SINGLE MOTHER WORRIES
Please, I have this issue that's been bothering me for some time now.
Here goes, I am a single mother of two. The older is with the father but mostly cared for by Grandma. The younger child is with me. Baby daddy didn't want the second because we had an agreement to wait at least 5 years before the next child but things happen.
We had been separated for a while ( he strayed) and I was hoping we could start over when I conceived. He asked I removed the baby but I refused. I left for my base before I realized I was pregnant. His mom sent me some money a few times (twice before I birthed the baby and 3/4 times after I had the baby.)
We had been separated for a while ( he strayed) and I was hoping we could start over when I conceived. He asked I removed the baby but I refused. I left for my base before I realized I was pregnant. His mom sent me some money a few times (twice before I birthed the baby and 3/4 times after I had the baby.)
Since then he barely calls to check up on our child. I try to get him to at least keep the communication with the child. I call on the request of the child. I have never asked for money from him.
Last year, he said he'd start to send some monthly stipend because he didn't feel he had the right to communicate with her as a father without being responsible
(his excuse for not calling.)
My dilemma is that things aren't going really well because I've been saddled with more responsibilities with the economic situation. His mom is asking that I send my child over. That means they'd have custody of both children.
My dilemma is that things aren't going really well because I've been saddled with more responsibilities with the economic situation. His mom is asking that I send my child over. That means they'd have custody of both children.
Am I wrong to ask him to start paying a monthly stipend for her upkeep? I can cater for my own parents with the support of my siblings but my child is mine and the father's responsibility.
The excuse I had been getting was that catering for both children would be hard because of the conditions of things where they're based. Now that things seemed to have eased up over there why not send money for her upkeep?
P.S we barely call each other. I only communicate with my older child through the grandma. Same way the two children communicate with each other.
Am I wrong to feel this way? Please advise me on how to broach this topic without raising dust. I want him to become responsible for the child but I don't want to send the child to him. He's barely home.
Note: the mother is a wonderful person.
Thank you for your platform.
Please do not send your child to your baby daddys father ooooooooooooh.....You can force a horse to the stream but you cannot force it to drink water. If he refuses to send money then look for a way to manage what your sbilings send for your mum with your child until things are better.....This man does not look like he gives a damn from the explanation.....A man that will ask you to get rid of an unborn baby will not care for the baby when it is born...This is my two cents.
If you ask him, and he doesn't respond the way you want him to, what next? But see eh, whatever you decide, DO NOT send your child to his place (whether his mum is an Angel or not). It's bad enough that the siblings are seperated.
ReplyDeletePoster, if either of you are in Lagos, go and file a report at Judge Funmi Asaolu's court. He will be mandated to provide monthly for both kids, pay their school fees, and medical. Your first child should also be with you so ask the court to grant you custody. The kids can visit their father during holidays and he can see them anytime he wants at school... If you are not in Lagos, go to the welfare of the state he works, if he refuses to pay, the welfare can mandate his employer to deduct the upkeep from his salary and remit it to you.
DeleteWomen need to be sure their partner is on board before getting pregnant unless they are willing to take responsibility for the baby alone. Men should also wear condom if they know they don't want to get the woman pregnant. Na wa
I feel like if his mum was such a wonderful person, she would have pushed for her son to give monthly stipends for both kids, or at least this one you have with you. We women know that it isn’t best for a child to be separated from its mother in early formative years
DeleteMadam please take care of your kids and leave that deadbeat man.
ReplyDeleteDOZZYBEST
Women no dey be deadbeat?
DeleteAre children not of two parents?
We want traditional men. But we don't want men asserting rights attributed to traditional men.
This chronicle is because the Poster and are family cannot fully care for the child as Poster would want. If they could, the father would have been the person begging even for visiting access.
After reading this chronicle, daughters of Eve that call men "scum" will still open their legs and collect d*ck without rubber and will still come back and write chronicle after getting pregnant.
ReplyDeleteConfused gender.
So you people still open legs for scum to stain your white?
you are obviously a bitter and frustrated broke male...you have no sense....when they go to ask for marriage they behave like sane humans.....if the male in this story is what you are claiming is normal then your stupidity needs to be studied...ewu
DeleteAlmost having the same experience but in my case I was married and have my three kids during the marriage. But the father had decided to be a deadbeat. Take Stella advice manage whatever you have for now you would survive. I have kept my three kids and I'm managing with them with the little I have. I know we would survive. So just focus on your child a d yourself for now. Don't give yourself to anybody
ReplyDeleteI wish your life was in a better state so you didn’t have to send in this chronicle. Keep your child for now. It is never a good look for a woman to be off in the world without her children around her. Yes, the father should financially contribute but he did not want the responsibility from the beginning. If he offered to contribute why all of a sudden they want you to send the child.
ReplyDeleteI think it is important for you and the father to sit down face to face and discuss things like adults. The children are being raised without being close to each other and you are both suffering your own side. Is a reconciliation out of the picture? Has he matured/grown up and more focused now where he could be a committed father and spouse?
I just feel that the two of you may end up one day as old ppl looking over your lives and regret the choices you made when you were young. Life is so short and you made those two beautiful children together why can’t you both commit to each other and come together as one unit with a mission to forge on, succeed and be a joyful family. All this back and forth and life is passing by each day. I wish you all well.
Poster,please don't send that child,the man that didn't even want the child in the first place,.my son's father is also deadbeat,but one way or the other God has been coming through for us,it's well with you.
ReplyDeleteHe's not a responsible father..
ReplyDeleteWhat manner of man is this?
Poor kids
ReplyDeleteStrife hard and try and provide for your child with the little you have all be well.
ReplyDeletePlease keep your child and manage with whatever you have.
ReplyDeleteyou are over stressing yourself this issue with your baby daddy cos he has shown you that he is not ready to be responsible at all. Why don't you stop pushing and get something doing to assist what your siblings are sending down. You should get more income so that you can assist to take good care of your child.
ReplyDeleteIf the man was to be dead will you still be there looking for a way he should send his support? why don't you take it like he is no more so that you can double your hustle. You should have known that this man will nit be a responsible father before you accepted to fall pregnant for him and even went on the second missionary journey with him.
Never you send your side to her grandma, make sure you take care of that child cos you are the mother. Forget about that guy but if he decides to send something good .
He's not responsible nor responding. Keep your child and double your hustle.
ReplyDeleteI don't know where you're based, but in my state law, it is a crime for a father to abandon his child or his dependants and that's 3 years imprisonment, check whether your state has such law, locate FIFA office and lay your complaint they will take it from there.
ReplyDeleteShe appears to have deliberately left out details that would have assisted Bvs to give her working solutions. Her story is stereotyped (though maybe unintentional) to get sticks for the man or men as most so far.
DeletePoster, if you and the man/father of your children are in Nigeria, seek help from the following places and organisations
FIDA (International Federation of Female Lawyers(Attorneys). The have branches in all States and big cities/towns in Nigeria
NBA (Nigerian Bar Association. It has branches such as FIDA.) It can help get pro Bono lawyers or link you to CSO or Human /Women Rights Associations.
Welfare offices at State Government Secretariat. Where available, they can give you assistance.
Private Lawyers. Some have networking lawyers in other States of Nigeria.
Even if the man is outside Nigeria, a well briefed and diligent Nigerian lawyer can still reach him on basis of some fee arrangements. And if the man is gainfully employed abroad, be sure that the work can be easier.
His family and your family in Nigeria can still sit down to properly discuss the matter. There is really nothing to hide from your family at this stage. If you are in the rural areas, don't underestimate the influence of your community monarchs.
If all options fail, then do the best you can and look at the bright sides.
Pls take him to court
ReplyDeleteI told you to wait 5 years is just an excuse
This is a risk you take when you’re sexually active even with protection
He knew you could get pregnant so what’s all this talk
Exactly, social welfare first.then court.he would pay for DNA test to ascertain the child's paternity.if it shows it's his,he would be forced to pay u monthly.but u have to stay off men for now.dont complicate things.All the best dear.
DeleteSomeone up there said ''double your hustle'' i agree totally. Do not take that child to them.
ReplyDeleteBut this my gender cef make we dey get sense dey close leg nau to avoid this kind issues
I hope things gets better for you to carter for your child
I was even thinking you will be looking of ways to get your first child from them and keep with you, it's not nice the 2 siblings are separated.
ReplyDeletePlease get your kids together in one place, it is hard no doubt, but you can do it, with or without his input.
God will see you through poster 🙏
ReplyDeleteThe child with you is a girl, right? Please keep her right beside you. You understand, right?
ReplyDeleteHow’s the other child doing over there? Does he request to be with you anytime you call? Find out how truly he is also.
It gets tough and then it starts getting better. Be steadfast in God.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Wahala wahala. Madam except you no longer want access to both children. I pray you get better financially to be able to cater for your needs. Don't lose hope no need to fight ur ex. God will see you through.
ReplyDeleteTry your best to take care of that child and please don't take her to the father
ReplyDeleteMay God provide for your needs 🙏
I am even worried that your older child is not living with you and the sibling.
ReplyDeleteMaybe if you take the other child, he will start sending you money.
Please whatever you do, do not send your child to him or his mom!
ReplyDeleteIf things too hard, manage it anyhow but keep your child with you.😎
Forget about him and take care of your child, remove mind from collecting anything from him, see your children as your sole responsibility. Hustle, look for something to do no matter how small
ReplyDeletePlease madam don't send your child to anyone,get your hands dirty and cater to your children. I'd even advice you to bring the second when things get better for you and please leave the sperm donor alone,do whatever you can legally to take care of yourself and the children.
ReplyDeletePlease take care of the child yourself, don't send her, I repeat, he doesn't sound like someone that loves children.
ReplyDeleteIt is well with you poster
ReplyDeleteHeaven will speak on your case soonest🙏🙏🙏
Hello iya boys
This... This... Hmmmm... This is the dumbest post I've read here in a while. Like how does someone sit down and complicate her life this much?
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to sugar coat nothing. OP I don't care how you see this. How do you birth kids thinking that a non available deadbeat will have a change of mind and help you raise them? Like how?
If you failed yourself, must you fail a child? You can't force responsibility. You equally can't force affections from a father to his child. So what was your end game? He wasn't there for the first kid so you chose to reward him another?
Madam. Woman up! You are soft and annoyingly so. You have a duty to provide for your kids just like the whoever you say is the father does. Both of you are failing those children.
It's too risky to send your child over. I know exactly what you're going through, especially as I'm a single mum of two very young kids. Their father doesn't send anything. It's not easy. But take it one day at a time. But don't send your child over. I beg you
ReplyDeleteLike the post and the poster just taya me. Man say e no want, you go born for am. Why does my gender not think straight. Kids or not man wey go marry you go marry you. When are we going to stop using kids to try to tie a man down? You clearly stated "he strayed" and you still go knack unprotected. Auntie I beg make e make sense. Yes oh. The guy na first class deadbeat but you knew this from the first child and still decided to have another one please triple your hustle and look after your kids ..laziness as a mother is not option that is on the table. I pray GOD Blesses you and meets you at the point of your needs but also remember. You are a role model and someone your daughter will always look up to. Be great for her. All the best
ReplyDelete