STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WORRIES
I need all the advice I can get from people who are in tone with culture. My Dad who is an Igbo man from Ebonyi State married my mum who is from Ekiti state while working in Ogun State.
WORRIES
I need all the advice I can get from people who are in tone with culture. My Dad who is an Igbo man from Ebonyi State married my mum who is from Ekiti state while working in Ogun State.
We were all born, schooled and some are still schooling in Ogun State. My dad had no connection with his kinsmen due to reasons known to him. He tells dreadful stories of how his people killed his parents and siblings and left him as the only child.
We have few people he called relatives scattered here. I am the oldest of 5 children. I will be 26 years in August. I don't know my village or what it looks like. I struggled to get Admission in Ebonyi State University which I believe would have helped me to locate my father's people but it did not work.
My dad is retired and he is planning to relocate us to Lagos. I see people travelling every December and wish I can travel to my village The only village I know is my mums village which we visit sparingly. My mother said dad took her to his village while they were dating. They did not marry officially.
No court or traditional wedding. How do I force my dad to take us to his village. Is it possible to locate my dad's people without him going with us. I have a lot of Igbo friends but non seem to know dads village...
Maybe your Dad is a spirit..When you make that discovery, he will vanish..LOL
The man has told you tales of how his people are but you wan go do FBI abi?Will you not let sleeping dogs lie?Please drop this spiderman quest and face front...
HMMMMMM
ReplyDeleteTHIS KIND STORY SEF THE DO ME SOMEHOW FOR BODY.
DOZZYBEST.
Stella check your caption.
DeletePoster face your front and know peace you want to use your hand to scatter your foundation that your daddy is trying to clean up kwantinue
DeleteAre you female? So if you want to marry today is it only your parents that will marry you off? what about if any of your parents kpai? It is better to know if he’s a ghost than to be living in fools paradise
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Family who were not there or were not allowed to be there for Poster from year 1 to year marriage should show up or be searched for to marry her off. Women complain about traditions and call them patriarchal. Yet women are the enforcers of the same traditions.
DeleteWhat if your dad is a product of incense? As in blood Bro gbenshing blood sister till she belle born?
DeleteCan you take it?
Wetin bring incense kuma. Kai Nigeria u go just divert gist to wetin nur concern us. U are doing well .
DeleteNo be only incense,na cecerovum
DeleteNo be incense na turari
DeleteWhat do you want to go an do in the village. When people even your dad is running away from the village. You better let sleeping village people dey there dey.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, some people live within their state and still don't go to their village or community.
DeleteYou guys are so bizarre in thinking poster has no right to know where her dad hails from. Poster you can get in contact with the town's union where you're resident and maybe they can help you if you know his village name/ Local Government Area and from the surname.
DeleteSeun , at least they know their root. You can't compare them to this poster please
DeleteA friend of mine whose father is from Ebonyi State made the statement. Their dad has nothing nice to say about his place of birth and they rarely go down there. It’s always their Mum’s place. If your mum isn’t bothered, why stress yourself. The need to be able to identify with a place and people is what you seek but please thread carefully. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, I understand that yearning of being in touch with your people and knowing your roots but don't be too forward....There might be an uncomfortable truth he faced in the past that he does not want revisited....
ReplyDeleteYour dad does not want to have any interaction with his kinsmen and Umu Nna because he has not done the right thing traditionally in marrying your mom...If you look for his kinsmen, who will you say you are? Because traditionally as sad as it sounds, you are not recognized because your dad is not married to your mom....
Why not face your education, come out with good grades and chart a great course for yourself...
These relatives you mentioned, has he introduced you to anyone? If yes, discuss this with your mom and see if this respected relative can intervene and I think your mom should take this action....
And if all fails, please just let things be....
All the best
I have seen countless number of people who didn't marry traditionaly but are still recognized without discrimination in their home towns.
DeleteExactly Slim Shady. How many couples are officially married in some villages?
DeleteWetin exactly you dey fine? What sort of "I too kmow" is this? My goodness!!!! I hope you can carry what you are looking for o!! Haba.
ReplyDeleteDon’t talk like this. There is always a yearning in most people to know their roots and it’s not wrong. It’s just like people who are adopted are usually curious to know their birth parents.
DeletePoster, you’re an adult now. You may talk to your dad to know the name of his village. Or if you know his actual surname, go to Facebook and see people who bear that surname, some surnames are mainly borne by people from a particular area. Talking with people with t same surname may give you an idea what local government you’re from or something.
Talk, cry, smooth talk and do everything possible to know your village. No matter how bad they are, it is your village and there's nothing you can do about it.
ReplyDeleteIt's your right to know where you are from.
The man's story os not complete. So all his family members including his mum's side are all evil except him...... okay. Find a way to know your village because you may need it for something important in future. Forget all these ignorant people advising you.
DeletePlease listen to your Dad. I know of a young man who was in the same situation as you. He disobeyed his father and traveled to locate his father's village and relatives. He was able to trace them. They received him with open arms or so he thought. He went to bed same day and never woke up. You and your siblings should convince your parents to take you to your Dad's village. Your father should also marry your mom officially if not you people will not be recognized or accepted by his family.
ReplyDeleteAaaahhhh.....😮😮😮
DeleteWhat!?!!
DeleteIt's curiosity that killed the cat...you better let sleeping dog lie, else you will have yourself to blame.
ReplyDeleteI hope it's not a mistake you are about to do like this? I think you should let things be the way they are.
ReplyDeleteDon't look for what is not looking for you!
But if you can't let it be then you have to continue talking to your father.
I don't blame the father, no parent, no siblings plus negativity from family members is enough to disconnect him from them.
DeleteWhat about his mum's side? I hope he is not a wanted man in the village.
DeleteOr he could be Osu.
DeleteI agree with Anon 9:15, the man is probably an "osu".
DeletePoster,its good you want to know your roots but its best to let sleeping dogs lie.your dad knows best so forget about your village ask him where he wants to be buried when the time comes and make sure he tells the few relatives he has so that when that time comes no body or village elders who you don't know from Adam can come and give you hell.We don't visit my dads village either the only reason we went to do my grandfathers burial is because my dad has said he would be buried in his village so we had to clear the road so village people don't come up with unreasonable request when its his time.
ReplyDeleteJust have a serious chat with him and iron things out but if he still refuses to tell you or take you there then insist on the meeting with the few relatives around and forget about village matter
Stellz,i understand how the poster feels,that sense of belongingness is not there...Why not have a conversation with your mom and see how it goes.. Me i don't travel to my place that often,but the fact that i know where i come from,is satisfying
ReplyDeleteI wish you Luck with your findings
Trouble dey sleep
ReplyDeleteWahala dey go find trouble
Your Father does not travel to his Village
Nah you wan be smallie wanna go find him people
Aunty keep searching for wentin no lost..
Good luck
Hello iya boys
Sdk is funny, I can't stop laughing, God provide a guide for you
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel, especially if you are male. If I were in your shoes, I'll also want to know more about my roots ... at least, for the sake of posterity.
ReplyDeleteHowever I'll advise you to tread with caution. If what your father said is the truth, then his people are not the best persons for you to associate with.
You can always know about your extended family without necessarily visiting there. If your father is reluctant, you can get some more information from your mother, since she had been there in the past. Questions such as the name of your village, the family compound's name, the name of your grandparents etc are a great place to start.
If your papa say no go village abeg listen to am o cos e Dey always get why and sometimes it’s for your safety. I no dey go village again and it’s cos my uncle tried to cajole my cousin into doing money rituals.
ReplyDeleteEver heard of letting sleeping dogs lie?
ReplyDeleteNa from the Holy Bible O!
If you tink say na lie, ask Google well with your school knowledge.
Google go tell you the Bible book and passage.
Stella🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteWhat did you misplace that you are looking for up and down?
ReplyDeleteJust face your immediate family....
E be like you wan die
ReplyDeleteno court or traditional wedding so who married them? i know most churches will insist on a court or traditional as well....as any of those known relatives to intervene....if your mum who was not married traditionally is not complaining then let sleeping dogs lie....any ceremony that requires relatives, use the few known ones
ReplyDeleteYou are desperate for connection and to feel that you are part of a community, that is all normal human feelings. But at what point do you take your father seriously and believe him? Is he an untrustworthy person that he made such statements of his own clan and you will still desire to test the waters? Sometimes parents protect their children by not saying much, sometimes talking about the past stir up horrible memories for them so they avoid it.
ReplyDeleteAt 26 you are a fully grown adult now, you can speak with your father as an adult, as a friend. Understand your language and how you approach the issue. Ask him if it is really as bad as he stated, let him know how isolated you have felt not being connected to a community. Maybe there are distant cousins elsewhere that he can connect you with. But trust him that he has spoken the truth and let sleeping dogs lie. He has survived and kept you all safe for all this time, so not be the one to bring problems unto your family because of curiosity.
Did he tell you the name of the village? If yes, you can do the findings on your own since you are so curious.
ReplyDeleteIn this age and time, there's no need looking for what is not lost.
When my sis got married, noone from my dad's side was there, just his friends and my mum's relatives. And the wedding was sucessful.
Na you know wetyn you dey find but i pray your heart find peace.
So everyone should be like your sister, maybe your own kids will run away from you too and it will be okay with you.
DeleteStella,!!
ReplyDeleteWhy not discuss with him first pls.
I hope is not a spirit, see you said you don't know any of his relatives.
It is well
Wow
ReplyDelete5 children and not married?
This was the work your mum ought to have done when she was dating your dad before birthing kids.
Your worries are valid posters,forget what anyone says especially if your interested in any political office or civil service Jobs in Nigeria. You need to atleast know your root or your mum's family fully adopt you all without discrimination since your Dad did not marry her properly
ReplyDeletePlease mount pressure on your Dad to forgive and let go, the people that killed his parents might all be dead by now or ripping the seed of their wickedness in pains and misery incapable of inflicting more harms.
Dnt mind them, even some civil service jobs will go locate that your village, know your village now or else it may affect you in future , everyone of his mum and dad's side can never be bad. So you can end up marrying your relatives.
DeleteMy question is why didn't he marry ur mother? In church or court
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong in trying to connect with your root. I will do so too if I were you. Have a discussion with your Dad, find out his village/town.
ReplyDeleteI am a graduate. Working in Abuja. I am a man. An Igbo man for that matter. I need to know my root. Every effort to let dad give details of his village is not yielding positive result. I hate him so much for this. I am currently dating a lady from Abia state. She said her parents wants to know my village for enquiry. I don't have answer for her. What becomes of my own children. What will I answer them when they ask in future of their village.
ReplyDeleteWHY WILL YOU HATE HIM BECOS HE DID NOT TELL U WHERE HE IS FROM? YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HE IS HIDING OR WHAT HE IS PROTECTING U FROM?LAS LAS YOU CAN SAY THAT U R AN ADOPTED CHILD AND UR ADOPTED FATHER REFUSED TO TELL U WHERE HE IS FROM....BONE EVERYBODY BUT IF U DECIDE TO GO FURTTHER BE PREPARED FOR A SHOCKER::::MAYBE YA PAPA NAH SPIRO OR YOU BE INCEST PIKIN OR DEM BAN AM FROM VILLA...
DeleteAs a graduate who was taught critical thinking skills, you cannot conclude for yourself that there is something big that your father is protecting you from knowing. You only hate him because it may affect your chances of marrying the woman that you are dating.
DeleteYou do not know if your father experienced extreme trauma growing up where he did or if he comes from a tribe where abominable practices still occur, practices that would make you an outcast in the society. Some ppl escaped with only the clothes on their backs, formed new identities and try to give their children a normal upbringing. He knows you, maybe you have a light tongue or lack maturity so he cannot trust you with sensitive information. Set him free because you don’t know a damn thing.
If this woman cannot marry you without knowledge of your family history then let her go. There are other women in the world.
Dear poster, your father is hiding something.
DeleteAlso for the fact that he didn’t marry your mom properly didn’t speak well of him.
Igbo man hardly forgot his root.
Let him tell you the truth now he is alive cos if he die….
You are the first son, make sure you know your root.
Stella, you were thinking along the lines of possibly incest. I was thinking about that of a c@nnibal tribe. Some of these kids need to leave well alone. There are some things we can all go through life without ever knowing.
DeletePoster an Igbo man hardly forgets his roots, did your dad do an abominable act. It is better for you to know and maybe you can even be the one to help resolve whatever happened in the past. What about his mum? and he never married your mum? That man's story is incomplete.
DeletePoster, the world has evolved. Those people that tormented your dad must have all died, leaving behind their grandchildren who may have no knowledge of what caused the issues between your dad and their parents. Your dad should try and get over his traumatic experience caused by his wicked relatives. I know it's not easy but you can help him overcome the trauma by encouraging him and trying to let him see reasons why he should visit without fear. Stop hatting on him.You have to be considerate in your dealings with him on this issue because if you were the one that experienced what he experienced, you may do thesame thing he is doing.
DeleteMy other advice to you is at the last part of the comments section
When you get the location please make sure you go and visit your village chief. He will tell you many things you need to know about your dad's family.
DeleteMost parents keep their children away from their villages because they think the village is full of illiterate and wicked traditional rulers.This may be your dad's thought.
ReplyDeleteYou can get info of your village from your mom and try locating it yourself.
During this long holiday, for the first time,I will be traveling with my kids to the village with the help of my cousin.Although,I have had a lot of ugly things about them,I am a believer,I will not be afraid 'even if there are scary monsters down there',I will trample upon them.
It is not most people pls, most Ignos know their roots, how can your mum and dad side be bad then you want me to trust just you ? Abeg
Deletethis no big deal.i live in the UK and I know my local government but never visited my village from both parents.so y'all shouldn't make it a big deal.
Delete10:03 You people should try and use your brains for once. You KNOW YOUR local government. This man doesn't even know where he is from. And you say this is normal???? Or should be treated lightly?
DeleteNo one is trying to understand this poster's point of view, for crying out loud he is a Man what do you expect him to tell his children tomorrow? Please he needs to know his roots! Not necessarily being friends with them and going there frequently at least for his generational sake.
ReplyDeleteso if he does not eventually find out should he commit suicide? life is not that hard. we make big deals out of things not in our control...
DeleteWhich place in Ebonyi state?
ReplyDeleteEzzamgbo
Ezza, eda, akpoha, amasiri, enohia, afikpo or the two villages that are fighting with each other?
But it is best you listen to your father. What an adult sits down to see...
Stylishly ask him about his childhood days in the village and from the discussion, make sure you trick him to mention some villages that are close to his own and from there , you proceed to ask him about his village and the name. Ensure that you don't ask him about those locations directly. Ask him about his primary school days, from there he will mention the primary school he attended.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about your ordeal.
I've seen people that have heard where they are from, but don't go there. That's the way it is with some places. Please let sleeping dogs lie
ReplyDeleteThis is what happens when a country refuses to keep records except in the village. No database to see a person's name, lineage, address history, criminal records etc, something that is basically available online for developed countries. And for any data not available, you hire a private investigator to do the job, not make your parents start village inquiry where people easily lie on families they hate... the government should keep data on all her citizens for cases like this...
ReplyDeleteSome comments Sha is not about knowing her village but knowing some of his father family members you guys should get some sense girl do all u can to know your father family now that he still alive you people read when she says her father never married her mom legally meaning no bride price paid not even a court wedding.
ReplyDeletePoster I don’t want to call you a fool.
ReplyDeleteYou’re old enough to marry but not wise enough to understand that life.
You are as selfish as the hand you used In typing this. What has the tribe got to do with this chronicle. Did the tribe ask the father not to pay bride price?
DeleteSelfish Igbo tradition no bride price paid but you and your siblings are bearing his name ,but thier tradition wont allow it
ReplyDeleteThe response here shows most of the people here are carefree human. How can you ask an igbo man to ignore the quest to know his root?
ReplyDeletePoster don't relent effort. It is your right to know your people.
Abraham gave birth to Isaac -Jacob - Joseph- Ephraim....
My dera, I tire for people comment sha! Anyway poster, please, for now, avoid any lady from your state lest you get involved sexually with your own blood. Please remeber to give us update.
Deleteshut up...my question is if he eventually does not know should he kill himself? igbo man means what? are you a kind of superior race? what ever is happening is obviously out of his control so why make it look like a do or die matter? that is the mindset that makes some of you insist of joining occult to make money for going to the village in December...igbo man and so what? yes know your roots but your roots in this case should not define him. hating your father will not solve your problem because you dont even know his story as it is
DeleteDude your father is a fugitive from justice. You ll get no help from him so prepare to trace your lineage by yourself. No woman ll marry a man without roots. Do this for your future
ReplyDelete