CONCERNED FAMILY MEMBERS
SDK and blog family. I need your guidance on a sensitive family matter. My sister, who was not only intelligent but also beautiful, married her husband through our elder sister's connection.
My elder sister's friend was the first to speak to my mother about her younger brother getting married to my sister. They met themselves later, dated for two years and got married.
Brief history of my sister. She is the most beautiful and most intelligent in the family. She did her undergraduate studies abroad.
Despite her successful career abroad, she relocated to Nigeria to marry this man.
SDK and blog family. I need your guidance on a sensitive family matter. My sister, who was not only intelligent but also beautiful, married her husband through our elder sister's connection.
My elder sister's friend was the first to speak to my mother about her younger brother getting married to my sister. They met themselves later, dated for two years and got married.
Brief history of my sister. She is the most beautiful and most intelligent in the family. She did her undergraduate studies abroad.
Despite her successful career abroad, she relocated to Nigeria to marry this man.
After their marriage , the man said he does not want his children trained abroad. That is how my sister stayed back in Nigeria and had four girls.
News kept filtering of her husbands unhealthy relationship with her maid. One day she took casual leave and pretended to be going to work. She went and stayed somewhere for sometime and came back and caught her dear husband pants down with the maid.
When my sister dragged the man for his cheating, he was bold to tell my brother that he was looking for a son as my sister could not give him a son.
The heartbreak was too much for her, she had panic attack and depression. My beautiful sister lost hope for living. All efforts to make her see a counselor failed.
She passed away this February.
My sister left her children in our custody. The husband pays their school fees and sends financial support sometimes.
The reason for this chronicle is that the wicked man is demanding to take custody of our nieces and raise them in his own home.
The heartbreak was too much for her, she had panic attack and depression. My beautiful sister lost hope for living. All efforts to make her see a counselor failed.
She passed away this February.
My sister left her children in our custody. The husband pays their school fees and sends financial support sometimes.
The reason for this chronicle is that the wicked man is demanding to take custody of our nieces and raise them in his own home.
We're concerned about their well-being and don't want them to be raised by another woman because rumors have it the man is still dating that maid
How do we handle this situation. The first daughter is 8 years and the last is 3+.
How do we handle this situation. The first daughter is 8 years and the last is 3+.
Hmmmm.... I dont think you can do anything about this oh....He is their father and if he wants his kids, you have to give them up and pray that the other woman will be nice to them....So sorry about your sister.
The Man is a GOAT....Useless human being and doesn't deserve those kids cos they might be harmed.
ReplyDeleteTheir mother shouldn't have gone in such manner, may her soul find peace.
Never lease those kids to that foul.
DOZZYBEST.
The maid ended the marriage and replaced their mother, the children are not safe with her. Go to court and present evidence of the affair that led to your sister’s death.
DeleteKai what a waste
DeleteFor someone who was concerned with having a male child, now his wife is late, and he wants to be in his daughters lives. I feel for the girls, who know what they'll pass through in the hands of the maid. I wished she had filed for custody while she was alive.
ReplyDeleteKnows*
DeleteThis is a very delicate situation, he is their father and your family dont have to deny him acces to them..if the senior ones can go to him while the small one stays with you people..then you guys can be checking up on them often..
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about this too. The small ones can remain with you.
DeleteThe most senior is 8 years and the man is working. What can an 8 years old child do.
DeleteIf there’s anyone in your family that still relates well with him, the person can try and convince him into leaving the girls with you guys till they are 16yrs. He can keep sending in the financial support. That maid might be behind the request and she might turn those girls into maids or be nice to them but either way, someone should try and speak to his conscience.
DeleteSo sorry about your late sister.
Kai why will she kill her self because of a useless man !! The kids are so young. Pls God protect the little ones 💔
ReplyDeleteChai! This is painful!
DeleteMaybe she got a soften heart😔 someone with a very strong heart can never be moved with that nonsense the said
DeleteSo, because she didn't give him a male child gave him the damn right to sleep with their maid?
I hope she still has a mother? They should not release those kids to him because they are still much young. Let them gets to teen age before handling them over to him.
What of if the man go n marry witch as their step mother nko? Nah maltreat she go dey do dem
After 2 years of dating, Red flags may have been ignored by your sister and your family.
ReplyDeleteThe people that arranged the marriage didn't like your family.
Also did your sister really die of depression caused by the husband?
There are lot of cheating husbands out there. That doesn't not result to wife's dieing.
Everything is not red flag. People change. It's just life.
DeleteBetrayal hits people differently,betrayal from a loved one especially the one you have built your life around can send one to a mental home,Sickness like cancer and even death.
DeleteMay God help every depressed soul.
Thank you Fidel, some guys and ladies are so well behaved during courtship, 4 to 5 years in marriage tentacles don they fly out. People change, change is the only constant thing in life. God help us vthrough every struggle we have in Jeus name Amen. Ladies no matter what never let a man steal your joy. Your life isn't meant for your husband but for God and it's for you to glorify God alone with it. It is well Amen
DeleteFidel, you better don't mind that oversabi 15:09.
DeleteDem go dey shout "Red flag" upandan, as if life/relationship is all about red flags. Forgetting that;
1. There are people who are so perfect at hiding these red flags shit, such that you will never know.
2. Not all marital issues has to do with that "Red flag anthem".
If you check am well now, this one (and others) wey dey shout "Red flag" upandan, left, right and center, e fit be say na "RED BILLBOARD" dey inside his/her relationship/marriage oh, but "We die there syndrome" no go gree dem comot.
Lol
DeletePeople change. Courtship is different from marriage.
DeleteAh! This is painful. I am sorry about the loss. May God console the family. My fear is 'Are the girls going to be safe with the maid that could betray their mother? I pray she doesn't maltreat them. Let him go with two of them while you guys take care of the other two, let him know they are the memory you have of your late sister. But again, he might stop supporting financially if you keep two of them. Discuss this with him if he agrees because they are his kids.
ReplyDeleteThis is really really so sad.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences 🙏
In this matter, he has every right to take his kids with him. Fighting him legally or physically will be a waste of time and resources.
As wicked as this man was to your sister one or 2 of you people (maybe your parents) have to try and be cordial with him, so you can have access to your nieces and monitor their welfare if he insistson taking them..
Gra gra won't help the situation as he can deny you all access to them..
So find a way to be cordial, nice as possible to even the maid who may turn wife, so you people can be in touch with the kids and monitor their wellbeing, until they are gown enough to make their decision.
So you all should leave the pain aside and use wisdom, for the sake of the young children.
If this works out, they can come spend every of their holidays with your family, and gradually you people device means to convince the man to keep them with you people.
I think that's the best way to go about this..
DeleteLet there be a family meeting. There can even be a resolution that they go spend their holidays with him cos it would be hard to prove that his cheating ways led to the death of their mother and he is still their father.
Its a delicate situation that should be handled maturely albeit the emotional turmoil.
Let them go to their dad but they should come back to you people if they are being maltreated.
ReplyDeleteThey are too young to stay with the man alone. They can't even do anything for themselves.
DeleteThey should not release them ooo hahaha. Who knows if the man marries a wicked woman as their step mother
DeleteTalking from experience here
Since he has demanded for their comeback, I think he will make provision on how to take care of them by himself. (Washing, cooking etc) You can go checkup on them from time to time to know if the kids are really suffering ( strictly by observation. No need asking them questions)
DeleteIt's not everybody that maltreats their step children. They should give her a try.
Well, you can do something about it. Especially if all narrated is as correctly narrated.
ReplyDeleteConsult a lawyer specialised in matrimonial and children custody matter. Not a general legal practitioner. The welfare of the children takes precedence over biological parental rights to the children. Be willing to agree to a middle ground of visiting access while your family have primary custody.
#theLegalTrainee
Exactly Lawyer,the chronicle is a solid ground to file for the girls custody. The man and his lover cannot be good parents to the girls. The man never loved your sister. Accept my condolences. Very sad chronicle. 😌😌😌
DeleteAnother great advice!!
DeletePoster please follow this advice
DeleteThis
DeleteDon't ever give your nieces to that irresponsible man.
ReplyDeleteA man that told your late sister after wedding that he doesn't want his children trained abroad. What kind of a man is that? No responsible man will say such a thing. He doesn't have the money to travel and raise his children in the abroad hence, the foolish talk.
Who doesn't want better life for their children?
Your family should fight that man to a standstill.
He already gave you people a point to hold onto which is, he doesn't value female children. If he did, he would not have cheated on his wife according to him.
Communication is very important in a relationship. Discuss everything including how you want your unborn children to be raised with whoever you are getting married to before wedding.
Ah, Oh God!
👏👏👏👏👏thank you
DeleteBIZ, ❤️
DeleteThis is so delicate, can your family elders meet with his to resolve this. And also this move of doesn't sit well, why do he want his children to leave with him seeing that they are well taken care of by his inlaw?
ReplyDeleteSorry about your sister's death.
This is painful,may her soul rest in peace.see why it is ideal to marry right.
ReplyDeleteyour sister was a shinning star whose life was cut short due to wrong marriage.
He is their biological father and I don't know if any court will favor your family,maybe you should sit and settle for the sake of the children.
Oh dear.. See how she just wasted her life over a man.. And the kids are all females, who needs to be protected to avoid abuse.. God please oh
ReplyDeleteThat abuse is my greatest fear for those children....
DeleteSome maids are evil. Once they start running things with Oga, they will start poisoning madam gradually until she falls sick and die. Are you sure your sister died of depression? May her soul rest in peace. You can't fight for custody with the man, he is their father. You can involve someone the man respect to persuade him to leave the children with their mum's siblings until a certain age.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, very few men have the character strength to control themselves if another woman is living under their roof. Arnold Shwarznegger got his maid pregnant and even the great King Solomon bowed down to an idol and worshiped just to get to taste a woman he never had who was completely forbidden, and that is even with access to 1000 other women at his disposal and after building a glorious temple in honour of his God. Trusting a man to display good behaviour in matters of lust is trusting that you can catch air in the palm of your hands. A woman with a man of high character knows what she has and there is nothing too hard to ever do for such a man.
DeleteA past family friend got his wife's sister pregnant after she came to help with her sister's newborn child when she returned to work. The wife thought having family to take care of her baby was the best and safest choice. Sister was quietly receiving the rod of destruction daily when her sister was off to work, and got pregnant herself by her brother-in-law.
Hei God Abeg oh! Chineke biko
DeleteYour sister literally died from a broken heart. Even with all her intelligence and knowledge she could not remember that what is happening had nothing to do with her. This only shows that love matters can really break down the best of us. May her soul rip.
ReplyDeleteI do not know Nigerian family law. But from what I know, he is the legal custodial parent now and can take the children back. The burden of proof will be on you all to prove some major character flaw in him or some safety issue that would put the children at risk if they were left in his care. If your sister wrote something with a statement why she wanted the girls in her family’s care that can be used too, probably not on its own but in addition. Find a very good family lawyer, and I mean the best in the business or closest to the best and have a consultation to know where you all stand. All the best to you all.
Great advice!!
DeleteGood point!
DeleteIf any member of your family is well to do let the person disappear with the kids, let their father do his worse
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Hahahaha Fan you na guy woman na
DeleteI concur. Change their names secretly and disappear into thin air. Las las, all he can do is make noise for a while after which his irresponsible spirit will get the better of him and he will revert to his usual mode. Those kids must not end up with that man or they will be ruined for life.
Delete😂😂😂😂😂 this lady....
DeletePlease don’t release the Children particularly the young ones…do whatever you need to do but don’t release them. Let your parents beg him to allow you guys take care of them for a while and then you can release when they get older. Please don’t release them
ReplyDeleteBeg him for what? You don't use carrot to punish a dog. You flog the hell out of it with better cane.
DeleteHmmmm. Your family is being emotional about the whole deal. Be rational with the man, release the children to him, then set about gathering evidence about his inability to be a good father, because financially he has been providing for their upkeep.I mean evidence of neglect, abuse e.t.c because that's the only way you can discredit his ability to have custody of them.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, your sister may be beautiful, and highly intelligent as you said, but she was selfish and emotionally intelligent. She should have thought of her children's welfare .
Release what, this is what leads to abuse because that man will still use thier mum to insult them and then strange women will prey on them. My dear poster let yournpwople fight to the last. Involve a legal practitioner specialised in marriage laws and child protection. The man's doom will surely come, eleda sista e ma ja fun awon omo yen
DeleteYour people*
DeletePoster, I can tell you are full of regrets on behalf of your sister, but please don't beat yourself up. Now is the time for you to think of the way forward.
ReplyDeleteI am wondering if your sister was divorced or separated before she died and was granted custody? I am asking because you said she left her kids in your custody. If she wasn't, then this reads like the ex-husband allowed and accepted that you guys kept the children with you at the onset of her death because he felt he couldn't cope (probably due to work?) and now he is suddenly asking for them.
If it is so, then what makes him think he can handle taking care of them now? This begs the question of if he now has someone he plans to entrust them to. Likely a woman, i.e., His mother, sister or (I pray not) the nanny.
Tell him you have no problem giving him the kids after all he is their dad, but he has to keep it in mind that they are very young, and they are girls so they would fare better with you guys. But, If he insists, then you need to ask him how he intends to be there for them.ie cooking, etc. considering they are still young. He may be their dad, but they are your nieces, and you have the right to ask questions and make sure they are in safe hands.
Remember, he didn't just cheat but with a maid and right under your late sister's nose. A maid who had cheap access to her food, kids, and space and could easily harm her. He endangered her life, and it will be lackadaisical of you to trust the kids with such a person considering what you heard, lately.
Discuss with him calmly in a way that shows you are only after what's best for your nieces and not to take them away from him totally. If he opens up that the nanny would be there to assist them with anything. Please call a family meeting and don't fold your arms. Involve his family and yours, let them know about the matter on ground. Either his maid or his kids, he has to choose. To think the one he deems fit to be their stepmother is the one who caused her pain that eventually led to her death, is an affront on his kids and their mothers' memory.
This situation is too delicate to be embraced with folded arms. If he was getting married to another woman, maybe I would be a bit understanding because no matter how badly people think of stepmothers, some are different. Still, I would still worry if the kids are safe considering he had to bring her in just a few months after their mom's demise.
Poster follow this advice
DeleteHonestly, make them no lose all round. The man is a wicked man. He can even use them for rituals
DeleteSeconded!! Please follow this advice and do all your best...Sorry about the loss of your sister...
DeleteThank you .
DeleteThey were not divorced before she died. She pleaded with us on her sick bed not to release the children to him. My family called him several times for a discussion but he refused. He only sent his family. According to him, he was afraid we might harm him.
If she begged you then you must all do everything in your power to fulfill her wishes. May God guide and protect you all.
Deletewhy will she allow a useless man to put her into such tight corner, i pray that God will comfort your family. If is possible to keep those children away from that useless man please you people should do so, he should go and look for male children. Was he not the one putting in female children into her and expect magic during child birth.
ReplyDeleteMay her soul dela with him with the maid amen.
Hmmn na wa o in this day and age a man still blames a woman for boy child when the man is to donate the Y Chromosome and he didn't so how is his wife to blame. That made shouldnhave been kicked out of the house and your sis divorce the wicked man. Illiteracy is no respecter of Bsc certificate. I would advise you adopt the children legally and if theres a written note about the custody of the children then its an evidence for adoption and court of law and if the children can speak against thier Dad's maltreatment in court, perhaps custody can come to you people. Cut off all communication with the man and financial assistance from the man .The law will look out for the best interest of the child.
ReplyDeleteThe woman go born more girl children he just started karma is real, eventually he will end up having a bastard son people like this God shows them pepper
Maid* the woman (maid)
DeleteMaid* the woman (maid)
DeleteI don't trust a man that had to cheat on his wife with her maid because she refused to birth boys(educated illiterate).
ReplyDeleteI am 💯 sure the man would have emotionally abused your sister before she found out the truth.
In my own opinion,I won't realease the kids to him,he has shown that he prefers male children to female and as such,he might not take care of them.
You people should involve the person that connected them and men of God to talk to him,so he can allow them stay with you people and go to their dads house for holidays.
May her soul rest in peace.
Women,please, whenever it's not looking sane again,talk to people don't cover anything.
How can some abroad relocate to Nigeria ,just because of marriage,you can imagine what the scenario would have of they remained abroad.
ReplyDeleteThe children belong to the man and there is nothing your family can do until they are grown ups and then make their decision. May God console your and your family.
Chi loving
Aswear that’s the first mistake she made. My dad will single handedly home spiritual and scattered that relationship
DeleteLife is very precarious ,sister that is the plain truth there is nothing you people can do but kama is a bitch,it will catch up with him,no problem
ReplyDeleteThat upgraded maid that now calls herself the wife will maltreat those kids. 4 kids!
ReplyDeleteBut why do some men complicate their lives like this? Sadly though OP there's nothing you can do here o. He is their father. You can't stop him carrying them. Just do all you can to be in the lives of those kids. Your sister is counting on you.
What's God. Sometimes we should leave this red flag talks. Some people are just unpredictable. Don't put anything above anyone they can do the unthinkable. poster seek professional advice from a lawyer. Let them guide you accordingly
ReplyDeleteI will never turn myself into this...! A situation whereby I would become down because of a cheating man lol...part of my sister's death was as a result of her husband having an affair with our cousin lols....My dear its well...he should not be allowed around the kids. We are in full custody of my sisters kids now
ReplyDelete
DeleteMen are shameless. Some married men even go ahead and sleep with the wives of thier late brother soo disgusting and the woman too will be pregnant for the man and start dragging family with the original children... oluwa help women from evil men
Sorry about your sister. I think he has every right to have his children. Please seek advise from a lawyer to know how to go about it.
ReplyDeleteDon’t release them
ReplyDeleteDelay delay delay
Let him go to court and once there you can table all you’ve said
Be gathering your evidence
Given what happened, I wouldn’t release my niece without a fight. God forbid.
Don’t pressure him for money. If he doesn’t want them and you don’t ask him for money, he will go away
Oh dear so sorry about your sister
ReplyDeleteAhhhhhh am just wondering why she fell into depression because of a cheating Horseband
Some women dey Loveee oooo
Person wan school abroad
She could have just find a way and Relocate back with her kids..
oya nah Make Almighty House maid give am boy..
It is well with you People 🙏🙏🙏
Hello iya boys
I'm just pained that she let this get to her, the man is not worth it
DeleteYou know, it is this mentality of 'he/she is their father/mother' that exposes vulnerable kids to wicked abusers. If you know deep in your gut that your late sibling's spouse will not care for the kids and you still go ahead to release those kids based on that assertion, you have failed that sibling woefully. Let's do better to stop the rate of damaged individuals in this society. As for me, short of murder, j will do anything to keep those kids from that yeye parent.
ReplyDeleteHe's their father and has the right to those children.
ReplyDeleteThe best you can do is to convince him to let them stay with you.
Because he won't be able to take good care of them due to work. It's better
someone close to them look after them than nanny.
Also , they are girls and he won't understand the technicalities of female children. So let him let you guys hold them
Of course, he can come over to see them. And can go for holidays if all parties are okay with it.
My condolences to your family.
Everything must be done in peace with the children at heart.
HYDROGEN
Poster,so sorry for your loss. Truth be told,he is their father and I am very sure the said maid made him want to have custody of the kids so they can becomes her slaves. Nevertheless ,your family should try to maintain cordial relationship with him and leave them for God to judge. It's well
ReplyDeleteAny of your siblings should file for adoption of those girls, don't go through the minister of women and child welfare,go through a family court,while the judge is yet to sit do all medical records of the girls along with their passport, empathize in your motion the tragic end of their mother and the fears of those children falling into the hands of the housemaid,while the father is playing lover boy with the housemaid cum de facto madam,you can speed up the process with getting the backing of social care workers to speak,in court,during court sittings,let the children attend,so that the judge can notice their countenance while being around their father,once the adoption process scales through,arrange for the fastest flight out of the country. Those poor angels deserve better.
ReplyDeleteEyaa! This story is heart breaking! That's why I can never kil myself over any man, I have adjusted my shock absorber for anything, in life always expect the unexpected, then nothing will shock you.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing you can do, except check on them regularly, this is disturbing, it is well
My family friend was fighting the side chick of her husband, she died of depression too, now the side chick is living with their dad, men! hmmmmm
ReplyDeleteI no dey kill myself on top man matter again.
Eheya Poster this Life ehen
ReplyDeleteMake Woman no carry Man Matter for head ooo..
Chaiiiiiiiiii
If there's evidence that he was cheating on your late sister while married, he can be charged to court and a good lawyer can take it up from there or better still, there's is this popular lawyer on Facebook by the name Atanda his Facebook page is " The People 's Parliament"; your can contact him and I am sure he will be of a great help.
ReplyDeleteAm so emotional, maybe it because I have 3 girls and no boy yet, Oh Lord please answer me and bless me with a baby boy Amen🙏
ReplyDeleteAmen to your prayers but It is 2024, The sex of a child should not matter. As long as you have healthy children, please be thankful. What if you keep trying and keep having girls? The main focus should be to raise them well and lay the foundation for them to be successful. One of them may even end up as the president of the country...
DeleteI'm pained reading this chronicle, imagine how her life ended because of marriage 😭😭😭😭😡😡😡😡💔💔💔💔
ReplyDeleteDear women, whatever happens do no not die because of a man and leave your children behind. The life of a motherless child is very hard.
ReplyDeleteThis brought tears to my eyes.
DeletePls women take this advice seriously. Don't put yourself in a situation where you die and leave your children motherless. Motherless children suffer too much, some destinies are destroyed as a result.
If death comes as a result of other things beyond our control, it's still understandable but not by what you can prevent.
She must marry herself and pay huge bride price on her own head....funny tribe mentality.
ReplyDeletePoster am very sorry that your sister died, its so heart breaking and painful, Rest in peace to her
ReplyDeletePls fight for your nieces. Get a good lawyer,let him say your sister died of heartbreaking caused by the mans adultery. also tell the judge that the children are not safe with him because he is still dating the maid who do not love the childrens late mother
Reading this broke my heart💔
ReplyDeleteDear poster, sorry for your loss. Your sister was really fragile to have gone into depression which caused her death.
If what Bv Copycat said is possible, please do it. He can come see them, but they shouldn't be left in his custody and that of that wicked maid
All the best
This story is just so heartbreaking. I wish your sister was strong enough to live for her kids. You don't have any choice than to handover their father till they are old enough to talk for themselves
ReplyDeleteYou guys should continue hiring housemaid and gatemen ,drivers.
ReplyDeleteGo to court and sue for custody, giving him visitation rights. make sure your lawyer states the infidelity with the maid, which led to your sisters death9due to emotional abuse). also state that he categorically allowed your family keep the girls because he said he preferred male kids.... it will be a good point if the maid still stays with him. Get a good lawyer sha
ReplyDeleteThey need evidence to state all these in court.
Delete