ABOUT TO MARRY A BABY MAMA
Good day Stella and BVs,
Let me send this in before I make a life mistake....
I actually engaged a lady and well I look forward to wife her soon. The whole of my family likes her a lot but the problem is that she has a 10year old daughter...... while she was much much younger but she doesn't want me to disclose to my parents that she has a daughter, but she think we can tell them after marriage or having our own kids
Meanwhile one of my sisters knew this but she doesn't mention to our parent yet.
Her reason was that my family may rejected her if they dielscover she has a kid
My worry now is that hope I won't end up blaming myself, but she's a nice lady presently but I am just thinking wide....
Her reason was that my family may rejected her if they dielscover she has a kid
My worry now is that hope I won't end up blaming myself, but she's a nice lady presently but I am just thinking wide....
Oga what is wrong with you? what is your familys business if she is a baby mama?What the heck is wrong with Marrying someone who has a daughter and how would you have made a mistake if you marry her now?
It is how you let your family interfer that will make them tell you not to marry her if they find out... I dont blame her for being scared cos she has seen that they will indeed reject her.
If you really wanna marry her and you see that they may not agree to follow you for the traditional rites then keep it away from them but do not hide it after all marriage rites are performed.......
BE A MAN!!!
I thought we all agreed that babymamas should marry baby papas 😀 poster why do you want to tell your parents?
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Poster you can tell them after everything o, African parents get as them be and i perfectly understand your woman.
DeleteAgain, make sure her baby daddy won't be a case after the marriage.
Fan,when we do this meeting? 😁😁😁
DeleteDear Poster you appear to be a good man and I greatly applaud that, but however, you also do not appear to be a firm or a committed man to this Lady, but I might be wrong. I speak based on what I have just read from you, esp this part where you said, **But she is a nice Lady**.
DeleteThis description of the woman you want to marry as just a nice lady, doesnt carry the depth of emotion and the total willingness of mind, of a Man that has seen his one and only, especially as that one and only is coming with a child.
You see normal relationships without kids, is complex and complicated, moreso a blended relationship, in which one of the partners is coming with a child, those complexities becomes multiplied and heightened and as such demands complete acceptance and total willingness to commit. This outside the emotion of love, is what carries you through in difficult moments of such relationship/marriage.
Your piece above, doesnt show someone who will fight for her or who will stand with her in good and bad times.
If at this stage of you wanting to propose to her, you havent accepted her as one, with her child and havent begun to see that child as your child, please leave that lady alone right now. Dont be the type that would make her feel you did her a favour marrying her.
Lastly this mindset makes "some' step fathers, (key word is "some" stepfathers not all step fathers), at the earliest cahnce of maturity of their step daughters, start desiring and in many cases abusing them , with the normal slogan, she asked for it, she tempted, she did this, she did that, etc. because you never saw her as your daughter from onset.
So please let her go now, so that you dont eventually force her to choose between her and your daughter, for her to even be telling you not to tell your family, she is already making a bad choice.
Lastly, for every Good woman or Man with a child, the key word is good, no matter the circumstances surrounding your having a child - Death of a spouse, Divorce, Naivety, or early life bad choices which you have matured and healed from, should you decide to go into a new relationship, please present your self in that relationship as a together package with your Kids, dont choose a man or a woman over your kids, rather every one should be complementary.
Properly Train and domesticate your kid/kids like you would do if you married their father, this makes coming together in a new home a lot easier. As kids truly adds a whole lot of dynamics in a blended relationship, so make it easy for your new man or woman, ahead of time.
Lastly, you must realise that we must face consequences of any of our personal decisions, esp if its divorce or early bad choices made, that realise, that, there are alot that comes with the choices we made, which you can not just wish away, so you must brace up and face the consequences each day as it comes, and if you have to stay alone, to raise great and unexploited kids, pls do, relationship loneliness attimes its one of many of such consequences, but if you must remarry, pls dont choose between a new spouse and your kid. One is a reflection of you, in flesh, in spirit and in blood, the other is a reflection of you by Law and can be taken away by same law ( be it court marriage or traditional rites).
So dear Poster, please Stand by her totally or let her go.
Fan, the world isn’t ready for this your statement. 😂😂
DeleteFan when did this agreement occurred? 😁😁😁
DeletePoster, be a man.
@Blogbrity whenever a single woman send chronicle on marrying a baby daddy they always advise her to leave him, let him go and marry his babymama. I don’t want to see anybody change mouth here oo..
Delete1 even sent this type some time ago and they claimed the guy is manipulating her into not telling her family that she should leave him let him go and marry his babymama. Hehehe…
Fan Emmanuel
Anon 16.24. Who form you , who birthed you ? Chai. Been awhile I read an amazing piece like this. Pls what's your blog ID . You're one in a million. God bless. Person need someone like you as mentor.
DeleteFan thanks alot 😄. It's interesting to see how opinions can quickly change depending on the gender of the OP.
DeletePoster doesn't love or accept that woman. Leave that woman alone to find her real husband.
DeleteAllow me to serenade the sister that knows and hasn't spilled yet! She is the real mvp
DeleteGbam! I am loving that Sister already! Real MVP!
DeleteIf poster is from the East, the family will find out because they will go for investigation and the lady's family is also from the East they should have asked you if you have informed your parents. Inform your parents and make sure you also investigate the baby's dad
Delete
ReplyDeleteForgive me but if she agrees to marry you with this English she sec has tried. Enjoy each other
15:05,
DeleteExactly!
Lmao.. right out of my mouth but Omo na money be koko these days o. Leave English
DeleteWhat is wrong with his english anon??
DeleteAnon 15:05 you're a slave but dont know it yet, poster pls tell your parents before marriage because if anything happens after, it is your parents that will stand by you, and please investigate that lady well, hope she isn't just nice just to get married, be very very sure of her.
DeleteStella has hit the nail on the head, I was also going to say what the Heck! is wrong with you.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to think wide, but not at his level of your thinking. Please marry her if you love her, moreover you said she is a nice Lady, and as long as there are no red flags.
You might never be happy or meet someone like her again if you miss this opportunity.
So if your family says no, you won't marry her ba. 🙄. My friend you are not thinking wide, you sound like you do not want to go ahead with the plan.
ReplyDeleteAfraid catch you ni?🙄🙄🙄. Poster,you're the only one,she needed to tell her secrets.
DeleteIf you truly love her, then it is a privilege for you to be in the life of that child. You are lucky she told you the truth, others won't. Like SDK said be a man!
ReplyDeleteIts a privilege for him to take up the responsibilities of another man's child!!!
DeleteGood Lord!! 😂
Yes it is
DeleteThe opportunity to father a child is a privilege
Know this and know peace
Anon 18:16 it is a huge privilege for him to raise that child, remember if he marries the mum, that child will be the one to take care of the other children, so the same love & care with which he cares for the child will be the same love with which the child will show to the children that will come after him or her, so it's a win win situation.
DeleteIm laughing so hard reading these comments. So the man who is taking up huge responsibiities for a child that is not is own, should consider it a huge privilege? What happened to the baby daddy or the baby daddy's family?
DeleteBesides there is no guarantee that the child will take care of the other children. It is a 50-50 thing. We have read how some children will not accept any discipline from their step parents because they are not their biolgocal parents. Some of them grow up to totally abandon the step parent that raised them up, but will rather go and find the biological father that abandoned them.
It is rather a very huge privilege for the lady to find a man who is ready to accept her and her daughter. A man who loves his woman so much that he has kept this information from his own parents. That is the privilege, and she should count herself blessed.
I honestly believe you should tell ur family but be ready to stand by ur decision if they object. For ur sis to even be helping her keep the secret from ur family says a lot about ur fiancée.
ReplyDeleteIt would be unfair for ur parents to find out all of a sudden that they have a ‘step granddaughter’
Don’t take this advice pls or you’ll just spoil a sweet event do it after.
DeleteSupported
DeleteI think this way too.
DeleteI agree with Eka Joy on this.
DeleteWhat I don't really understand is if this write up is about you notifying your parents that she already has a daughter or your inability to stand by her whatever your parents decision will be or you having issues cuz she has a daughter.
Supported
DeleteHonestly..
DeleteBut can u defend her ..
I agree with Eka Joy. Please, don’t hurt their feelings by not letting them know about it. We are all human🙏
DeleteEUM Cali
Dear Poster, I think the focus should be on you and not about whether your family will accept or reject her...As hard as you tried to make it look like, you could not even hide the fact that you are not convinced as to marrying her and not failing to tag her a ''BABY MAMA''....
ReplyDeleteWhat is the problem in her having a 10 year old daughter...It's either you want to marry her or not; don't make it look like you are doing her a favour...
For your sister to know and not disclose to your parents should give you an inkling that your parents might not take it well...I totally understand her fears...
The main question is if you go ahead and tell your parents she is a single mother..Will you go ahead and marry her or you will tilt to the side of your parents and not move ahead with the marriage if they say NO...
Only you can answer this question...Make up your mind....
All the best
Poster first of all u owe your family no explanation over this matter OK.
ReplyDeleteYou can decide to tell them or better still keep quiet and marry her first.
What you shld be concerned abt is her relationship with her baby papa, if she is still in love with him etc. Snoop and investigate that before you seal the deal.
He actually owe his family that explanation. Why is the lady afraid of people knowing she has a baby, is she not proud of her baby ? She wants to answer Mrs at the cost of hiding or denying her child. Poster better hear from your parents who have more life experience, marriage is more than love.
DeleteSee the way you sounded like you are about to commit and abomination 😂 like say na do or die affair. If tables were turned, would her family react this way? Why una dey do like say pikin na plaque ?
ReplyDeleteSo people should have children indiscriminately because "pikin no be plague" some of you give advise you can never take. Poster you better let your family know and investigate her well, most of our ladies know how to play nice before marriage but the question is are they really nice, is she nice to others or just your family ? Who fathered her child and why didnt he marry her ? Was she raped, engaged and something went wrong or both were to young to marry when it happened?, ask question very well.
DeleteBetter open up to your family about her daughter, that is not something you should hide from your family.
ReplyDeleteDo not start off on the wrong part.
If you love her that much, wether your parents support it or not, marry her with your full chest.
If it works, fine and if it doesn’t at the end of the day, also fine.
If you love and respect your family, you’ll do the right thing.
It's better ur family knows about it...no big deal about marrying someone dat has a child..
ReplyDeleteIt is more than a big deal marrying someone who already has a child by another man, there is a lot of drama involved in it most times. Poster alert your people, why is the lady hiding her baby if she belives it's not a big deal.
Deleteno need telling your parents about her having a child at this moment, just wait after marriage you can tell them. The lady did not hide it from you. Your sister who knows about it refuse to say it cos she is looking onto you to be the one to tell your parent about it. Go ahead and marry her cos you don't have anything to be afraid of except her baby daddy is still in the picture.
ReplyDeleteRemember shit happens, the lady without a child could be worst than this one.
I don't see why she is hiding that from your family. It is better they show her anything they want to do to her before marriage and let her know if your family deserves her or if the marriage even worths it. There's no point hiding an important part of her life away from your family. Your parents deserve to know at least, do you think a lady will keep such away from her mum if her guy has a child
ReplyDeleteFelicity
Felicity God Bless you, why is she hiding it? Can poster face the drama that may come from marrying a baby mama? Poster better tell your parents , marriage shouldnt start with all this drama and especially since you have doubts. Who is the child's dad ? Are you sure he won't come Harrasing your family in the future? Poster go to another blog and also sample their opinion
DeleteThunps up for the woman letting you know that she has a daughter, very commendable. Pls discuss with your family, that your wife to be has a daughter. That is the best way to go. Pls be open, be a man
ReplyDeleteI said it yesterday and I will still say it again. The problem with marriages these days is too many children are getting married.
ReplyDeleteHere is a man who has not fully come into his own and he wants to make a woman his wife. You proposed to her and baby mamaism wasn't an issue. So why should it be an issue now? Why should your families views matter on your choice of a wife?
The first thing that makes a man is the strength of his convictions. OP, I think you still need to work on yourself. Marriage should not be your priority now.
DoGgedity, you see am...? And this individual will proudly say he is a mature man. Na the woman I dey pity wey family go begin decide the affairs of their home after taking marital vows.
DeleteDoggedity, I strongly disagree with you.
DeleteYou're encouraging this young man to actively lie to his parents. Lying by omission is still lying.
What does he stand to gain by not informing his dear parents that his fiancee has a 10 year old daughter? Remember that these same parents will still play an active role in the marriage rites.
Is that what you call strength of character? Disregard for family ?
BV Nocturnal. You misunderstand the cut of my jibe. I did not state that he should lie to his folks. In too many words, what I meant was that whatever decision he takes he should be ready to stand by it.
DeleteI ofcourse didn't even go to how much of a red flag it is that the baby mama is actively encouraging him to keep something this weighty hidden from his folks. This alone should give him reason for pause.
In the end though, it is his decision to make.
Poster dont listen to the manipulation of a real man should do this and that, tell your parents and have it in mind that you're entering this marriage with a baggage and if you can carry it then go ahead, go online and read about the likely issues that may come up from people who have had true life experiences..
DeleteBased on experience,my brother,inform your parents and siblings,it's not because you're not MAN enough or you don't have sense,that's the right thing to do.
ReplyDeleteImagine finding out later,we are talking about a child ooo,how would they feel about your wife.
Having children out of wedlock is not a disease or death sentence.
You have chosen her and I hope your parents will accept her with her truthfulness instead of hiding that can still cause problem for the woman in future.
Dear Poster
ReplyDeleteMarry her. Your family do not have to know that she has a child. Unless if you do not love her
If the tables were to be reversed, y'all would have advised the lady to inform her parents. Why is this different now?
DeletePlease inform your parents. Don't be triggered into being a "Real Man".
If you want to eventually marry her, stand your ground, but there's no point in lying to your parents
Anon 18:10 God Bless You
DeleteWhat if she hid it from you?
ReplyDeleteLet me inform you, 90% of single mothers (by accident not by choice) are marriage material; they made a mistake yet choose to see it to the end, they could have aborted the child, but they didn't, in my opinion, they are one of the bravest people on earth.
While this convo is not about them, I think she's just scared considering how far you both have come and I think it's in your place to calm her down that everything is under control.
Furthermore, It is pertinent to tell your family because of tomorrow, and it is also important to further convince them that she's a wonderful lady and nothing will change your stance if they prove otherwise.
Cold feet generally happens when the issue of marriage is tabled because of experiences and uncertainties which is only normal, because on the long time, you'll leave the jittery behind and enjoy your marriage.
Go ahead, assure her, assure yourself and inform your family.
Goodluck.
Stella, na wa o. You no even fit help the poster edit some words 😂.
ReplyDeleteStella dey try . If only you know how many she dey correct
DeletePoster, really, this isn't a thing of discussion bro. I see no reason why you shouldn't tell your people. Just make sure whatever decision you'd make should be you will
DeletePoster,you're the one,that needed to know. How you share the information and how the information received is handled,is still your business. You choose her. Plus you know your parents. You have to make her understand,whatever your parents reactions will be,you will stand by her.
ReplyDeleteImagine say na Otedola pikin you wan marry as a baby mama will your parents still be an issue?!🤦🤦🤦
ReplyDeleteNot everyone is a money worshipper like you, go and marry a man with 80 children and leave the poster alone.
DeleteHello poster, pls go ahead and tell your parents about your fiancée's daughter. If you are cool with it then go ahead and marry her. The decision is yours to make.
ReplyDelete...MadeNew...
Go ahead and marry her,you can tell your parents after the marriage.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong in marrying someone that has a child.
Imagine your younger brother getting married to a lady who has a child, and he kept that info from you. It's easy to advise when it's not our loved ones
DeleteCan you imagine the silly advise. Poster if you hide it you may end up regretting it, better inform your parents, if you decide not to marry her another person will be there for her but tell your parents.
DeleteDear Poster you appear to be a good man and I greatly applaud that, but however, you also do not appear to be a firm or a committed man to this Lady, but I might be wrong. I speak based on what I have just read from you, esp this part where you said, **But she is a nice Lady**.
ReplyDeleteThis description of the woman you want to marry as just a nice lady, doesnt carry the depth of emotion and the total willingness of mind, of a Man that has seen his one and only, especially as that one and only is coming with a child.
You see normal relationships without kids, is complex and complicated, moreso a blended relationship, in which one of the partners is coming with a child, those complexities becomes multiplied and heightened and as such demands complete acceptance and total willingness to commit. This outside the emotion of love, is what carries you through in difficult moments of such relationship/marriage.
Your piece above, doesnt show someone who will fight for her or who will stand with her in good and bad times.
If at this stage of you wanting to propose to her, you havent accepted her as one, with her child and havent begun to see that child as your child, please leave that lady alone right now. Dont be the type that would make her feel you did her a favour marrying her.
Lastly this mindset makes "some' step fathers, (key word is "some" stepfathers not all step fathers), at the earliest cahnce of maturity of their step daughters, start desiring and in many cases abusing them , with the normal slogan, she asked for it, she tempted, she did this, she did that, etc. because you never saw her as your daughter from onset.
So please let her go now, so that you dont eventually force her to choose between her and your daughter, for her to even be telling you not to tell your family, she is already making a bad choice.
Lastly, for every Good woman or Man with a child, the key word is good, no matter the circumstances surrounding your having a child - Death of a spouse, Divorce, Naivety, or early life bad choices which you have matured and healed from, should you decide to go into a new relationship, please present your self in that relationship as a together package with your Kids, dont choose a man or a woman over your kids, rather every one should be complementary.
Properly Train and domesticate your kid/kids like you would do if you married their father, this makes coming together in a new home a lot easier. As kids truly adds a whole lot of dynamics in a blended relationship, so make it easy for your new man or woman, ahead of time.
Lastly, you must realise that we must face consequences of any of our personal decisions, esp if its divorce or early bad choices made, that realise, that, there are alot that comes with the choices we made, which you can not just wish away, so you must brace up and face the consequences each day as it comes, and if you have to stay alone, to raise great and unexploited kids, pls do, relationship loneliness attimes its one of many of such consequences, but if you must remarry, pls dont choose between a new spouse and your kid. One is a reflection of you, in flesh, in spirit and in blood, the other is a reflection of you by Law and can be taken away by same law ( be it court marriage or traditional rites).
So dear Poster, please Stand by her totally or let her go.
Posted be a man and stands your ground if you are loving this lady go the whole yard with her. Tell your people and get done with it
ReplyDeleteTell your family everything before you marry her,don't start on lies and deceit and maybe she is hiding something perhaps the baby father may be known to them better don't listen to those hailing you ,family is everything;
ReplyDeletePoster, why do I have this feeling that I know the lady(your fiancee) in question. Is she and her daughter light skinned? Did her start with "O" ? Is she from Eastern part of Nigeria?
ReplyDeleteIf yes, please go ahead and marry her. She is a very good lady. She is always happy and genuinely happy for people. Believe me, if she is the one, you will never regret that marriage.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteYou could have told your Family from the On set ooo
DeleteAhhhhhhhh mayben or mayben not the Relationship for no reach this Extend o...
It is well ooo
Tell your family infact today before you marry her,she may be hiding many things and more over marriage her is not like overseas don't let anybody tell you ,that you are not man enough ;
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should keep this from your family. Please tell them and make up your mind to stand by your woman.
ReplyDeleteThis is my reason, you're thinking they will judge her but what makes you think they won't end up hating her for feeling deceived after the marriage? She's not only marrying you, your family inclusive. ''This is Africa''
See hennn, they might feel she deceived you into marrying her and not want to be cool with her anymore, even if you defend her. It's better they know now and then let them know you're only telling them out of the love and respect for them you have for them, however, your mind is made up on marrying her. This way, your babe's mind will also be at peace. Face this thing once and for all. She no kill person na.
Discuss it with her before telling your people.
Tell your family please. So many people on this blog are not always truthful whenever the chronicle favors woman.
ReplyDeleteExactly
DeleteI either skip Dante's comments totally or once I read 1 line,I help myself and keep moving.
ReplyDeleteBut his last comment on IHN news today about those who discredited Nova, I support it over and over again.
The Anon in all CAPS and shooter gyal, rest please.
Allow Pinky and Stella be too. You even lied about Martins too.
Yes, many have received biz giveaway, but if you are sincere,you would admit that the economy is really tough, even bigger bizness have taken a hit.
It is not ur money. Please rest, and honestly it is evil standing against the blessings of others.
Don't let something block your own blessings too.
Are you crazy or something
DeleteI hope you’re ready to fight the baby daddy in the future? You better tell your family now before it’s too late.
ReplyDeleteWhat if your family find out from an outsider? You better tell them yourself.
ReplyDeletePoster imagine one of your sister make this mistake, won't she find love with another man again? What's the life mistake you're talking about?
ReplyDeleteAre you a baby Papa?
ReplyDeleteIt's only fair that a baby mama should marry a baby Papa. Periodt!😎😎
I think your parents need to know before marriage so that the lady self will be free of guilty conscience if she's eventually married to you, irrespective of their decisions, whether you will marry her or not depends on you.
ReplyDeleteMe I can never hide my daughter from any man and his family, it has consequences, I don't pray to be in a marriage that there's no rest of mind.
Exactly
DeleteWhy you dey hide am ?
ReplyDeleteLet them know but don't listen to them if they want you to leave her bcos of that. Just tell them you didn't know how to present it to them before now.
They'll like her less when you tell them after the wedding.Theyll see it as deceit from both of you ,most especially her.
I am just curious, WHAT IS YOUR FAMILY'S BUSINESS? HOW does it concern them?
ReplyDeleteAbeg, don't make this a big deal. Is it your father or mother that is marrying her?
You don't need to mention it to them. After the marriage, if they see the child in your house and ask, simply tell them casually that she is your stepdaughter.
End of story!!!!!
"After the marriage, if they see the child in your house and ask, simply tell them casually that she's your step daughter "
DeleteNo type of advice una no go give for this social media. 🤡
Demons!! Na demons full here!! Demons!!! If you want to make a life long mistake, come here and ask for advice.
DeleteJust imagine, what type of demons are here and what if the baby papa comes to marry poster's sister in future or one complication comes from somewhere, it is still family that will stand by poster. He needs to tell his parents and they even need to know details about the child's dad.
DeleteI don’t believe in hiding a child for a minute or a year. A child is not a disease to be ashamed of. It’s a human being and that child may be the Joseph of the family one day. If you are both united then you can face anything. Parents will eventually die, it is not worth living your life for anyone but you. As selfish as that may read, it is the only life worth living, an authentic life that brings you peace in a turbulent world. Let this ‘secret’ out and stand up as a man who is steering his own ship and captaining his own destiny. You are not your parents and their happiness is not your life’s purpose, you have your own happiness to carve out for yourself in a very short life.
ReplyDeleteThe advise parents give is for you to have less troubles in life, poster needs to tell his parents and take their advise if it is a beneficial one.
DeleteIn Nigeria, weddings do not only involve the spouses alone, but also their families. If you're from the Eastern part of the country, there's what they call "iju ese" where your individual families will do some form of enquiry about their in-laws. Hence, there's a likelihood that your extended family might find out about this, and this will complicate your situation.
ReplyDeleteOn this blog, there is a general consensus among BVs not to start a marriage built on lies. I think that policy should apply here too.
In my opinion, there is absolutely no gain in lying to your parents about this very crucial fact . Per adventure you hide it and they find out later on, they'll still find a way to blame your wife for "forcing" a 10 year old daughter on their innocent son.
If you've made up your mind to marry her, it is very imperative that you set the records straight from day one.
My dear brother, please tell your parents.
Dear poster, i think your parents should know, but on your own part, be a man and stand for her in case they might want to say otherwise
ReplyDeleteDear poster, i think you should inform your parents, but also be prepared to stand and fight for her should in case they act otherwise
ReplyDeleteYou Are Not Man Enough .
ReplyDeleteQED
Lol @ the emotional blackmail. Poster you are a man, regardless of whether you marry her or not. Marrying a baby mama does not make you a real man.
DeleteStop gaslighting him, will you be happy if your brother brought a baby mama home and not informed the family?
DeletePCX
Man enough in marriage. Poster you better don’t listen to this advice, Sheri you’ve always seen so many marital chronicles in this blog, spouse will come and go but family remains with you for ever. You better tell your family and listen to them because of tomorrow.
DeleteTo even surprise you, the lady family knows everything about you, so why will you hide things about her to your own family. Use you head and don’t allow ladies here manipulate you. If anything happens in future they will still trash you and support the lady. Family comes first.
ReplyDeleteIt's understandable that you're thinking carefully about this situation. Honesty and openness are essential in any relationship, especially when building a life together.
Consider having an open and honest conversation with your fiancée about your concerns. Share your thoughts and listen to her perspective as well. It's important to be on the same page before moving forward.
Remember, it's essential to be true to yourself and your values. Don't hesitate to seek advice from trusted friends, family, or a professional counselor if needed.
All the best!
Poster if at this point you are still contemplating whether to marry her or not or tell your parents, then I doubt if you really love her to the extent of standing and defending her in the mist of 'wat' if your parents eventually get to know she has a kid. They can't decide for you, the ball is in your court.
ReplyDeleteYour family will decide for you who to marry?
ReplyDeleteI don't see anything wrong with marrying someone that has a child.
ReplyDeleteYour opinion doesnt count here because you're not the one to live with the lady and it is a big deal marrying someone with a child
DeleteYou appear to be a soft man. Ask yourself if you love her enough to deal with the baggage she is coming with. If you do, ask yourself if she is worth the love and the sacrifice, in terms of her other qualities besides being ‘nice’. Only If the answers are positive should you go ahead.
ReplyDeleteI think it's ok your sister knows. But your parents must judge. It's ok not to tell them..let them get used to her and love her before you tell her
ReplyDeleteYou are really pretty tricky
DeletePoster tell your parents now she was honest to tell you about her child she is a nice lady for not keeping her secret
ReplyDeleteA nice lady will not tell him to lie to his parents. She is only pretending to be nice because her options are limited and she us succeeded in fooling this man.
DeleteI hope the lady is not just desperate for marriage.
DeleteTo Poster, kindly acknowledge your worry, but I would need to address it from two angles to properly tell your story. first from a broad perspective and then from your perspective.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how difficult a problem is, there's always a method to solve it, and yours is no different. Therefore, before taking any further action, it's critical to address the emotions and uncertainties you mentioned. It's vital to remember that an honest connection is the cornerstone of any good marriage. Withholding important details from your family, like your fiancée's daughter, may eventually cause trust problems. She is afraid of being rejected, which makes sense. However, being honest from the start could eventually lead to a more transparent and reliable connection with your family.
You give the impression of being someone who considers cultural ramifications when making decisions. It's also not a poor decision. You should therefore speak with her about your worries in a sincere and caring manner, providing her with assurance and comfort. Explain to her why you think it's crucial to be open and honest with her family, and then allay her worries by providing a solution that upholds her moral character. Alright, you appear to have the confidence of one of your sisters, who is aware of this already; you could think about including her in this conversation. She might offer assistance and mediate the discussion between you and your parents. If the notion of a straight revelation scares you too, think about easing the concept of her daughter into the conversation little by bit. Tell uplifting tales and
Personally, have you given much thought to the advantages of becoming married to a parent? And does it look intimidating or strong when you compare it to your fiancée's qualities? My experience has shown that most people who have previously raised children are more patient and nurturing, which is advantageous in a marriage. Additionally, they frequently have a resilient culture that they can support. Some see it as a sign of steady emotions and mature, toughened skin that indicates responsible parenting and improved parenting abilities. Since they have already gained invaluable life experiences that aid in comprehension and tolerance, they are better equipped to prioritise worth when selecting a life mate. Regretfully, since some of them remained single
Finally, I believe the issues you should be concerned with are whether you even have the mindset and readiness to assume the role of a stepparent, rather than your worries about the anxieties associated with telling your parents. It's a big but fulfilling task. Because the other parent is likely involved in your life in most circumstances, particularly if they split custody. This is the point at which acknowledging the child's emotions and the current dynamics of the family puts your acceptance and belief in such family arrangements to the test. Recall that it's a lifetime commitment that doesn't terminate when the child is 18 years old. Building connections and trust requires time and patience, both of which you must possess.
Every relationship is unique, and what matters most is your compatibility, understanding, love, and commitment. A successful relationship marriage is built on mutual respect, honesty, and support. So transparency is necessary, and very crucial from the start. Addressing this issue now can help prevent potential resentment and misunderstandings in the future. Take your time to make an informed decision, and trust your instincts. The woman you described does not appear to be carrying the same amount of fear as you do. You know her better than your parent, let them know the reality behind your pick of this woman and her daughter and your decision to wish to marry her. The only thing standing in your way is wrapping their advice around your Congratulations on becoming engaged! Additionally, best wishes!
Oga please tell your family about it. Forget about all this Amotekun babes that only think side ways. They know how to swing differently when the tables are turned. Let's your parents know and stand by your decision to marry her. Happy married life
ReplyDeleteYou are not mature enough for marriage.
ReplyDeleteIf your parents can control your decisions like this and you live in fear of their validation, please don't marry and make a self confident woman's life a misery as many of you toddler Nigerian men do.
Learn how to be an adult.
Learn about your own agency and explore it fully.
Then you can talk about serious things like marriage and if you as a male will bring anything of value to it.
I don't know when it has become a crime or taboo to marry a woman that has a child. It can happen to anybody. There's no need of hiding it from your parents, because they will be disappointed in both of you and then starts reacting negatively to your wife. You have to be bold about it if you really love her.
ReplyDeleteThis response is to the poster and all those who are having a go at him.
ReplyDeleteI believe I qualify to speak on this matter because I married a baby mama. Met her when the child was barely 2 years old and the child's father had absconded. The child is 18 years now and we told her I'm not the biological father when she was 16. She was totally happy I'm her Dad, loves me to bits - so mine worked out. And no, it isn't because I am wealthy, I am just an average middle class dude.
I think mine worked out for two reasons, first is the fact that the child completely thought of me as her Dad and second, I had an unhindered chance of being her father - no hindrance from the mum, myself, the child or my family.
I know of cases where the child acts different and interprets everything action the "you are not my father" point of view, which is a big problem. My daughter didn't even know or feel the difference, so she was able to grow with a healthy mind.
Everything falls apart when you can't do that. For example, punishing a child for wrong doing may quickly become a, "because you are not my dad", "because you are not her dad" situation.
As a man, can you handle it and just love that child as your own, not showing preferencial treatment to your own kids when they show up? Or deal with the woman as if you are doing a favour by marrying her. Its also a problem when family start making an issue out of it and the child starts to question, "why do they treat me different", even if the child doesn't know you are not the father. In your case, she knows, so may think, "it is because I am not their daughter" - even when the action was not driven by this.
So, my dear husband to be, do not listen to those who critique you for being concerned. The woman also has good reasons to be concerned. You need to be sure and be ready to deal with the outcome of your choice - that is what is means to become that woman's husband and that child's father.
I however can't tell you whether to tell your family or not about the child. In my case, I told my family even before I proposed to the woman. But I told them with the stance of, "see, I am going to marry this woman, you can't stop me and I won't let you get in the way. So, either get in line and we live in love, or get out of the way". I was lucky, noone made an issue out of it, but issues did come up later, and I still maintained my stance and that quited the issues eventually.
I just hope you and the woman you want to marry are reasonable and committed people, because that eventually is what will make or mare your union, not your family knowing about this child.
Just my opinion, based on my experience... I hope it helps.