WORRIED
Dear Stella,
I am a 26year old female who is ready to settle down. I am ready to be with a man and start a family.
I knew this man in his late thirties through a friend and we've been dating for a couple of months now. He resides in one of these neighbouring African countries, but work takes him places. We've never met physically but that friend of mine has met him and they are friends and as a matter of fact, my friend referred me to him during one of their "guy's talk" of him lamenting about not finding a good girl.
I know we love each other, I'm convinced (side eyes at bvs)
Here's my worry......
Note that I've NEVER opened my mouth and mentioned marriage to him, but he has been talking about it and involving me in several decision making and saying "us" not "i" or personalizing his plans, and I try to be supportive and all. He's a good man
But I'm scared and I'm not sure if I can wait for two years for one man. I would be in my late twenties then, and what if things does not eventually work out? I can't get my years/time back.
I'm a virgin too and I really want to gbensh but in the right way and I feel my hormones are raging, it has not been easy for me
I believe I'm in my prime and if I waste it I could regret later...What do I do in this instance?
2 years is a long time and There are so many what ifs in my head
If I tell him my thoughts and worries, it could seem as though I'm desperate..
Please I need inputs on this.
Thank you.
I am a 26year old female who is ready to settle down. I am ready to be with a man and start a family.
I knew this man in his late thirties through a friend and we've been dating for a couple of months now. He resides in one of these neighbouring African countries, but work takes him places. We've never met physically but that friend of mine has met him and they are friends and as a matter of fact, my friend referred me to him during one of their "guy's talk" of him lamenting about not finding a good girl.
I know we love each other, I'm convinced (side eyes at bvs)
Here's my worry......
I've always wanted to settle early so I can grow with my children and do all I have to do as tomorrow is not promised. But oga is saying it could take two years before he will be ready for that. As he has à personal work stuff he wants to establish prior then and lots of work related things to get and it would take him time, approximately two years
Note that I've NEVER opened my mouth and mentioned marriage to him, but he has been talking about it and involving me in several decision making and saying "us" not "i" or personalizing his plans, and I try to be supportive and all. He's a good man
But I'm scared and I'm not sure if I can wait for two years for one man. I would be in my late twenties then, and what if things does not eventually work out? I can't get my years/time back.
I'm a virgin too and I really want to gbensh but in the right way and I feel my hormones are raging, it has not been easy for me
I believe I'm in my prime and if I waste it I could regret later...What do I do in this instance?
2 years is a long time and There are so many what ifs in my head
If I tell him my thoughts and worries, it could seem as though I'm desperate..
Please I need inputs on this.
Thank you.
LMAO.........Your worries are valid and i understand..This man might not marry you at the end of two years and he may even end up gbenshing you before then.......You dont have any other option right now so i suggest you tell him your worries and how you are not willing to wait for so long.....
Your chronicle is serious but i like your humour and i really had a good laugh...
They no tie the man destiny to your throat.
ReplyDeleteSimply keep him at the side and give other serious guy's attention to avoid sending chronicles in the future.
UDO!!!
DOZZYBEST.
Tell him that 2 years is long o. As you said, your hormone is raging.
DeleteDon't chase others away from your side o, and don't open legs to them.
May God help you to remain v till wedding.
I thought 26 is late twenties? Na question oo
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Errrr I think it's more mid than late. Idk sha.
DeleteMid twenties
Deletelol
DeleteMid twenties I guess
It's mid
DeleteThanks guys. We learn everyday
DeleteFan Emmanuel
She said after 2 years she will be late 20s
DeleteYou are sure someone you've never met loves you because he uses the word "us"?
ReplyDeleteJust be careful. That's all.
Dear Gentle Poster, You are still young so relax and explore other options...It is not a must that you settle down with him...You don't need to mention MARRIAGE, your questions and body language already suggests that you want to settle down...Naaa 38 years old man you dey date so, so he understand things....
ReplyDeleteYou want to have a stable family but he is a travelling man....I am glad that he has told you all about him and where his mind lays.....Don't worry you will gbensh, but think of gbenshing with the right person...
Don't sweat it all..If you can't wait for 2 years, FINE!!!...Go on and date other men (not gbensh) so you have options and choose your man after your heart desires and God's will...
Also pray for God to guide your decisions!!
All the best
Couldn't agree more.
DeleteLet me go anonymous before the king and more comes for me.
ReplyDeletePoster why not keep your options open like not putting all your eggs in one basket. He should be there in your life but leave the door open, who knows someone who is ready to settle down can come in.
I agree! With you. But poster why are you so into and in love with a man you haven’t met
DeleteYour idea of him is only hear say. From what your friend said and what he says he is. Why not take time and experience him
Something doesn’t really add up. He is in his late thirties and he isn’t yet stable to get married. So what has he been doing for the past say 8 years. Is he truly single?
You need to calm down and investigate. Don’t fall in love blindly. Marriage will open your eyes wide
Enough said
16:58, in today’s Nigeria, you say why is he not stable by late thirties?? Like seriously? I hope all ur brothers are all comfortable with their house, cars and good jobs and also married by late thirties.
DeleteBut poster said the guy isn't in Naija so let's rule out Naija from it. Many African Nations are thriving better than Naija I wonder why we still brag about being the giant of Africa.
DeleteIf you must marry right away then do an arranged marriage and get right to it. You have only known this man for 2 months and you have never met him so nothing to lose.
ReplyDeleteTell your parents you are ready to marry and want them to arrange a husband for you, as you want to be married before the end of the year.
She didn't specify 2 months nau.
Delete"we've been dating for a couple of months now"
There are still plenty things you don't know about this man because long distance relationship feels different from when the person stays closer. What if this man has mouth odour. Bad hygiene etc. please hold your emotions till you meet him physically and interact with him seating side by side
ReplyDeleteShe will not hear you now that it's shacking her 😊
DeleteLol.. you will never graduate from the school of marriage so don't be in a hurry to marry infact I did dsy you enjoy yourself in Christ Jesus now instead of trying to have all your life planned by yourself. God's ways are not our ways as Stell said that guy may not even marry you in the end. Just relax and be joyful in the Lord. Nowadays women are having healthy babies in thier 30s, 40s, 50s. 60s even 90s Mother Sarah is an example all by God's grace.
ReplyDeleteShe doesn't understand life. If life goes as we all plan nobody will serve, everyone will be the master.
DeleteAbeg rest! Is that the appropriate age to make babies?
DeleteVery wise advice
DeleteYou don't love this man, he is just a good man as you said, you are probably just with him to achieve your desire which is to settle down by all means because of your age.
ReplyDeleteMy advise is tell him your worries, he might see reasons to it and comprise his target, and hope you won't complain when there is no money ooo, I am sure his target is based on securing you both future.
Also do not be 100% entangled with him, leave your self open to other potential suitors, so that you won't be heart broken and regret wasting your years with him.
Humans are generally unpredictable when it comes to relationship, until you tie the knot anything can happen like Stella said.
See pressure abeg
ReplyDeletePlease marriage is not what someone should rush into. Take your time to know a man and court him and also do not forget prayers
ReplyDeleteBaby girl please calm.down so that you don't join the statistics. Meet this man first to be sure he is what you want as a husband. Don't rush in to rush out later
ReplyDeleteHe's in his late thirties, he should ne thinking of settling down. Him not thinking in that direction is a subtle red flag.
ReplyDeleteHe's over ripe for marriage. Tell him your worries if he's serious he wouldn't want to loose you. If not, he'll walk away and your own man will come.
The best comment ever!!! Red flag alert! Late thirties that still wants to wait for 2 years! He’s probably married already!
Delete17:22 if he is married her friend wouldn't have linked them up. And married men can even come promising marriage just to get down on you. So juxtapose two of them.
DeleteTalk to him about your worries, you need to know where he stand on this issue
ReplyDeletePoster, you don't have to be in. Hurry so you won't miss it, and at the same time you don't have to waste your time. I am sure you will have other guys interested in you, don't have ' I die here' mentality and don't chase other potential suitors away. However, don't break up with him, just have an open mind. Most importantly, go to God in prayer and pray against all time wasters , that if he isn't meant for you ,God should bring the right person.
ReplyDeletePoster,your worries are valid,the truth is that,if this man is truly wanting to marry you,he will engage you for those years but he's not interested. You're the one in love. Continue to keep your virginity for purity and sanity purposes. God will bring you,the bone of your bones.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.... you remind me of me. If I knew there was absolutely nothing to worry about, I wouldn't have stressed myself so bad in my 20s.
ReplyDeleteI will give you an advice I know you will never take but I will give it because it is true.
1. The most formidable security you can give yourself in marriage against abuse of any kind is all round maturity; age, experience, connections, money and stable career/business.
2. Do you know there are health benefits to having babies in your late 30s and 40s? We all want to have our kids in our early 20s and grow with them, yes. There are advantages in having your kids early but I found there are better benefits for having them later. Don't take my words for it, Just google the relationship between later motherhood and longevity.
3. Also think of all the mental and financial security you'd have to be a better mother then.
Please, you can only be young once. ENJOY IT. Go acquire more academic accolades, grow that business, go to parties, travel, date so fun loving young souls and live life for you first.
I honestly don't understand somof you and how you think. She wrote a chronicle and sent because she's bothered about something. All she needs now is advice not your life experiences
DeleteSome of you do too much
Dnt forget to tell her to google the risk of having an unhealthly baby by older parents. Pls keep google aside and talk to real life doctors. They would tell you the best time a woman should have her kids is early btw 20smthn to 35, except something happens, but that is the best time. So pls dnt go around misinforming ppl that wish to do it early.
DeleteAhnahn! How else does one give advice if not from life experiences?
DeleteAnyway, shey people that get married in their 30s and onwards, they don’t grow with their kids? As their kids are growing, they remain stagnant or what? Because I don’t understand the meaning of ‘grow with my children’
18:08, thank you
Delete17:22 experience is the best teacher. Maybe you don't know. And how do you think people get the knowledge to give good advice is not from their experiences or what they witnessed other people pass through. If they check now, you didn't give any advice here because you don't have any experience.
Delete17:22, the BV without a life experience
DeleteI suggest you interact with this man in person first before you can conclude if you both truly love each other.
ReplyDeleteThis will enable you observe him better: how he carries himself, his hygiene level, how he treats other people, his body language, etc. These are the things that you cannot easily detect on voice/video calls.
When you have confirmed that you are both in love, then you can open up to him about your fears and desires with respect to your relationship.
All the best.
Dear Poster, I understand your need to marry and birth children early, but wouldn't you feel you are shortchanging yourself! While not let him know your take on things, even as you work on building yourself more. You may find out that you could both reach a compromise by getting married now( to satisfy your gbensh cravings) while holding on child bearing.
ReplyDeleteif he is not ready to settle down but you are ready to settle down, please discuss your fears with him and look for a better way out of it. He may not find you attractive to wife you in two years time, time wait for no one. You are not in school, oga is not looking for a job to feed a wife so what could be the main reason behind him wasting your time for additional two years?
ReplyDeleteRemember men have all the time in this world to wait but we do not have that time. A man can get any girl of any age as a wife no matter his age or pocket but for our gender is not easy. Please use your youthful age wisely and stop waiting for a man who is not ready. If a man is ready to wife a woman in less than a year he will make positive moves except he is not doing well. I still see men who are not doing well but ready to settle down and make those moves.
How sure are you that this man loves you enough to wife you? how sure are you that he is still single? be wise and forget what a friend told you about him.
Kudos Darling for been a Morally Responsible Young Lady in Present day Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteSoooo.You are in a Long distance Relationship with no definite plans for the Future.
I will encourage you to Focus more in building Yourself.
For the sake of Your Expectations ask him NOW What is his Plans for You,remember he has told you his plans for himself.
Dating( yours is even long distance sef) is not the same as Marriage.
Best of Luck!!
You see, one of the dangers of giving yourself a timeline in life, is that you end up as a worrier. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying having life goals and trying to act accordingly is wrong because it shows you are a focused person. However, do not forget while you plan your life, life also has it's own plan. Due to this always have it at the back of your mind that; what ever decision you make will always have merits and demerits. Yes, You can plan life all you want but remember sometimes in life, you are not always in full control of the outcome you get.
ReplyDeleteWould he marry you at the stipulated time? Maybe...maybe not! Life just has a way of springing up with surprises.
Two years later he might propose or tell you he needs more time. Does that mean he is a bad person or a liar? What if he truly feels he would be ready and two years down the line he still isn't due to his own dismay?
The man feels pressured over time and forced. At that point, doubt creeps in and he starts to wonder, "do I really want this because I want it or because it is what's expected of me"? The lady feels resentment and betrayed, because the truth is, along the line he might even realise his feelings aren't strong enough or he discovers a flaw he wouldn't tolerate(remember you are long-distance, so you still have a lot to know about each other) but considering he promised to marry you in two years time and you waited, you would feel he deceived you. Even if the has the right to dissolve the relationship due to his displeasure or disinterest, you would feel the singular fact he kept you waiting trumps whatever flaws that could make him lose interest.
You should only wait till two years to get married because that's what you want and not because you are waiting on him. Because, if in the end it doesn't augur well you won't turn around and say he wasted your time when you know he has been nothing but upfront with you from the start. The ball is in your court.
Calm down nahhh
ReplyDeleteGetting Married is not be Rushed o
If you Rush in
You Rush Out
Be patience and Meet him and See for your self if is someone you can Actually Settle down with..
May God Lend You well🙏🙏
Hello iya boys
See this life , Men character are deep. Just find your purpose in this life, make money, travel, meet new people. That man is not for you. If I ask now, Your done put this man in prayer. U done go investigate him from village. Marriage at your own risk.
ReplyDeleteDear, marriage is so important and I beg you not to rush into it.take your time, pray and hear from God.
ReplyDeleteWhen the storms come and the foundation of the marriage is shaken, can it still stand? Do not let age, societal pressure or whatever make you rush into it.
There is a man for every woman.if you eventually get married to the wrong one, you will have yourself to blame.i know it's not easy but God can help you overcome and prepare you for the best.
You've not met this man physically.
ReplyDeleteHe's in his last thirties and not even in a hurry to get settled. Well, it's not compulsory sha but...
Please keep your options open after you must have relayed your concerns to him
Young lady, you just mentioned ur age and outrightly skipped the part where you would tell us what you have achieved in ur 26yrs to be able to sustain a marriage when u eventually tie the knot. Have you finished sch? Are u working? Or running a business, is ur business successful or still struggling? Because the only thing u seem to be bringing to the table is that u r a good girl and a virgin. Whatelse? I ask because, even the men are beginning to look for value in the women they intend to settle with, they no longer want to marry liabilities, and even for ur self esteem and dignity as a woman, u shud atleast be able to comfortably do things for urself in marriage. M sure if u were sm1 that would bring more value to him, he would be running ahead of himself to secure u.
ReplyDeleteWell written. I wish the Poster well and hope she makes the best of decision. Hold your dignity and make yourself the woman of virtue and value that you are.
DeleteDear poster, i think you should meet this guy first. Who knows your feelings might change. Also, i feel you should let out your worries to him but do it with wisdom, so he doesn't see you as being desperate
ReplyDeleteWhat do you have at 26 to bring to the table of this marriage you desperately seek sef? Abi you think say na to gbensh and born children be marriage ni? Asking for anotherBV.
ReplyDeleteGet a side piece assp!
ReplyDeleteI suggest you meet him in person first, pray about it, let God reveal the real him to you by fasting and praying for three days, believe me, you will see things, I admire you keep yourself, it's not easy but don't rush it, doing it with the right person is the way to go, you won't regret it.
ReplyDeleteMy own is that you can never plan your life by yourself. Unless you want to do it through hook and crook. Man proposes, God disposes. We all planned to marry early. I planned to settle at 24 . Nobody ever planned to marry late you hear?😁
ReplyDeleteThis life is turn by turn walai.
Do what makes you happy.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your situation. With the number of comments, I am convinced something therein should work for you if well implemented. You are experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions and uncertainties about your relationship and future. Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and desires. Wanting to settle down and start a family is a valid and significant part of your life goals. It’s also natural to feel apprehensive about waiting two years, especially when there are no guarantees that things will work out as planned. There are no guarantees to anything about life, even a well-planned life still ends up disappointing us all.
ReplyDeleteOpen and honest communication is key in any relationship. While you may fear coming across as desperate, it’s crucial to share your thoughts and concerns with this man. Let him know how you feel about waiting and your worries about the future. This conversation can help both of you understand each other’s perspectives better and find a compromise or solution that works for both of you. But are you prepared for a modern-day marriage?
Reflect on the relationship's strengths and weaknesses from each other's perspective. Are you both truly the right person for each other? Are both actions consistent with your words? Trust and mutual goals are essential for a long-term relationship. Ensure that his vision for the future aligns with yours.
Think about the potential risks and rewards of waiting for two years. While it’s true that time is precious, investing in the right relationship could be worth the wait. On the other hand, if you have serious doubts about his commitment or the feasibility of your relationship, it might be worth reconsidering.
It's also worth considering other options. While you value your relationship with this man, don't be afraid to explore other opportunities if this relationship doesn’t align with your timeline and goals. Focus on your personal growth and fulfilment in the meantime. Pursue your interests, career, and personal goals. This can help you maintain a balanced perspective and feel more confident regardless of the relationship's outcome.
Having so advised, there's an incompatibility you are ignoring - your desire to settle down in earnest, and his decision to be able to shoulder the responsibilities of having a family. That's why I think that you should be in a relationship with someone who is on the same page as you. It's good to start a family early, but it is better to go into marriage prepared. That is something your write-up failed to address thoughtfully. Whether you know it yet or not, the institution of marriage will test you beyond bargains. For that reason, especially in this present day apart from physical maturity, partners need to be equipped with the quartet of maturities: emotional, mental, financial and psychological.
Otherwise, there’s no right or wrong decision here. It’s about what feels right for you and aligns with your life goals. Take the time to reflect on what you truly want and make the decision that best supports your happiness and well-being. I hope you find the clarity and peace you’re seeking.
Out the future in God's hand and take one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteIf you are truly convinced this man is d one for you and the best, you will wait.
Set your marriage priorities right dear. Let your desperation to get married, not lead you to making a mistake.
Instead of counting time, invest in knowing him in and out. Distance relationships are full of surprises after marriage. And a person can be a good friend etc, but a horrible husband.
You should only go out to search/wait for another, if he isn't your best.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket in my opinion. Still keep him, but be open to meeting new people..and don't with wisdom. I wish you well
ReplyDelete