Hmmmmmm...
Good day SDK and BVs
I put to bed last month and my mother came for omugwo. I have an elder sister who stay in a city close to me with her family. It is a 2hrs drive.
So my mom said she will use this opportunity to go and see my elder sister before going back to the east. My 2 little children said they'll follow her to my sisters place. I agreed since they're on holiday and I can rest small with my new born.
I called my elder sister and told her about the arrangement of my kids coming with mama. She now said it's fine but I should call her husband and tell him.
I've been thinking, am I supposed to call her husband? is she not supposed to be the one to tell the husband?. Because if it was me, I won't tell her to tell my husband. I'll tell my husband myself.
I even told her that I will buy all the things I know my children like eating so they won't stress them. I just want them to bond with their cousins.
Be like this my sister dey chop beating but be pretending like she and her husband are sugar sugar. Because that response looks that it's coming from someone that's scared of her husband .
Be like this my sister dey chop beating but be pretending like she and her husband are sugar sugar. Because that response looks that it's coming from someone that's scared of her husband .
My mind is telling me to cancel the preparation let mama alone go. Abi am I over thinking it.
Ask her husband that what? What kind of man is that?
Please cancel it and let your mum go alone, something is not right about your sisters response and you just might be right about the abuse cos such statement is out of fear....Why dont you tell your mum to be very observant to see if your sis in living in fear?
Dont send your kids there for now
Dont send your kids there for now
She is not surpose to ask you to call her husband, it's her duty to let her husband know that your children will come with mama when she is coming.my Advice abort mission let mama go alone..
ReplyDeleteI remember when I moved back to Nigeria during covid! When I called my brother; he told me to call his wife! I did it; because the last time; I was with friends, my eyes saw shege banza! Half of my stuff were stolen!
DeleteAfter I settled in; I was paying my own bills in my billionaire brother's house! As I settled; I got my own place and moved very far from Nigerian family and friends! They are all users !
I don't eat much and I have diet! The one you give them money to buy for the house, they will not give you! The one you will buy for yourself! They will not allow you rest! Their longer throat is out of this world!
My dear; keep your girls in your house; and advice your mom to not go anywhere! Let her stay back with you; to help out with the kids.
16:12
DeleteThank you for letting us know women and men (male and female siblings) are sitting at the table.
Pls don't send your kids to that type of nasty family environment
DeleteOnly God knows what she might be passing through it could be financial. Talk to her better to know why she is insisting you speak to the husband. God bless you
DeleteThat she said tell my husband does not mean she’s afraid of him or her home is not happy. It might be your own sister who doesn’t want your kids around. I hope there’s no sibling rivalry between you two? From the way you wrote about “sugar sugar” and jumping to a negative conclusion without seeking clarification from your own blood sister, I sense some envy somewhere in your relationship with her.
DeleteNa wa o. Don't even bother telling her or her husband anything. Just let your mom go to her house without your children.
ReplyDeleteYeah, she should be the one to tell him, not you. But the fact she told you to ask her him does not imply she's chopping beating or scared of him. 🙄
ReplyDeleteMy dear some husband's are not considerate she did that so that he will be shy not to accept them coming over probably he has complained in the past of family coming over
ReplyDeleteShe's the one that supposed to tell her husband, I find it weird that you will be the one to inform her husband since she's your sister, please don't let your children go there, maybe all is not well with your sister.
ReplyDeleteFollow Stella's advice.
ReplyDeleteShell of course inform him but let’s normalise respecting the other spouse by also updating them. Takes nothing and just shows you respect both parties.
ReplyDeleteNot everything requires overthinking. If I was you, I would unless of course you don’t have a good relationship with your brother in-law which is then another story
I get ur point, and i assume most women do it out of respect for their spouse, however, what is abnormal, is telling an outsider to call ur spouse to seek permission before coming to the house. Ur spouse is supposed to info u, not the outsider
DeleteCancel cancel and cancel, your sis is certainly scared of her husband.
ReplyDeleteWhat right do you have to call her husband and start telling him your kids wants to come over? Or maybe she's indirectly telling you the arrangement is not suitable for her because she knows is not a good idea to call her husband for that information, it's her call to make, not yours please!
Well, different strokes for different folks. it might just be about just respecting the husband and the husband would gets more involved if he agrees from you. which ever way if you are not cool with it. just cancel it.
ReplyDeleteYes poster call her husband and tell him
ReplyDeleteIt won’t take anything from you
It will be his honor in his home
Your mother and children won’t hang in the air, they will eat and sleep in his house
He has to know besides this may be their family structure
It’s not against you
She has a good and happy home from this I know your sister is respectful and honors her husband
So if it’s her colleagues that are coming to the house, they would also call the husband and tell him? Every member of her family that is visiting, she goes around sharing her husband’s number for them to call him? Wow! So much for respect.
DeleteWhat colleague goes on holidays to live with a married couple where she/he is not already friends with both spouses and so able to call both about the plan?
DeleteExtreme example.
What is happening
ReplyDeleteIf I were you sha
Seems she has given you go ahead to call her husband I will just to sense your imagination
Something is not right that was why she said you should call her husband your self...
Hello iya boys
She dey fear her husband lol
ReplyDeleteOr maybe he doesn't like her family
DeleteOr maybe that is the rule laid down by her sister her in-laws' holidays stay or visits stay-in?
Delete*17:46
DeleteOr maybe that is the rule laid down by her sister for her in-laws visiting or holidaying with she and her husband?
You're right poster,abort the visit.
ReplyDeleteDOG has something to say and he will say it:
ReplyDeleteSometimes, there may be no there.... there!
Your sister may just want you to tell her husband out of formality. You don't know the dynamics of her home. I find your dismissiveness of your sister concerning.
It is her home and she understands the power dynamic of it better than you do. She probably wants her husband to think you accorded him respect by informing him your kids are visiting. She knows her husband won't say no but he'd like to think his opinion was sought.
Managing a mans ego is a skill every soman needs to run a successful home.. OP, do well to learn a trick or two from your sister.
Well said.
DeleteI support you on this.
DeletePoster call the husband. There’s nothing there.
I second this! Poster, which one.is "sugar sugar"? Why would you say such about your own sis? You are the one with the problem, that is all I see. Your sis should ne wary of you.
DeleteYou do not know if that is what works in their own home for heaven's sake! She is your elder sister, respect her or keep your kids with you.
This one is tricky
ReplyDeleteI’m close to my friend and her husband respects and is very kind to me too. She would say call your friend and tell him o. It’s my clue that she’s saying when yuh ask him, it will be automatic yes. I’m sure she will tell him too but it’s just an added touch that shows we are all friends and she’s saying he will listen uk you
I think she doesn't want your kids around knowing that you'd be reluctant to get permission from her husband, she played you a fast one.
ReplyDeleteDear Gentle Poster, Please hold your horses and don't overthink some things...There is nothing if you reach out to her husband too, exchange pleasantries and inform him about the children coming over to show some respect....If possible, your husband too can also call him as well just to extend that bond.....You are in-laws and some things can also come from you to her husband unless you all are not close enough....
ReplyDeleteThis will be a great opportunity for your kids to bond with their cousins....Don't allow your assumptions or insinuations come between them....
All the best....
Exactly....I don't really see anything wrong if you have a good relationship with you brother in law. My in-laws calls me to inform me whenever they want to visit, majority of the time I get to know from them first before my husband will even say it,I don't know if he's the one that tells them to call his wife or not but one thing I know is that my husband is not scared of me oo and I've never seen it as an issue before
DeleteThank you @Flawless.
DeleteEvery in-law should treat it that "the home of their sibling belongs to the sibling's wife or husband".
Maybe your husband should call her husband, exchange some male banter and then chip it in that the children would love to come over and bond with their cousins.
ReplyDeleteOh! Wise perspective.
DeleteIt won't cost you anything to involve the husband, unless your relationship with him is strained. Your sister is avoiding marital wahala, so respect that. Call her husband, share your plans, and let him know that your sister suggested you seek his permission. Listen to him then make your decision.
ReplyDeleteI think this depends on your relationship with your in law.
ReplyDeleteWhen I traveled to have my babies. I stayed with my elder sis. I have very good rapport with her husband. I called my sis (first) then her hubby to inform them I was coming, When I told my sis I was coming, she even asked if I told her hubby yet I told her I would call him after speaking with her. She said no problem.
When I called him later, he mentioned his wife already informed him and they are happy to have us stay with them. He was even the one to pick me from the airport as my sis was working.
I feel it shows regard. He’s the man of the house and you calling to let him know your kids are coming is just to honor him and show regard. Not necessarily to take permission.
Nothing to over think here.
I'm surprised poster is overthinking this!
DeleteLet's stop all the assumptions and reading unnecessary meaning.Every couple has unique structure and what works for them .If your sister is having issues with her marriage I'm sure you would have been aware before now.
ReplyDeleteJust call the man as you are told it might just be a mere sign of respect
It doesn’t make any sense in this scenario. My wife’s brother is my guy and sometimes he’ll ask my wife to do something and she’ll be like Abeg ask your friend. So it depends on rapport too sometimes but in this case, it doesn’t look like there’s any between husband and sister inlaw so my advice is abort mission.
ReplyDeleteAnother masterpiece chronicle.
ReplyDeletePoster even spiced it with an allegation of DV against the man to ease the validation sought.
Hehehehe
Some female Bvs here have no chill for men at all.
What if -
That is the agreement between them
That is what Poster's sister demands of her in-laws?
The couple are facing some financial strain and she wants her husband to know ahead. The fact that the children would carry along some or all the food they love eating does not mean the man would not bear extra financial burden. Some men would even find that suggestion of going to their homes with food offensive no matter what. they would rather beg or borrow if necessary.
You and your husband do not do sugar sugar?
And is he beating you?
Any way as advised, tell your mother to look out for marks of beating on your sister.
Remember to update us
This is my sister back then anytime you tell her you are coming she will tell you to call her husband and tell him, if you call him he will ask you how long you are going to stay SMH
ReplyDeleteLol
Delete"Be like this my sister dey chop beating but be pretending like she and her husband are sugar sugar. Because that response looks that it's coming from someone that's scared of her husband"
ReplyDeleteIt's really amazing that you have to conjure up something like this, simply because your sister told you to call her husband. This shows the kind of person you are.
Whenever my elder sister wants to bring her children to my home, she also calls my wife to tell her. It is the normal and respectful thing to do.
Your children will be spending the holiday there so, I'm guessing this is a couple of weeks or even a month.
What then is the big deal to call your brother in law to notify him, especially after your sister said you should?
When I want to visit my siblings I call them to let them know, it's their responsibility to tell their spouse but when I want to visit my aunt I call her husband and also call her,I call the husband cuz I go bill am when am ready to go back make e no get excuses as my aunt no dey drop. As for your sister maybe it's their agreement.
ReplyDeleteJust go ahead and call him nothing spoil
Omo. The way women are always looking for trouble everywhere ehn..
ReplyDeleteHaba!
Women are actually the troublesome species and issues in this world, but this only happens because a lot of men are s!MPs..
Cos how does this translate to her sister getting beatings from her husband?
Just can you call my husband too, next thing na to insinuate say the man dey beat am..
You people are nothing but problems,. But thank God I learnt early on how to manage and handle you girls,. So I'm safe.. but I really pity men that refuse to learn.. they'll learn the hard way on how to handle women
I hate ppl sending me to speak to their spouse. But I would call the husband to see his response and how he talks. Cause if your suspicions are correct you will have to talk to him so that your sister doesn’t get pounded for making plans behind his back without his authorization. So, talk to him and trust me if anything is amiss in the household your children will say something, even innocently when they return, cause kids see more than adults do. For the sake of your sister’s welfare give him a call, she may have even already told him in passing and he is waiting for your call.
ReplyDeleteThis. I’m not a big fan of the call my husband thing
DeleteThe husband is following the wife’s rules. When you set rules for your husband’s family, it comes back to bite you in the a*se. Lol.
ReplyDeleteCall him , that is how his siblings call your sister too to tell her of their visit. They are living Oyinbo lifestyle so take them as they are.
Poster it's not in your place to call your sister's husband,she can talk to her hubby if she truly wan your children around.
ReplyDeleteEvery husband is not thesame. In the actual sense, poster is not supposed to take permission from her husband , but in this case, a sensitive person will know that the man is not the type that entertains people coming to his house and he will get mad at her for bringing people in. The marriage is in a level of see finish syndrome' according to Charlie Boy . The man will only accept their coming if the plea comes from another person because he now has less or no regard for his wife . You people should know that all relationship is not thesame anytime you want to give advice here.
DeleteI'm happy to see people who have the same opinion as I. Call the husband and inform him. I see nothing wrong with that. To be on a safer side, tell your mum to be observant of happenings in your sister's home when they get there.
ReplyDeleteI hope with time, people will understand that how things are done/matters are handled in their marriages, can differ from other people's marriages and it's fine.
ReplyDeleteIt would surprise you to know that the husband may not even have a problem with not being kept abreast of your visit, but your sister in the spirit of fairness might be the one who doesn't want to take advantage of his nonchalance and carefree nature.
Your sister may just be a self-respecting person who believes in reciprocity. After all, you can't say outright with absolute certainty that he doesn't do the same for her.
Who knows if she was just according him the same respect he accords her.
You said they act lovey-dovey, right? Well, maybe what you experienced was just a fraction of the mutual respect and understanding between them ie.the acknowledgment, respect, etc which all acts as cords that strengthen their marital bond, and that is what you are simply misinterpreting and concerned about.
If the husband, while on the phone tells his sister to intimate his wife concerning her visit to your hearing, you would have raved non-stop about how much he respects and gives her accord in the marriage, right?
Therefore, for clarity's sake, how about you reverse the situation and see it for what it truly is? Have you done that? does it still look so bad? Certainly not.
🤣" e be like that my sister the chop beating" got me.... True true e be like.
ReplyDeleteIdeally she's supposed to convey the message not you... Like why should you?🤷
Tbh, I don't see anything wrong. Maybe that's how they run their house. Her husband's people call her when they want to come over and she might want to reciprocate the gesture. I think rather than concluding, have a conversation with her and ask her why she said that. Just for clarity
ReplyDeleteDo you know the poster?
DeleteHow do know her husband's people call????
Lollll, you must be very funny.
Poster how will you feel if your sister in-law calls you to say she is visiting your home?. Happy and valued I guess?.
ReplyDeleteHow will you feel if your sister calls your husband to inform him she is visiting your home?
Call your sisters husband. It gives the man a sense of value and respect especially coming from his wife's sister. Don't allow your imagination deprive your children the opportunity to bond with their cousins.
There is nothing wrong in calling your brother in law to tell him. My husband will not find it funny if my sister sends her children to us for holiday without informing him herself. People are different. Your sister knows her husband more than you. It does not mean she does not have a happy marriage. My husband is very strict and petty about certain things. I understand him and I abide by his rules to have peace in my home. Everyone has a reason why they do certain things. Respect that.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a budget thing. Keep your kids home please.
ReplyDeleteThey can go visit another time.
They must have planned out as this month salary go go. Mama no be issue but 2 pickin go cause wahala.
Mama