Hmmmm.......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MESSED UP SITUATION
I come from a polygamous home. My dad preferred my step siblings to us and refused to take proper care of us.
I come from a polygamous home. My dad preferred my step siblings to us and refused to take proper care of us.
My mum was a petty trader and could not do much, I forgo furthering my education for my two younger siblings. .
I am a receptionist with a company.
My two siblings are now graduates and married while I am still waiting. I have a rent issue and begged one of them to help me with some money to sort the rent.
She ignored me for a month. I sent her a massage reminding her how I suffered with mum to bring her up. She responded immediately asking me to put down in details all the money I have spent on her and she will transfer it to me immediately . This statement broke my heart. I have not been able to concentrate in anything since then...
It was wrong of you to remind her of what you did for her....What sacrifice did you do? You stepped back for them to be schooled? Were you the one who paid? Why will you be depending on your sibling to pay rent for you?My dear get rid of your entitlement mentality towards your siblings and leave thme alone if they choose not to help cos you dont even seem to know that they might not have.....Dont send any account details to be reimbursed anything...Just leave them alone please!
You said they ate now graduates and married, you didnt say they are working, so their husbands are supposed to pay your rent?
Ah Stella no o. I diasgree. She is pained by her sibling's actions. It's not entilement o. It's pain. I thank God for the kind of siblings I have o. We help each other. I mean if one is doing well, you shouldn't wait for your sibling(s) to ask for help. Render it.
ReplyDeleteA friend is towing this path now and I have advised her but she doesn't seem to get it. I did not tell her expressly but I told her she needs to put herself first and also protect her interest. She takes loans even when she does not have to sort her younger ones in school. Sometimes I feel they lie to her to collect money using school but she is too blinded to see. After borrowing to pay their last born's fee, that one refused to sit for exams and dropped out. Her other younger brother immediately finished nysc and decided to get married.
DeleteDuring the marriage preparations she reached out to me to solicit for funds but I told her they should not go beyond their means.
The younger sister is now married and settled yet, my friend is still hustling up and down.
While it is good to help family, please do not loose yourself in the process. You are also important and you deserve good things in life.
I really feel for the poster. It's not cool that she ignored for her for 1 month...Hmm God come through for this poster
DeletePoster, don't go that way. Why not pay them a visit one day. Collect loan. Be prayerful because God changes situations for good.
DeleteWishing you luck.
Anon 16.16 tell your friend she’ll so regret it. I also sacrificed heavily for my siblings. The day one of them told me my reward was in heaven ehhn I nearly died. The way they’ll abandon her when they no longer need her help ehhn she go shock.
DeleteStella it's not like that now, it's painful that the siblings she sacrificed for are now ignoring her in time of her need, this is not entitlement mentality to me. It's not cool at all.
DeleteAnne K
Stella it is painful ooo. Very very painful in fact. It would have been better for the sibling to say they didn't have than that reply. Time has passed, so it feels as if the poster did nothing. But that is not true.
DeletePoster Stella is also right because now you know you cannot expect automatic help from your siblings. You now have to rise up and build and develop yourself. It is not too late. With prayers and hardwork all will be well. Also socialize and try to make yourself happy. When you meet a good guy, settle down. All is not lost. Forgive them and move on with your life. If you keep dwelling on the past you may become too frustrated to do anything positive for yourself. Wishing you God's breakthrough and hoping to hear your testimony.🤗
Poster sorry about that. You just have to let go and depend only on God. But I don't get this staying back for others to progress. I can't Abey. This life na per head. You can only rely on your self and that's it
ReplyDeleteIt is part of how the human race has survived so far..................
DeletePoster,you sound entitled though your siblings are ungrateful. Look for help elsewhere. You can beg your company to pay you,salary advance. Thank God,you have a job,as you're growing others never neglect yourself in the process. It's well with you. 🙏🏿
ReplyDeleteSome siblings are very ungrateful and wicked.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel and I am sorry about that.
You did not do wrong reminding her of how you sacrificed for her, don’t feel sorry or guilty about it. Sometimes it is good to remind these people of the sacrifices and where you guys are coming from.
Since she has asked you to send your details and how much you have spent on her, look for a reasonable figure and send her. If my sibling does that to me, our relationship is stained for life.
How can you be in distress and she ignores you for one month?
Cheer up and stop feeling that way o, no need wasting emotions on an inconsiderate sibling.
What if she doesn't have?
DeleteJaney where will she get this one that she wants to send, why can't she help her sis no matter how little it's?
DeletePoster i feel your pain, God will see you through okay, just keep grinding and never loose hope.
@house of Jan.. if she doesn't have there are polite way of saying it...
DeleteKnow that to care for someone is not all about money.. U can also show care by how u treat, talk and check on people..
Pls don't send your account details.
DeleteThis will further degenerate the relationship you have. Trust God and find a way to pay your rent.
If she pays your rent today, your relationship has more or less ended. If in the event you need help she will always remind you she paid you off. Life is not like that.
You were only looking for help. Not more.
You are siblings and it should not have gotten to this.
I guess you are being looked down on because you don't have a degree it is well.
May God send you help asap.
Slluttychic, you've spoken well but let her not send account details to her. She should just forget about that side & ask God in prayers. Many people have been blessed by total strangers that God sent their way. Dear Poster, may God come through for you 🙏
DeleteThank you Sluttychic for your submission.
DeleteAnne K
I know you feel that you've sacrificed a lot for your siblings and it's time for them to step up and do the same for you. however, you can't depend on them. Please leave them alone for now and stop asking for anything from them.
ReplyDeleteI pray you get the help you need elsewhere.
But you shouldn't have said that to her nah!
ReplyDeleteNow she reacted from what you said to her and here we are.🤷
Action get reaction. People should know this and know peace.
It's not that serious please, just talk to her calmly and see if she wouldn't do the same.😎
OP I know it can be painful. I understand how you feel. I have been there. Raised 2 younger ones in university and another in law school while I was also a student myself. They are all living their lives as best as they can now.
ReplyDeleteI don't think they owe me anything and I have never and will never call them to ask for anything. The human nature is very fickle. People are only loyal only as long as they can still benefit from you. They will hardly return favors.
Forgive your siblings and count what you did for them as a gift. Keep your financial challenges to yourself. You don't want to lose your respect before them.
💯💯💯
DeleteThey actually owe you
DeleteDear Gentle Poster, I can imagine how you feel..I won't say I understand because I have never been in those shoes...It hurts that you had to make some sacrifices for your siblings in hopes that they will have your back when you are down....Ehugs for taking such huge step...
ReplyDeleteI love that you are currently working and fending for yourself...Those sacrifices have made you a stronger person and I don't want you to resent them because they did not give a helping hand now. they may not have at the moment....
Reminding them that you sacrificed for them hence reason they should help you with rent is not the right way to go...You could have asked as a loan or as a plea and promise to pay them back....
Yes you all are siblings who ought to have each other's back but sometimes life does not go the way it seems....You can still go back to school, build yourself up and reach that dream or purpose you have always wanted to achieve....
That saying ''Opportunities come but once'' is not tenable in all cases...With the current technology and the advancement of knowledge, you can achieve anything at any age and time....I am sorry that you were focused to be an adult or parent when you should have enjoyed your childhood...
Please don't send any bank account details to her, apologize to her that you didn't mean it that way....May God see you through...If possible, ask for a loan from your office and discuss your repayment plans with them....
All the best
Did you speak with your landlord to buy some time to see how you can fix the issue? Remember that many siblings do have any desire to be close, they view their siblings as just ppl they grew up with and nothing more. You cannot force love or ppl to be interested in your life. In fact, they may be looking down on you wondering many things. How far did your sacrifice take you? Forget about bothering them because they are not bothering you for anything and if anyone is going to be interested in helping you they would even ask few questions, nobody responded to you, even to enquire on how bad the situation is, so you have to fix this problem on your own.
ReplyDeleteIf you belong to a church reach out to them. If you can take a staff loan at work then do so and pay small. Please also look into improving your self. Does the company you work for give financial support for staff members who want to do further studies? Can you get one of the higher education loans to learn a skill or go back to school? As bad as the economy is there are many who are finding opportunities and many who are thriving, even getting pay raises. Please focus on how to turn around your entire life around and forget about sacrificing your future ever again. Put on your own oxygen mask first before you think to put on anyone else’s.
Things are hard for everyone. That you asked and didn’t receive doesn’t give you the right to write what you wrote to her.
ReplyDeleteThey also didn’t ask to be born into the struggles they were born into neither did they ask you make the sacrifices you made for them.
I suggest you apologize to her and leave her alone. She may also has responsibilities you may have no idea of.
Seek other hustles to pay your rent and live within your means to avoid future occurrences.
Entitlement mentality get different dimensions. I swear.
ReplyDeleteWhen she sacrificed furthering her education for her siblings, it wasn’t entitlement.
DeleteWhat she did, she did for love and YES her siblings owe her.
Would you even say this if you were in the poster’s shoes. Some of you don’t have conscience, feels like action bitters is what flows in you people’s veins.
Sluttychic.
Everytime Entitlement mentality haaaaaaa
DeleteWhen I paid her school fees from SS2 to university.. It was not entitlement mentally. When I fed and clothed her in school. It was not entitlement mentality. Now I asked for help it became entitlement mentally. Wow
DeleteI understand how you feel when one let go of somethings,so your siblings will have a better life and they are not being kind enough.
ReplyDeleteEven if she doesn't have it,there is a way she would reply and you won't feel offended.
Don't send her any details and I hope help find you soon that you won't have to wait for anyone of them before doing things for yourself.
Amen
DeleteIt is well with you ooo
DeleteBut Me I cannot step down for any sibling ooo. He dey cause insult for Future ooo..if I dey hustle make we hustle together.YES
We will all work and be going to part time school ..
It is well with you
May God come through for you🙏🙏
Hello iya boys
Your married sisters Don't have money, please bear with them.
ReplyDeleteI remember when my siblings told me how they suffered to send me to school..., l laughed.
I got admission in school and they managed to pay to first year.
The other remaining three years..., I know how I struggled.
If not for my pussy...
Now I am married, they all want me to take care of their needs.
Where I see money?.
They said that I should collect from my husband 😄😁😁.
Husband wey never provide for his family..
🙄🙄
DeleteIf not for our pussy (utilised wisely oh)? My dear you are not alone. What would our gender have done if not for our god-given goldmine in-between our laps.
DeleteSo funny and candid 😆
DeleteBut if they didn’t gather year one money…
DeleteThe error you made was reminding her about the past.
ReplyDeleteWe really ought to be there for one another especially our siblings if and when we can.
I don't know ur sister's financial capability.
But please try and understand that everyone is going through a lot rn.
You MAY need to apologize to your sister cuz you equally hurt her with the things you said too.
I hope you find speedy resolution
Lol..I am glad it's a fellow woman showing you their shege promax as a woman..same thing guys have been passing through since 1960.do not help a lady at thr detrement of your won development it never ends well.very ungrateful and entitlement mentality
ReplyDeleteWickedness isn't by gender. I have a male siblings that wont give too regardless of your sacrifice
DeleteThat means no gender is by gender better
DeleteNa only when woman do woman we dey quick talk true.
Hehehehehe.🤭
There is nothing wrong with asking help from them..
ReplyDeletePlease make the list and total it with today's rate.., it should be in millions, we can all be petty together..
That's so wicked of her, for a whole month, she didn't even call to know how u are, how u have been managing but can pay u back..
Stay away from siblings that have the means to help but won’t help you. Stay away from them. Even if you were all trained together and they happen to be doing okay while u are not, nothing stops them from helping from time to time.
ReplyDeleteIf you’ve asked and they don’t give. Ignore them and hope to God u can make it out on ur own.
Great
DeleteEka Joy, you’ve been here for a long time. Wow! Breezed in today and boom! Your comment starred at me. Good to see your beautiful hand writing again. Hope you’re still a strong person💪
Delete18:18, well, they’ve been trying to break me but dem no reach
DeleteGbam 💯
DeleteWell said.
DeleteYou are not very sure they have or what personal issues they might be struggling with at the moment. You probably have played this card too many times that they got sick of it. Being a graduate and married doesn't spell financial stability. Honestly, it's better you see any generosity from them as a blessing and thank them because they don't owe you. I am sure they too didn't fold their hands through school. You sound like those boyfriends who insist a girl they met as an undergraduate and helped must marry them after graduation.
ReplyDeleteWhy will you allow a man spend on you when you know you can't marry him?.
DeleteI gave up my youth for them I sold all manner of things to make sure they went to school.
I have never asked them for help till now. Life happened and it became difficult to pay N300k rent. I did not ask her for the whole amount. Why ignore me and respond immediately I reminded her of my contribution to her life
Nne, trust me, your anger is misplaced. Your anger should be on your parents who brought you to this world especially your dad. Each and everyone one of you had rights to food, shelter, protection, education and health care. You gave up your right willingly and you can't blame them. While you struggled for them, didnt they struggle for themselves too? Like I said, maybe they don't have.
DeleteSome siblings are tight fisted towards their own blood. I am currently funding my two siblings single handedly, from rent to food, and clothing, and spoiling them silly until they get married. What's so difficult helping your financially challenged blood siblings if things are hard for them?
ReplyDeleteLike I could never sit somewhere living okay when my sibling needs help. I could never!!!!
DeleteGod reward.
DeleteI understand you poster and quite hurtful she ignored you for a month. Just find your way & let them be because you done become topic of discussion like this.
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteYou were right to remind them as they want to act like they don’t know what’s up
ReplyDeleteWhy don’t you go Back to school or start a small business
What I currently earn will not be able to take care of my school needs.
DeletePoster maybe get in first and see if they will help with school
DeleteRight now it’s low key looking they’ll have to help you for too long
This thing has balance
My dad helped his own siblings that so called sacrificed for him to go to school. At least that’s what they tell everyone
Let’s assume they did sacrifice, they are also expected to find a way to support themselves
Either you go to school now or start a good business
If not even they help today they’ll still get tired
Instead of being hurt and unable to concentrate, why didn't you just compile the list for her to reimburse you??? 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
ReplyDeleteI understand her plight but pls do not be entitled to help from your siblings. Ajumobi o kan t’ aanu. If they help you fine but don’t depend on it. And please stop saying you did this and that cos it looks like it’s a chorus you sing all the time and it’s manipulative .for your sibling to ask you to do calculation, you don too do be that.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I am asking her for money. It's the economy that affected me. Transport takes almost all my salary for the month.
DeleteStella, that's kind of harsh though. The poster was merely expressing her pains. 2. She was begging for rent, she's at her low ebb. I never saw anywhere she insulted them siblings, her only mistake is sitting back while the rest got schooled. In her words, she was assisting them in her capacity while they schooled. All she needs is an encouragement to go back to school, that her future be thankful in righting her mistake of not getting schooled earlier. ❤
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteThere's something I always thank God for - no member of my family is dependent on the other for help to eat, clothe, live and/or get by. It's a great blessing. I absolutely understand how you feel. I'm the last born of my family but the most sacrificial, no one would ever know I'm the last born, yet I don't easily get things from my elder siblings even if I ask. My advice - Have a poverty alleviation plan for your life - school, business, job, e.t.c. Pray. Plan. Execute. May God give you the gift of Men in Jesus' Name. Amen
ReplyDeleteWhat is the gift of men? Please.
DeleteGift of men are helpers of destiny
DeleteThe gift of men are divine helpers of destiny. They fall into 4 categories - Burden Bearers eg.Simon of Cyrene who carried Jesus' cross to Golgotha; Divine Connectors e.g. the Cup Bearer who referred Joseph to Pharaoh to interpret Pharaoh's dream; Men of Influence e.g. the King who restored the Shuanamite's woman's lands to her after the famine; and Gifted People.l e.g. Bezalel Ohilial whom God endowed with gifts to build the temple in the wilderness. Gifts of men take us farther and faster in life and destiny fulfilment.
DeleteI wasn't the one who asked but thank you all for the explanation of gift of men. Nice one 16:56.
DeleteHello Stella, you're doing a great job. Please may you request that you're a bit more empathetic to the plight of the Chronicle Writers when writing your blue or red penned comments? Life isn't black and white, and yes, unrequited love from family and loved ones can hurt. So kindly speak from that stand point of empathy. Thank you and keep up the great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteNo vexs...thanks
DeleteI no vex. Thank you. Hugs.
DeleteStella Koko, you know you are loved.🥰
DeleteThere is a saying which said "No mean said you know dey eat lion mean said lion no go eat you". Meaning because you helped them they should help you also.
ReplyDeleteMe I have experienced people I have helped stabbing me in the back. But life goes on. Once there is life there is hope.
Deleteyou think because a person is a graduate then that person has money to throw around. Is not easy on anyone especially those who have family, you need to take it easy and stop expecting so much from humans. You better focus on making your own money to sort out your rent than depending on your siblings to pay your rent.
ReplyDeleteAfterall, they did not ask you to step down for them but you did it own your own will. Stop reminding them of the scarifies you did for them in the past. They already knew you made some sacrifices for them and God will pay you back, you kept on expecting reward from them that is why you are sounding this way. You should not feel bad if your siblings cannot help you out, you should wake up from your sleep and hustle.
You think cos they are married and graduates makes them rich abi wealthy lol i laugh at you cos it seems to me like you don't understand what is happening at the moment.
What a comment. May we get what we say.
DeleteYou lack empathy.
DeleteIn as muçh as it i s painful what you did was wrong. And pls look else where for your rent ,God will be with you
ReplyDeleteAjumobi o kan taanu, eni Olorun ran sini lon seni loore, meaning related with someone by blood doesn't mean they will help you, except they're sent by God.
ReplyDeleteI've learned not to depend on anybody especially financially, even if she didn't have, nothing wrong in showing empathy, not that she would totally ignored you, that was unfair.
So siblings are tight ✊ and stingy. I've a brother that's doing very well but can never give to us his siblings even our mother na war but I'll be walking on the road and people will come to me and say please help me thank your brother o he paid sch fees for my child, help me thank your brother o he paid for my rent, help me thank your brother o he sent foodstuffs to my family. He is ome na mba. But my eldest brother doesn't have half of what the stingy one has but he's ready to share with us his siblings and our mother.
ReplyDeleteMy Deede my big brother like no other 💞 God will continue to bless you and protect you from evil.
May God not give us wicked siblings.
ReplyDeleteIf you have the opportunity to help your sibling please do so.
Exactly
DeleteLife is a seed. You reap what you sow. She ignored you for weeks and had the gut to respond because you reminded her how you helped her. That is guilty conscience. I will request you ignore her . Bible said blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy. Just watch and see how God does it without them. Keep your hopes alive. God is a master strategist. Your rent and other needs will be met beyond your imaginations. I have never seen a given stranded.
ReplyDeleteU have every right to feel bad, but reminding her of your effort was not cool, I understand u are in a dilemma, but don't loose your respect and dignity bcoz of this, your siblings might be the ungrateful type, in this case there is nothing you can do to them, keep praying God will wipe your tears away, all you need is God and good people around you.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, these siblings are not kind and do not understand and appreciate the height of Love and sacrifice that was shown. Because if they understood what this meant, this chronicle won't have come by in the first place, because they would try their best to assist in every way possible (unless the poster is beginning to demand too much)
ReplyDeleteDear poster, men will fail you but God wont. Look up to him, be strong he always come through for his own
Poster I feel your pains,be strong and remove your mind from their money,they are not God, tomorrow is still pregnant
ReplyDeleteThere are other ways you could have asked for the money within feeling entitled. Now you're heart broken. So sorry for what you're going through..
ReplyDeleteI don't agree Stella. Let us not be quick to send her under the bus. We all ask our siblings for help once in awhile and it hurts when you know they have it but don't help out.
ReplyDeletePoster, i pray for open doors for you. For your siblings, i also pray they appreciate the sacrifice you and your mum made.
I don't agree Stella. Let us not be quick to send her under the bus. We all ask our siblings for help once in awhile and it hurts when you know they have it but don't help out.
ReplyDeletePoster, i pray for open doors for you. For your siblings, i also pray they appreciate the sacrifice you and your mum made.
Chai!!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain poster , God will see you through.
It's well 🤗