ADVICE NEEDED
Is there anything wrong in telling your guy the area he moved back to you do not like the place? my guy stays with his brother and we started dating since last year July. I told him since he has been talking about marriage he need to start showing he is matured and ready to settle down by getting an accommodation.
Is there anything wrong in telling your guy the area he moved back to you do not like the place? my guy stays with his brother and we started dating since last year July. I told him since he has been talking about marriage he need to start showing he is matured and ready to settle down by getting an accommodation.
He told me he has not heard from God the right time to move out from his brother's place. Each time i visit the brother gives me this cold shoulder which i just let it be.
I communicated to him about what i observed but he pulled a defense for his brother and i let things be. Recently his brother disgraced him and embarrassed him in front of his girlfriend (The brothers girlfriend) which is not my business. I kept mute and allowed him take his stand cos i have told him since last year to pack out and even this year i offered to support him with money so he can get a place cos i saw the attitude that his brother always put up showing he was fed up with him or he is been stingy or useless to get a place.
I communicated to him about what i observed but he pulled a defense for his brother and i let things be. Recently his brother disgraced him and embarrassed him in front of his girlfriend (The brothers girlfriend) which is not my business. I kept mute and allowed him take his stand cos i have told him since last year to pack out and even this year i offered to support him with money so he can get a place cos i saw the attitude that his brother always put up showing he was fed up with him or he is been stingy or useless to get a place.
My guy is currently in a very low and rejected house cos he felt it is the best solution, he kept over 500k with me in my account and i have showed interest to assist him with getting a place.
He took me to the place but i was not comfortable, the whole place irritates me and i felt terrible at that place. I did not pee or take water till i left that place. Now he is asking me to come visit or spend weekend with him. i cannot go there and he is making issues, what should i do?
This your Narrative has activated my OCD ticking.....Plerease tell him you cannot visit him until he moves to a decent accommodation......Even that 500k might be money he saved for a rainy day, he cant use all of it to rent a place...
You better tell him outrightly before that place becomes his permanent abode,meaning if you marry him, that is where you will move to..
All this kind love with man wey no get money sef, na wah!
Why do most people fail to understand why courtship is about?
ReplyDeleteIf he truly wants to settle down with you, then he needs to know that he needs your input to take certain decisions.
Getting a house that makes you uncomfortable is a no no. Reading about it even makes some of us uncomfortable. And no, he doesn't need to rent a duplex for the place to be decent especially because you're willing to suppor him.
Abeg, if he doesn't see things from your point of view, then it's left to you to take whatever decision that suits you best.
They have had a successful courtship. It has shown their incompatibility.
DeleteA man who does not listen to his woman. A man who does not consult his woman. A man who does not want offered financial assistance from his woman for whatever reason.
A woman wants an active voice in a marriage.
A woman who will not accept any decision by the man that is inconvenient to her.
A spendthrift man even if that is inconvenient.
A comfort seeking woman beyond the finance of the woman.
The only redemptive part of this story is the man's trust. That may even not be trust but hiding of money beyond the reach and eyes of his brother who he was obviously living off, and who did not like that behaviour.
Poster, return his N500k to him in one full payment and move on.
Poster, learn too that because of the way pre-marital financial help from women affects the typical Nigerian marriage, the typical Nigerian man does not want or accept it.
You mean he got the new place without informing you? You as his fiancee didnt go with him to inspect the place before he paid for it?
ReplyDeletePoster, you never see man ooo.
Exactly what i wanted to say
DeleteHow can you be with a man that doesn't Carry you along or listen to you. Please where were you when he rented this said place? Keep searching for Man oo, because this one is a no no
Good luck
He knows what he's doing. He knows she wouldn't like the place. Seems he's miserly & was what irked his brother.
DeleteEven God settled Adam with a beautiful garden and source of Income before bringing Eve to him.
ReplyDeleteNa una dey gree date broke men making them complacent. Imagine taking you to a dirty place and expecting you to be ok.
Pls ladies never lower your standards.
Open up to him and let him know that you don't like the place, because it seems that is where he go marry you put o
ReplyDeleteHmm 🤔 Poster I don't think you are asking for too much for a change of accommodation. What does he mean by God has not told him to move? Lol 😆 E never ready to marry.
ReplyDeleteAbeg keep your money, let him do the needful. If e no gree, my sister dem tie una legs together. You know what to do.
All the best
Hmm 🤔 Poster I don't think you are asking for too much for a change of accommodation. What does he mean by God has not told him to move? Lol 😆 E never ready to marry.
ReplyDeleteAbeg keep your money, let him do the needful. If e no gree, my sister dem tie una legs together. You know what to do.
All the best
DOG has something to say and he will say it.
ReplyDeleteOP should the state of the accommodation be your main issue? The obvious lack of drive and desire for self betterment is not a flag enough for you?
Lethargy and complacency are two things no man should permit in his life.You need to be careful before his lack of drive wears off on you.
Same thing I saw. The accomodation is even a minor issue but the lack of drive? Hell no. Please abort mission NOW.
DeleteThe guy does not aim high enough and down not know what he want.
DeleteThis ur relationship lack good communication.. Let him know how u feel and stand by ur decision.
ReplyDeleteNa stingy man, there’s nothing you’ll tell him.
DeletePoster , it is well with you!
DeleteThese are the things that men sometimes do that make it seem like women are constantly complaining. If the place is a rat nest and he got it under stress with his head not being right and you not there to show him how unappealing it was. Please let him know the place makes your skin crawl and it feels unhygienic and you cannot be there.
ReplyDeleteI am so particular about bathrooms and to think of any filthy bathroom just makes me icky. Just tell him as best you can and let him know. Please observe abstinence or take contraceptive, do not get pregnant!
Reading the chronicle is making my skin crawl sef. Poster, pls you deserve better, that man will drag you down.
DeleteNa wah o! See red flags waving brightly and you are doing sweet love. You should be doing agape love as in service to humanity.
ReplyDeleteAs in so bright. Problem is, poster will still go ahead with this marriage. Na that marriage that will finally open her eyes but it’ll be too late by then. Hopefully she’ll do the needful and let go of this situationship.
DeleteFrom your write up,as you go to spend your weekends with him remember not to engage in premarital sex to avoid unwanted pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteThis guy is still finding his feet financially.
Be wise.
But will she go & spend weekend where she complained of?
DeleteDo not go and look for who has money lol this current economy doesn’t give room for endurance,better run and look for your type love won’t pay bills.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why he didn't inform you about the place before paying for it. I hope he's not the kind of guy what won't welcome your good opinion on issues?
ReplyDeleteTell him how the place makes you feel and you can't visit till he gets a better place. Wetin go work no suppose stress person na! Haba!
Everyone started from somewhere. If he's not up to your standard, you can leave him for someone better.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you cannot expect him to use all his savings just to rent a place. How then will be be able to care for other needs.
I also support him for not collecting money from you to get the apartment. He doesn't want to be reminded of 'how you picked him up from the gutter' in the future.
Please allow him to live within his means
Relationship by force even with all the red flags, after you’ll start writing chronicles upon chronicles.
ReplyDeleteWetin i no fit chop as a rich man ma wen i b poor person i go reject am
ReplyDeleteTo avoid story dat would touch D heart, make una iron d issue of accommodation out fess b4 wedding abeg
Abeg nor go 🤣😂 house I can’t even take water, Na sleep I go fit sleep for there?
ReplyDeleteEven after telling him you’ll support him, he doesn’t want to get a decent and clean place....stingy guy.
Me that I get irritated easily, I go just lose weight 🙄
If she supports him in getting a more decent accommodation, will she continue supporting him in the later payments without complaining?
DeleteI can’t do dirt so this is a no for me
ReplyDeleteThe guy does not like you as much as you do and his elder brother is aware hence the cold attitude.
ReplyDeleteSpot on! Poster you never see man. But please ignore our opinions. Life is indeed the best teacher.
DeleteNa waoooo
ReplyDeleteAbeg be serious ooo
If not so he's gonna marry you there o
Sit him down and talk to him o
Hello iya boys
He's your man but I am not sure,you're his woman. How will he rent a house without your input?🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeletePoster the ball is in your court. if you cannot visit him there again better tell him in clear terms. You need a decent place.
ReplyDeleteI don't even think you should offer him the funds for a place. What I've learnt about relationships is that its almost impossible to sustain being the one 'driving' a man. If his self-drive and ambition/vision don't match or outweigh yours, its best to leave - especially since you seem ready to be married. Unfortunately, time may not change his self-drive, and this determines his perspectives about a lot of things. Of course, before you take any permanent solution, please pray about it and be sure you wait to hear from God. But know that if you have to push for this to happen, you probably will have to push for a lot of things, and that'll bring resentment on both sides.
ReplyDeleteWhatever decision you take, let it be a logical one. From what you know about him, understand that he may not change. You're not in too deep right now because you're not married yet. You may love him and have butterflies in your belly for him, but marriage and raising children is more practical than that. Weigh the situation - is this a case of 'I'm living within my means?' or is it a case of 'I don't see you as a partner and do not value your input', or a case of both of you just having different standards, and he just doesn't know any better. In the first and last case, I think proper dialogue with you proposing solutions where you both discuss as a team can solve the issue. Practical issues will always come up in marriage - every marriage. What matters is how they are addressed.
It's a different case if he sees reason with you, and is willing to sit down with you as his partner (key word partner) to brainstorm a way forward. I bet that when its done in partnership, you may not even be wanting to 'get your money' back. I think a lot of men fail to see this. I wish you all the best.
Also, if you're a Christian, please stop sleeping with him until you're married. There's a reason why we are commanded to be abstinent until marriage. As they say, 'e get why'.
Isy
People who always say they are waiting to hear from God to make life decisions are usually very fearful to take any risks or mentally lazy. Poster pls do not be guided by your emotions in this relationship, use your head..
ReplyDeleteNo be by money oo. Money is important but it not be yardstick to date or be in a relationship .I love u ready to support him. Discuss with you guy to see reason a better place is needed. God will see you guys through
ReplyDeleteYou have pushed him till he decides to move out, now you don't like where he's staying again? Things are difficult at the moment. This is him managing himself. If you can't stay, please look for someone else
ReplyDeleteIf you are not comfortable with where he is staying please do not visit him till he get a decent accommodation
ReplyDeletePoster, you’re seeing the red flags now but I bet you won’t listen until you end up with him. Now your coconut head will suffer well well. Men like this your bf hardly change (except God and willingness to change). This will be a very tough marriage…you go suffer well well with a broke man and a man who doesn’t do things together with you. Don’t go ahead with this marriage that’ll end up killing your self esteem then go through unnecessary divorce. The whole point of dating is to see if you’re compatible and if you’re not, don’t waste too much time. Move on. Hope you’ll listen to us.
ReplyDelete