WORRIED PARTNER
Dear Stella,
Please I need advice ohhhh.
Are there people who are married to younger and shorter men?
How is it going?
I am older than my partner with 5 YEARS!!!!! I am also considerably taller than him and I am worried.
Does height impact or affect s#x, since I am taller? Aren't our legs supposed to intertwine during s#x? Is that going to be a problem?
Also, is there a social awkwardness that comes with the visible height difference? Is it something I will stop being conscious of with time? Does height really impact marriage in any way, especially where the woman is taller?
I am also worried about the age difference. We currently look like age mates even though he has a baby face somehow, but as we both get older, will it be glaring that I am much more older? Will he stop being attracted to me? Will he feel like he is missing out on being with younger women? How will he deal with the teasing from his friends and even family?
Please I need advice ohhhh.
Are there people who are married to younger and shorter men?
How is it going?
I am older than my partner with 5 YEARS!!!!! I am also considerably taller than him and I am worried.
Does height impact or affect s#x, since I am taller? Aren't our legs supposed to intertwine during s#x? Is that going to be a problem?
Also, is there a social awkwardness that comes with the visible height difference? Is it something I will stop being conscious of with time? Does height really impact marriage in any way, especially where the woman is taller?
I am also worried about the age difference. We currently look like age mates even though he has a baby face somehow, but as we both get older, will it be glaring that I am much more older? Will he stop being attracted to me? Will he feel like he is missing out on being with younger women? How will he deal with the teasing from his friends and even family?
Earlier this year, his friend married an older lady (the lady is older by just 3 years) and their circle of friends made jest of the married guy for marrying an older lady, they even made it worse by saying that the lady is not fine. (Truly, her husband is more attractive than her, BUT The lady is finer than me).
So what will they say about me who is older by 5 years and not as attractive as my man?
His friends already know I am older because we all went to the same school together, but I graduated before they even entered school, but I used to visit to see my younger siblings.
Won't the jesting from his friends make him uncomfortable.
Please, can this union work?
What is it like being with a younger and shorter man?
I am worried
His friends already know I am older because we all went to the same school together, but I graduated before they even entered school, but I used to visit to see my younger siblings.
Won't the jesting from his friends make him uncomfortable.
Please, can this union work?
What is it like being with a younger and shorter man?
I am worried
...Today let me stay back and read advice
With all these complain you better think very well before you marry him..
ReplyDeleteListen to me nothing guarantees happiness for this life, any enjoyment u see enjoy am now tomorrow fit rugged!
DeleteIf u love him enter the marriage if e no work come out at least you know u passed that stage for this life ....
Life wey nobody understands where it's going again that u are bothered about people's thoughts and future wey u never know whether the world go end before u even reach 10yrs in marriage
NK Laundry has said it all - Nothing guarantees anything. If you want him, go for it. If you are not sure, use this as excuse to get out. Last-last we go all dey alright
DeleteMy mathematical mind says that if your friend's husband is more attractive than her but she is finer than you and YOU are not as attractive as YOUR partner that means...🤔
DeleteEhn..do wetin dey your mind. Life is not 1+1.
Lol
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
This one that Fan has only ‘lol’ to say, it means that this chronicle carry weight and it’s not human being that will solve this problem
DeleteAunty with everything wey you write there, don't marry him o. If he cannot defend and protect you around his friends and family, it's a NO. Go and marry your age mate. If you love person, height no dey matter o.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm.... I feel it's a personal thing!
ReplyDeleteFor starters , you seem to be projecting your fears already and that doesn't bode well!
Aunty, you sound very insecure. What's with all these complaints, even going as far as saying what his friends said about their friends wife, saying her hubby is finer than her (🙄), and then comparing yourself to her saying she is finer than you. There are women that are taller than their husbands, but carry themselves with so much grace (abi how dem dey talk am). Work on your self esteem.
ReplyDeleteThis one pass me o.
ReplyDeleteStella I follow you laugh as well 🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteDear Gentle Poster, you are not convinced to marry this guy and by all means, don't marry him...Do you think that seeking our opinions on something as important as making a life decision would make you take that decision?
If you don't know by now what attracted you to him or what not? Then please don't marry this guy at all before you will resent him for no reason...
May the love that you seek find you
All the best
🤣 @dear gentle poster
DeleteNo be small Dear Gentle Poster
DeleteLady Whistleup 😂😂
This is funny but important..
ReplyDeleteFirst ,5years is much oh and u will definitely look older than him during the marriage, men age differently than women who goes through child birth again... Then add short to this is a No No, ..
His friends will make jest of him since you've already seen what they did to the other friend, can he bear the insecurity? For how long?
Please don't go on, even if he says he's not affected by the age and what people will say, what will happen in 10years time?
why did you even start the relationship in the first place?
ReplyDeleteWhat are the qualities you saw in him?
E be like say na play all of una dey play.
In all that you have stated, you have not said if you love this man or if he has a good character. I have to believe that this is merely a practical alliance for which you will both gain some benefit through marriage. If the rewards together will be greater than if you both remain single then go ahead and marry.
ReplyDeleteKnow that apart from his friends others will mock the height difference and you being less attractive than him. Children will likely blurt out things unexpectedly and if you think you are worried now, hearing those statements from strangers will hurt you. If you do not have thick skin or the capacity not to care about the opinions of others then do not pursue this union. It is an unconventional union and you need good inner strength to go against the tide. As for secks, height will not matter because secks can happen in many different ways. However, if you like the feeling of being dominated then you likely will not get that if he is significantly shorter or a small man.
Do you like him?
ReplyDeleteMy friend is married to a shorter guy
She liked him. And that’s the end of the inquiry. If you like him, you will enjoy him short legs and all. Will the teasing stop? Probably not
Will your kids be short? No one can tell but there’s a good chance they will be
Someone is married to Denzel and going thru same but she’s married to Denzel
Who is Denzel
Delete15:45 Denzel Washington
DeleteWashington?
DeleteNa you talk everything finish o..Poster the question is, do you love him? If you do, all those things you wrote up there won't matter to you.
DeleteYou seem so bothered and insecure! Babe, i will advise you to abort the relationship now, if you dont have a thick skin, cos people will always talk. At the end of he day, do what gives you peace
ReplyDeleteHow do you feel,when his friends makes jest of the other lady,?that's the way you will feel,when your own time comes.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly, you just started worrying about these things? It's called insecurities!!
ReplyDeleteSo if all these things are true, what are you going to do about it?
It's not as if you're getting married now, you're already married, so stop the worries.
How your husband treat you matters, not what people think about you two.😎
Poster oniyeye,I love tall people alot. Don't really know what to tell you. I also have father issues,so my love for older men is much.🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteAs long as the love is true/genuine please go for it. When you look at him, please see the man you love not a short man. Accord him 100 💯 respect your being older must never stop you from respecting him. As long as you rest well, eat well and take good care of yourself, you will always look young. PLEASE if your heart is full of doubt LET HIM GO
ReplyDeleteShe may not look young, not everybody has that grace. If their love isn't strong enough to overcome the shortcomings, it might be wise to leave him. Older woman isn't a big deal if the man is mature in his thinking but the poster is so focused on the negatives.
DeleteI don't think it will work cos of your mindset. If you think so lowly of yourself just because a younger man is attracted to you, then there's a serious issue.
ReplyDeleteHave you also discussed these concerns with him?
E be like say you go need professional advice.
Yes, discuss these things that bothers you to him
DeleteAtleast one of these fears will AFFECT your marriage ma and unfortunately no ADVICE here can help as it is ONLY YOU that can decide if you CAN be HAPPY with the man FORVER!
ReplyDeleteWomen! Women!
ReplyDeleteSister why not tell him and end the whole thing.its obvious you don't rate this guy and love him.imagine.humans !
Just leave him and go for your specs that's how you people lure innocent people into marriage and start tormenting their lives.let him go.free him jharee.too many underious lot.you think life is all about that.no wonder marriages don't last.sister just let him go.thata the best thing to do.you don't rate him and you don't love him.poor man might have doubled efforts thinking his woman loves him but doesn't know the lady he is outing efforts to make happy doesn't even rate him.
Women! Women!
ReplyDeleteSister why not tell him and end the whole thing.its obvious you don't rate this guy and love him.imagine.humans !
Just leave him and go for your specs that's how you people lure innocent people into marriage and start tormenting their lives.let him go.free him jharee.too many underious lot.you think life is all about that.no wonder marriages don't last.sister just let him go.thata the best thing to do.you don't rate him and you don't love him.poor man might have doubled efforts thinking his woman loves him but doesn't know the lady he is outing efforts to make happy doesn't even rate him.
Every human has their imperfection, Learn to accept it that it doesn't bother you. worrying about it won't change the scenario. If you are personally uncomfortable about it then look for your type.
ReplyDeleteSeems you are making up so much unnecessary issues about it but indirectly putting the blame game at others not you. Please Do you. If it's a personal issue for you abort mission, If its what people will say, Don't mind them jare. Thank God; man ain't God
Height
ReplyDeleteLove your short KING proudly. Great things comes in small sizes too.
Chinedu Ikedieze(Aki),Kelvin Hart,John Legend and many more are all married to taller women. No big deal
Age:
Can you be with him and not let age talk come in? Are you willing to work with him as the head? Tomorrow, don't throw in talks about being older! Men love respect, can you do that without any hitch? Can you both work it out? If you can, you won't still be the first.
Blessing Obasi,Kaffy,Anita Joseph,Lola Okoye,Shakira,Gabrielle Union,Priyanka Chopra,Heidi Klum and others, married younger men.
You have people in your front. Look them up and see.
It all boils down to you. Every relationship, there must be talks. So make up your mind and face your front.
All the best
Hydrogen
Marry he is the type that never minds what people say
ReplyDeleteMy dear if you love this man you would not see all of these. Just take a personal view of everything you complain about and see if you can live with it.
ReplyDeleteLove is not blind
DeleteYou will see oh
Poster if you see the man my elder sister got married to,and she's so thankful every day for marrying such a man,my sister is taller, beautiful and has body,but the hubby is ugly,looks smallish,but that man is the best man, her children went to the best school in Nigeria,the man is everything to her, their children are all tall.
ReplyDeleteInstead of saying he is ugly why not say he is not so good looking. And by the way, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Thus, no one is really ugly
DeleteYou are already sounding insecure,if you are feeling this way, how do you want the relationship to work, because I'm just imagining how you act in person...
ReplyDeleteAs long as the both of you are genuine with each other and love each other, external noise shouldn't bother you,and if the age and height keep bothering you, please leave the relationship and wait for what and who you will be comfortable with
but the young man is not complaining cos he already knew you are way older than him, if you both decide to settle down with your age difference i don't see any reason you should be worried how his friends will treat him. You both made choice of who to be with, allow his friends to also make their choices, stop worrying yourself on how to manage people who does not matter to you in marriage.
ReplyDeleteThose people you worry your head are also making their choices of spouse without thinking of what you will say. I don't care if i am older than a man or if i am younger but the most important thing is he your peace of mind? doe he make you happy? are you both good to go? can you respect him even when you are 5 years older than him? can i present him as my husband boldly to anyone tomorrow? will you be a submissive wife to him? will you not rob your age difference on his face tomorrow? i think this are what is very important than his friends.
Please if you are not ready to accept him the way he is or you feel you are not his spec cos you are ugly please allow the young man look for someone else. You are talking down on yourself, tell me how others will respect you especially his friends. You should be looking for issues where there is non.
My darling your fear and worries are actually very very right. they are legit. Marriage is 100% physical as it is spiritual etc.
ReplyDeleteAnd marriage is actually between 2 prople. No 2 marriages are the same.. what works for one, may not work for another. What one can accept and tolerate, another can not. So it's essential you marry who you can accept, tolerate, forgive , love and most importantly, is attracted to.
To answer your questions:
1. why are you both marrying each other? Are the reasons for the right or wrong reasons?. E.g
Are you settling for him because age Is not on your side? And you need to be married, answer Mrs and start having children, etc. and he seems to be the only person available to take you to the altar or you can control to do your biddings?
And Is he marrying you because you are rich and/or well connected and he's trying to secure his financial future and status? If these are the reasons, be sure the worries above will all come through.
2. About the age difference, are you on the big size, or do you have tendencies of being fat? How about him?
What ever your size, in marriage, you most definitely become x2 (most likely) e.g a skinny and lepacious person, will have some fatness at the right places, but will still be a slim person but no more skinny. Vice versa for a fat person.
So if you are chubby, you will become fat in marriage. Except of course you start dieting an gyming all your life, so as to maintain same size and match your man's appearance.
If your man is slim, (wahala) you have to double your dieting and exercising. That's d only way you won't look older than him.
When you start having kids, you'll have to triple your action.
About the height difference, if its a border to you, it will always be to you. Offcourse, you will stop wearing heels when you want to go out with him. But most short men go for tall ladies or ladies taller than them. (No one wants to give birth to a dwarf) so it's a common thing.
But can you stand it? Will you be comfortable with him and appreciate him that way?
And it has no effect on your sex life. Lol (are you a virgin. Lol)
So beyond these physical worries, what do you want in a husband? Does he possess them? Does your spirituality, vibes, beliefs, etc March? Is he a kind and thoughtful person? How is his character?
A real marriage is beyond all these you mentioned dear. Some people have the likes of Denzel Washington for a husband and they are divorcing...
So check your priorities in marriage/husband and it will guide you to make the right choices.
Ŕemeber, you alone are going to be his wife/live with him. So make the choice you can live with and be fulfilled
Change your mind set. Nobody can tell me that am not beautiful. In fact with my age I dey do to much of shakara. Nobody can pull me down ,body shame or age shame me .
ReplyDeletePoster pls no offense,hope you were not among those throwing shade at Sophia Davido baby mama ?
ReplyDeleteAbeg make una shift with una short and ugly self
ReplyDeleteLow self esteem wan wunjor this woman
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm poster pls abort this mission before you think of executing it.
ReplyDeleteI'm solemnly on this table. If I knew before now that people's talk would get to me I couldn't have agreed to this marriage in the first place .
Now this is my story, pls learn from me.
We are like age mates thou with my husband but I'm a year older than him and he looks way too younger than me facially because he has baby face. One thing about these younger men is that most of them lack maturity, I was ready to deal with that aspect thou but I didn't know his immaturity would be extreme. That's another angle of red flag marrying a man younger than you sis. We courted and fast forward to wedding I discovered he was being bashed by his family members for marrying me because I was older, they weren't aware of our age difference thou but due to my older face now so it was glaring I was older than him.
On the wedding day I almost ran mad because of the side talks and mumbling about our age difference, people kept telling the mum that I'm older than him and I'll control him, infact they said a lot of bad things which my mother-in-law couldn't even defend me.
I've been battling with so much because each time we step out people look at us and be like " your wife is older than you" , at some point I became a shadow of myself and I feel insecure each time we go out. I don't like us going out together just to avoid such statement. I've come to accept my fate like that and the thing is no longer disturbing me like before again, I'm literally used to people age shaming me about my husband, marriage and all.
I was really depressed at some point, but I'm better now.
I don't have strength to type, I could have told you what I went through in the hands of in-laws because of this age thing.
My husband use to console me a lot because he isn't bothered about it, he sees beyond age and he knows what he went for so age isn't his problem at all.
Pls back out now if you know you can't cope with the insecurities.
Sorry for the typos
One year difference is doing all this
DeleteI think if you can work on your mindset so the sidetalks don’t get to you, you will see that there is nothing there. One year age difference is nothing. I know a couple where the lady is the man’s senior by 4 years but they have such a lovely friendship and marriage ( to the naked eye), I’m even jealous of them. You’re not the first person to marry your age grade. After all Regina married her grandfather and heaven did not fall, she dey even do shakara on top am.
DeleteWow..Thank God you're in better place mentally.
DeleteOh dear
ReplyDeleteIf you Love him you won't notice All this Complain o
But Nne If your Mind no carry am biko dnt bother
It is well ooo
Hello iya boys
All this your complain..Hmm! I don't think you love him. Please let him go. This one you are after what people are saying. Meanwhile, has he even told you anything about marriage? This worries should be handled first.
ReplyDeleteWhy worrying yourself when you can ask him all these questions ,there is a saying that mind comes over matter ,if the mind doesn't mind then it doesn't matter .Just ask him about age difference and what his friends are saying period
ReplyDeleteMind you I was going through this alone, no one to share with because I find it embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteTo think the whole community know about this age difference....
I've learned to live with it like that, by the way I didn't create myself.
The family too have come to accept it like that. As for his friends , I've learned to to distance myself from them just to keep my sanity in check. You know how bad mouthed such friends can be now, so it's better I give them that long robe to avoid see finish. I love myself better now.
E hugs dear, it's not easy.
We live in different city so it was easy for me to get over the whole thing
It all depends on both of you. Why don't you have a talk with him and get some answers to these questions. You sound too worried. I hope you find peace.
ReplyDeleteIn all that you have stated up there, you didn't mention your fiance's take on any of your fears and what he has said or done to allay them. I think that's where you should start from.
ReplyDeleteJust follow your heart o. If you can not take the heat then don't go near it. You are already seeing yourself in the wrong light o. Who told you you are not beautiful? Upgrade your self esteem abeg
ReplyDeleteI don't know why I find this chronicle funny. 😂😂😂
ReplyDeletePoster I really don't know what to tell you because personally I like tall, slightly older men. So I am not in a position to advice you. Pray very well about it.
Best wishes to you.
Indulge in aesthetics, if your looks bother you.
ReplyDeleteWhat else do women want. Do you love each other or not, if yes, please then the opinions of others should not count.
ReplyDeleteIt’s natural to have worries about your relationship, especially with societal norms and personal insecurities. But you need not dwell on it if you are both deeply attracted to each other and your personalities are complementary. I worry that your post dwelled so much on issues that don’t carry that much value, except if physical attraction is at the top of your compatibility. Where then you shouldn’t have entered the relationship in the first place, nor should you have stayed this long.
ReplyDeleteAge is just a number in your fear where love is true. Many couples with significant age gaps thrive on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. As time passes, the age difference fades, leaving only the deep bond you share. Height doesn’t define the trueness of love. Many couples with noticeable height differences flourish. Physical closeness can be adjusted to suit your comfort. What truly matters is the depth of emotional connection you share and the respect you have for each other.
Feeling self-conscious about your height difference is normal at first, but confidence in your love life will make this insignificant over time. Your happiness is what counts, not societal expectations. Friends and family might tease or judge, which is nothing more than normal adult banter. But their opinions shouldn’t dictate your joy. Open communication about how these comments affect you both is crucial. Isn't that what courtship is supposed to address? Together, you can support each other and stand strong against negativity if genuinely you are on the same page.
True attraction goes beyond physical appearance. Emotional connection, shared experiences, mutual respect and the mental capacity to grow and sustain it over time are key. If your love is genuine, these aspects will overshadow superficial concerns about age and look. It’s important to get your partner's views and opinions on these issues and weigh how reassuring they comfort your worries. And see where you both stand. Genuine intention means you two standing by each other and addressing any teasing or negative comments from others from a place of love and understanding. Open communication and mutual support are essential in dealing with such situations.
Do have open and honest conversations about your concerns. Understanding each other’s perspectives will strengthen your bond. Embrace your relationship with confidence. Your love and happiness are what truly matter. Surround ourselves with friends and family who respect your relationship and create a boundary that'll naturally address these concerns.
Every relationship has its unique challenges, but with love, respect, and open communication, we can overcome them. Focus on the positive aspects of your love and the journey you share. Remember, it’s your story that counts, not other people's ridiculing. Provided there’s nothing negatively threatening about your relationship from within.
Stay strong and believe in your love. Marriage is deeper than these superficials, quality is what matters. But if the issues you raised have become a deepening worrying deal breaker for you, kindly stop the relationship from progressing into marriage. Your peace of mind matters too as much as your desire to be married. It is very crucial that you love what you are choosing. Happiness is the quality of the state of one's mind at any time.
Poster, any relationship you don't have conviction, or your mind is restless about, it's a sign you are likely moving in the wrong direction. 5 years from now, once you start giving birth, you will obviously look older than him. Will you be able to stand it if his friend s start taunting you and the side talks, won't it affect your self esteem? Even the guy, won't he see you as his aunt in the future? If you guys have little misunderstanding, he might see you as being disrespectful because you are older. Moreso, if you really love him, you won't see that he is short, irrespective of what people say, but you are already concerned and skeptical about marrying a short man. Poster it seems you want to marry maybe because you feel age is not on your side or ..you alone knows best. Before you start resenting him in marriage, please think it properly. Marriage is a life journey oo .
ReplyDeleteEverything just sounds like red flag. Abort mission. You will be miserable
ReplyDeletePoster, all these are your fears and worries which is very normal. But what does your partner thinks, what's his opinion about all these or na you just carry everything for ur head? If he's not complaining, then you should relax. But then again if your doubts surpass your convictions concerning this relationship, please think twice about it again and do the needful.
ReplyDeleteMadam you never ready. Please overlook all this excuses cos it won't make a personal decision on your marriage. It is you and your guy involved not the world. Good luck to you guys
ReplyDelete