's married to your friend..hmmmm
It is well with you ooo
Hello iya boys
Dear Poster, firstly, it's essential to acknowledge that you had valid reasons for not attending the wedding and distancing yourself from the friendship. Your concerns about being accused of trying to snatch her husband were understandable, given the history.
ReplyDeleteNow, considering Dolapo's recent attempt to reconnect and explain her behavior, it's crucial to evaluate her apology and intentions. While she offered explanations for her actions, her response still seems somewhat dismissive and lacking in empathy.
To advise, I would suggest maintaining a friendly distance for now. You can still be cordial and polite without fully investing in the friendship. Observe how she behaves and communicates in the coming times. If her actions show genuine interest in rebuilding your friendship and understanding your perspective, you might consider gradually rekindling your connection.
However, prioritize your own emotional well-being and set boundaries if needed. Don't feel obligated to rekindle the friendship if you're not comfortable.
Lastly, friendships involve mutual respect, trust, and understanding. Take your time to assess if this friendship aligns with those values.
Best wishes!
Look at how all of you are calling her jealous because she didn't go where she was not wanted. Poster, don't mind them, you're not jealous. Don't let them get you to question your self worth.
ReplyDeleteBandwagon stuff no critical reasoning . One track mind
DeleteI mean how does this conote jealousy. Maybe she just doesn't feel valued as a friend.
The person that got married should check out of the friendship she has with you. You are an entitled bad friend. Even if you Dey vex, you go go the wedding first una go come fight later. You’re not a good person.
ReplyDeleteIf two of you are truly close friends, I think you should plan the introduction and the wedding together, or at least knew when she was planning it, most of married women always distance themselves from their single friends,.
ReplyDeleteAs she has reached out to you and gave you the reasons why she behaved like that, whether genuine or not, just forgive her and continue the friendship with caution.
Please don't take it to heart,any party preparation is exhausting. Still maintain cordial relationship with them. You're a friend to both of them.
ReplyDeleteShe has come back to correct herself and clear the air, so what are you still having against her? Why are you still finding it difficult to reconnect with her after her explanation? Is it because of her husband? I think it's because of her husband. Nothing you want tell me.
ReplyDeletePlease don't allow yourself fall for the temptation of sleeping with the man ok?
You are jealous of her
ReplyDeleteJealous say she build mansion abi acquire heaven and earth? You people should drop this jealous talk or maybe you have nothing to say.
DeleteThis doesn't appear to be an issue at all, except if there's an underlying issue that wasn't discussed prior to the wedding..
ReplyDeleteContinuing the friendship is at your discretion but I would advise that you remain cordial but nothing serios.
How do people just sit at the comfort of their homes and assume someone is jealous or whatever, without much evidence. Infact, one categorically said Poster is jealous because the guy married her friend. What if the guy disgusts her and she would rather marry a donkey than live with him?.
ReplyDeletePeople should understand that there are many things that can't be communicated
clearly via text/posts.
I can't say the poster is jealous. She may be a straight forward person and not into fake or funny friendships. I believe Poster is clear about what friendship should be and follows her instincts.
Poster, deep down, you already know how good or stressful that circle of friendship can be, please follow what truly gives you peace.
You can be cordial from far and see how it goes; it may never work and you don't have to force it.
Thank you for stating these things.
DeleteYou've saved me from writing.
Dear Poster, you are right to check out of the friendship. She already gave you excuses before you asked her which means she knows what she did.
ReplyDeleteYou are not jealous and you have every right to set boundaries. Everybody is entitled to protect their space.
Poster, since she reached out to you and tried to explain herself, i think you should give the friendship another chance. But do not force things if you feel otherwise✌
ReplyDeleteShe still reached out to you to find out why you did not come for the wedding. That means she holds you in high esteem..you're overthinking things. Just make up already
ReplyDeleteOP are you 12? This is all levels of dumb.
ReplyDelete